The Right Words-
At the Crossroads of Destiny, what Katara didn't say, Iroh didn't see, and Azula did.
Spoilers for the Season Two finale, of course.
/Water isn't the only thing she uses like a whip./ Its bad enough, captured by Azula and her Dai Li minions and left to rot in a cave without /her/ adding to his humiliation. I turn away from the water bender, trying to ignore her diatribe, but my good ear works entirely too well. She speaks of my personal quest for honor as a crime against the world, as if I am the personification of everything evil in the fire nation and the world. /Azula should have that role./ But there is no difference, not to her. No lines between the personal and the greater world, no real difference between me and Azula, as if my sister hadn't put a fire bolt through Uncle's chest in the ghost town. No difference between me and the father who banished me. She's so angry, but I can't find the anger to answer her.
/Mother...taken away from me. Something I can understand perfectly./ I push the memories away. The water bender and her tears are the important thing right now. I apologize, explaining that we have that in common.
Then she changes, quick as ice to liquid. She apologizes and explains herself. Hope bubbles up from somewhere so deep I couldn't find it on my own. If she could heal the scar, the mark of my father, I would truly be free. I thought of the Pohuai stronghold, the desperate fight to break free from Zhao. The avatar and I, no, Aang and I had worked together then, so easily. He had offered friendship then, and I had rejected it. And what I had done at the north pole had probably turned him firmly against me, but Katara was the heart of their group. If she forgave me the others would follow suit, reluctantly maybe, but she always got her way in the end. And then I could... I could put it right. I could put everything right. I could be a friend. I could have friends. And do something. Uncle was so happy at his tea shop, I had been content to help him with it, but part of me longed for a real purpose. A goal to pursue and pour myself into as I had my search for Aang. The Avatar's group had a goal worthy of every drop of passion a fire bender could muster. I would be useful, a part of something more than myself. I miss that almost as much as I miss my mother.
Katara touches my scar and I close my eyes and wait. /My life can change. For the better!/
Then an explosion of earth reveals Uncle and the Avatar, a rescue only slightly less likely than Pohuai stronghold. The water bender runs to hug Aang of course, and I stare after her, the hope bubbling higher-
Aang glares at me over Katara's shoulder, an angry snarl so out of place I blink in surprise and glare back on reflex. The hope sags like an empty sack, and I want to follow suit, but Uncle is hugging me and I refuse to show weakness in front of a glaring Avatar.
"Uncle, I don't understand. What are you doing with the Avatar?"
It comes out a lot more accusatory than I intended, and the flippant "saving you" comment from the air bender doesn't help. Uncle sends them away, and the hope falls lower. I try to catch Katara's eyes, try to ask her to say something without speaking. She has to say something to him, has to convince him that I deserve a second chance. I don't like to beg, but I put every bit of hope and need I have left into that look, cursing the unreadable and angry scar for the thousandth time. /Please! Say something!/ I plead silently.
But she doesn't.
Aang bows respectfully to Uncle and runs off and she says nothing, only looking down sadly and following him.
Uncle starts to explain himself, but he doesn't understand the question. I wasn't asking "why are you with the Avatar?" but "why did you send them away?" And he tells me to choose good, but can't he see that he told the right choice to go on ahead? Chasing after them to ask for a second chance would be entirely too much like what I had been doing for the last six months. The long list of near misses and failed attempts to regain my honor; trying to deal with Zhao without becoming him, trying to outdo Azula with a tiny fraction of her resources, merely being in Ba Sing Se at the same time they were. Everything was another wedge between me and the only people who could possibly understand the real me. The only ones who knew Zuko, not Lee, and didn't want to kill me.
This time I'm the one with no time to speak. Azula comes and lays the choices bare. She offers father's love, but Uncle says that it is not for me. /Never for me./ Azula offers glory, but most importantly, she offers me a choice.
Uncle says I must make the choice, but to him it's already been made. He believes I have become like him. But I can never be like him. I have failed so many times, but I'm not a traitor. /And I want more than a tea shop./
/What I truly want./ I consider the question, and the arguments. Katara's silence, Azula's words, and Uncle's assumptions.
I nod, mind made up.
notes:
trying to get into a possible Zuko head space; not sure how well I succeeded. Really just wanted to write the "/Please! Say something!/ (beat) But she doesn't." line, but it needed context.
I always thought that the crossroads of destiny really was a crossroads. Zuko was balanced on the precipice and every word, facial expression, and action was really important to which way he'd fall. Katara and Iroh had pretty words, but only Azula backed up hers with action- walking away to let him actually choose for himself. Of course, if he had sided with the Avatar she probably would have tried to capture/Kill him too, but she gave him the space to choose. Of course, Iroh and Katara were more sincere in their hearts, but their actions did not show it. And Zuko is DENSE when it comes to people's motivations. Azula always lies, after all. But Actions can speak louder.