DANGER MOUSE:
BY THE BOOK
WRITTEN BY ZARIUS
I've been told to keep very, very quiet, so quiet in fact that the narration button is in danger of having the "mute" switch activated.
"Splendid to see you comply narrator, the last thing we need are these little rattlers, well, rattling" Danger Mouse replied to me, but even his compliments proved too much of a commotion for one other individual.
"Keep the noise down Danger Mouse, I've only just managed to keep one of them from giving the floor a warm golden glow" Squawkencluck cautioned as she prepared to administer a fresh diaper to one of the Danger Babies
"Can I help Professor?" Penfold asked.
"I don't know Penfold, have you managed to do some biological research beforehand?" she asked
"Professor, I'll have you know I don't like being teased like that" revealed Penfold.
"You don't really think I took your 'they grow up so fast' thing to be literal right? I was teasing you silly" said Squawkencluck, patting the Danger Baby on the toosh as it let out a rude ripple from it's mouth.
"Ugh, it's breath is worse than it's butt" replied Danger Mouse.
Squawkencluck put the baby to sleep with the rest of them, then handed Danger Mouse a book.
"What's this for?" he asked.
"These are all the bedtime stories approved by the Danger Agency. They're specifically designed to provide the Danger Babies with conformity and discipline"
Danger Mouse was left flabbergasted by the contents of the book.
"There's columns upon columns of important figure's phone books and addresses in here"
"Helps them with memorizing locations and those in high society, the kind that depend on us to keep their interests secure so they can help keep the rest of the nation secure" said Squawkencluck.
"What's a crossword puzzle doing in this? You can't read someone a crossword puzzle" Danger Mouse responded.
"I read the clues to them while they doze off, that way they're keen to give me the answers in the morning having ran it over time and again in their slumber"
"This isn't leaving much else to their imagination Professor" said Penfold.
"After the chaos your chief of calamity caused tapping into their imaginations, I assure you this is for the best" Sqawackencluck responded, and handed Penfold a fresh sack of diapers.
"Don't wear them out" she said, giving Penfold a wink, "And don't actually start wearing them either"
"I resent such an accusation" Penfold replied, not realizing one of the babies had awoken and pinned the diaper to his waist already.
Squawkencluck made her way to another darkly lit room. Greeting her was Danger Moth.
"Care for some popcorn?" she asked.
"Don't mind if I do" said Squawkencluck.
"How long do you reckon it'll take for Danger Mouse to cease going by the book?"
"When he does, and it backfires, it'll all be captured on film and I can use that footage to discredit him with the front office. He'll never be allowed to babysit my pride and joys again"
"What about Penfold?" Danger Moth probed.
"Ah, the sweet little thing knows his way around children, I wouldn't mind him doing it" Squawkencluck assured her.
Something suddenly caught her attention on the hidden camera feed
"What on Earth is he doing?" Squawkencluck said in response
Danger Moth had one of the cameras zoom in on what Danger Mouse was up to.
"He's filling in the crossword puzzle" she said.
Squawkencluck's hand gripped the popcorn so tightly, it caused them to disintegrate.
"That's the defining rule of leaving something for someone to read while waiting for something to happen...they're bound to always go for the crossword puzzle" Danger Moth suggested.
Squawkencluck looked upwards at the clock, and for the next fifteen hours, counted down the precious moments where the babies would wake up, be set their daily routine, carry on with their training, leaving her free to administer to Danger Mouse the kind of vindictive pain that would not normally be approved of by the Danger Agency.
That is, unless she planned to file her treatment of Danger Mouse under a 'cautionary tale' category of her existing book, to teach children the pitfalls of stepping outside of your boundaries with those in your care.
Uh oh Squawkencluck just gave me a gaze all but confirming she approves of the idea.
I really should have pressed that 'mute' button.