Tabula Rosa

Edward

Why did I ever let her drive? I would ask myself that question a million times I was sure as the sound of the car horn was deafening in my ears. We had been on our way back from my house to drop her off at hers. It had started as a complaint on the way to my house that evening about how Bella never got to drive anymore; how I was always shuttling her places. I had tried to remind her how important her safety was to me but she had stubbornly gone on about how I was being possessive with the car; and because I haven't been able to deny my Bella anything since I got back from Italy I tossed her the keys as we walked out my front door.

She was an excellent driver in her own defense and though she didn't know it I had seen her drive many times, after all I had to be sure she was safe. I wasn't going to be parted from her again by anything other than old age. She had tried desperately to swerve and miss the driver that was over into our lane but by the time they had drifted that far Bella had no room. My car had plunged head-long into the other car and Bella's head had hit the windshield knocking her unconscious. That had been before the cars had careened off the road and Bella had been folded against a tree. Thankfully her drivers' seat had bucked up and was now leaned on its side against me or she might be even more entangled with the metal. As soon as the car stopped moving I tried to get Bella to awaken. I shook her slightly though trying not to move her too much because I was worried about the extent of her injuries. There was blood gushing from several places on her head and face and her left arm and leg were definitely broken. My next thought was of the other driver. I couldn't get my door open so I busted out the window and climbed out. The other car was in worse shape than the mangled remains of mine. The windshield was shattered and I saw no sign of the driver. I followed the rampant smell of blood. It was easy to distinguish Bella's from the rest. I found the driver about forty feet from her vehicle, dead. My panic increased then and I raced back to Bella's side of the vehicle, praying to God that he might bring her through this. I would have promised him my very soul in exchange if I had it to give. Police and ambulance arrived at the same time. I could hear Charlie's racing thoughts before he ever even got out of the car. It was he who noticed that I had Bella's blood all over my white shirt. I owed him this much.

I raced up to meet him as he was getting out of his car, "she's alive Charlie. She's alive and breathing but not conscious."

"What the hell happened?" Charlie raged. He had no place for his anxiety but with me so I let him yell.

"Bella was driving and the other driver jerked the car into our lane and Bella didn't have any time. There just wasn't any time."

We had reached the wreckage once more and I tried to get as close as I could to Bella – so did Charlie – but that was a difficult task as there were at least four men working on freeing her. I would have lifted her out myself the moment the cars stopped but my father was a doctor and I knew better.

Twenty minutes it took them to get her free; twenty minutes in which her heartbeat grew more labored; twenty minutes of Charlie's worried motivation. Finally free of the wreckage they strapped her onto a backboard and hurried to carry her to the ambulance. Suddenly it dawned on me that it was Charlie they would ask to go with her. I held back; the moment the scene was clear I would run. I'd be there with her no matter what. Charlie looked at me a moment then and gestured towards the ambulance.

"Go, she'll want you. I've got to escort them," Charlie said gruffly. Suddenly I was in love with the man. I raced to catch them as they loaded her up. They didn't even wait to get an IV in before they were racing for the hospital. I held her hand the whole way hoping that she would open those beautiful brown eyes so I could tell her that everything would be okay; but she didn't. The medical team was waiting for us at the doors and the stretcher was instantly surrounded by personnel. I ran along as far as I could; so did Charlie when he joined us but soon we were both stopped by the nurses at the Trauma room doors. I could do nothing but watch through the window as my Bella was surrounded by nurses, doctors and machines. It wasn't long before I saw a familiar face enter.

"That's Carlisle," I said to Charlie, "he's the best."

"So I've heard," Charlie barely answered. We stayed glued to the glass then and every moment felt like an eternity. Suddenly I heard the heart monitor coding and my stomach clenched. It was a good thing I didn't need to breathe at that moment because I couldn't have done it. It took them three times with the paddles before they got a pulse again. I felt an anger I had never known before welling up inside me. Why did it have to be her? Had I been driving I could have calculated the car to safety or even worse case scenario I would have healed quickly. Why did it have to be Bella?

I looked through the doors again and an eerie feeling stole through me. Carlisle was looking through the whole throng of nurses, equipment and pandemonium. He was staring straight at me. A few moments later I knew why as the machines began to code in cascades. First one machine was beeping then another and another. I heard Charlie's scream followed by tears as he banged his fist against a wall and a nurse came to him. Three more attempts they made with the paddles but the machines continued to sound. I watched in silent horror – half my gaze on Bella and half my gaze still locked with Carlisle's – as the nurses turned off the various machines; finally they silenced the heart monitor's alarm.

"Time of death 11:02pm," Carlisle announced painfully and for once I was thankful that I could not shed a single tear. I knew why Carlisle was staring at me. There was a choice to be made and a very limited window in which to make it. If I waited too long the blood would be too cold to circulate and I would lose any hope of having my Bella. She had no choice anymore; I had no choice anymore. There wasn't going to be an old-age option for my Bella. I now held her future in my hands. Did I deliver her to heaven or selfishly keep her for myself. I wanted to make the right choice so badly but instead I gave Carlisle one quick and precise nod and he knew what it meant.

The machines were still on to keep Bella warm and once Carlisle came out and delivered Charlie the devastating news which he already knew Charlie was allowed to go in and see Bella; to say goodbye. How do you look a man in the eye when you knew that this would be the last memory that he would have of his daughter, but that you would have her? We gave Charlie as much time as we possibly could during which Alice had arrived and Carlisle had laid out the plan. When Charlie came out he actually gave me an uncertain and somewhat uncomfortable hug and told me that he was sorry. I couldn't say anything so I hoped my expression gave him what he needed. Then a couple of nurses covered Bella's body and wheeled her down to the morgue where Carlisle was pretending to do the paperwork.

"Are you ready?" Carlisle asked as soon as the coast was clear.

"Just tell me what I have to do"

"Just bite her," Carlisle replied.

"No, what if I'm not strong enough? Please help me," I said frantic that we may already be too late.

"I cannot. I am going to have to do the compressions to circulate the blood," Carlisle said and in fact he was already in position and at the ready. He started chest compressions then and looked at me a moment later. I raised her wrist on her right arm – the one that wasn't broken in three places – closed my eyes and bit. Long minutes went by with Carlisle working valiantly and I even started rubbing her extremities to help circulation. Suddenly her eyes flew open in shock.

"Thank God," Carlisle said as he hopped down and Bella began to squirm in earnest. "Alright, out that door and Alice is waiting. You're going to the airport where there's a plane and then to Athens. I don't want to be far from a hospital where I have privileges if I need them. I'm going to clean up here and then I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thank you father," I said sincerely, "I don't know what I would have done if I had lost her."

"Take care of her," Carlisle stressed, "these next three days are going to be touch and go."

I nodded and gathering Bella's wriggling body into my arms I hurried for the door and once I knew there was no one there save Alice we quickly bundled Bella into the car. Alice raced for the airport while informing me that they had packed up and everyone else was waiting on the plane for us. Carlisle would have the hardest job of all. I hoped that he would hurry because I desperately wanted him at Bella's side watching over her. We met with no resistance at the airport and soon joined the others on the plane. It was a long and mostly silent flight as everyone stood vigil over Bella save Rosalie who was reading.

Once we reached Athens and then took a short water taxi ride to another of our own personal islands we were home free as far as the human world was concerned. Owning your own island had its advantages. I carefully carried Bella up to my bungalow and placed her on the bed. It was a room with a spectacular view of the crystal blue waters and I had always loved it. I couldn't wait for Bella to love it too. After all she would probably be ecstatic when she woke up. I had given her what she had been asking for.

Carlisle arrived two days after us having stayed for the funeral and to explain that the grief had just been too much for me. The funeral had conveniently been closed casket and most of the town had turned out to mourn Charlie Swan's daughter. Bella meanwhile had been through her own personal hell, screaming as the venom had started racing through her body; healing her and changing her at the same time.

Carlisle was checking on her the next day when her writhing finally stopped and her violent red eyes fluttered open. I smiled at her warmly, so glad to see those eyes open even if they weren't the same beautiful brown that I remembered.

"Hey beautiful," I said softly squeezing her hand reassuringly. She looked around then, taking everything in before her eyes met mine once more.

"Where am I?" she asked.

"We're in Greece. It's our own personal island," I replied. She furrowed her brow and seemed to become apprehensive.

"Should I know you?" she asked and Carlisle rushed to her side.

"How are you feeling Bella?" he asked gently.

"Fine I guess. My throat's a little sore. Why?"

"What's the last thing that you remember?" Carlisle asked gently.

"Umm…I think I was getting ready for my first day of school," she said and my panic began to rise.

"And what grade are you this year?" Carlisle asked in a calm that I envied.

"I'm a junior. I just transferred here…well I mean to Forks," she looked around. "Where's my dad anyhow?"