A/N. Written for the "The End" challenge at thursday100plus at LJ. God. I need to go drown in some chocolate ice-cream to make me feel better. It'll take about an ocean of the stuff to lift this mood. I feel so angsty from writing this. So, if you don't like angst, don't read. Yeah. Lyrics copyright Linkin Park. CI copyright Dick Wolf, NBC, etc.
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Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
He'd always thought that he'd have forever. Forever to wait for the perfect moment, forever to hope for a chance. No action was necessary, because in time that single golden opportunity would come. He had seen chances, and asked himself if he wanted to take that leap. He had asked himself if they were the best possible circumstances, and had turned them down, opting to hold out for something better.
And now there was never going to be something better.
He stood off by himself in the church, leaning coolly against the wall. He surveyed the gathered guests and tried to reason with his mind, churning with pain and the thoughts of a bitter irony. The dark suit that he wore seemed perfectly in place with the attire of the other men present, but for Bobby, it was his own private way of mourning. It was wrong for him to feel this way. He should be happy; all of the others around him were. He saw Deakins and his wife chatting casually with Mrs. Carver. Even Logan had been invited, though of course he had opted to skulk in the next room where the bridesmaids were waiting, Barek among them. Everyone, it seemed, was celebrating the impending matrimony, as they well should be. Everyone but him.
He slipped quietly out of the room. No one would miss him. The walls were made of large bricks of a slate gray stone. He let his fingers brush against them as he walked through the deserted corridor. They were smooth and cool, still clinging to a breath of the chill that laced the morning air. He found his way to an open doorway...
And there was Alex, at the opposite end of the room. She sat on a stool, the skirt of the wedding gown gathered around her in a veritable sea of ivory-colored silk. Her reflection stared back at her in the mirror. It seemed that she was searching for something in her own eyes… something that, he suspected, would never be found.
She hadn't noticed his entrance. He used the opportunity to steal a long, lingering gaze. She really was beautiful, not that he hadn't always thought so. There were gardenias in her hair, nestled among the elegant knot at the crown of her head. The sun shone through a nearby window and down onto her as if she were an angel, just waiting for her chance to fly through to heaven.
"Today's the day," he said softly from the door.
She turned, and smiled when she saw who it was. "I didn't think you'd make it."
"There's plenty of time," he replied, the irony of those words piercing his heart. There was no time at all.
She came to him, moving with the grace and fluidity of a dancer. Silently she slipped her hand into his. "I'm glad that you could be here."
He forced a smile. "So am I." Another lie. They were silent a moment. "Are you nervous?" he asked.
The corners of her mouth turned up almost imperceptibly. "A little." She paused, twisted the engagement ring on her finger. "I wasn't nervous the first time around. Everything's different now. And yet…"
"And yet everything's the same," Bobby finished. She nodded, the tiny smile still gracing her lips
He opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. "I wish…" He trailed off, not continuing his thought.
"What?"
"Nothing." But a few moments later, he opened his mouth again to speak. "I wish… that it had been me, instead."
She looked up at him, her gaze sharp and questioning.
He read the inquiry in his eyes. He lowered his head. Nodded.
She slipped into his arms. "Oh, Bobby." She lay her face against his chest, laughing bitterly at the cruel irony of it. She looked up again, reached up to rest a hand on his cheek. "I wish that it had been you, too."
He tightened his arms around her and buried his head in the crook of her shoulder. "Life is so unfair." He felt her nod. Her hand stroked his shoulder, attempting comfort, but what comfort could really be given?
He lifted his head and lay a gentle finger against her lips. "One kiss? For what we never were?"
She looked torn. "Bobby, I -"
He pressed his lips to her own, funneling all of the sorrow of their predicament and all of his need with his mouth. He felt a tear slip down his cheek. He could taste the salt on his lips, and knew that Alex could, too, a sharing of grief that could come only from the vindictive fate that this world can hold. He broke the kiss, and gave her hand a last touch.
"Goodbye, Alex." He had a final glimpse of her as he left the room, standing there in the open space, her head bowed and frame burdened with sorrow although she stood in the sun and shone like a seraph.
He slipped out of the church.
His faith had been put in the hope that he would have forever. He had waited too long for a chance.
And in the end, he had lost her.