Title: The Most Ultimate Ranfic Ever

Authors: Liliana Aurum and her dear stowaway friend Chloe the Sophisticated and Married Woman

Summary of SOLF: SOLF is a "ranfic" ("Random Fanfiction"; a term coined by yours truly, Lily Aurum) written by our dear Michicko about the Stalking Obsessive Legolas Fangirl Club.  So basically, here's the down-low. Throughout that fanfic, the fellowship were trying to find their way home from Diana's party, and the portal to Middle Earth was in Orlando Bloom's sock drawer. Sam unfortunately, got transported to the ghetto in the ghetto portal, next to the middle earth portal. Hayley got married to Jack Sparrow, Jenny to Ron Weasly, and Adrienne to Draco Malfoy.

Summary: SOLF is here, yet again.  This time, we must defeat them.  Is Diana really that crazy?  You'll have to find out.

Disclaimer: You really think I own any of the LOTR characters, Harry Potter, or POTC?  God, you're an idiot. :P

It was a bright and sunny day, and the Fellowship was heading out for a picnic (Boromir came back to life for this event). Legolas made his 'magic' potato salad. Aragorn brought his book on chickens.

"If only it wasn't illegal in the United States to marry those of a different species." Aragorn said with a sigh.

"What's wrong with you?" Gimli said, setting up the picnic blanket, "You've been scarily obsessed with poultry lately."

"I agree, Gimli" Gandalf said in a disgruntled tone.  "I don't like this chicken business."

"You could say it was 'fowl play'." Legolas said with a jokey smile "Heh-heh. Heh-heh…..heh….Okay, I'll stop now."

Pippin was typing away on his laptop.

"Who are you talking to, Pippin?" Sam asked, looking over his shoulder.

"Oh, I'm just talking to some of the fellows from Harry Potter.  I think they may want to join our picnic…Oh wait, I'm getting an IM from someone."

Pippin's eye widened at the screenname. "Oh, bloody hell, not them again."

"Who is it?" Merry asked

Pippin looked at Merry meaningfully.  "Guess."

"Invader Zim?"

"No."

"Ahm…Usher?"

"No…"

"Er…I give up."

"The SOLF girls….and company."

Merry's eyes widened. "Holy crap and a half…How did they get a hold of us?  We left no forwarding addresses, we changed all our screen-names, even the Legolas Fangirl Hotline number was edited."

"We're in the Witness Protection Program, for heavens' sakes." Frodo said, fixing his corner of the picnic blanket.

"After that trash can incident…Who knew the portal to middle earth was four inches from the portal to the Ghetto?"

"Why does Orlando Bloom have a portal to the Ghetto?" Boromir asked.

"Because I'm a wanksta, that's why!" came Orlando Bloom's voice, booming through the lands.

"That's going to scare the neighbors." Legolas said.

The Fellowship nodded.

"Well, what did they say?" Merry asked.  "Do they know where we are?"

"Apparently they used M. Night Shyamalan's secret psychic ghost talking-to powers to find us."

SOLFGang1414: Like you really could hide from us.  You know we have connections.

sexxyBeAsT69:  i thought maybe we had a chance this time

SOLFGang1414: Yeah, right.  We'll be there in a second.

SOLFGang1414 has signed off at 12:37:14.

"Dear Holy Crap…" Gandalf said as Pippin read out the IM conversation.

"RUN!" Pippin yelled, and snapped shut his laptop.

"Wait, did you have a background of me?" Legolas asked, giving Pippin a look.

"No, they'll expect us to run.  We can deal with it one more time…"Gimli said. "It's just a couple teenage girls."

Pippin opened his laptop again, and logged back on to AIM.

"Hey, Jack and Hayley are on!" he said.

"Was Hayley the one with the spazzy dog?" Legolas asked.

sexxyBeAsT69: hey, jack

Dos Piratos: Actually, this is Hayley

sexxyBeAsT69:  o. hey, hayley.  ur friends are coming to torture us

Dos Piratos: You mean the SOLF gang?

sexxyBeAsT69: yeah

Dos Piratos: One second…I'm going to start a chat with you, me, and the Malfoys.

Pippin clicked on the chat invite.

SlythrnHotties: We have to stop this.

Dos Piratos: I know, the SOLF girls are going to kill the Fellowship characters with obsessiveness.

sexxyBeAsT69: how soon can you guys get herr?

"Check behind you!" said a voice, and there stood Adrienne and Draco Malfoy, Jack and Hayley Sparrow, and Jenny and Ron Weasly.

"Hey, I didn't even tell you guys to come!"

"Well, too bad. You don't make the decisions around here, BEOTCH."

"We need to think of a way to stop the SOLF gang."

Draco paced impatiently, trying to think of a plan.

"Draco, don't do that.  You look like your Father." Adrienne said, sounding very sophisticated and married.  "But you are extremely hot. Like your father, I guess.  No wait, that's weird. Eugh!"

"Thanks for the compliment, darling." Draco said, and they proceeded to make-out.

"Erlack." Jenny Penny said. "Not again."

Ron agreed.  "Draco kissing anyone is just wrong."

Jenny nodded and Adrienne slapped her, still glued to Draco's lips. It was more like one of her flailing arms accidentally hit her face.

Suddenly, the sky darkened, and there was a great flash of lightening.

The SOLF gang appeared, each in black robes with deep plum velvet lining, stamped with silver stars.  Each girl wore her own version of the SOLF uniform; a white shirt, a gray sweater-vest, a violet tie, and black pants or skirt.  The leader, Diana, wore a long black satin dress.

"Diana, you look like you have an army now!" Adrienne said in surprise.

Diana nodded.  "Yeah, we finally got uniforms.  Like the robes?  They just came in."

Jenny eyed the robes.  "Those are a pretty-pretty nice."

Then Adrienne said, "Quick everyone hold hands! Except for SOLF, you aren't allowed as we are trying to escape."

"When really we will probably only be transported to somewhere you can find us even easier." Hayley added.

And they disappeared.

And the SOLF members screamed in agony…and frustration.  Diana's brows furrowed.

"WE SHALL GET THEM!" Diana boomed in a deep voice.

"Where'd that come from?" Katherine asked.

"You totally know I'm a wanksta!"

R/R, Pleasey McPlease