All rights reserved to Tom Lynch.
It was difficult waking up. Opening her eyes and looking around at the disarray that has become her life; She refused to move from her cocoon of disillusion and regret. She had lost the one thing, no, the one person that she valued above herself. It was oddly humorous to think just yesterday at this time she wasn't alone, miserable, riddled with guilt, but happy and with her...
Shifting from her side to her back she took a deep breathe; It was caught in her throat as the pain throbbed again inside of her. Lifting herself up to a huddled position, she began to sob. The memories of last nights fatal argument resurfaced.
"You don't love me! Moving here was the biggest mistake we ever made. You've changed so much... And I think those changes aren't ones I can live with. I'm done waiting for you to realize what needed to be done", the words rang in her ears like a forlorn melody. Clenching on to her knotted hair and pulling with trembling hands. She began to scream.
When sound of her voice reached her ears, it shocked her. Primal, dejected, anger, and suffering bounced off every counter of the room; It was the first time she'd ever heard a purely wretched heart render such a song. Surely the neighbors could hear her howls of pain and loneliness through the walls.
The minutes pasted by without her knowing, and the only way she stopped rattling out loud is when the neighbor banged against the wall.
"Shut the fuck up or imma goin' to call the cops!", barked out a gruff voice. From her fetal position on the bed she lifted her head with hands still tangled, with her loud crying turning into body wrenching sobs.
The mirror situated at the end of the bed showed her what she just vocalized. Unsnarling her fingers from the nest that was now her hair she get commenced to trace the residual disaster of her make up. She took in the streaks of eye liner and mascara that ran with her tears, the reddish tone of her usually flawless skin, lip gloss smeared across her cheek and chin showing vile attempts of catching her tears from falling. She looked like shit. And there was no one to blame but herself. Pushing up on her arms, she swung her legs over the edge of the bed. Standing up on shaky legs and starting to shuffle towards the kitchen; Memories coursed through her mind like a dam breaking. She remembered when the made the decision to move up to Seattle was made. \
"It's going to be nerve-racking to be so far away from our friends and family."
"I know babe, but think of all the opportunities we'll have to further our life together", she breathed in her worried lover's ear.
"We'll have each other, and premium cell phone service. Plus there's always Skype."
The comment earned her a light slap on her arm, "You know if you weren't so good in bed, I'd leave you."
Responding with a chuckled, "Psh, like you could." She entwining her love into her arms, leaning down and capturing her lips in a passionate kiss.
It seemed like it happened yesterday and not a year ago. She suddenly found that the kitchen was in front of her, and the need to eat was gone. Her eyes bounced around from the coffee machine, refrigerator, microwave, and finally settling on the photo stuck to cork board by the entry way. After they met it was always 'Spencer and Ashley' or 'Ashley and Spencer'. Kyla even coined the name 'Spashley' for them. She dragged her feet so she was in front of the offending photo; It showed the 'Spashley' that they once were.
They had all gone to eat after Chelsea announced her conclusion to go to Paris for art school. In the mist of everyone clambering to burn the last moments together into their memories, Spencer and Ashley slowed down. The photo, taken of course by Kyla, showed them wrapped up in their love. Spencer pushing away a offending lock of dyed hair back into it's place and Ashley held her glaze with a piercing stare. Sobs racked her body again. She ripped the photo from its place; Shredding it in half again and again, until the pieces showing nothing of the happy scene. Collapsing to the floor into a puddle of despair. She was cut short from wallowing again in self pitied rage.
The phone rang, bright and clear, cutting through the fog that started to form again in her mind.
She ignored it hoping whom ever it was would just leave her alone. After several rings it went to voice message which only caused more pain. "Hey this is the Carlin-Davies residence! Leave a message after the tone." The voice was hers and it bore the knife into her heart more. A resounding beep came from the volatile machine.
" Pick the fuck up! I know you're there. We have to talk about the video for Carlin House and what happened last night. Ashley! Pick up, Spencer called me in a complete mess last night at 2am. Which, by the way, is 5am here! You bett..."
Swiftly picking up the phone Ashley answered it, "Kyla, can you please stop yelling?! What do you mean Spencer called you? Is she ok and where is she staying at?"
"She's torn in two. That's how she is! And you do not get the privilege of knowing where she is at", huffed out Kyla, "Why the fuck did you say that to her? Telling her that you don't like how she's changed. Ashley if anyone should understand it's you!"
Pressing her face into her hand, Ashley leaned on the counter. "Kyla, please stop yelling." The pleading and fatigue clear in her voice, "She's been out at all hours, rarely coming home, and when she is here all she speaks of is work! Also some chick named Gabriel... What woman is named Gabriel? It's a mans name."
Kyla clicked her tongue, "Spencer's name isn't exactly feminine either, and they're only friends. Probably because of the name deal."
There was a brief pause and Ashley moved to speak, but Kyla knew her sister. "Ashley, she cried and broke down. Spencer was on the phone ranting about how she didn't understand what she was supposed to do."
"She was supposed to acknowledge that her work was tearing us apart... Spencer just needed to say that she realized all the time wasted couldn't be received, but that she was going to make a better effort to be around", sobbed Ashley. "All I ever wanted was for her to be in love with me again." Silence over took the conversation; Only Ashley's sobbing and Kyla's breathing to heard over the lines.
"I talked her down from her melt down. After that we spoke about everything, and she's willing to meet with you." Ashley could tell the words were chosen carefully, "Have no doubt the Spencer loves, no, is in love with you. The way things were handled last night by both of you was terrible."
"For you, her and me. I needs my sleep sista!" Kyla's joke fell on deaf ears. All she could think about was the ever building guilt of hurting Spencer. "Kyla" pleaded Ashley trying to cut everything short, "Let me call you back later. I'm going to shower and clear my head."
"Ashley. Call me back later. Ok" "Yes Kyla, I will. Bye." And with that Ashley hung up the phone with a sigh.
Stretching her sore muscles while she walked. Ashley moved towards the wine cabinet. Opening it and pulling out a red Malbec. Grabbing the wine opener and hastily popping the cork; Ashley took a undignified swig from the bottle.
"Here's to drowning the pain away." With that said, Ashley took on the hard task of forgetting the love of her life.