So it turns out that eating solely frozen peas was less economically wise than I thought. I figured, hey those are tasty and cheap, I'll just eat those so I can save up for a deposit on a house.
Kind of died from gross malnutrition. My bad.
Although to be honest, I figured something else about my frugality would kill me before my diet did. I'd covered up holes in my tires with duct tape, the apartment I was in was a hotbed of health and safety violations, and I refused to visit a doctor unless the government was footing the bill, which last happened 18 months ago. Surprisingly though, it was the peas that polished me off. I knew I should've bought some spaghetti, maybe even splurged on some sauce… Too late for that now I guess.
"Hello sir, welcome to Heaven!"
"So this is what Heaven is like huh? Hey quick question, is it possible to dab in heaven?"
"Wh-What? That is your first question? You seriously made it into the afterlife and your first thought was "Oh golly, what if I feel the compulsion to dab?", and managed to get to the point of actually asking it before you realised what a terrible question that was."
"No no you misunderstand. You see, that was part of a larger concern of mine, wherein I wondered how heaven regards personal freedom. You see, in a paradisiacal state, which is prioritised higher - the desire of those around them to not witness such an act, or the person's desire to commit said act?"
"Huh… That's a really dumb way of phrasing it, but actually, that's a really valid concern, and we-"
"Plus I need to have a way to respond to dem haters."
"God dammit!"
Thunder suddenly flooded the area.
"No, not literally God, please stop, it's just… Just why? Why do I always get the bad ones?"
"I'm sorry I was hoping to make a joke, I'll stop."
"Okay, good. Please try to take the Pearly Gates seriously. Now, where were we-"
"WAIT WHAT DID I JUST SEE SAYORI?"
"Eh? Oh yes, some characters from video games made it up here. Basically, whenever we angels play a video game and we really like them, we replicate the characters in the game as actual real souls. I actually played that one, one of my favourites from Steam."
"You guys have Steam here?"
"Sorry, are you asking whether or not a Utopian reality includes the world's largest video game platform?"
"... Fair point. So wait, is it possible to hang out with Sayori?"
"Absolutely, you can hang out with - Wait a minute… You're a terrible person."
"I'm sorry. I really do like Sayori. And the others. Did the other girls end up in Heaven?"
"Well… Natsuki and Yuri did, although Yuri was a stretch. We were not a fan of, shall we say, her penmanship, but she still made it. Monika did not."
"Wait… she went to… But that's not right!"
"I'm sorry, as an omnipotent being I'm familiar with your opinions on her, but her defining acts before her death were to kill her three friends."
"She did so under the impression that they were nothing more than ones and zeroes!"
"As her only actions, we have nothing better to judge her by. Besides, our process of judgement has worked so far."
"Have you perchance watched the Good Place?"
"Give me a second."
A screen appeared in midair, and they began watching at 0.75c speed. They quickly glanced at an incomprehensible mess of images, and somehow gleaned meaning from them.
"Man, that's a good show, but what of it - OH NO WE FORKED IT UP."
He started pacing nervously.
"No, that's a fictitious piece by silly humans, it can't possibly apply to… Except I suppose we never considered… Yeah, I'll be right back."
After 10 minutes, I try waving my finger around, hoping that SAO style a menu will appear and I can read a book or something while I wait. Nope.
After another 30 minutes of intense boredom, he comes back.
"Okay, well, we had a big discussion about the possibility that people in Hell… perhaps had learned their lesson whilst in Hell. Now, if you're up for it, we'd love to run a test on Monika. Send both of you into DDLC, see if you can prove she's a decent person. You in?"
"Wh-What?"
"I'm taking that as a yes! 3, 2, 1 -"
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Beep beep beep beep!
Whoever came up with the accursed idea that a loud beeping noise was the first thing we should hear each day deserves a special level of Hell. Fine, fine, I'm up. A pity, I was in a really cool dream, and I can actually remember it for once, it was all about the afterlife and for some reason, DDLC was in it. Kinda left on a cliffhanger too… Oh well.
Yawning, I get out of bed, and walk over, half asleep, to my door. I feel around for the handle and… can't find anything.
Damn, I'm more asleep than I thought, if I'm getting the location of my door wrong. I fumble along the walls, and finally find… not a door, but at least a light switch.
As the room is quickly illuminated, I realise in horror that it's not mine. Wh-Where am I? I pull open the curtains, and see… cherry blossom trees. And houses that remind me of… No way…
Okay, calm down, calm down. It appears my dream was nothing of the sort. I actually am dead… but more importantly, I made it to Heaven, and then into DDLC! Woo!
Wait no, less woo. I kinda have to prove that Monika doesn't deserve eternal damnation. Also, I'm assuming the other girls are here, in which case each of them has their own issues… especially Sayori. I swear, if Sayori doesn't show up to the festival on Monday, I'm just going to be crying about Schrodinger's Sayori while vehemently refusing to open her door. And if Monika says "You really left her hanging" again I'm going to fucking dropkick her.
I decide to take inventory. My phone, cheap and outdated as it was, was charging on the counter. My old contacts had all been cleared, and replaced with ones the MC would've had - MC's parents, a dozen names I didn't recognise, and Sayori's. Oh, also Sayori's mum, apparently… that may come in handy, if I need to let them know about depression.
Oh, and it's Monday. Pre-literature club, otherwise I'd have the contact details of other club members. So presumably, I'll meet up with Sayori, and go to school.
I find the uniform in the closet. The school uniform is very different to any of the uniform I wore in high school, and it takes me a while to puzzle it out, but I do, eventually, get it on. Historically, I have had a healthy breakfast of nothing, but I should probably have a decent feed before this begins.
I try some weird Japanese cereal I've never heard of before. It reminds me of cornflakes, if cornflakes wanted to slash my throat and tasted like cod liver oil. Come to think of it, is this in Japan?
I find a PC, and pull up Google. It's in Japanese, confirming my suspicion, although actually, my mind seems to be automatically translating it. I pull open a camera app on my phone to test, and it appears I'm speaking in Japanese too. So I am in Japan.
I go onto Google Maps and look for the nearest school. Anata No Genjitsu High. Catchy. Apparently Akademi High is the next nearest school to this one, thank God I'm not in that one, one girl trying to kill everyone is enough thanks.
I go to the high school's website. I'm already logged in, and the site shows my timetable, which is really helpful, since otherwise I'd have been clueless about what to do until the club.
MC and Sayori can apparently enter each other's houses, so I guess I'll see if she's up.
The walk over to Sayori's house was really weird. The house was reasonably realistic, but assets that weren't ever shown in game, like the other half of the street, were generated in a much more anime-esque style, and seemed almost procedurally generated. The contrast is a tinge sickening, seeing as I'm used to everything looking real.
"Sayori? Hello?"
Huh. She's not up.
I go up to check her room, feeling very nervous. The last time I'd gone to her room, was in-game after she'd killed herself. I feel quite antsy going up to wake her…
"HEY! SAYORI! WAKE UP!"
Still no response.
I really didn't want to have to enter her room like this… Isn't it kind of a breach of privacy?
WAIT NO. DON'T DO THIS TO ME SCRIPT! I refuse to think MC's lines! I won't think of what MC was thinking before…
Shaking my head, I gently open the door.
"Sayori?"
To my great relief, I find no Sayori themed pinatas awaiting me. She's in her bed, fast asleep. While I am relieved, I am also a tinge concerned to find that she's in her school uniform - did she not take it off over the weekend?
I shake her awake.
"Five more minutes mu- Makoto? What're you doing here?"
Makoto huh? Good to know.
"I wanted to wake you up. You've been late a bunch lately, and I realised over the weekend that I've probably been being an awful friend to you. A good friend would've been helping you wake up when you started sleeping in, whereas I could barely bother to wait up for you."
"Wh-What? Don't beshort yourself!"
"Belittle."
"Eh… I can't speak properly until I've got some coffee in me. My point is, you're a good friend, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!"
"Thanks Sayori. But I do feel like I've been neglecting you lately… tell you what, today, I'll do whatever you ask."
"R-Really?"
"Well… within reason."
"Well then… How about you join me at my club after school?"
"You're at the literature club, right? Sure, I'd be up for that, I've been meaning to read more often anyway."
"Sweet! You're the best MC!"
Huh. So MC is still at least a nickname for me.
"I know you are but what am I?"
"Ehehe, stop, you're embarrassing me!"
I promptly boop her nose and run downstairs, as she chases in mock anger after me.
After chastising me, cheeks aflame, she glances at the clock.
"Oh no! I've made us both late, haven't I..."
"Don't worry Sayori, that clock is off. We've got just enough time, if we rush."
We rush to school. I know virtually nothing of Japanese tradition, but I'm pretty sure we're supposed to trade out shoes or something. I look across the rows of lockers, and finally find one with Makoto on it. I trade out my shoes, and rush to my first class, Chemistry. Then to physics. A quick recess, but I couldn't find any of the club members (Not that I had any excuse to talk to any of them aside from Sayori anyway). Then to English. English was weird for me. I could read and write it at a fluent level, since, you know, I'm fluent, but I couldn't figure out how to actually speak in English, since to my mind I was speaking English the rest of the time.
Japanese was horrible. It was the inverse of English - I could speak it, but I hadn't even the vaguest clue how to write Japanese. I got some weird looks for that. I'm going to have to learn how to write in Japanese, and fast.
Then lunchtime. I did see Monika, and more chillingly, I think Monika saw me. And by saw me I mean… well, she may know that I'm sentient too. I don't have a good excuse to talk to her though, at least not yet.
Finally, after some history and maths, it's finally time to head to the clubroom. Sayori, as usual, shows up to take me.
"Hey MC! I'm holding you to your word, okay? Oh, and by the way, Natsuki made cupcakes, so if you're thinking of backing out last minute like a big ol meanie, maybe that'll change your mind."
"My mind needs no changing, I'm coming to your club, alright? So wait, does Natsuki make cupcakes all the time or something?"
"Ehehe, I may have told her I was getting a new member… before actually asking if you wanted to join."
"Heh. Wise of you to trick Natsuki into doing that. If not for my decision to treat you nicer than I usually do, cupcakes would've been a perfect way to lure me in my selfish ways."
"It, it wasn't a trick! Meanie."
And thus, today marks the day I sold my soul for a cupcake.