[Checked for mistakes/etc.: April, 03,2003]

Authoritrix Notes: Somehow, Lucius Malfoy and The Never Ending Tuesday [a.k.a. The Never Ending Tuesday] inspired a little more out of me, and here's the result. Enjoy, and don't worry this contains no soy. R/R Please I like people, honestly. I do. THIS IS A SEQUAL, MEANING: YOU SHOULD PROBABLY READ THE OTHER PART TO IT. LALALA.

Disclaimer of Doom: DOOM DOOM I own no Potter or anything that's related--DOOM DOOM DOOMY DOOM! They all belong to J.K. Rowling. DOOOOM!

Rating: Pg-13ish? Many a joke to be gendered here. I don't really like cussing so there's not that much in this.

SEVERUS SNAPE AND THE FERN OF DOOM

-By Trsolarcat [RocketSolarCat]

::Forward-"Welcome to Hogwarts: Please Keep off The Tartar Sauce"::

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Upon arriving back at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry the Potions Master drowsily took a survey of the surroundings. The gates of Hogwarts stood tall and unopened, almost foreboding.

Snape was not at all surprised to see how many of Hogwarts staff and students were there to greet him in his arrival. If you're guessing twelve, you're very close. Not a sign of anyone was waiting for his triumphant return.

Zero.

'No doubt they're celebrating the fact that I didn't come back again. Third time this week.'Snape thought, a scowl on his face as he approached the door. Without much delay he picked up the nearest potato peeler and threw it over the massive gates.

The somewhat secret code. Every double agent had one, and Snape prided his own.

"Who's there?" Called a voice, neither Hagrid's nor Filch's. It sounded like a student's voice--but how could that be? Snape picked his nose in confusion. It was summer, wasn't it? Why would there be anyone but the staff in Hogwarts?

"Snape." He rolled his eyes, Whatever this fools doing here they should at least know the codes around here. How could this school get along without me?

Holding off Voldemort and his malevolent digital clocks wasn't easy. Especially for just one double agent.

"Snape who?" Came the reply, rather quickly. Which made Snape very suspicious, perhaps this student was just messing with him. He was too tired for this, he opened his mouth to yell but the voice continued, "..Hey. Are you another one of those Weasel Salesmen? We have no need for weasels. But if you have any mongeese, we could sure use some of those."

"What do you mean--?" Snape hoarsely replied his voice rather unloud. He had yelled so many explicatives at the Malfoy Mansion last Tuesday his voice was so wore out he was surprised he could speak. If he ever got in he'd need a good clogging that always soothed the voice.

Tuesday? Snape wondered, he decided to ask, "What day is it?"

Perhaps the curse of the fern was in effect still.

Maybe it was Tuesday the Seventeenth again. He had a tight feeling in the pit of his stomach that something was not right. He'd always been rather well at keeping his dates right.

"Christmas Day, Sir." Came the reply over the gates. Due to the flowers on the ground Snape believed the voice, it looked very winter.

"It's not to late! Boy! Go fetch me the biggest Turkey you can find at the town's square!" Snape called full of joy like none has ever seen. This was Snape after all.

Then the almost automatic answer, "But Sir, I haven't any money."

"Pish, Posh! Take mine." Snape pulled out from under his pockets a bag of gold. Definitely not a teacher's salary. Perhaps he'd finally caught Lucky the Magical Pigeon and struck it rich. Taking it into his palm, he tossed it lightly over the highest part of the wall. When he heard a sturdy amount of snickering from the opposite side he finally realized something important:

"My left sock is very very....green." He concluded, indeed something terribly strange was going on of late in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Before he could think any further along the lines of that, the gate open finally.

Hagrid was standing in shock.

"Hagrid, thank the gods someone with half a walnut-sized brain still lives in Hogwarts or I'd be stuck out here all night." Snape run a hand through his hair, approaching Hagrid. Yet the giant looked utterly confused at his presents, "What's wrong? Don't tell me I have another sign that says 'stare at me for no real reason what-so-ever' on my forehead again."

This didn't seem to help the giant's position, "Who are ya'?"

Snape almost fell over from the wave of stupidity that meandered between Hagrid and he. It struck him like a large waffle iron that was on fire. The kind that leaves those funny markings and burns the flesh.

"Snape! Snape! Professor Severus Snape!" He yelled as loud as he could muster up with his scratchy voice.

It was Sunday. It had to be.

Suddenly without much of a warning Hagrid began to cry, "Ah, now look wha' ya've don'. Ya've gone and made me do....Wha give's yeh any right tah come around her' mentionin' thin's like that?!"

"My name?" Snape asked pinching the skin between his eyes, sinus pressure hurts worse when you're in the presents of idiots.

"S-S..." Hagrid was trying to dry his eyes, he seemed to be having trouble saying Snape's name for some reason, "...He-Who-Did-Us-A-Great-Favor-And-Is-Dead-Right-This-Minute isn't to be mentioned in Hogwarts'd...ever again. It always get'me sentimental ya know?"

He-Who-Did-Us-A-Great-Favor-And-Is-Dead-Right-This-Minute? Snape thought rubbing his squirrel in ponderation, Are they referring to me? As dead?

Hagrid continued, "Ya're welcome to come in stranger but ya shouldn't go and mention that name aroun' these parts."

"What parts?" Snape asked quickly, to catch him of guard, surely he'd remember Snape then. The Potions Master was in no mood to think up a 'proper' sarcastic insult.

Hagrid stopped, pondering this.

Snape decided he'd best go inside, and let the half-giant think about this question for a little longer. He'd return if Hagrid was still there in the morning to tell him the answer. Couldn't have Hagrid standing at the gate for too long.

The Potions Master decided to head straight up to Dumbledore's chambers; he needed to speak with the Headmaster immediately about this matter. For once he wondered if they'd went a little too far with the whole 'Snape's Dead Party' this time.

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Authoritrix ending notes:

This is starting out too normalness. Bah! It'll get odder. Hopefully. I think I had a writer's block while writing the beginning of this.....I know where its going its just I have troubles getting it there. Kind of like my driving skills I guess. Thank you for lookin at my rambles...ttfn...and YOUUU know what that means. I think.