More than chocolate cake.
I don't know how he'll take the news, at best he won't believe me and think I'm joking. At worst I can expect him to not be speaking to me for quite some time while he comes to terms with it. Or, I tell myself, he could understand, be completely fine about it. Maybe telling him will be the easy bit. Maybe he already suspected, I hope so for that will make it easier though I don't believe I have given him any reason to be suspicious. I think I've hidden it from him well, fielding any enquiries on the subject when it happened to come up fleetingly in conversation just yesterday, his attention distracted by an overly large chocolate cake in the window of a bakery that we had drawn up outside when caught in traffic.
He'll probably wonder why I've left it so late in the day to be telling him for we've been partners a little over six years now and he assumes, as I do, that we can tell each other pretty much anything. I try and reassure myself that what I have to tell Bodie is not very significant in the great scheme of things but I know that trust and honesty are so very important to him and my news involves both.
None of this analysing is helping; I just need to get it over and done with. But when? I saw him fleetingly this morning, only enough time to acknowledge each others presence as we passed in the corridor; him rushing out with Cowley on some urgent job me still on light duties coming back in with Anderson after a nights stakeout.
It strikes me as odd then that I had actually confided in Anderson as we had sat together in the car. I barely know the man! And even more shocking was the fact he said he more or less knew already!
"You know?" I had responded, somewhat astonished.
"Well it's hardly a secret, you can tell just by looking at you. It's written all over your face."
"It is?" I had unconsciously ran a hand a little too flamboyantly through my hair and over my face in the rear view mirror. How could he tell?
"A couple of the other lads thought it likely too." he added.
"They're talking about it in the restroom?"
"Yeah, well you know what it's like when something like this gets out."
There was a period of silence before I dared to ask. "How do you think Bodie will take it?"
"He won't be happy but you already know that, being his partner."
"I'd hoped he'd be a bit more….understanding, I suppose." I'd replied weakly.
"Bodie! Understanding!" Anderson snorted. "Are we talking about the same man here? And you'd better tell him before he finds out from someone else. There might still be time before the day's out though I think he's going to be tied up with Cowley for much of it and God knows when we'll be sent relief cover from this stakeout. You won't get much of a chance."
And that was the crux of the matter. Timing. Of course I could always decide to say nothing and hope it never got back to him. That, I told myself as I sat alone in the Interview Room writing up my report, was probably the best option. I was off home to bed and Bodie was out for the day. Tomorrow it would all be forgotten and if, as Anderson had stated, it was only a couple of other agents that knew the truth then they'd know it was more than their lives were worth to say anything on such a delicate subject and ultimately it was none of their business.
Comforting myself with that thought, as cowardly as it was, I signed my name at the bottom of the finished report with a flourish and had just pushed the chair back and got gingerly to my feet when the door was pushed open briskly.
"Hello, mate!" Bodie breezed into the room looking a picture of cheerfulness. "I thought I'd find you in here. Just finished have you?" He glanced at the report in my hand.
"Yeah." His unexpected appearance takes me by complete surprise.
"How's the leg?" Bodie's face is suddenly as full of concern as it had been last week when I had been shot, reminding us both how fragile our lives are. We could be lost to each other in the blink of an eye.
"Getting better every day." I pat my injured leg reassuringly.
"You look like you've seen a ghost! Everything alright?"
"Just a long night, that's all."
"Too long for a drink down the pub this evening?" He winks at me, his face shining again.
"After a couple hours kip, yeah. You're back early. I wasn't expecting to see you."
"Cowley thought he was on to something. Turned out to be dead end." Bodie grinned at me, a strange air of expectancy about him and his eyes searched about the floor briefly as if looking for something. Might as well tell him now, I decided, and get it over and done with seeing as we were alone.
"I'm glad I got to see you…"I began, my heart starting to thump in my chest.
"I'm really glad to see you too." Again he winks at me disarmingly.
"Bodie, there's something I need to tell you, something I should have told you earlier but there never seemed to be a right time." I sit back down and when I dare to look at him as he sits opposite me I already see a faint trace of disappointment creeping into his face and I realise that yes, he already knows.
"You know, don't you?"
"Yeah."
"How? Who told you?"
"No one. I guessed. Don't worry about it, mate." he said gamely, getting to his feet. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything between us."
"It doesn't?" I feel a wave of relief rush over me.
"Of course not! What do you take me for! You worry too much."
"You're taking it better that I expected. I thought you'd be a bit…. I don't know…..upset at least."
"Upset? God,no! You've not long got out of hospital and haven't had the time, I know that. And anyway, we've been through too much this past week or so for me to care that you've forgotten my birthday….again."
Did I detect a slight inflection on that last word?
"Really? You don't mind?" I feel the release of the tension that had been held in the whole of me. I had forgotten his birthday last year too. I knew he'd now be expecting a present or at the very least a card and hopefully a large chocolate cake. The fact he was to get none of them had been preying on my mind for a few days now.
"No," Bodie drops his arm around my shoulder, his voice full of warmth. "I've got everything I need right here and that's worth more than gifts and cards."
"More than chocolate cake?"
Bodie paused in thought for a moment.
"That's a tough one." He grins at me. "Probably not. Nothing beats a slice of chocolate cake on your birthday but you can make it up to me by buying me the first drink of the evening."
A small price to pay, I thought, but as I watched him leave the room I realised just how much my gunshot wound had affected him. I resolve there and then to make it up to him next year with a card a gift and especially a chocolate cake…...if I remember.