30 Day Writing Challenge
Day Seventeen: War
Fandom: The Hobbit
Pairing: Thorin/Biblo
Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit.
War
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Bilbo had never understood the pull of wars, and standing surrounded by corpses with his friend's lives hanging the balance, he'd understood it less.
For some reason, the dwarves seemed to glorify it. Those who were there, who fought in the moment and survived, understood better. They were the ones who would go silent, raising their ales to each other, giving respect to those who they'd lost. But those who didn't, those who had returned to the mountain long after the blood had been washed away by the wind and rain, long after the hurt was fresh, seemed to think that it was something to be proud of.
And Bilbo tried to understand. He tried to think from their perspective of the great story their adventure told, but the nightmares he still endured more nights than not made that difficult.
It was one such occasion tonight, as he wandered around the mountain, exploring a little more every day as he slowly mapped it out, unused to travel so far away from the soil covered surfaces.
His attempts to sleep had been plagued by the cries of war and the shouts as he'd watched Kili and Fili fall, injuries so dire that he feared for their lives. And Thorin. Having been so close, Bilbo could still recall the exact shade that his friend had been, how the blue of cold had settled slightly, and the red had contrasted, covering the icy surfaces.
He still remembered the words Thorin had said to him, certain that death was going to take him, and how raspy his voice had been.
Which is why hearing a group of Dwarves singing the ballad of their journey, and the following war, hit him so hard.
Images flashed through his mind, and Blibo couldn't help the way his heart squeezed in worry.
Spinning around, he immediately began to move away from them, deciding he would be better off finding company elsewhere.
Wandering aimlessly, he sighed forlornly as he heard someone else singing of that same tale.
Without meaning to, Bilbo found himself in front of Thorin's chambers, the guards guarding them looking at him with curiosity.
Shaking his head, he turned to walk away, cursing his feet for seeking his friend out in his moment of weakness.
"Master Baggins?"
Jumping at the sudden voice, Bilbo spun around to face Thorin, his heart jumping a little, but his mind immediately demanding that he check to make sure that there truly weren't any injuries left on his person.
"Thorin."
The dwarf's eyebrows furrowed. "Were you coming to see me? Was there something I can help you with?"
Shaking his head, Bilbo fought to find something, any excuse, for his presence.
"I, uh, was just walking around and didn't realise I'd ended up here. I'll just be on my way-"
There was a snort. "Bilbo, surely you don't think me such a fool?"
Bilbo narrowed his eyes. "A fool? I never implied such, no, but I just might depending on where you plan to go with this line of thinking."
He noted the way the guards didn't know whether to be amused or to get ready to defend their kings honour, although he didn't care much for it. The shire held no kings, and as such no king would lord over him.
Least of all, one that he claimed as a friend.
"Surely you would agree that passing up the chance to speak with a friend when your time is so limited would be a foolish decision." There was a note of teasing in Thorin's voice, and Bilbo fought the urge to throw up his hands in frustration.
"Really, Thorin? I'm well aware that you are a busy dwarf but there's no need to imply that it's been so long since we last spoke. We spoke at dinner tonight, no less!" He pointed out, fond exasperation in his tone despite his attempts to hide it.
Thorin huffed. "Surely you would not deny a king, his right to speak with a friend? Join me in my chambers. It's been too long since we last properly caught up." He pressed.
Groaning, this time Bilbo didn't bother to stop himself from throwing his hands up in frustration. "By Yavanna, very well you stubborn dwarf. There had better be tea involved or I'll be quite annoyed at your hospitality."
Thorin chuckled, the sound low and deep, reverberating through Bilbo as he swallowed thickly. Yavanna, he loved that sound.
"For you, Master Baggins, I'm sure I can manage."
Following after Thorin into his chambers, he relaxed a little more without the guards watching over him. They hadn't been threatening, but he had been all too aware of them anyway.
Thorin's light amusement seemed to turn all the more concerned however, as the door clicked shut behind them. "Will you tell me now, of what plagues you, Master Baggins?" He asked, voice softer than usual.
Bilbo took a moment to breathe deeply, eyes slipping shut as he prayed for strength, before they opened once more and he turned to Thorin. "It's nothing too important."
"And yet it bothers you, therefore its importance is already assured."
Warming a little at the idea, Bilbo felt his resolve to keep this to himself crumbling.
Settling into one of the chairs, he gathered his thoughts for a moment, Thorin sitting across from him in silence.
"They glorify our war. The struggles they went through. They sing of our brave adventures, but they care little for how much was actually lost. Of what could have been." Bilbo began finally, voice thick with emotion.
Thorin didn't dare interrupt.
"I have nightmares often, terrible dreams of what could have been in each moment, 'what if' scenarios are quite the strong contender. Your near-death is a common one. I honestly did not mean to come find you tonight. I was unable to sleep, so I went on a walk to calm down, and I overheard some dwarves singing the Ballad of our journey, and it reminded me of those same dreams. Then before I knew it I was here."
Humming in understanding, Thorin fought to find the right words to give comfort for the man he cared for. "Most of us have nightmares. You aren't alone in that. Even I often dream of the 'what ifs' and the 'could be's' of our journey. I noticed you check me, although I didn't think much of it."
"It helps, to see you alive." Bilbo admitted, voice soft. "I remember seeing you so pale, turning blue from the frost and cold as the snow beneath you. Sometimes I wish I could come and find you when I have such dreams. Kili and Fili as well, but I dream of your death more often."
Heart aching, Thorin moved himself from his chair to grasp the hobbit's hand, kneeling slightly on the ground. "You are always welcome to come and find me in those cases. It's a small price to pay, even if you wake me, that you should feel comforted and reassured."
Bilbo shook his head quickly, heart pounding. "No, no, that's not necessary. They're just silly nightmares. I can manage just fine. I have until now." He denied.
Thorin sighed. "It is your decision. However just know that I will not judge you for it, should you change your mind." He reassured the hobbit, squeezing gently at his hand.
Relaxing into it's warmth, a small smile played over Bilbo's lips.
"You've gotten soft, Thorin." He teased, eager to break the seriousness of the moment.
The dwarf just chuckled again. "Only for you, Master Baggins. And I expect you to keep it secret."
Leaning down, Thorin pressed a gentle kiss, more of a brush of the lips, to Bilbo's hand before releasing it.
The hobbit flushed red. "I suppose that can be arranged. I may need some convincing though." He offered, stumbling a little through his awkward attempt at flirting.
Thorin raised an amused eyebrow. "Is that so? And what is it that I could possibly offer a hobbit who wants not for riches or gold. How should I buy your favour, Master Baggins?"
Licking his lips, Bilbo spoke before he could regret his choice in words.
"Time. Specifically time tomorrow night to enjoy a meal together. Just the two of us. I'll cook."
Thorin pretended to consider this. "Very well, I fear I have little choice. I can't very well have the mountain thinking I'm getting soft after all. It'll be a date."
He smirked a little as Bilbo blushed even redder, squeaking a little.
"I shall see you tomorrow then, Master Baggins."
Stepping up to the door, Bilbo gave him a pointed look at his comment. "You had been not spend tomorrow calling me that either, Thorin." He warned, the fierceness ruined by the remaining pink of his cheeks.
"As you wish, Bilbo. Good night."
"Good night."
Finally a good night indeed.