Legolas looked around Mirkwood with an overwhelming sensation of lust and looked sexy. This story sure was getting Mary Sue-ish. What was Tolkien thinking with all of those yucky hobbits and - please - a magical blender? Where's the action in that? Also, Gimli had been giving him some flirty looks and he was getting nervous that things might take some slashy turns.
Right then, Blair propelled the hot Aradilien into the story. Not only a teenager from modern day Earth, but also secretly the lady of Hollin and the known Universe! Legolas looked sexy in wonder. He had never seen anyone so hot in his life. She was amazing. More than amazing, she was surreal! He was in love. Yup. Definitely in love. No slashy turns for Gimli.
For no real reason at all, going against all
laws of the story, history, mathematics and gravity itself, Aradilien Lirimaer
joined the Fellowship right there, right then (Goodbyeeeee Sean Bean!) Together
they walked through Mirkwood, onto The Westfold and more dangerous road, all
the while Legolas biting on her ankles. Suddenly, and for no reason at all,
some nasty orcs attacked!
"Wah!" wailed Legolas as he was brutally raped. Swiftly, Aradilien
was at his side, single-handedly destroying the orcs in one sharp, effortless shot.
"You saved my life," Legolas swooned,
kissing her hand passionately.
Just as things were heating up, and the story seemed slightly less Mary Sue-ish,
Gimli, Aragorn and Frodo simultaneously fell down a hole! Selflessly, fearing
no harm for herself, Aradilien ran heroically to their rescue, saving their
lives in one lucky swoop.
"You saved our lives," they swooned, kissing her hand.
And just as the story was drawing a close, Boromir
discreetly mentioned The Ring in conversation. But Aradilien was no jackass;
she was the lady of Hollin in disguise a wee bit! In one swift movement, she
grabbed The One Ring from Frodo's foot, killed Sauron somehow, and destroyed
The Ring in a nearby food processor, freeing all of Middle-Earth of its evil corruption
and power forever and ever. And ever.
"You saved our lives," the free peoples of Middle-Earth swooned,
kissing her hand passionately. And just as the story was drawing to a close, Legolas
shagged Aradilien for a while and they all lived happily ever after. Oh yeah,
and I think Gandalf fell into darkness at one point and some other bloke died.
A/N: HII!! I used the Mary sue maker on onespoof.com and it turned out so well I had to immortalize it.