WARNING- IF YOU HAVE NOT COMPLETED THE GRAND MAGIC GAMES ARC- DO NOT CONTINUE READING- SPOILERS AHEAD
I brushed my fingers through his hair, oh how dearly it reminded me of the night sky. Asleep in my arms, it was as though everything I had ever wanted had finally come to life, but I knew I could only savour this feeling for a few moments longer, my time was running out.
I peered over my shoulder, watching the peaceful rise and fall of his chest as he exhaled out of the confident smirk that never seemed to fade. I couldn't help but smile back at him, wishing that I could curl into his chest as wish the pain away, but instead, I could only hope that time would once again turn backwards, the way it did back then, so that I could live this moment over and over without the fear of my unknown future.
How could a man of ice make my heart feel so warm? I asked myself this through my life and death. The evil I spread and the lives I stole. To him, I was still perfection, had only I known that, maybe our fates would have intertwined rather than unraveled like a ball of yarn.
Gray Fullbuster. I truly and most undeniably love you.
The afterlife was nothing like I expected, instead of angels and demons amongst the clouds, I was met with a hallway of memories, each a small video lacrima playing back moments of my life. In disdain, I glared at how horrible I allowed myself to become, watching as I torn apart families, traumatised children and manipulated the minds of those who believed in me. Though I tried fruitlessly, I could never forgive myself for the harm that I imposed on Jellal, how I hoped that he and Meldy were making things right in the world.
Walking through the hallway was a never-ending pathway of hate, disgust and self-loathing, if this is what hell really was, it was far scarier than the idea of soaking in a river of fire. My head throbbed as cold tears began to trickle down my cheeks, my chest feeling as though someone had punched a hole right through it. Had I been walking for a few minutes or a few days? Time, once my greatest power, was absent within this world, sending me further into the depths of my confusion. All I wanted was for everything around me to stop, for the images to freeze, for me to finally feel the peace that I awaited for so long. I crouched to the ground, covering my ears, the pulse from my hands pounding through my mind like a timpani.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I cried over and over. My voice full of hatred from the lacrima was plaguing my mind, bringing back the hurt from my past ten-fold.
"MAKE IT STOP." I shouted, my eyes now filled with forming tears and my skirt damp with those that had fallen. And then there was silence. I stood back up, feeling a strange sense of tallness to my form. Looking to my hands, I saw that my once wrinkled skin had been restored to its youthfulness. I brought my hand to my cheek, feeling the smooth touch of my sun-kissed skin. "Impossible..." I whispered, noticing that even my outfit had been restored to the one which I wore during the Grand Magic Games.
In the distance, I could hear a faint conversation, squinting I was able to make it out as being a solitary lacrima slightly further ahead in the hallway. Before I had a chance to think, my legs carried me to the end of the hallway where I saw a vision of myself, fighting Gray Fullbuster from Fairy Tail. I admired how the water, my mother, seemed to dance around my form as its clear, blue gleam shone against my skin. Watching as Gray embraced my form, my heart grew warm, his passion and determination that day had never left me the same since. It felt as though all those years ago, I left my heart in his hands.
Reaching out to the lacrima, I stroked Gray's face on the screen, wishing that I just one more chance. Wishing that I could tell him just how much I loved him. I sighed, closing my eyes, remembering all the good times that we had together, though there were few, my moments with Gray had made me feel complete, as though his presence were enough to brighten my life.
Suddenly, I once again felt light, the way I did when my body left the earth. I held my breath, a lump forming in my throat. For someone who once lived her life in fearlessness, death had terrified my to the core. I shut my eyes tighter, feeling the sting of tears under my eyelids. And suddenly I felt a breeze.
Rather than the bare white hallway, I was brought back to a world of colour, the sky as blue as ever was present with various breeds of birds and the fields of winter were beginning to fill with a fluffy white snow. Yet before me was the sight that brought the most shock. A small blue letterbox in front of me reading the name 'Fullbuster.' My eyes widened, as I approached the house, the setting sun beginning to turn the sky a beautiful orange tone.
My arm felt surprisingly light as I raised it towards the doorbell, as I pressed forward I was surprised to find my hand passed through the wall. Looking down in horror, I noticed that I could see completely through my hand. "So I guess I'm a ghost then." I sighed. "At least I got another chance to see him..." I took a deep breath, feeling the cool air surround me once again, it was like time had once again gone back to its natural speed, I no longer felt choked in a vortex of timelessness. I pressed forward, preparing to walk through the door when it suddenly flew open.
"Hey... uh hello?" Gray's deep voice called out. He was covered in bruises, his skin coated in purple polka dots. He must have just gotten back from a mission. I stared into his dark blue eyes, how much they reminded me of the sea. His brows furrowed as he turned back "I must be hearing things again." He mumbled to himself as he scratched his head, "I could have sworn it sounded like... her."
"Like me?" I whispered. "Can he hear me?"
His eyes widened but quickly dropped again, "She's dead Gray, you just need to accept it." He lectured himself. How much I hated it when he beat himself up, I guess that's how he felt watching me grieve over my mother. He turned back around, spinning on his heal, his eyes carrying the heaviness of regret. Why was he so sad, I thought to myself. Why am I so sad? My death was for the best of this world. As he pushed the door shut, I slipped through, sticking far away as nerves encased my body. Watching closely, I admired how simplistic his home life was, aside from the few basic necessities, his house was quite empty. His footsteps grew heavier as he trudged toward his bed, echoing through the room until there was a big thump. Rushing to his side, I blushed at the sight of his clothes thrown across the room, and Gray sprawled across his bed, the bruising on his back was far worse than that of his arms. I brushed my fingers across his upper back, wishing that I could be of help to him. My eyes welled up once again and I sniffled, my pain beginning to feel like an uncontrollable fire. As tears fell down my face again, I felt a singular bead of water drop off of my face, soaring through the air as though it were skydiving. I expected nothing less than it to fall through Gray, yet I was astonished to find that it splattered against his back, sending a gold spark across the room. I jumped back, crashing into the wall only to find Gray staring at me, his eyes wide.
"It's... It's not possible." He stuttered. "I saw you disappear. I saw you... Old... What the hell is going on?"
"I... I don't know. I am dead... I was in this place and now I'm here. It felt like purgatory. All time was gone."
Gray reached forward placing his palm against my face. "You feel pretty alive to me..."
"It's not right. I don't deserve to be alive. All I wanted was one more chance to tell you-" I froze suddenly.
Gray raised his eyebrow, he looked like a lost puppy sitting in front of me with his beady eyes. "Tell me what?"
I stared at him, I felt almost starstruck before him. "It's nothing." I turned away, I feared if I told him, I would return to death. I knew I didn't deserve this, I shouldn't be receiving sympathy. But here I was.
He pulled back, his hand not leaving my cheek. "It's obviously something." He replied. Despite seeing a ghost, he was still so straight to the point. It was like nothing scared this guy. He was just... So understanding.
"I have to go..." I panicked, racing towards Gray's door. He quickly followed me, grabbing my wrist.
"Ultear." I melted at the way he said my name. "Everyone from the guild knows your dead, if you don't want to burden anyone, try and keep a low profile."
I nodded, following him back to the living room, the peaceful silence of our reunion was now tense with awkwardness. I watched as Gray paced the room, a small vein on his right temple twitching with each step. "Why are you here?" He asked. "I don't understand."
"Well..." I froze up again.
"Tell me." He snapped, his eyes watering. "It's been months, and now this."
"Gray I..."
"Do you know how much I missed you." He mumbled, biting his tongue immediately after. "Sorry..."
I looked at him sombrely. "You missed me?" I asked.
"Forget I said that." He continued pacing the room.
I stood from the couch, the time around me feeling as though it were standing still. Moving towards Gray, I cupped his face. "No I'm sorry." I said before drawing myself closer to him, my lips connecting with his. I felt my entire body tingle, as though I were a field full of butterflies. I was about to pull away when I felt Gray's arm snaking around my waist. He deepened the kiss with his icy lips sending shocks down my spine. I felt his tongue slip into my mouth as he pushed me onto the couch, his lips trailing down my neck and towards my collar bone. I stroked his hair, cupping his face once again. "Gray Fullbuster, if only for one night. I want you to know that I love you, and I will never, ever forget you." I professed, pulling him into another kiss.
"I love you too Ultear." He whispers. I could see both the sadness and relief in his eyes. I hated that this would hurt him, but I knew that it would also bring the clarity the clarity that we both needed.
Moving to his bedroom, our passionate exchange continued. I felt as Gray professed all of his love to me, and I all my love to him before we both peacefully drifted into a deep slumber.
When I awoke, the morning sun-rays beamed through Gray's curtains, warming my face like a campfire. I brushed my fingers through Gray's hair, oh how dearly it reminded me of the night sky. Asleep in my arms, it was as though everything I had ever wanted had finally come to life, but I knew I could only savour this feeling for a few moments longer, my time was running out.
I peered over my shoulder, watching the peaceful rise and fall of his chest as he exhaled out of the confident smirk that never seemed to fade. I couldn't help but smile back at him, wishing that I could curl into his chest as wish the pain away, but instead, I could only hope that time would once again turn backwards, the way it did back then, so that I could live this moment over and over without the fear of my unknown future.
How could a man of ice make my heart feel so warm? I asked myself this through my life and death. The evil I spread and the lives I stole. To him, I was still perfection, had only I known that, maybe our fates would have intertwined rather than unraveled like a ball of yarn.
Gray Fullbuster. I truly and most undeniably love you.
I slipped out of the bed, feeling as I begun to fade away. I scrambled to a notepad I had caught a glimpse of the previous night and scribbled a few words before my body once again turned to dust. This time I knew I was going home to my mother's arms, to the better side of the afterlife. To the family that I never got to have.
"Gray Fullbuster, I will truly and utterly never forget you"- Ultear.
