Life is Complicated

by MaBre85

One unexpected event can change everything. As Chloe Price saves the life of a younger girl, her life gets turned upside down. The story begins two months prior to the canon of "Before the Storm". Therefor, the timeline stays the same, yet it's entirely different from the game.

Author's Notes:

Hi there, everyone!

For some time now I'm struggling to finish the next chapters of my other stories and one day I had the idea for a one-shot story, featuring Chloe. Well, it became kinda big and the storie is not even finished, so it might become a two-shot. Just let me know what you think of this little experiment.

P.S.: This story is rated M for good reasons! Sexual content, drug abuse and self-harm inside, so be warned!

---

Life is Complicated

March, 2010

It's a warm and sunny day in March, but I don't give any fucks about it, 'cause every day's the same gray, colorless matter for me since my Dad decided to ditch life and have a fucking rendezvous with a semi-truck. But fate hadn't been done with me at this point.

Shortly after we had buried him, my best fucking friend, Max photo-geek Caulfield, had decided to move to Seattle. There hadn't been even a chance to say goodbye. It was just like "Hey Chloe, your dad's gone, so I'll be on my way, too. Oh, and by the way, I'll stop fucking contacting you a year later, 'cause I don't give a shit about you and your feelings!"

But it got even worse! While the worms were having a feast on my dad's body and Max was living it large in the big city, my mom went through a phase of bad decisions. Well, bad for me, not for her. Top of the list, starting a relationship with a former wannabe-soldier.

Don't get me wrong, I like my mom, I really do! But bringing this ass into our house was the worst thing she could've done to me. Not only that this asshole tries to teach me discipline by treating me like a soldier, no. This son of a bitch invades my private space! Last attempt: searching my room for weed…without my permission! Luckily he neither found my stash nor my smut-mag collection.

Well, what else is there to say about my glorious life? Oh yeah, I hate school, have no friends, and my only sexual encounter ever was with my childhood friend, Eliot, who started to act pretty strange since I let him fuck me for fun. Okay, it hadn't been fun at all. It hurt like hell and…I don't know…somehow it hadn't given me any pleasure. Ugh, fuck it! I'm givin' it too much of a thought.

Today – to be exactly, right now – I've made the decision to skip school…again. I know that Mom will flip her shit and Principal Wells will get his rage on me, but…it just sucks. Except from a few cool peeps like Steph Gingrich or Justin and his skater posse, there are only bitches and assholes. No wonder that it's more like Blackhell than Blackwell.

Anyway, I decided to call it a day and get as high as fuck, 'cause that's the only state I'm able to survive this shitpit of a town, called Arcadia Bay. But in order to get high I need some weed and in order to get that, I need to visit my dealer, Frank Bowers, and in order to see him, I have to go down to the beach, and in order to get there I need to walk through Arcadia.

Aaaah, good ol' Arcadia Bay! If there'd be a spot on the map, saying: boring, it would point exactly where the Bay is. Nothing changes, every day the same shit. Economy's taking a dump down the toilet and people are acting strange to such an anomaly like me. Yes, the whole town knows about my Dad, my troubles and that I'm a lost case. Well, once your reputation's fucked, you don't have to worry 'bout it anymore. Fuck Arcadia Bay!

In some way I envy Max. She moved on. Has a better life now. Maybe it's for the best that she left someone like me behind. She deserves better and I hope that she finds her luck in Seattle!

---

The first thing you wanna do if you go through downtown Arcadia Bay is to tune up the volume of your MP3 player and ignore everyone and everything around you…or at least try to do it.

Oh, a new store! Don't bother, dude, I'll give you two months tops, before either Prescott has bought your ass or economy has choked the last drop of blood out of your business.

Hey there, puny tourists! I hope you're just passing by, 'cause this 16-year-old gal here is the only attraction in the area!

Wow, they're renewing the power line! From what I know, the town center's power infrastructure dates back to…well, the first usage of electricity in this town. How time flies by…

Uhm…wait! Is it supposed to do this cracking and fizzling sounds?

Suddenly fun time's over as a light arc emerges from the transformer up high on a poste and hits one of the guys from the power company, who's now hanging limb at said poste. The other power dudes scream some shit and all I wanna do is getting the fuck outta there, but then I see this blonde girl, standing there in the middle of everything and she's…praying?!

I don't know how. I don't know why. But somehow I know that shit is about to hit the fan big time, so I just run. But not away, no! I sprint towards the girl as fast as I can, my lungs already burning. Damn you, cigarettes! And then it happens! The transformer explodes and I jump, yelling every curse that comes into my mind…and I didn't lack any creativity. My eyes are shut close and I just feel how I collide with her fragile body and role over the pavement. Fuck, that hurts! Eventually we come to a rest and out of instinct I wrap my body around hers, not caring if something's gonna happen to me. AM I CRAZY?!

The world around us is a pure chaos of screams, explosions and whatnot. For how long? Pft, ask me something easier, but eventually, everything calms down again and then there's only silence. Slowly, my hearing comes back and I realize the whimpering, shacking body which I'm still holding tightly. I back away a bit and…I don't know why, but I start to brush over her head, saying "Sssh, it's okay! Are you alright?"

Slightly she bobs her head and looks up. Our eyes meet and I'm stunned. Why? Godfucking shit, stop asking! I. Don't. Know! She just looks like a poor, scared bunny with those wide open, watery, hazel eyes. Can't I just be amazed by something like that? Just because I don't give a fuck about everything, doesn't mean that I'm dead inside!

Anyway, I give her my typically smirk and keep on brushing over her head to calm her down some more.

"KATE!" some woman yells and I hear a bunch of steps closing in. Okay, someone's worried about her. Better get up and give 'em their daughter back, before they think I'm a perv. Cautiously I try to get up, but have to groan as a stinging hot pain runs through my right arm. Shit, that's not good!

Luckily, a bunch of people's already there and helps me up. As soon as I'm on my feet, I feel dizzy, but I manage…somehow and keep my glare at the blond girl. She's smaller and skinnier than me, probably Max's height and stature. Her hair's bound into a bun and I'd have loved to see more of her face, but before I could do so, she's taken into a bunch of embraces by a woman and two younger girls. It seems to be nice to have a caring family.

Some dude tells me to sit down. I'm still totally dazed and kinda in shock or something, but I feel my right arm throbbing again and gaze at it…and just wish I wouldn't have done that. In my upper arm sticks a chunk of metal and the entire sleeve of my long sleeve-shirt is soaked with blood.

Okay…that's just fucked up! I think I need a nap now. Lights out!

---

A few hours later…

Truth to be told: I hate to wake up! Why? Because every time I'm ending up in this freakin' paradise, called my life. Sadly, as much as I try to keep my eyes closed and ignore everything around me, my head starts to do its dirty work. And since its doing its thing anyway, let's have a reality check!

I just witnessed how a poor guy got electrocuted, experienced an explosion close by, saved a girl, got pierced by a piece of metal and passed out. Not one of my glorious moments, but I saved that girl and this is all that matters. Does this make me a hero?

"Chloe?" someone says. It's my mom's voice and for once I'm happy to hear it, 'cause actually, I'm feeling like shit. Physically and psychologically. Slowly, I open my eyes, letting them get used to the bright light.

"Ugh, M-Mom?" I weakly answer, just to let her know that I'm conscious. I feel her hand on mine and how she strokes my head. After the blur vanishes from my sight, I look into the stern, worrying face of Joyce. I can't even remember a day she hasn't been worried about me and somehow I feel sorry about that.

"How are you?" she asks me and I think she actually wanted to know more than just my plain "Been better," but lets it drop eventually.

From the corner of my eyes I can see that Mom isn't alone here. David 'Sgt. Shithead' Madsen stands close by the door, eyeballing me like it's been my fault what had happened and instantly I feel the urge to rage again.

"What the fuck is he doing here?"

Of course I already know that he'll fetch the rage-stick and play ball like a good puppy. I know, I know…dick move and totally bitchy, but that's the only real entertainment I get.

"The better question would be, why you weren't in school today?"

Before the whole situation could get any worse, my mom intervenes furiously…such a joy-kill!

"For once, can't you two just stop to fight like an ol' couple and behave like normal people?! Yes, Chloe wasn't in school and she'll get her heat for that later, but right now I'm just glad that she's okay. And, in fact, she saved that poor girl's life. I thought as a veteran you'd acknowledge such a noble deed, David!"

Wow! Go, Mom! And the result's even better, then I would've thought. Mr. I'm-a-badass-soldier grumbles some bullshit into his pornstache and leaves. Epic win! But it comes with a price…literally. Ugh!

"Chloe," Mom sighs, clearly upset and disappointed. "Why are you doing this? Why do you always have to provoke him? He actually cares about you."

"Cares about me?" I scoff back, feeling that I'm about to lose it. "This asshole orders me around, calls me girlie and blames me for every shit that happens."

"He does not, Chloe!" she snaps back and I know that we've passed the point of no return. "He's worried and tries to protect you from yourself. I tried to do it my way, but you never listened or cooperated. I'm at a loss and David's the only answer I have."

The only answer…for reals, Mom?! How about some support? How about a hug from time to time? How about you just behave like my Mom?! Of course, I don't tell her that. Why? Because it would hurt every mother to be told that she's shitty at being one. On the other hand, I'm a shitty daughter, too. The situation's fucked and my only answer is adolescent rage.

"David's the worst answer in the history of fucking parenthood!" I state dryly and look out of the window, signing Joyce that the conversation's over. The only thing I hear after that is a sniff and how my Mom leaves the room. It actually breaks my heart and I feel even worse. Damn you, stupid rage!

Now that I'm alone, I've a lotta time to think and that's not always a good thing. Fuck, I'd kill for a joint right now!

But first things first! I'm lying in a standard hospital room, just wearing a gown…and nothing else under it. Don't get me wrong, I actually like being naked. I do it all the time when the temperature is right and Mom and Major Asshat aren't home. It's just that small piece of freedom everyone should enjoy. I sometimes even ditch my pajamas at night.

My right upper arm is wrapped in a bandage and fixed in a sling. It still hurts like fuck, but somehow I'll manage. I'm left handed anyway…at least when it comes to writing and drawing.

Time flies by like…not. I'm bored like shit and if I'd be at home, I'd have already started to rub myself one, only to have something to do and…well, I'm actually about to give it a deeper thought as it knocks at my room door and a whole family invades my room. One man, a woman and three girls of different ages.

From the outside, all of them look as boredom as a hospital room, color variety reaching from white over brown to plain black. Let alone, that they are all fancy dressed, like going to church or somethin'. At first I simply don't know what the fuck I should do with 'em or why the freakin' hell they're in my room, until I spot that blonde girl with a bun. Immediately I recognize those hazel bunny eyes and now I'm even able to see her face and…damn, she's a real cutie!

I mean cutie as in cute like a shy, little bunny…which you wanna cuddle…and stroke behind its ears…on your lap. Okay, that doesn't sound right.

Anyway, I look at those peeps with a frown, 'caaaause…okay, theoretically I know who they are, but…how should I react? What should I say? Something like: "Dear King and Queen, I, Chloe the brave one, saved ye daughter in distress from the evil electrocutioner. I shall now ask for her hand!"

Okay, Price, scratch that and keep your fucking pie-hole shut!

"I hope we're not bothering you too much," says the blond guy with glasses in a beige suit, "but we're here to thank you for the rescue of our beloved Kate!"

Kate, huh? Cute name! Ugh, just stop with those mushy thoughts and say something! "Uhm…n-no biggie!"

I don't know what's even more stupid, my stammered words or the idiotic toothy smile I give them. But either this family's too polite and just ignores it or I'm doing great so far. The small girl, Kate, comes towards my bed, holding something in her hands. She gives it to me with the quiet spoken words, "Thank you, may the Lord protect you!"

I look at that thing in my hand with awe. It's a golden necklace with a cross attached to it and though I so don't believe in this religion stuff, I'm more than touched by this present. I mean, I really have to fight to hold back some mushy tears!

After some moments I give Kate an honest smile, followed by a "Thanks, Kate! It's…it's really awesome!"

The rest of that visit I only experience in some kind of a strange tunnel vision. Okay, I fetch up some catchwords here and there, like that this is the Marsh family and that they talk a LOT about the Lord, but beside that, my sight is fixed on Kate. I don't know if this is some kind of savior disorder or whatever, but I take in every detail of her. Her slim lips, the small ears, this cute nose, how shy she seems to be, how her small hands touch and fumble with each other. Ugh, fuuuuck! What's wrong with me?!

Luckily, Kate's eyes meet mine once more and…well, it startles me a bit so that I need to look away and…shit! You gotta be fucking shitting me! I'm blushing! But not like a bit, no! My face is literally burning! Thankfully, Kate and her family say their goodbyes as soon as they see me fluster, probably thinking that I'm not well.

After that, I've got a lotta time to think again. And once more, it isn't a good thing.

---

A few days later…

Granted, being in hospital sucks, but it has also its advantages, like you don't have to go to school. Ditchin' classes without consequences? Hell yes, I call this a Full House!

Downside: Once you're outta there, it's fucking boring to stay home for so long, and because of your injury, you're pretty much handicapped in doing some things…which isn't that bad for me, since I'm left handed. Although, there's one activity that does come short, since I've always been using my right hand for that and have some problems getting into mood with all that pain 'n' shit.

Right now, I'm lying in bed. It's already one-ish in the morning and I can't sleep. Nothing unusual for me, but it always sucks, because your possibility of doing things are even more limited due nighttime.

Okay, let's put the cards on the table: I haven't done it to myself for quite some time now and my pussy is literally screaming for a massage. What holds me back? Well, a hurting arm and the lack of any material to get off to.

I could watch some porn, but I don't wanna get up again, besides that there are still some spots on my chair from the last time I fucked myself on that thing.

My smut-mags? No, know them too well already.

Hmm…looks like my imagination has to do the trick again. Soooo, what am I gonna use? Hmm…? Some random anime chars? Blade Runner? Sounds both great, let's do it!

As my mind does its smutty work, imagining some hot stuff, I let my left hand brush over my body. Today I'm wearing a pajama, so I need to go around the fabric to touch myself.

First destination are my boobs. Compared to some bitches in my class they're small, but I don't mind, 'cause the good stuff always comes in small packages…like weed or Kate.

…wait! What the fuck was that?! Kate?! Are you serious brain?! Ugh! Guess that whole lifesaving stuff messed with my head too much. Okay, Chloe, take a deep breath and try again!

So, where was I? Oh yeah, right! I brush with my fingertips over my stomach, it tickles and I love that. Time to go deeper. My hand passes the hem of my pajama shorts and as I caress my entire nether region, a question pops up in my mind.

Should I shave down there? I mean, most of them bitches at Blackhell are…well, totally hair-free. True, I'm not the only one who still has a bush down there and I kinda like it, but some uber-biatches like Victoria fucking Chase make fun of it. And I ask myself, why? Is it that bad? Is it just because the porn industry dictates us to do as they please?

Y'know what, fuck it! Since when do I do what others want? Bushy fun it is! I bet Kate has a bush down there, too.

Ugh, fucking shit! Not again! Keep it together, Price! Just do ya thing!

Finally, my fingers reach their destination and I'm already drenched as fuck!

Should it bother me that I got like this by thinking about pussies and that blond girl?

Never mind, there are way more important things ahead and as I start to rub my clit, I'm totally reminded of that. And for some time, everything looks and feels awesome until I hear a moan…from my mom. You gotta be fucking shitting me!

Great, just great! The biggest cockblocker of all time is humping my mom right now and they don't even bother to stay quiet. Y'know, fuck it! I can't have fun, so they shouldn't be allowed to have some fun, too!

Of course I'm not a subtle person, who gives them a soft indication that I can hear their animal-like sounds, no fucking way! I get up, turn on the stereo that once belonged to my dad – revenge from the realm of the dead, motherfucker – and turn up the volume, letting my punk-music blare throughout the entire house. Then I slump back down on my bed and wait.

Not a minute later, a sexually frustrated David with a half-boner in his boxers storms into my room and turns off the music.

"Hey, I was listening to that, asshole!" I yell at him, sitting up straight, though I don't give a fuck that he killed the music.

"It's one in the morning, Chloe, you should be asleep!" he retorts his anger rising, "And I already told you to turn down this punk-crap!"

"If you two can't keep YOUR volume down at night so that I can't sleep and need to turn on my music to prevent myself from spilling my dinner, it's not my fault! Now get outta my room, dipshit!"

What follows, is silence and I literally have to muster all my strength not to laugh out loud as I see David blush like a tomato. Lacking any reply, he just leaves and slams my door shut.

Satisfied, I lay back down with a smirk, take out a cigarette and smoke it. Mushy time's over, but I hope that I killed their mood, too. After some time, I feel drowsy as fuck. So, I press the cig into my ashtray, roll myself into my sheets and sleep in.

---

Two days later…

Okay, I'm not a supersocial person. Never was and never will be. So, it surprised me as hell, when Mom came back from work yesterday and told me that Richard Marsh, Kate's dad, invited us to dinner in some fancy restaurant, which's name I can't even spell, and this comes with a fucking bunch of problems.

Firstly, clothes. Since we're practically poor, we never attend any fancy shitshows, therefore lacking the right clothing…not that we could afford it anyway. So, I decide to put on the cleanest black jeans I could find, combined with a tank top, a shirt without any holes and one of my dad's plaid flannel button-shirts. Oh, and of course the necklace Kate had given to me. And I must say, I look pretty awesome!

The second problem is that I'm nervous as fuck! And I don't mean just a bit nervous, no. I actually would like to spit and shit out my guts! But it's not because of the fanciness or all the social stuff ahead. It's because of Kate and this drives me crazy. Why do I act like this? I mean, she's a girl; I'm, too. So, what's the fucking problem here?

Okay, I gave it a deeper thought the other day and actually came up with a theory, but it's…well…kinda…somehow…stupid. Or is it? But here it is: I have a crush on Kate. Stupid, right? And yet…plausible. Ugh, puberty sucks! Don't get me wrong, I don't give any fucks if I'm into girls, boys, both or fluent, but it's still kind of a mindfuck to don't know what's it gonna be.

"Chloe!" my mom yells from downstairs, thankfully distracting my thoughts before I entirely freak, "Stop dawdlin' and move it, we don't wanna be late!"

I take one deep inhale and fight down the need to climb through my window and bail. C'mon, it's just a stupid dinner, not a date!

Slowly, I make my way downstairs, Mom and Major Pain-in-the-ass already waiting for me. She wears some really fancy dress, which is probably older than me, 'cause I've never seen it on her before. He…ugh, wears a suit in boring brown and looks like an idiot.

"What took you so long?" asks Mr. Pornstache, but I'm way too busy to prevent myself from throwing up, so that I only give him a well-deserved middle-finger.

Lacking any other meanings of motorized transportation, we sadly need to take that prick's penis-enlargement. It's ugly, it's loud, it smells, it fits David. And his driving skills are even worse! No wonder that my first destination, after we arrived at the restaurant, is the bathroom, where I'm puking like a horse. Well, everyone in there with me, probably lost their appetite. Not that I care.

After a splash of water in my face – luckily I've a pale skin anyway – and washing out my mouth, I make my way to the table, where everyone's already talking, so I guess I didn't miss much.

"Chloe, are you alright?" asks me…what was his name again? Something with R or M. Or W? Ugh, fuck it, let's just say Mr. Marsh.

"Uh…yeah, Mr. M. Just…y'know, got car sick, 'cause some people don't know how to drive."

As David grinds his teeth upon my criticism regarding his driving skills, I can't suppress a smirk, because he's literally forced to stay quiet and don't shoot back. But I know that I'll get the heat for that later as I see my mom's angry glare of death upon me. So, in order to avoid any other possibilities to get sassy on Lieutenant Limpdick, I focus on Kate.

She sits two seats away from me, her sisters parting us, but I don't mind. Like me, she averts the conversations between our parents and talks more with her obviously younger siblings. Summed up: everybody talks, except me. Time to take the initiative, Chloe!

"Hey Kate, how're ya doing?"

At first, she looks totally taken aback, like the Lord or something has spoken to her, but then the ice breaks and she gives me an actual smile.

"I-I'm fine. Thank you, Chloe! And…uh…how're you?"

"Well," I answer, trying to don't let her realize how nervous I am, "I'm fine…except that my arm hurts like hell and I've still got a shitton of bruises all over my body."

Okay, in hindsight, I shouldn't have used words like hell and shitton in front of those kids, 'cause everyone's eyeballing me now like…well, actually like always when I get blamed for something. And right away, my mind switches into bitch-mode.

"What?" I blurt into the round of dumb-looking faces, knowing that Mom's already on the edge again.

"Chloe," she says sternly, her expression telling me that she means business, "I want you to apologize, this instant!"

I know that I fucked up and, actually, I'm about to apologize, if Señor Moustachio just would've kept his pie-hole shut!

"I told you we should've sent her to that therapy!" he mumbles secretly towards my mom, but I heard it and now it's on, motherfucker!

Slamming my hands on the table I shoot up, already knowing that all eyes are on me. Let's give 'em a show!

"Y'know what, David? Maybe YOU should go to a fucking therapy and learn that you can't treat kids like soldiers! Maybe they can even teach you how not to grunt like a pig when you're getting off on my mom!"

Oh boy, the whole restaurant has gone silent. They got their show, but nobody's laughing or clapping. I realize that everyone's staring at me. Not us, ME!

Shit, I totally fucked up! I need to get out. I need to get away! And this is what I'm doing: I run away! But not that far away. Just through the backdoor into the alley behind the building. There, I light a cig and take a minute to calm down.

Dammit, I really lost it back there. What will Kate think of me now? Fuck! I better get back inside, apologize and try to save as much dignity as possible. Fuck you, ragin' hormones!

The toilets are close to the backdoor and as I'm about to pass the girl's bathroom, I hear Kate's voice, chiming through the door.

"…don't like her. She's so rude, has no manners and doesn't respect her mother."

"But she saved you, nonetheless," argues another voice, probably her sister.

"I'll be just happy when this dinner is over and I never have to see…"

Then the door opens and Kate stands right in front of me, her surprised gaze on me. "Ch-Chloe! I-I…" she stammers, but I won't let her finish.

"…never want to see me again?"

I'm hurt.

"N-no, I…"

I raise my hand, signing her to shut up. My heart aches. My voice is calm, yet full of bitterness.

"Y'know, Kate, I know that I'm not an easy person. I tend to lose it or to curse, but…that's who I am. And you're not the first person who wants to get rid of me, so…I'll be on my way then."

I've barely managed to finished my sentence before I turn around and run away. This time for real.

I run and run and run. My heart hurts so much. Damn, my eyes start to leak and without a warning, a sob escapes my mouth. I'm crying. I'm fucking crying! Yes, Chloe, you're damnshitfucking crying and you deserve this! You blew it, you stupid cunt! You're not a hero, you're an asshole! Why did you do this? Was it worth it? Why couldn't you for just one, freakin' evening ignore David?!

Actually, nothing of this matters anymore. It's over. Fuck the world! Move on, Price! Chill! Go, get some weed, get super-high and space out! Next destination: Frank's RV down at the beach. Hopefully he's there.

---

There it is, finally! Sweet herbal salvation, here I come! My phone buzzed several times during my walk down here, but I didn't bother to even look at it, 'cause I know that it's just my mom, going all Where are you? and There will be consequences! on me, but I couldn't care less. Somewhere on my way I ditched the sling. Don't need that stupid thing anymore! Weed will kill that bit of pain anyway.

I've reached the door of the RV, knock on it and wait…and wait…and wait some more. C'mon Frank, don't leave me hangin' here!

"Frank, you there?" I say and knock again. "C'moooon! It's me, Chloe!"

Then I hear some shuffling and mumbled curses from inside and a few seconds later, the door opens. A tall man with short, scruffy blond hairs, a trimmed beard and plain clothes steps outside: Frank Bowers, local bad boy and drug dealer.

"Whaddaya want, Price?" he asks, obviously pretty pissed off by my sudden occurrence. I just hope that a wry smirk can calm him down…but why should it?

"Uhm…hey Frank, I…uh…I need some weed."

"Yeah, sure!" he says with a shrug, getting dead serious right after it. "As soon as you give me the one-hundred bucks you owe me."

Dammit! Not that topic again. I'll pay him back as soon as I get my hands on some money, but not now.

"You'll get it, but…I don't have it on me right now, 'cause this is some kind of an emergency. Please, Frank, I'm on the edge and need it!"

Fuck, I hate that I literally have to beg, but else my chances to get a break are down to zero. At first, he just gazes at me, like he doesn't take me seriously, but then he goes back inside his RV and comes back with my much wanted joint.

"Thanks, dude!"

"But you have to share!"

Share, don't share, I don't care! After I gave him a shrug, Frank lights the joint, takes a deep draft and hands it to me. As the dense smoke enters my lungs I feel immediately relaxed. Gosh, I needed that! We sit down on the camping chairs on front of the RV, silently smoking the pot.

"So, I heard that you're a hero now," mentions Frank out of a sudden, making me look at him with a frown. Where the hell did he get that from? "This town's small, Price. News travels fast."

Okay, I got some kind of an answer, but, actually, I don't wanna talk about this. "I'm not a hero, Frank."

"Modest, huh?" he replies simply, taking the last hit from our joint and throws the rest away. "Listen, Price, normally I don't give a fuck about other people's business, but I wanna give you a free advice anyway. It doesn't matter if you're a fucking hero or not, the people see you as one and you should use this opportunity!"

Ugh, it's almost late evening, I'm high and Frank goes all Dr. Phil on me. What the freakin' hell?!

"What do you mean?"

"Just think about it, you idiot!" Frank replies and stands up, already heading for his RV again and I somehow fear that he would leave me here without any clue, but luckily, he stops before entering his…well, home. "I know how it is to be the town's troublemaker. I never got rid of that reputation and adapted to it, eventually. But you…you have the chance now to show the people that you're more than just a delinquent. Or do you wanna end up like me?"

He leaves that question out in the open and slams the door shut. Looks like this conversation is over!

Now that he'd given me a lot to ponder about, I take a walk at the beach, thinking about Frank's words and about my life in general. Do I really wanna be and stay this ever raging, angry person?

I mean, ever since my dad died everything went to shit and I always blamed others for that. Dad, Mom, Max, school, Sergeant Shithead…because of them I feel left alone and misunderstood. But…but maybe it's me who's to blame, not them. Well, except David, he just sucks fulltime!

Fuuuuck! So much to think about! I decide to sit down, take out a cig and light it. It's totally dark and no moon's shining, so seeing the ocean isn't that exciting, but the sound of the waves, crushing on the beach gives me some inner peace and I keep on thinking.

That day I saved Kate, I actually did something I never had done before. I didn't think about myself, but helped that cute little girl. I literally took care of her and…it felt great! I was actually happy as I saw that Kate was alright and back with her family. Maybe Frank's right. Maybe I should actually use the good reputation and show the people of this fucking town that I'm better than being a delinquent. That I'm more. That I'm a different Chloe fucking Price!

---

May 2010

What's the saying? Old habits die hard…or somethin'. Doesn't matter, 'cause you can't really put a 12-gauge shotgun to their head and pull the trigger. No, you need to do it slowly, like putting small amounts of arsine into their food and hope that nobody realizes that you're agonizingly murdering them. That's at least what I'm trying.

During the last couple of weeks I tried to change. No more raging, no more skipping school, doing my homework and some chores, less weed, alcohol and cigs, and last but not least, trying to ignore David's bullshit for my mom's sake.

So, how am I doing so far?

No more raging? I'm really trying my best to avoid any situations that would push me over the edge. Of course it's not always possible, but…at least I can say that it's now only partially my fault when I'm losing it.

Not skipping school? The easiest task. Just go there, ignore everyone, bore through classes, get you're As or Bs in a test and that's it. Easy-peasy!

Do my homework and some chores? Uhm…yeah…not that easy. Homework are just too easy and therefore a waste of time, but…ugh, I'm doing them anyway with a big lack of motivation, which sometimes doesn't lead to the wished for results. And the chores? Let's just say that I try to make as less dirt as possible, and if some shit lies around I simply blame David.

Less weed, alcohol and cigs? Oh boy, difficult topic! Let's just say…that I don't get wasted all the time anymore and cut my medication back to once or twice a week. But hey, at least I try, though it's very hard.

Summed up: Frank was right. Since I saved Kate, nobody gave me shit anymore. Even Principal Wells cut me some slack on punishing me for skipping school that very day. I'm kind of a hero...or something, and I should be proud that I'm doing so good, but actually…I'm not.

I'm depressed and feel kinda empty. Even after so many weeks, Kate's words are still swirling around in my head like a maelstrom of fucked up shit. I don't even know, why? I shouldn't give a fuck about that, but I still do and that drives me nuts! Even a fucking Firewalk-gig at the old mill wasn't able to cheer me up. I mean, Firewalk, the coolest band ever, was there and all I did was sitting at the bar, gulpin' down three bottles of beer in slow-motion, instead of thrashin' the mosh pit!

What the freakin' hell is wrong with you, Price?!

There even was a hot, blonde chick – somehow she looked familiar – who seemed to peel off my clothes with her eyes and obviously wanted to make a move on me, but I just flipped her off and headed home after that.

Damn, where the heck have I seen her before? Ugh, fuck it!

Right now I'm headin' towards the grocery store, getting some eggs for today's dinner. It's Saturday, so the town's pretty much stuffed with people and families. Most of 'em are just taking a walk, do some shopping or meet for a coffee and some chatting. Like in most towns, the majority of the shops are situated in the center. The grocery store alone is surrounded by a convenience store, a coffee shop, a store for technical stuff, a tea shop…HOLY FUCK, THERE SHE IS!

Again I don't know, why, but as soon as I spot Kate, sitting at a table in front of the tea shop, I make myself scarce by hiding around the next corner. My heart hammers in my chest and I'm close to hyperventilation. Shit, I just hope that she hasn't seen me.

Okay, it was more than crystal-clear that we would see each other in town eventually, but fuuuuck! It catches you so off guard! What should I do now? Run away? Just walk past and ignore her? Or…

"Chloe?" it suddenly chimes softly behind me, which scares the shit outta me so much that I scream a "HOLY BEJESUS!", making everyone around look at me. With my eyes wide open and entirely breathless, I stare at Kate, who's standing there, once more fumbling with her cute fingers while she looks pretty taken aback.

"Uh…s-sorry," I manage to stammer and immediately I feel a tickling in my stomach, "I'm kinda jumpy today."

She just nods slightly. From her expression and the try to avert my gaze, I realize that she's at least as nervous as I am, but at least she manages to form a complex sentence.

"Chloe, I want to apologize for my rude words at the restaurant. Those were neither fair nor true. I…I felt really bad because of what I said. I mean, you saved my life and I…I just…"

Suddenly she breaks down into tears right in front of me, and all I can think about, is to take this poor bunny in my arms and sooth her softly, which I do right away. Having this small, fragile, sobbing body in my arms again, I remember the day I saved her life and it kinda warms my heart. But there are also new things I realize now.

I realize how warm and soft she is, so I start to brush her back. And her scent. She smells like peach-flavored shampoo, paired with a mix of strawberry and another sweet aroma. Gosh, I just wanna hold on to her forever! But I can't! People are already staring, so I softly break the contact and look at her deeply, saying the most soothing words that come up into my mind.

"Hey, it's okay, Kate! I'm not mad at you anymore and besides…" I sigh. Gosh, it's hard to admit a failure, "…I was the one being rude in the first place. I shouldn't have been ragin' it up and behavin' like a bitch."

"Y-you're not a…a…bee, Chloe!" she replies shyly and I don't even know what's cuter, how she fought to even faintly say bitch or how she flustered after picturing me better than I really am. Either way, I'm chuckling and fling my arm around her shoulders.

"Thanks for the flowers, dude! Wanna have some tea?" Okay, tea has never been my favorite drink of choice – I'd rather enjoy some coffee or a beer – but for Kate I'd make an exception.

"O-okay!"

So, we sit down in front of the tea shop and I browse through the different types of tea on the menu. At first, everything looks pretty simple. I read stuff like peppermint or rosehip and think, 'Okay, you got this!', but then terms like Assam, Darjeeling, second flush and such shit turns up and I'm totally lost. Does it look kinda stupid to ask Kate for something simple as tea names?

"Uh…Kate?"

"Yeah?" she answers with a sweet smile and I think that she's obviously happy to sit here with me, the bad mood from before entirely gone.

"Sorry that I'm asking, but…don't they have somethin' like coffee 'n' sh-…stuff?"

"Oh, if you want something equal to coffee then I'd suggest a black tea. You can even put cream and sugar in it. I can choose one for you, if you want to!"

"Yeah…that'd be great!"

Phew, dodged that bullet!

Kate immediately orders us our tea and for quite some moments we just sit there, an awkward silence between us, and if I hate something, then it's awkward silence! So, let's break it!

"So…uh…you come often here?"

Facepalm!

All the possible questions in the world and you come up with this? What the fuck, Chloe?! Luckily, Kate's still in a good mood. Shy, but good mood!

"Oh, uh…yes. It's the only tea shop in town, so…yes. Uh…h-how've you been, Chloe?"

"Well…actually great, except that I felt pretty shitty 'bout how things went down at the restaurant. I try to change that stupid raging stuff, but it's darn hard."

"And your arm?"

"Still attached. The pain is almost gone and nothing got really injured, so I'm actually fine. And…uh, how're you?"

Being the shy bunny that she is, Kate averts my gaze, her sight fixed on my…chest?! I follow it and realize that she's staring at the golden necklace she'd given me at the hospital.

"Oh yeah, your necklace. It helps me to remind that I can be better than just an ever-angry asshole. Hope you don't mind that it hangs around with three bullets."

Flustering really heavy, Kate turns away, just mumbling a "No, it's okay!" and I'm stuck with the mystery if she has been eyeballing the necklace or my tits. Eventually and luckily, our tea gets served and breaks this more than awkward moment.

Though I know that she has entirely ignored my question about her well-being, I decide to let it drop, 'cause I don't wanna pressure her too much. Just sitting here with me and having a tea seems to be pretty intense for her. Gosh, she's so shy!

"Chloe?" she quietly speaks to me, her gaze fixed on the table, "Why did you save me? I mean, you were like thirty feet away, yet you ran the entire way towards me, right into the danger zone. Why?"

Huh! Okay, that question catches me off guard. Why did I save her? Good question!

"Actually, I don't know. I just…I just felt that shit was hitting the fan and reacted."

"Oh!" is everything she replies and pauses. Obviously that wasn't the answer she had expected. C'mon, you can do better, Price!

"Truth be told, it just felt right. I mean, you were standing there and I thought to myself: Chloe, you can't let that cute girl get hurt!"

Now her face gets even redder and I realize that I've just called her cute. Ugh! Why don't ask her for a date right away, idiot?!

"Do…do you really think I'm…cute?"

Shit! Figures, that she would catch this particular word. Well, no need to deny it anymore. Just go into the offence and hope the best!

"Uhm…y-yeah! Of course…y'know…not cute as in sexually attractive…I-I mean I don't wanna say that you aren't attractive…you are, by the way, b-but I…ugh!"

FACEPALM!

Of course an as embarrassing as possible silence occurs as we both stare in different directions, only to avert our flustered faces. But as Kate mumbles something again, it throws me off the chair…literally!

"I-I think you're cute, too!"

THUD!

I think I might've hit my head on impact or somethin', 'cause everything is just a blur for some time until Kate's cute, worried face comes into my sight.

"Chloe! A-are you okay?"

"Did you just call me cute?" is everything I muster to answer as she helps me getting up again. Dammit, I really give the people in town a show today.

"I-I…" Kate stammers at first, but then inhales and giggles. "No, I just said: Well, thank you!"

Great, just great! I'm not only acting like a fucking moron, I also behave like one! UUUUGH!

"I better get going." Kate suddenly says and the first thing I do, is congratulating myself for scaring her away. Well done, Chloe! You asshole!

"Yeah, sorry for…y'know…"

But then something happens that catches me totally off-guard…again.

"I'd love to do this again, some time! O-of course only if you want to."

"Yeah!" I blurt out accidently and I want to slap myself again, until I hear this sweet giggling.

"Next Saturday, same time?" she asks with a shy smile, which lets my heart perform some summersaults.

"Yeah, sounds cool!" I reply, trying not to grin like a love-struck idiot and again I get surprised as Kate gives me a mushy hug. She then says her Goodbye and as soon as I can't feel her warmth and closeness anymore, I feel empty.

---

June 2010

Okay, granted, I'd have lied if I'd said that I trust Kate entirely, but to my surprise, she kept her word and we really met a week later. And the weekend after that, and the weekend after that. Until today we met every single Saturday for some tea and I must admit, I start to like that stuff. Hell, who would've thought that there are so many various tastes of tea?! I didn't!

And Kate? We both opened up to each other more and more with every tea-session, and I'd even say that we've become friends. Really close friends. This leads us to today.

The last school week's over and summer break has started…and I even made it through this school year! Yay, go Chloe! Anyway, vacation has started…which doesn't mean anything special to me, except from more boredom since I'm not gonna take one little step out of this shittown…but Kate does. Actually, she isn't gonna be one single day in Arcadia during the entire fucking time until school starts again. Vacation in Cali, visiting some relatives in the middle of fucking nowhere, bible-camp, you name it.

After she told me this I…I felt kinda sad…really, really fucking sad…like bawling…what I actually did…of course after I was home again. Shit, I'm gonna miss that little cutie-pie and she knows it. So, Kate came up with an idea.

Today we didn't meet for tea. Today, Kate's gonna spend the night at my place and it's gonna be fucking awesome! Like the time Max had been still around.

Ha! Max…right…since I've got Kate now, this little bitch can go and fuck herself…if she doesn't do this already. No, really. Kate shows me that I can have other friends, and if this stuck-up photo-cunt doesn't want to talk with me anymore, then she can eat shit and drop dead! Okay, not exactly dropping dead. More like staying alive and finally get her shit together…'n' stuff. Ugh, I still miss her! Hope she's okay!

So, where was I? Oh yeah! So, I planned to make a movie night. With Max this would've meant lots of junk-food, horror, zombies 'n' shit. With Kate it's more like Kids TV…which isn't a problem for me. Hey, I love this animation stuff, so why not? Steph supplied me with a bunch of nice movies and I already picked some favs, like Spirited Away and Kiki's Delivery Service. Pretty solid classics and suited for my little Katie!

Ding-dong!

Shit, there she is! What shall I do? Am I lookin' okay? Should I've showered beforehand? Do I smell like an ashtray?

"Chloe!" my mom's voice sounds from downstairs, "Kate's here!"

Okay, Price, stay cool, go downstairs and…

Suddenly my room door opens and there she stands, her sweet yet shy smile on her lips and a backpack on her shoulder.

"Hello, Chloe!" she says with that cute voice, and all I manage so say is:

"Uh…h-hey, Katie! …uhm…"

And there's this sweet giggle again and…is she blushing? Or is it just fucking hot in here? I mean, the sun shines almost the whole fucking day into my room…and it's directly under the roof. Damn, and my heart feels like it wants to jump out of my chest! That's so not because of the heat. Fuuuuck, get a grip of yourself, Chloe!

And then she suddenly hugs me! Now the heat is rushing through my entire body…well, actually it gathers in my crotch. Not good! So, I break the hug again and immediately get lost in her eyes. Dammit, why am I crushing on her that bad?! She's a devout Christian and so not gay! Thank god that there's a big cockblocker, called David, at my house today.

"Chloe! Dinner's ready, so move it!"

This is already so embarrassing that I just groan and roll with my eyes.

"Sorry, I forgot to tell you that a giant asshole haunts around the house today." I comment dryly, which lets Kate chuckle again.

"You don't like the boyfriend of your mom very much, aren't you?"

"Nope!" is everything there's to say, before I sigh. "Listen, I'm gonna get us some munch and you get yourself comfortable. I know my room looks like a junkyard, but…just don't touch anything that looks strange and avoid sniffing on the scattered dirty clothes."

And once more she giggles, covering her mouth. "I'll try."

With these safety- and embarrassment-rules settled, I make my way downstairs to grab some grub. While Mom knows that I've company tonight, Sergeant Fuckface simply doesn't care and tries to convince me that real families are eating at the same table. Yeah, well, we're not a family, so fuck you, David! Thank goodness that Mom covers my ass and I'm able to leave with two big plates, filled with Mac 'n' Cheese.

Once back in my room, I see that Kate has already made herself comfy on my bed, a fancy laptop in front of her.

"Holy fuck! Nice piece of tech!"

Okay, sometimes I see Kate's face scrunch up because of my notorious habit of cursing my way through life, but it mostly vanishes in an instant and is replaced by a soft smile or chuckle.

"Thanks, Chloe! My parents gave it to me as a Christmas present. I hope you don't mind that I'm just finishing the book report."

"Book report?! School's just done for three months and you're still writing a book report?!"

"It's not for school, Chloe," says Kate, "It's a task we get for every summer camp. Every year we have to choose a random book and interpret it to the teachings of the bible. You know, similarities and/or differences."

Wow, that sounds…boring. But hey, it's her hobby, so be nice and act intrigued, Chloe!

"Wow, that sounds really gr-…"

"…boring?" she completes my sentence with a friendly smile. Uh…okay, didn't expect that and she realizes my dumbfounded expression, reacting with her cute chuckle. "I know it's kinda geeky and so not down your alley."

Damn, she's smart! Hopefully, she's not able to actually read me like a book or else it's gonna be fucking embarrassing. "Well…depends on the literature. So, what book did you choose?"

"Harry Potter."

Aaaand again she surprises me. Gosh, this girl's a mystery! "Harry Potter?! Aren't these books like…I dunno…like Satan's bum for your folks?" I say and put down the plates with our food and rummage through my backpack to find those freakin' DVDs.

On hindsight, I shouldn't have said Satan, since it's a big no-no-word, but it seems like Kate refuses to be pissed at me, no matter how much I fuck up.

"Actually, no. Though there are a lot religious groups, who'd like to burn these books on a stake for the use of witchcraft, I see a lot of references to the bible in it. Take Lord Voldemort for example. He's the main antagonist and the most evil wizard the world has ever seen. He's symbolized by a snake, which is also the symbol for the greater evil in the bible. See, already a similarity!"

Okay, smartness is nothing in comparison to Katie. Gosh, I dig her so much! Time for some distraction…and food.

"I'll be damned! Looks like I've to watch those movies someday for reals!"

"Read the books! They're way better and more detailed than the movies. I can borrow them to you, if you want to."

"Done!" I reply with smirk and am kinda really intrigued to read those books. "But let's get to the main-attraction of this evening!" Finally, I find the DVDs, pull them out and reach them to Kate, who gasps.

"Chloe! A-are those pirated?!"

Normally, I would've raged on everybody who would give me shit for some pirated DVDs, but Kate…well, I kinda feel ashamed right now.

"Well…kinda. I-I mean, yeah. Sorry! Shall we watch somethin' else?"

"No! No, it's fine! Just the first time I have something like that in my hand, but…but it's okay! Let's watch this one!"

She reaches me Kiki's Delivery Service, and I put it in her Laptop and start the movie. We both then get comfortable on my bed and dig in. And while the movie continues to play, Kate and I come closer and closer until we're both cuddled together.

---

A few hours later…

We ended up watching the two Anime and Kate seemed to like 'em. At least, she didn't say any different. Between the two movies we already made ourselves ready for the sack.

Right now it's something around mid-night and Kate and I are lying in my bed. She, wrapped in my spare blanked and I without any cover, 'cause this night is way to warm for me to be wrapped in some sheets.

At first I think that's only me who can't catch some Zs, until Kate speaks up.

"Chloe?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for this evening. It was really awesome!"

"Well…uhm…Thanks! Glad you liked it. I found it awesome, too. Long time since someone spent the night here for some fun."

As a moment of silence occurs, I somehow feel that it's an awkward kinda quietness. And this gets confirmed not a second later.

"Chloe, d-do you have a…a boyfriend?"

Shit, never thought we'd have a girls-talk tonight. Well, I underestimated Katie again. But more important is what should I tell her? Should I stretch the truth a bit or just tell her the cold reality?

"Uhm…no. Not right now, anyway."

"But you had one?"

"Well…kinda. More a good friend from the ol' days. We went to some concerts together and one time…ugh, once I was so wasted and depressed that I…y'know…did it with him."

"Oh!"

Oh?! Did I say something wrong? Okay granted, getting your V-card punched at the age of fifteen isn't quite right, especially not for religious folks like Kate, but…it happened and I won't hide from it. Yet, I feel the need to explain myself.

"Yeah, it's fucked, I know. And I regret it. Would've rather loved to get my cherry popped by someone I actually care for."

And there it is again, this uncomfortable silence. I hear Kate's heavy breathing and then…a sob?! Is something wrong with her? But before I'm able to ask, Kate wraps her arm and leg around me and pulls me in for a big hug.

"I'm gonna miss you so much, Chloe!" she whimpers into my ear and I can't help myself, but to give in to my leaking eyes, too.

"I'm gonna miss you too, Katie! I'm gonna miss you, too!"

---

The next day…

I think there's a saying, and it goes: home is where you heart is. Well, if that's the case, then my home's about to leave for three freakin' months!

Last night, Kate had fallen asleep in my arms and I found it so comfortable and…well, kinda relaxing. But where she had the luxury to escape reality for some hours, I stayed awake, pondering about my feelings. And I think it's the right time to make it official: I'm majorly crushing on Kate. There you have it! Chloe fucking Price, all-time-troublemaker, hardcore-gal and coolest attraction in town is in love with a cute, shy and smart-as-fuck Catholic schoolgirl. And figuring that out was just the easy part.

The real cause for my lack of sleep, however, was a bunch questions: When and how should I tell her my true feelings? Should I tell her at all? Would she despise me for being into girls? Would it destroy our friendship?

UGH! I don't know! The only thing I really know is that there are too many unknown variables, so that I decided that I'm gonna keep my mouth shut, though it's eating me from inside.

It's somewhat around 7 in the morning when I finally realize that trying to sleep is nothing more than a fucking waste of time. Kate is still cuddling my arm and to feel her warmth just drives me insane, especially as I make myself clear again that it's only two hours till her departure.

With a sigh and an already hurting heart I cautiously free myself from my little Katie's surprisingly strong hold. And that's the point I make a darnshitfucking mistake. Instead of just getting up, my sight gets fixed on that cutie's beautiful face and then…ugh, I don't why, but I place a freakin' kiss on her cheek, and what follows after that, is such a rush of emotions that it almost kills me.

My body heats up and all I wanna do is to kiss her again and again. But then she starts to move and panic takes over. Was she already awake? Does she know that I kissed her? Is she gonna be pissed at me for doing that? I don't know and I don't wanna know! That's why I do what I can do best: run away! Destination: bathroom.

I've barely reached it as I break down and bawl like a baby. I don't want Kate to leave! I don't wanna be alone! I want her friendship! I want her love! But what're the odds? She's a fucking Christian! She believes in abstinence before marriage. There is no…fucking…way that she is into you, Price. So, just burry those wet dreams and face reality!

My head starts to buzz and I feel all dizzy 'n' shit. Fuck, I need some food and caffeine or I'll collapse like the stock market on Black Friday! After I splash some water into my face to hide my last emotional fuckdown, I head for the kitchen. To no surprise, my mom's already busy creating an awesome meal for her favorite…well, only daughter and her friend. Full eggs 'n' bacon glory. Hell yes, gimme those calories!

"Morning," I mumble as I grab myself a mug and fill it to the brim with coffee, taking a big gulp right on the spot. Blech, without cream and sugar it tastes like ass, but I need the high, since Kate's literally sleeping on my weed stash.

"G'morning, sweetheart! Had a goodnight's sleep?" says Mom in her common waitress-chitchat tone. Still feeling like shit, I only manage to turn towards her, which immediately induces her to arch an eyebrow. "Obviously, not. Wanna talk 'bout it?"

"Talk 'bout what?"

"Chloe," she starts, still focused on the eggs and bacon in the pan, and I know this tone. It's her I-know-you-too-well-and-know-that-you-fucked-up tone. "I know how it looks when you spent the entire night partyin' and drinkin', but I don't think that Kate would be in for such shenanigans. So, wanna tell me what kept you up all night?"

Shit! Mom really knows me too well. Sometimes I forget how smart she really is. She once was on a good way to become a teacher until fate fucked us over and she got forced to keep the job as a waitress to pay the bills.

But do I wanna tell her? I mean, she's my mom and closest person I have to talk about such shit, like feelings. Plus, I planned on improving our mother-daughter relationship, sooo…ugh, fuck it!

"Mom," I say, fumbling with the mug in my hands, "How do you make it legit that you crush on someone and how do you confess these feelings without fucking things up?"

Bewildered about this sign of trust to talk about the pretty much fucked-up world of my feelings, Joyce drops the spatula and gives me her entire focus. Gosh, it's so embarrassing and I just hope that Colonel Condom doesn't crash in on us.

"Well, it depends on the lucky one. Mind to share who it is?"

Okay, talking about feelings is one thing, but speaking about that the lucky one lies in your bed, is your friend and a younger Christian girl is a whole new level of oh my god, I don't wanna talk about this shit anymore. Lacking the ability to rewind time and undo my stupid decision, the only thing that comes into my mind is to blush, look away and try not to freak out.

"Oh Chloe, don't tell me that it's Kate."

I'd lie if I'd say that I expected a positive response. But hearing such non-empathetic bullshit just drives me bonkers!

"So?!" I shoot back, arms crossed and bitchy backtalking enabled.

"Chloe," Mom sighs, shaking her head, "she's fourteen and I know for a fact that her mother is against such bonds."

"Then she can suck a dick!"

"Please, Chloe! For once listen to me and don't seduce that poor girl into something she doesn't want."

"Who're you to tell what Katie wants? Wanna tell me to stop crushing on girls, too? Huh?! Wanna arrange a marriage for me with some ugly, rich dickhead to finally get rid of our financial problems? Huh?! HUH?!"

Then something happens I'd never expected. Instead of bitchin' back, Mom closes in and takes me into a comforting hug. And this really makes me shut up.

"Chloe," she says calmly, "I'm fine with the decisions you make for your love-life. That's not me to judge. But all I'm asking you now is to wait for Kate to become aware of what she wants, too."

"Y-you mean I should wait?"

Breaking the hug, she gives me the warm smile of a caring mother and nods. "Oh my sweetie-pie, all I want for you is to be happy. Kate's already very fond of you and I just hope that she'll make the right decision when the time comes."

---

Thank whoeverthefuck that I've already calmed down as Kate joins us.

"Morning!" her sweet voice chimes as she walks towards the dining table, still in her pajama, rubbing her eyes. Gosh, she looks so cute and gorgeous! I literally feel my heart almost jumping outta my chest as I bask in such an amount of cuteness. With a big yawn, Kate sits down right beside me and – to my surprise – just grabs my mug and takes a gulp of coffee.

"Morning, Katie!" I say with a giggle as I see her scrunch up her nose in disgust.

"Eww, I thought you always drink your coffee with a lotta cream and sugar."

"Not after such a shitty night," I reply and realize right away that this sounded kinda wrong. "I-I mean the night with you…uh, I-I mean the sleepover was great and…um…"

"Good morning, sweetie!" Mom throws in, saving my butt. "You want some tea instead?"

"That'd be nice. Thank you, Joyce!" Kate answers with the sweetest smile that would melt away the entire Antarctic ice-shield.

"Black tea and eggs 'n' bacon, coming right up!"

A few minutes late, each of us has a plate with Mom's delicious food in front of us and we dig in. And though I love my mom's food, I'm busier focusing on Kate than anything else, until Sergeant Shithead tramples in with a faintly grumbled "Morning!" chiming through his pornstache. Oh boy, bad mood ahead. Let's hope I can keep my shit together.

And for a few minutes it actually looks like everything could go smoothly, but of course Dickwad-David has to let out another brain-fart.

"Chloe, how many times have I told you, if you use some tools, put them back where they belong!"

Oh shit, bullshit alert! Granted, I used a wrench to finally repair the fucking sink in the fucking bathroom, since Mr. Fixshit-Fuckhead was too lazy to do it. Need…to…resist…the urge…to-…ugh, fuck it!

"Oh, you're absolutely right, DAVID! And since you're the biggest tool here, how about we get you back where you belong?"

Actually, I hate showing my bitchy side when Kate's around, but damn! It's so hard to not rage against this fucker! I just see the disappointment in my mom's eyes, because she knows how things will turn out now. Dammit, it's so exhausting for her to see me and David verbally beating the crap out of each other, but what's the alternative? Should I just give in to this motherfucker, who orders me around and invades my home? Mom just brought him into my life over night without asking me, if I'm okay with it. I don't like him and that's a fact I can't change. So, the fighting will go on and I'll be prepared for every shit he tries to lay upon me! But surprisingly, it doesn't happen. The reason: my little Katie!

"Chloe," she says, touching my arm softly. And it's like a calming energy flows through my body, just by feeling her hand on my skin. "I wanna take a shower. Can you fetch me a towel, please?"

For a few seconds, I'm just stunned. Gulping hard as I imagine this touch on some other random place on my body. Shoo-shoo, be gone ye smutty thoughts!

"Uh, yeah…sure!"

We both get up and I don't even care that half of my breakfast remains on the plate. Maybe I'll eat it later.

While Kate gets her clothes 'n' stuff, I already try to find a clean towel by rummaging through some drawers and wonder a lot about all that manly stuff lying 'round. David's stuff! Oh dear gosh, don't let him move in here!

"I think I'll take this one," it suddenly chimes behind me. And once more I have to gulp as I spy Kate with my pirate towel in her hands. Okay, I washed it yesterday, but it still looks shabby as shit by the constant usage over the years.

"Uhm…okay. Knock yourself out!"

"Thanks!" she replies with a smile and then we just stand there, gazing each other's eyeballs out, whereas, after a minute or so, Kate starts slightly to blush and shifts her sight to the ground, fumbling with her fingers, nervously. "Uh, Chloe? I…I-I wanna take a shower now."

Ugh, idiot!

"Uh, yeah…right. Sorry! Have fun!"

My face is probably red like tomato. Quickly, I leave for my room and wait, trying to keep my shit together. I wanna tell her so much about my feelings, but Mom's right. Rushing things will just fuck everything up. I should at least wait until Kate's back from her vacation.

The door to my room opens, and a happy smilin', freshly dressed Kate comes in. "Done!" she says and now it's my turn.

"'kay! Be back in a jiff!"

I lock the bathroom door and undress. I don't know if it's quite common to constantly look at your developing body during puberty, but here I am, doing it again, realizing that my package has grown a bit more. If Kate would like 'em? Or is she gonna be jealous, because hers aren't that big? Ugh, just shower, Chloe!

I'm about to enter the tub as I see my towel, wet and hanging on the rail. Normally, I try not to be pervy, but I just can't resist my nosiness to take sniff for Kate's scent. The fabric's smell is a mixture of detergent, Kate's peach-flavored shampoo and…something else. A faint smell. Sweet and unique. Kate's smell!

I take a deep inhale and feel how a burning heat forms in my belly and spreads down to my crotch. Another inhale later I feel how my body gets all sensitive. After taking the towel off the rail, I start to press it close to my body, imagining that it's Kate. Well, looks like I can't keep it together. Damn you, primitive urge for procreation!

The hot sensation between my legs gets unbearable and I let my hand glide down my body, over my pubic mound and right to the spot where it belongs right now. Fuck, I'm so drenched! Slowly I start to rub my clit. The jolt of lust that follows is so hard that I gasp and have to lean against the wall to prevent myself from collapsing. Damn, that's so hot. I definitely need more, but since I'm not the quietest one in the sack, I decide to turn on the shower and get myself comfortable in the tub.

Finally, my lewd sounds covered by the noise of flowing water and siting comfy, I spread my legs and continue to play, Kate's scent imprinted in the back of my brain. To the rub on my clit, I now add a finger into my pussy. And right away a question pops up in my head. How is it possible to put more fingers in there? I mean, I tried it once, but I seem to be pretty tight built down there and Eliot's dick was actually very slim and it still hurt like fuck. Ugh, just focus, Chloe!

I don't know how long it takes, maybe a minute or so, but that orgasm beats every other one before! Hopefully, I wasn't too loud and after some minutes of cool down, I eventually end up doing what I originally had planned to do: washing myself. And now that I'm not horny anymore, I realize that, after this very shower, Kate is gonna leave, which makes me cry big fucking tears.

---

Sometimes there are moments when you wish you could turn back time; again and again to stay in these particular moments. Like, right now.

It's only minutes until Kate's family arrives to pick her up. Before she's gone for months.

Right after I returned from showering, my smart, little Kate realized my red, puffy eyes and asked me what's wrong. Well, let's just say that my badassery went to shit and I immediately started to bawl like a baby.

And here we are, right now, crying our eyes out, arm-in-arm.

The door bell rings and it sounds like Armageddon for me. We both cuddle even closer and again I'm thinking about to confess Kate my feelings.

"Katie, your parents are here!" my Mom's voice chimes from downstairs and the idea to grab Kate's hand and bail someplace else, appears in my mind. But that's just wishful thinking. I gather all my composure as best as I can to say those next words.

"I think it's time, Katie!"

But instead of answering me, she tightens her grip even more. "I wish you could come with me!"

"Yeah," I say with a scoff, imagining how cool this would be. Let's use this to give her some hope. "Maybe next time, when your mom has finally stopped trying to kill me with her death-stare."

And to my surprise, Kate starts to chuckle. "Yeah, that'd truly be nice!"

Success!

Cautiously we break our hug and I give her an unintentional brush on her cheek…oops!

"Hey, it's…well, just three months and…um…when you're back, we'll blow some shit up, okay!"

"Eww, can't wait for that!" she snickers and my heart jumps like crazy when I see her happy. But eventually, time's running out and fate waits without any mercy. Therefor, I take a deep breath a grab her bag.

"C'mon, Katie, let's get this shit over with!"

---

Late July, 2010

Okay, turned out, saying goodbye hadn't been that hard. Only later I got a full-blown panic attack that Kate might ditch me, but it didn't happen. Unlike Max, sweet little Katie texted me as soon as they arrived in Cali.

And that's what we're doing all day long since then: texting and talking. And that keeps me fucking sane. She even sends me pictures! Yes, Max, Kate sends me a lotta pictures, though she's not even such a photo nerd. Take that, bitch! Or just finally call me!

I'm just glad that Kate precious our friendship so much. We pull through and that's what matters.

Oh, by the way, I skipped weed entirely. Too expensive and not needed anymore. Kate cured me of this shit and I still have alc and cigs to do the rest.

What else? Hmm…oh yeah, to overcome the boring days I work more shifts, started skateboarding again and decided to put some dough aside for a car.

Damn, I really make some changes in my life! The only thing that hasn't changed is my feud with Sergeant Pepper. Well, you can't have everything, so fuck it!

Right now I'm lying on my bed, smoke a cig, listen to some tunes, only wearing my panties, 'cause it's so damnfucking hot.

My shift ended an hour ago and I've still some freakin' hours to kill before Katie calls me. Ugh, I hate waiting!

Then, out of a sudden, my phone goes off. Who the fuck would call me at this time? Nonetheless I let my hand lazily search for my phone somewhere on the mattress.

Found that fucker!

"Hello?" I speak after taking the call, being even more surprised as the nerdy queer-queen of Blackwell, Steph Gingrich, is on the other end of the line.

[Steph]: "Hey Chloe, 'sup?"

"Hi Steph! Not much. Just chillin' 'n' tryin' to not melt away. You?"

[Steph]: "Same here. Listen, I had a pretty bad fight with my folks and bailed from home. Now I'm here and no one else is around. Well, except you. Wanna hang out together?"

"Hmm, lucky for you that you know the poorest and most bored girl in town. So, yeah, count me in."

[Steph]: "Great! I know an awesome place to hang out. Gonna get you at 9. Is that okay?"

Hmm, Kate always calls me between 7 and 8 pm, so I've a lotta time until Steph picks me up.

"9 is fine with me. I'll be ready!"

[Steph]: "Awesome! The Gamemaster is very pleased!" (chuckles)

"Glad to hear. Don't wanna piss off the infamous Gamemaster."

[Steph]: "You're damn right!" (a short pause) "Um, Chloe…what're you wearing right now?"

Holy fuck?! That comes unexpected. Is she flirting with me or only wants an image to rub herself one? Not that I mind.

"Just my purple slip, if you wanna know. My room's under the roof, so…"

[Steph]: "Shit! That must be gettin' really hot up there. It's not that fucked in the dorms, still I'm butt naked."

Okay, I think it's save to say that I've a thing for girls. So, it doesn't come with a surprise that I feel a tickle in my belly, 'cause – truth be told – Steph is pretty cute. Brunette, nerdy, nice body…I think you get the gist. Nonetheless I need to stay cool and not act like in the need for a good fuck.

"Yeah, would love to do the same, but last time I had a close call with this fuckhead my mom calls boyfriend. Luckily, Mom walked in first and told me to cover my important parts."

[Steph]: "Mmh, too sad I'm not your mom."

Shit, is she really hitting on me?

[Steph]: (chuckles) "Chill, Chloe, it was just a joke! We see us at 9!"

"Yeah…nine, in front of my house."

[Steph]: "Bye, Chloe!"

"Um…yeah. See ya!"

---

A few hours later

It's 9 pm sharp and I'm waiting in front of my house, smoking a cig. Since I'm not the most punctual person in the whole, wide world, I don't complain that Steph's not here already. It's still hot as hell and my shorts and tank top are already sticking to my body like duct tape. As I take a glimpse back at the house and think about to get something to drink, I see Corporal Cockblocker eyeballing me through a window, probably expecting me to fuck up again. One middle finger later, he's gone.

And not a minute later, Steph shows up, driving an old VW Beatle. Wait! Since when does Steph have a car?!

"C'mon, Chloe, let's bail!" she calls out, as she stops in front of me and opens the passenger's door. Not wasting a second, I jump in and off we go.

"Nice wheels!" I say, glimpsing at her and receive a smug smile. Steph wears a black top and some pretty short shorts, plus sunglasses and her beanie. Gosh, I've never seen her without that beanie.

"Thanks, Chloe! It's my mom's. When shit hit the fan at home, I…uh…I kinda borrowed it."

"Wow, GTA Gingrich-style!"

"Yeah, kinda." Steph chuckles and I kinda like it. Actually, I never heard or saw Steph chuckle or even laugh before. Yes, she's kind and spreads motivation, but…she always seems so distant and in thought, like she's caught in her own fantasy world.

"So, where are we going?"

"The beach," she answers plainly with a shrug and my breathing stops for a moment. Because unless she hasn't a guitar, wood for a campfire and other shit stuffed in this car that would make this a romantic date, the only thing you can do at the beach is swimming.

"Uh…Steph…?"

"Yeah?"

"Not that I mind to take a dip in the ocean, but if you would've told me earlier, I would've packed my bikini."

"Don't worry, I don't have my swimsuit either," is her nonchalant answer, followed by some kind of a predatory smirk. And the only thing I can do is to gulp hard.

---

As we arrive at the beach, the sun is already setting and it looks really awesome!

Steph doesn't waste any time, though. She immediately jumps out of the car, grabs a bag and runs into the sand. Due to vacation time and the late hour, the beach is entirely deserted. When I finally have managed to catch up with Steph, she has already spread a big blanket onto the sand and starts to strip down her clothes.

Granted, I've already seen Steph naked multiple times in the dressing room, but not in such a context and definitely not after I found out that I like girls. So, when she strips off her top – and yes, she doesn't wear a bra – my jaw drops and I obviously stare at her boobs. They're a bit smaller than mine, but her nipples are pointier and…UGH! Stop this shit, Price!

Steph is sexy, yes. But you crush on Kate! And not even this slightly trimmed snatch in front of ya can change that!

"Uh, Chloe?" Steph suddenly says, snipping with her fingers in front of my eyes. "Are you okay?"

It's hard to tell on such a hot summer day, but I think I'm majorly blushing. "Uh…I-I…uh…y-yeah, I'm…uh…"

Steph touches my shoulder softly and I almost jump scare. "Listen, you don't have to do this, if you don't want to."

Okay, so there are lotta possibilities to wiggle myself outta this mess, like menses, shyness, headaches or just that I don't wanna swim right now, but somehow…I want to do it.

I pull my tank top over my head, next my shorts and panties are gone. And yes, I lack a bra as well. Now I'm butt naked in front of Steph. But she just smirks and runs with a cry of joy towards the cool water, I'm following stat.

As my heated body hits the cool water it feels like a relief. Fuck, I should do this more often!

"Prepare to feel the wreath of the infamous Gamemaster!" yells Steph and tackles me into the floods. We both break the surface again and right away I touch Steph's head and push her under water again. In her turn, she grabs my legs and pulls on them, making me lose my balance.

This waterbattle goes on for quite some time until we both pant heavily, gazing at each other with wide, toothy grins. Geez, I can't tell the last time when I had so much fun. Then, Steph closes in, this predatory glare in her eyes again, flings her arm around my neck and plants a soft kiss on my lips.

What happens after that, I can only describe as panic. I don't do anything, neither replying the affection nor freaking out.

"Chloe?" Steph speaks softly, ripping me back to reality. And as soon as I've regained control over my body again, I run. Out of the water, towards our blanket and, surprisingly, not any further. My heart thumps and my body itches. Fuck-dammit, I actually don't know what to do.

Steph has now caught up to me, but this time she keeps her distance instead of touching me.

"Hey Chloe, I'm sorry! It…"

"What for?" I interrupt her before she starts to go on a freakin' guilt trip. The kiss felt good and I'd love to do this again, but I don't know if this is right. Ignoring uncomfortable things has always been something I'm good at, sooo…why shouldn't it work now?

Of course she looks at me dumbfounded. I mean, normally you talk 'bout such things, but not me, not now. Just move on and try not to freak!

"C'mon, Steph, I know another awesome spot around here!"

---

As we arrive at the lighthouse, the sun has already entirely vanished behind the horizon and the first stars are blinking on the night's sky. Damn, I really love this place!

"Isn't this awesomesauce?!" I call out as I spread my arms and spin around.

"Yeah, it really is," replies Steph, taking in the whole, fucking scenery. "Let's fetch some wood and get a fire started!"

Said 'n' done! Not fifteen minutes later a nice, cozy fire is burning in the old fireplace and we sit side-by-side on a makeshift bench, consisting of an old trunk and munch on some snacks and soft drinks Steph had packed in her bag.

It's quiet. Only the cracking of the fire and the crushing waves at the bottom of the cliffs can be heard. Seriously, if this would be a date, then this would get a Triple-A from me! But it isn't, isn't it?

"Chloe?" Steph eventually says and I know right away what it'll be about. Well, seems like I can't run away from it forever, can't I?

"Hmm?"

"We need to talk about what happened down at the beach."

As rude as it may sound, but the only thing that comes into my mind when everything gets uncomfortable is to sigh and being an asshole.

"Steph, I get it. We were naked, you crush on girls, got mushy and kissed me. I'm flattered. Nuff said, let's move on!"

Damn, that was fucking rude and I expect to get slapped any second now. However, I feel a lotta heat crawling up my face and turn away. Then there's silence again and I'm actually afraid of what might come next. Which isn't that much, since Steph is the coolest, most awesome and confident person I've ever known.

"So, you really went through some changes, huh?"

Now I'm the one who's awestruck. I don't know if she's done it on purpose, but that change of topic really fucks me over. Nicely played, Gamemaster!

"How so?"

"Oh c'mon, Chloe. I see your sweet butt more in school than ever. You seem to be more relaxed, less edgy. And most of all…" she gazes at me deeply, "…you haven't smoked one little blunt tonight, though the location is perfect."

"Shit," I mutter, though my changes in lifestyle are pretty obvious.

"Care to share?"

At first I hesitate, 'cause I don't actually wanna tell everyone about my crush on a 14-year-old girl. But truth be told, the decision to stop being a fucked-up asshole came earlier than the realization of my feelings. Actually…it's fucking complicated.

"Y'know, Steph," I say, gazing dreamily at the night's sky as I recall those last, crazy months, "when you save someone's life, you start to think about your own. You see everything from a different perspective. And I…I don't know. Maybe I just wanna make the world a better place instead of burning it to cinder. Maybe I just…" Then I look at Steph again and get lost in her blue eyes. "…wanna be a better person and find…" I gulp as our heads move closer together, my last word only a whiff. "…love."

It feels wrong, yet I don't fight it. My heart yells to stop, yet I let my clouded mind take over control. As our lips softly touch, my entire body goes bonkers and before I get the gist, we're already all over each other. The whole world around us ceases to exist as I give in to my urges.

Our tongues meet and right away I realize that Steph is way more experienced than I am. The way she kisses. The way her hands glide over my body. How she nibbles on my skin, making me moan and longing for more.

I try to mimic her. I mean, that's the only way you can improve, right? And soon I'm way ahead of her as my hand gropes one of her tits. It's soft, warm and her pointy nipple literally invites me to suck on it. And that's what I do. I lift her top and get busy on her boobs. At first I've a hint of doubt if this isn't too much, but her sexy moans and her ruffling hands in my hair tell me that I'm on the right path.

At some point of her arousal, Steph takes over again and literally rips the clothes off my body. Yup, I'm butt-naked again on the top of the cliffs, but I've no time to think this further through, 'cause Steph is all over me right away again.

Wait, when did she get rid of her clothes?!

I feel her warm hands on my skin, and I like it. I feel her caressing my tits, and I like it. Soon I feel her touching my pussy…and I love it! Seriously, just the knowledge that it's Steph, who's rubbing my clit, almost drives me insane. And as I return the favor it's like reaching a higher plain of realization. I'm so fucking into girls!

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm disgusted by boys, but…I don't know…if a girl's available or as long as both of my hands are still working, the manly world can go and suck its own dicks!

In order to get more comfortable, Steph stops for a moment and spreads out the blanket again. Then she closes in on me once more. Right after she has placed another soft kiss on my lips, Steph whispers into my ear, "Lay down, Chloe, I wanna eat you out!"

Okay, shock-moment! Nobody has EVER licked my snatch before and I must say, I'm so fucking nervous 'bout it. But damn, it's Steph! She's hot as fuck and I need a fucking orgasm! So, pussy-licking it is, BUT…there's one condition!

"Only, if I can get down on yours, too!" I respond with a wry, slightly embarrassed smirk, 'cause now I wanna learn everything from Blackwell's most renounced lezzy! And, hey: fair's fair!

"Mmh…Callamastia wants to dive into my dungeon too, huh?" she coos, which turns me even more on because of this nerdy role-play-touch, yet all I manage is a shy nod, which causes Steph to giggle. "Don't worry, it's pretty intuitive. C'mon, I'll guide you!"

We both lay down, Steph's private parts directly above me. In theory it's simple, yet I feel fucking insecure. "Um…Steph?"

She looks at me over her shoulder, giving me her characteristic Gamemaster-act.

"These are the rules: You've got two fingers and one tongue in your inventory. Use 'em to give as much pleasure as possible!"

Of course I'm literally overwhelmed by this low amount of info, and as Steph dives into me, it doesn't get any better. The pleasure I feel is only describable as amazeballs! The second her tongue flicks over my clit, I moan out loud, clawing my hands into her butt-cheeks. Hey, her butt is great and it's the only thing in sight to hold on to.

And once more, it's mimicking that has to overcome my lack of experience. Okay, Callamastia, let's focus! Using your tongue shouldn't be that hard, so…bon appetit!

At first, it tastes kinda…strange. I mean, if you're a bit curious and do some experiments on yourself, you know how you taste, but another girl…? It tastes different, but I like it and can't stop anymore. Damn, I'm so into pussies!

Then I feel how Steph stuffs a finger into me and…"FUCKING SHIT!" that feels great! Wait, what the…?! Does she…?!

As she slowly sticks in a second finger, it feels more like her entire fist. But she does it very tenderly, gives me time to get used to it, and then it just feels even better.

But there's no time to rest. Callamastia's quest for the Gamemaster's epic climax needs to be continued! My first reluctance about how to get two fingers into Steph dissipates as soon as I realize that she isn't as tight as I am, so…yeah…two fingers it is!

"Oh yes, Chloe! Explore my dungeon!" she moans and I get turned on by this kinky role-play right away. Guess, I'm into this stuff. Let's play along!

"Mmh…get…ugh! Get ready to…to be raided by C-Callamastia!"

In hindsight, I shouldn't have said that, because it turns me on so much that I come right on the spot. And fuck, this orgasm is just outta this world! Blackout, shaking limbs and losing track of time included. The moment I regain consciousness, Steph softly pulls me up into a sitting position, sits down on my thigh and starts to grind, while she flings her arms around my neck and kisses me intensively.

I'm still a bit high from that orgasm, but I try to play along as best as I can by kissing Steph's tits and kneading her butt-cheeks.

"Oh Chloe, I…I'm close…so close! I…I'm coming! I'm coming!"

Her fingernails dig deep into my back and she buries her face in my neck to muffle her screamed moans as the queen of nerds rides out her giant orgasm on my leg. Eventually, we both collapse onto the blanket, covered in sweat and panting heavily.

As Steph lays on me, I can feel her thumping heart on my chest; how her body heaves by every deep inhale. This moment is just amazing. Steph is just amazing. I embrace her body tightly, not wanting to let go of her ever again, though I know that guilt is eating me inside.

I thought my heart belongs to Kate, but now it seems like it belongs to Steph. I feel doubts. My world is upside down. I feel joy and sadness at the same time. I wanna laugh, yet I shed tears. I fucked up again and others will have to pay for it. I just suck!

---

Her hand caresses my hair, her other one brushes over my belly. Absently and in deep thoughts, I return the favor by gliding with my digits over her back, while I use my other hand as a pillow for my head. I feel her warm, calm breath against my cheek as she uses my shoulder as a cushion. I have lost track of time, but the constellation of stars and the fact that the fire has become nothing more than some pile of ashes and ember, tells me that it must be fucking late.

"Chloe?" Steph asks unexpectedly, yet I like it to hear her voice and enjoy it that she disturbs the silence.

"Hmm?"

"Are you okay?"

Actually…not exactly. But telling this Steph right at the moment could hurt her badly and I…I like her way too much for that.

"Yeah," I say, gazing at her with an honest smile. "I'm good. You?"

"I feel awesome!" she replies softly, cuddling even closer. Damn, I never would've thought that she can be such a mushball. "So, I guess you liked it, huh?"

So fucking far away from the truth! "Liked it? I freakin' loved it! It's totally my thing!"

"I'm glad to hear that! So…" She pauses for a moment and I literally feel that Steph gets nervous, because her hands become slight sweaty, which makes her strokes less tenderly. Plus, that she gets up a bit to gaze me deeply in the eyes, underlining that she means business. "I know it's probably a bit bold and…I guess it was your first time with a girl, but…um…wanna get exclusive?"

And BAMM! Right in the guts! Kissing: no big thing. Sex: I feel kinda shitty that I did this, but it was great and, practically, I and Kate are not together yet. Feelings: mostly fucked up. I crush on Kate and now I crush on Steph as well. But, so far, everything's manageable…until now. Shitfuckingkissmybumandfuckmesideways! What should I do now? Yes or no…or maybe? FUCK!

"So, I guess it's no, then."

Her words rip me out of my inner struggle and I see the hurt in Steph's eyes. She wants to get up, probably just wants to be alone right now. Can't blame her for that. But then I make a spontaneous decision. If it's the right one? I don't know and I don't care right now. I softly cup her cheek and close in for a long, awesome kiss, in which I put all my passion. I only break it to whiff a "Yes!" and then continue.

---

We sit in Steph's car right in front of my home, lips locked and hands all over our bodies. Shit, I don't want her to go!

"Mmh…Steph, wanna…wanna go inside?" I manage to say as I catch some air. She stops and gives me her full, yet stern attention.

"I don't know. Maybe we should take it slow, Chloe."

"Slow?!" I scoff jokingly, "Steph, a few hours ago we humped each others brains out. I don't know 'bout you, but I don't think that this counts as slow."

With a loud sigh, Steph backs away entirely and gazes out of the driver's window. I hear her sniff and see how she wipes with the back of her hand over her cheeks. Damn, she's crying! Did I hurt her again?

"Steph?"

"You wanna know why I ran away from home?" she asks with a weak voice. It's a rhetorical question, so I just keep my pie-hole shut, listen and pet her back. "My parents. I always thought that they're the coolest folks on earth. They always supported me in everything. That's why I'm so open, even with my sexuality. But yesterday…yesterday I told them that I'm queer and they…I don't know why, but they freaked. Told me that it's just a phase. Some adolescent crap. Well, I freaked, too and ran away."

"Maybe they were just…overwhelmed."

"Overwhelmed?!" she shoots back, gazing angrily at me. "Chloe, if someone acts like this in such a situation, it just shows the truth. Like when you paused as I asked you to make us exclusive."

Ouch, Steph really knows how to kick balls! I mutter my all-time favorite "Shit!" and slump back into the seat. Guess it's time to be fair and tell her the truth. "Alright," I sigh, feeling all tense and nervous. "You're right, I paused. I fucking paused, 'cause I've doubts. Loads of doubts."

"Why? I-I know that it was kinda spontaneous, but…"

"It's…It's not that. Steph, I dig ya, okay. I really do, but…well, I'm also crushing on someone else."

At first I thought that Steph might go all ballistic on me, but instead, her demeanor softens. "Who?"

"Her name's Kate. The girl I saved." I sigh deeply and a bit melancholy emerges from within as a picture of Kate appears in my mind. "She's so cute and nice. I'm totally into her, but sadly…sadly I don't even know how she rolls."

"Does she know about your feelings?"

"No…at least, not yet." I exhale deeply once more and look directly into Steph's blue eyes. I think an apology's in order. "Listen Steph, I never wanted to fuck you over. When I answered your question with yes, I meant it. I like you, I really do. All those D 'n' D games. All those movie nights. Damn, I'd lie if I'd say that you're just a friend. You're…more to me. Yet, I feel so many doubts. I…I just…I fucking don't know what to do!"

And that's the point I'm losing it again. I cry. And with cry I mean another meltdown.

"Hey," Steph soothes, taking me into a comforting hug. "It's okay!"

"It's…it's not okay, Steph!" I whimper back, wiggling myself out of Steph's embrace. "I should've told you…told you before we did it!"

"Chloe," she now says, sight fixed on the steering wheel, "it's not your fault, okay! I made a move on and kinda cornered you as I wanted to make us exclusive. I'm sorry!"

Did Steph just apologize for asking me out? Most people, including me, would just be pissed or at least disappointed by now, but Steph? Steph simply takes the moral high ground and that's what I love about her. She's in entire peace with herself, even accepts her faults and tries to work on 'em. Maybe she and Kate are kinda alike? That would at least explain why I'm so into her.

"Y'know, Chloe, let's make a deal!" she suddenly suggests, beaming at me. What does she have on her mind? Truth be told, I'm not a fan of deals, because they're always resulting in that one side draws the short straw.

"What kinda deal?"

"Okay, listen! Let's just agree to be girlfriends on trial."

Girlfriends on whaaathefuck?! Frowning-time!

"Girlfriend's on trial?! What's that?"

"Well, simply spoken, we two are sorta girlfriends. This means we go out on dates, have sex, get mushy around each other and so on. Except that we don't make it official to others and are free to date other people. This would give you the possibility to find out about your feelings towards Kate. And if it doesn't work out between us, then there will be no hard feelings."

Have I already told you that Steph is a genius? Geez, she's so cute and smart that I wanna kiss her…which I actually do right away.

"Well, I guess you're my first girlfriend, then." I say after another round of swirling tongues. "So, wanna go inside now?"

"Yeah," she replies with smile, adding "Let's go, girlfriend!"

---

If you live under a roof, where a whacko like David resides from time to time, you quickly learn how to sneak inside. Yet, it's so much harder when you do it with another person.

"Okay, since Sergeant Shitfuck has something to say here, my mom always locks the garage. So, we need to climb onto the roof and towards my window up there, got it?" I whisper as we stand in the driveway of my house and earn a frown by Steph as she looks at the window.

"Uh, Chloe, can't we just sneak in through the front door?"

"Dude, you don't know David. This guy has some sort of a fuck-up-radar. He literally sniffs it a mile against the wind when I fucked up and always gives me his shit about responsibility 'n' stuff. Plus, I just don't wanna see him go all ballistic on you."

"Still," Steph replies after a few seconds. "Chloe, I'm pretty busted. The fight with my parents, the drive back here and then everything we did tonight. Don't think that I'm afraid of doing some stunts, but it's just too much right now."

If Steph would be Max, I would've called her a chicken and dared her to move that pretty ass onto that roof. But she's not Max and I care about her a lot! Therefore, I nod and give her a soft "Okay!" followed by a peck on her lips.

Quietly, we make our way to the front door. Of course, it's locked. Dammit!

Cautiously, I pull out my keys and put them into the lock, millimeter by millimeter. Then, I spin the key until I hit the point where it unlocks. Gathering every bit of concentration, I manage to open the door with only a silent click.

By grapping Steph's hand, we both move inside. Closing the door goes down smoothly as well. The house stays quiet; no one woke up so far. Feeling the victory within my grasp, me and Steph are sneaking up the stairs and into my room, only to get scared the shit out of us.

"Where have you been?" David, who sits on MY bed, says, jumps up and, as predicted, shoots in on Steph. "And who's that?"

"A friend! The rest is none of your business. Now, get the fuck out of my room, asshole!" I yell back, not giving a fuck that our neighbors might hear us. The situation is heated and about to escalate, but brave Steph Gingrich steps between us, trying to all diplomatic.

"My name's Stephanie Gingrich, sir. I'm Chloe's classmate and just need a place to stay for the night. Sorry that it's so spontaneous."

Y'know, for a glimpse of a moment I really hoped that this would calm down Lieutenant Limpdick, but, as predicted as well, he just keeps on being a giant asshole.

"I don't care who you are! To me, you're a stranger, probably not even a student at Blackwell. Just another loser who drags Chloe down. Now…get out of my house!"

Then, something happens that pushes me over the edge. David grabs Steph violently on her arm and tries to throw her out.

Me, on the other hand, I freak entirely. "Take your fucking hands off my girl, motherfucker!" I break the contact between Steph and David by swatting his arm away and connecting my fist with his jaw.

Ouch, that fucking hurt! But probably David more than me, since he stumbles and drops to the ground, hitting my chair with his head.

"What the hell is goin' on here?!"

Of course my mom arrives when the show's already over and Major Moustache can play his pity-card. Right away, he gets up again and starts his rant. Gosh, how much I hate this shithead!

"Your daughter is out of control! She just hit me and that's unacceptable!"

Of course I wanna defend myself by yelling every bit of anger at him, but once again it's brave Steph who saves the day…or night. Gosh, I think I'm falling in love with her.

"He started it by assaulting me! Chloe just stepped in and fended him off!"

And of course, Dickwad-David denies everything…as always, ugh! And I already expect things to go south.

"That's not true! This girl is…"

"DAVID!" now Mom intervenes and I'm totally shocked! It's been a long time, since Joyce took my side. "I suggest that you spend the rest of the night in your apartment, because I have no reason to not believe this girl's story!"

"But…" he tries to start an argument, but goes quiet as soon as my mom crosses her arms, which means in waitress-language, 'Argument's over, now fuck off!'

"My daughter is NOT a violent thug! Now stop lamenting and just leave! We talk about this in the morning."

Damn, and there I hoped that Mom would finally shit-can this dick, but again she gives him a chance and, I predict once more, she will forgive him. But, right now, I can't care less, since me and Steph can stay together for the night.

Dipshit David exits the house with a loudly slammed door and I really can't suppress a faint smirk. Team Chloe for the win!

"And now to you, missy!" Joyce keeps on ranting, but this time on me. Ugh, I just can't catch a fucking break. "I know it's summer-vacation, but that's not a green-card for you to stay away all night! And you…" Now it's Steph turn. Please, don't be a bitch, mom! "I'm sorry about David. He doesn't mean it."

Okay, remember how I told ya that Steph is all diplomatic and shit? Well, seems like she can get bitchy, too.

"Sorry to say this, Mrs. Price, but David hurt me deliberately. That's not excusable!"

"I know," Mom says with a sigh. She clearly feels ashamed and I'm so sorry that she has to put up with this shit. This time, it's me who needs to be all diplomatic.

"Not your fault, Mom!" I say, flinging my arms around her for a comforting hug. Geez, I get way too less mother-daughter time. Next, I go over to Steph, place a soft kiss on her lips and embrace her tightly. "Sorry 'bout this shit!"

True, I broke the rule of not making our relationship official, but it's just my mom and she needs to know which side her daughter is on now. And, as expected, she doesn't even mind, even reaches Steph her hand.

"Sorry that I hadn't had the chance to introduce myself. I'm Joyce!"

"Stephanie Gingrich!" replies Steph with a friendly smile, now shaking my mom's hand. "But you can call me Steph. I'm Chloe's classmate and – as you might know by now – girlfriend."

Since Mom knows about my troubles with Kate, she of course gives me a frown, which vanishes right away again. I bet, she's just glad that I found someone else than a 14 years old Catholic schoolgirl.

"I'm pleased to meet you! Now, I don't wanna disturb you any longer. We can still get to know each other in the morning. Good night, girls!"

As soon as Mom has vanished in her bedroom again, I close my door and turn towards Steph, who now gives me a frown as well.

"So much for keeping our relationship a secret, huh?"

"It's just my mom," I reply easygoing. "She knows that I have an interest in girls and is cool with it. So…wanna hit the sack?"

"Yeah," Steph answers and lets out a big yawn. "Hope you don't mind that I'll shower in the morning."

Call me a perv, but I kinda love Steph's salty/sweaty odor. "Nope, no problem there."

"Cool!" she simply replies, strips down all her clothes and slumps down on my bed, petting the empty space right beside her as a sign for me to lay down there.

It's still very hot in my room and Steph wants to sleep naked, so I won't be a dork by putting on some shorts and just skip all of my clothes as well. As soon as my body lays on the mattress, Steph flings an arm around me and cuddles herself pretty close, exhaling deeply.

"G'night, Chlo!" she says drowsily and gives me a peck on my cheek. But somehow I don't feel sleepy anymore. More like a horny squirrel on drugs, because damn! I'm so into Steph and she's naked and my girlfriend and I wanna do it with her again. And somehow, Steph has noticed this. "Still horny?"

I can literally sense this smug smile of hers and blush intensively. "Um…yeah…kinda. Sorry! I'll manage, just…holy fuck!"

I expected a lot, but not her hand between my legs, doing it's awesome work. Since we're in my house and Mom sleeps only across the floor, I have to keep my voice down, by grabbing my pillow and digging my face into it. And after I've received my second big orgasm of this night, I fall asleep right away. Thanks, Steph, you're so awesomesauce!

---

September 2010…

Time flew by like nothing. Especially, since I had been pretty busy with work, having Steph as a girlfriend, staying in contact with Kate and – the most fucked one – keeping sane.

My doubts haven't changed at all. Whenever I was alone, I cried, still not knowing what to do. Right now, I love Steph like crazy, yet I also crush on Kate and miss her so much. It's a miracle that Steph hasn't ran away already and still keeps up with my emotional bullshit.

Today, the new school year starts and – oh wonder – my schedule is pretty fucked, and fun starts right on Monday morning: PE and swimming.

Okay, I love swimming, even considered to join the Otters, but PE…meh, not my case. Upside: I have some of my classes with unofficial girlfriend, Steph. So…yup, some promising perspectives in the morning.

Oh yeah, and there's another major bullshit going on at Blackhell! Major Pain-in-the-butt got hired as a security guard at MY school! MY. FUCKING. SCHOOL! Ugh, it's not like school already sucked like insane, no. Now I even have to deal with this motherfucker all day long. This psycho already ranted during dinner that he wants to change a lotta things. And I'm talking here about 1984-sorta things. On the positive side, he still doesn't live with us, so that, because of his shifts, he now mostly stays at his apartment.

My alarm goes off at around eight. I stand up, skip the shower due to the sports in the morning, inhale my breakfast, grab my skateboard and off I go towards my personal hell.

---

"Hello, Blackhell!" I mutter as I stop my board right in front of the stairs that lead definitely not into heaven. After strapping the wheeled piece of wood onto my backpack, I shoulder it and make my way towards the picnic tables, where I already spot my sexy gal, playing D 'n' D with Mikey North, her best and also extremely nerdy friend. He's pretty cool and I like him like a little brother, in contrary to his big one, who's an asshat jock.

"Heya, guys! 'sup?" I great them, and while Mikey gives me a friendly, "Hi, Chloe!", Steph just gazes dreamily at me, saying a soft "Hi!"

Immediately, our little, Afro-American friend lets his gaze wander between as, arching one eyebrow. "Is there something I should know?" he says and right away, Steph clears her throat and focuses on the game again.

"Uh, Elamon…you're up!"

"Worst attempt to change the topic, ever!" Mikey mumbles and gets back to the game as well. Yet, he gives me and Steph some sheepish glimpses from time to time. He so knows it!

Today I skip joining the game and just observe them. It's hard not to hold hands or even kiss my girlfriend, but we have a deal and I'm gonna hold my end of the bargain.

Soon, it's time for me and Steph to head towards the pool building. There, our PE teacher, Mrs. Hayes, opens the front door and a bunch of students enter the changing rooms.

"Can't wait to see you naked!" Steph whispers seductively into my ear and I blush. Damn, she's such a tease! I literally feel her gaze in my back as I reach my locker and start to undress. First, my shirt and bra, then my jeans, socks and panties. And then, I hear a snicker close by, followed by Victoria's snobby voice.

"Ugh, Price, have ever heard about shaving? Even you, in your eff-ed up punk-zone must've gotten the gist that there's something like hygiene."

And here we go again! Of course, her friends/minions start to chuckle as well. Blech, I haven't missed this bitch and her crew of mindless slaves the entire vacation. Even gazing into her bitchy face makes my anger-level skyrocket in an instant. But…I'll keep my cool! She's butt-naked like I am and since – thanks to Steph – I have no problems to look at a pussy and not be ashamed of it, I take the chance to shoot back!

"Well, a curtain to hide such an ugly snatch as yours would help the entire mankind!"

Ouch! Questioning this bitch's beauty hits her really hard. So hard that her face turns red out of anger, but she's not done.

"Gingrich!" she suddenly addresses my girl, "As the school's well-known lesbian, would you eat such a disgusting mess down there? And don't be shy, everyone knows your business!"

Well, she doesn't know it yet, but Victoria just signed her own downfall by asking my friend/girlfriend, who simply smirks at me while I roll with my eyes.

"Well…actually, yes! Because a bush doesn't say anything." Steph, who's already wearing her swimsuit, closes in and scans me from head to toe. "Chloe is very beautiful how she is. Everything is right, but you…" she then walks over to Victoria, circling her while taking a look at her body. "Skinny legs, duck-butt and…ugh, a pussy like a 12-year-old. Victoria," now Steph gets stern and I hear that she means business. Normally, she doesn't want to get involved in other peoples stuff, but for me, she broke that rule today. Damn, I love her! "You are no match to Chloe! No matter what you do. No matter how much you shave yourself. You'll never reach her class. You'll always hide behind make-up, overly expensive clothes and your shaved snatch! And that's just pathetic!"

Okay, reality-check! Did Steph just go all bitchy on Victoria and told this cunt that I'm better than her?! She actually broke one of her major rules and swiped the floor with Icky-Vicky's ass. For once, I hadn't had to fight on my own and that shows me how much Steph cares about me. She then turns to me and I see something different in her eyes. A side that I've never seen of her before. But what is it?

Swiftly, Steph just walks past the stunned audience, towards the pool. And because the show's over, everyone else minds its own business again. Well, besides me and Victoria, who seems to be pretty much fucked over by this big chunk of reality Steph had thrown at her.

Me, on the other hand…I just sigh and shake my head, trying to cope that I was just in a fight about something stupid like pubic hair. First day in school and I already wanna run away again. Let's hope that I'll make through the year without going bonkers.

After slipping into my awesome cobalt-blue swimsuit, I make my way to the pool and try to find Steph. Some students are already swimming some lanes to warm up, but none of them is Steph. Where the fuck is she?

Maybe she's taking a piss or something, so I head back. The rest of the PE class passes me, but I don't give a fuck, if I'm too late.

"Steph?" I call along the row of toilet stalls and I don't get a real answer, but the slight creaking of a door. As I reach the stall, I see Steph, sitting on the toilet and embracing her legs. "Hey, what's wrong?" I ask, though the case seems pretty clear. Or is it? Damn, I've never seen her so fragile.

Out if a sudden, Steph jumps up, embraces me tightly and crashes her lips onto mine for a very long, passionate kiss, followed by four magical words.

"I love you, Chloe!"

At first, it catches me off-guard, but eventually, I respond what I was thinking for the entire last week. Steph is awesome and I'm actually happy that she had made a move on me. Everything is complicated right now, yet I'm aware of my feelings.

"I love you too, Steph!"

We kiss again and then just hug once more. It feels so good having off my chest and, caught in the moment, I make a final decision. A decision that will change everything. I back away a step, but still remain contact, ready to drop the bomb.

"Steph, I-I wanna make us legit!"

And as her eyes well up with tears of joy and a warm smile appears on her face, I know that we're official girlfriends now. No more hiding. No more holding back. No rumors.

I feel happy, yet also sad when thinking about Kate, but I think this is the best way. Don't get me wrong, I still love Katie and no matter what, I'll still be her best friend and will meet her every Saturday for tea and will still have sleepovers with her. And who knows, maybe now everything will turn out okay.

---

As the bell chimes and signs the end of this school day, I feel kinda relieved. As always, school sucked, except science with Miss Grant. After packing my stuff and throwing some very unwanted books into my locker, I head towards the drama lab, Steph's second home at Blackwell. As I arrive there, she's giving the drama-kids a final speech. Not only that she's an awesome stage-manager, Steph also really has a hang of making the whole show look awesome. Costumes, background, the whole setup…she just rocks it. I already picture her as an amazing director in Hollywood.

"Ah, Chloe!" Steph says cheerfully, after she has finished the speech and walks over to me for a mushy hug and soft kiss. Yup, we're official now and don't need to hold back any longer. I hear a few exchanged whispers between the other students, but I simply don't give a shit about their opinions.

With a sheepish smile on her lips, Steph intertwines our fingers and leads me inside the classroom and straight towards her drama teacher. What the…?!

"Mr. Keaton," she says to the white-haired, kinda weird looking guy, "this is Chloe Price. The replacement we were talking about."

Wait! Replace-whaaat?!

"Thank the gods! Heaven has sent you, my dear!" Okay, this guy really has some lose screws! "Our most promising thespian has left us and now we're in dire need of someone, who can fill this vast gap she has ripped in our humble group of budding actors."

"Uh…" is the first thing that comes into my mind, and I bet my dumbfounded expression does the rest. In dire need for help, I turn towards Steph. "What did he say about lesbians? I-I mean, I am one…you're the proof, but…"

"Not lesbian…thespian!" chuckles Steph, giving me a soft nudge. "It's Greek for actress. Do you remember Rachel Amber?"

"Yeah, we…um…we had some classes together and exchanged a few words from time to time, but that's it. Didn't you have a crush on her?"

Based on Steph's reaction, the topic Rachel Amber seems to be a sore spot, since she acts kinda embarrassed. "Sorta. But that's a different story. The thing is, Rachel dominated and dragged last year's The Tempest, so that we already casted her for this year's Romeo and Juliet. But…"

"Only an hour ago we received the sad message from our Principal that Miss Amber has abandoned our refuge of wisdom permanently and is leaving us poor souls with the shattered pieces of our future play. A tragedy, worth to be written by the almighty grandmaster Shakespeare himself!"

Okay, now I got it official. This guy is a total whacko! And I already suggest where this is going. "So, lemme guess, you guys are looking for a replacement. Forget it; I'm not stage-material."

"Chloe, I know you for quite some time now. You fit the role perfectly!"

And here I thought Steph had figured me out. Well, guess not.

"Steph, me and playing Juliet? That's so not fitting! What about some of the other bi-…uh, girls in your group?"

"I didn't mean Juliet. We already replaced that role with Victoria, but we need a proper Romeo. Here, look!" Steph takes my hand again and guides me to a whiteboard with a lot of names written on it, a whole bunch of 'em already scratched. "Most of our male cast left the drama group, because they were only here to make a move on Rachel."

"Oh bittersweet adolescence, why do you hate me so much?!" throws Mr. Keaton in. Damn, this guy is so bonkers!

"Steph," I say with a sigh, "I get it that you're in need for a Romeo, but last time we both looked, I was still a girl. And the hell I will play together with Icky-Vicky!"

"Chloe," Steph responds softly with a kiss, "pretty please! A female Romeo is no problem in general, but you're the only one, who fits the role like I imagine it."

For quite some time we gaze deeply at each other and as get lost in her eyes, I know that there's no escape. And I seal my fate with a sighed "Fine!"

Immediately, Steph jumps at me and sticks her tongue into my mouth. Okay, I think I just earned many additionally rounds of awesome sex with my hot as fuck girlfriend!

"Splendid!" suddenly Mr. Keaton cheers, clapping into his hands like a freakin' girlie who got a doll from her parents. "This love! This passion!" Both, me and Steph are now looking at him. "My dear Stephanie, I want to see you in the role of Juliet."

"What?!" she gasps in return and breaks the contact. Holy shit, she's really nervous right now. I bet, she never expected this shit to backfire at her. "M-Mr. Keaton, I-I'm the one behind the scenes, not an actor!"

"My dear young thespians, I'll give you both some extra credit points and a personal recommendation for college, if you help us out in an hour of dire need and desperation!"

Extra credit points? Recommendation for college? Damn, maybe this guy's crazy, but he knows how to bargain! Extra credit points means less annoying minor classes and therefor more time with Steph. But is it worth it?

"Well, at least we'll die together in shame," I eventually say with a shrug and I see how Steph's nervousness abates a bit. She knows, without her, I won't do it.

"Chloe," my awesome brunette eventually speaks, "I'll only do it, if you're full into this. This means, I'll also need some help to manage the whole show! We do this as a team, no backing out!"

I lean in for another kiss and seal the deal. Dammit, what the freakin' hell did I get myself talked into again?

---

Right after Mr. Keaton had left, Steph had dragged me into the dressing room and kissed the fuck outta me. Guess, sacrificing your dignity not only gives you extra points in school, but also for the sack! Because, right now, I'm heading home to get some stuff for tomorrow and to call Katie, and then I'll head back to Blackwell and gonna spend the entire night in Steph's room. Movie night and awesome sex for the win, motherfuckers!

But my euphoria takes a dump, as I see the Marsh's family wagon in the driveway of my home. What the fuck?! Did something happen to Katie? Fuckfuckfuck!

In a fast pace I bridge the last bit of distance to my home. Trying to act normal and not like I'm about freak, I enter the house. In the kitchen, Mom and Richard are already chatting and welcoming humble-me with a soft smile.

"Hello Chloe!" greets me Kate's dad, reaching me his hand for a handshake.

"Heya Mr. M! 'sup?"

"Why don't you go upstairs and see for yourself?" throws Mom in, giving me a warm smile and, immediately I turn around and rush towards my room.

As soon as I spot Katie, my heart skips a beat and I take her into a tight embrace. We haven't seen each other for three months now. A long time in which you quickly can get used to the absence of a person and strong feelings are getting weaker. But now that we're together again, I feel them flooding back. I literally feel how my affection for this little cutie rises more and more, until it hurts.

Right now I'm becoming aware of my bad conscious and doubts. They're hitting me so hard that I wanna cry, but I'm holding it back. No need to pull the drama card, yet. Still, sooner or later I have to confess my relationship with Steph. Kate is very tolerant, so I hope that everything will turn out fine.

"What're ya doin' here, Katie? I thought we see us on Saturday?"

She backs away a bit. Her eyes are red and her cheeks drenched with tears of joy. I can feel her nervousness; can see how she fumbles with her fingers. Her voice is trembling and very quiet.

"I-I wanted to see you again and…uh…I-I need to…to talk about something with you."

"Okay, shoot!" I reply and what follows catches me so off-guard that I freeze on the spot. Kate leans in and gives me a soft kiss on my lips. Not on my cheek, but on my lips! Damnfuckingshit, I expected a lot, but not this! The kiss I longed for a long time. The kiss I wished for, so much, yet I wish that it would never have happened.

Kate breaks the contact and gazes at me insecurely. I see how she reacts to my expression; my shivering lips, the shock in my eyes. Immediately, she turns away in shame, sniffing as disappointment lets her shed tears.

"I-I'm so sorry! I-I thought you…you were…you feel the same."

Truth hurts. It grabs your heart and agonizingly squeezes it until it breaks into a thousand pieces.

"I am," I reply with all my strength, yet I sound brittle and weak. "But I…Katie, I can't."

"WHY?" she yells at me furiously. She's hurt, doesn't understand. "Is it because of my age? Because I'm a Christian? Because I'm ugly?"

"No," I whisper, shaking my head. In the right moment, truth can comfort you. But now is not the right moment. "You're beautiful, Katie!" I wanna touch her, yet my body refuses to raise my arm. "I love you, but I…I…" Truth hurts. "I met someone."

I see her kind heart breaking and it hurts me even more. She doesn't say a word anymore. Kate is young, unexperienced with such fucked-up shit. She simply can't handle it. Isn't able to ask anything else or to make a rational decision. Neither do I.

She runs past me, out of my room. I hear her sobbing; how her dad tries to talk with her. Of course she can't tell him the truth, it would hurt her parents. She doesn't want to hurt them, so she has to keep it for herself, forever and ever.

What have I done! Poor, little Katie! I hear how she leaves with her dad, but I stay in place. Everything is just a big blur. Mom wants to know what happened, but I don't want to tell. I yell at her. Throw her out of my room. I don't give a fuck that I might've hurt her. Pain comes and goes, she's old enough and been through worse with me.

I don't know how long I've cried, but eventually, my phone rips me out of my trance of shit. It's Steph. She's worried; asks where I am. I just answer with a few words. Tell her that I'm an asshole and failure. Then, I throw my phone away.

I see the picture of me, Dad and Max beside my bed and wish me back to a time, where things had been simple. Dad is gone. Max is gone. Those good times are gone. Everything that remains is deep sorrow and pain.

I can't take it anymore. I wanna run away again…forever! I only hurt people, so maybe they're better off without me.

A bottle of sleeping pills and a bottle of booze from my stash find their way, first into my hand and then the content into my mouth. I feel sleepy and I welcome it. My phone chimes again, but I don't give a fuck. Show's over, Steph!

Everything goes dark. I hear someone calling my name, probably death, who finally gets his bony fingers around my neck and I welcome it!