-Peter's House-
(Peter sits at the table when Eddie walks into the living room.)
Eddie: Um…Peter?
Peter: Yeah?
Eddie: …Are you Spider-man?
Peter: Hell no! Why would you even ask me that?!
Eddie: Because, I found this in the bathroom.
(Eddie pulls out a Spider-man suit.)
Peter: …oh…um…I'm just washing his outfit, he-
Eddie: Bullshit. I'm not stupid Peter.
Peter: You aren't?!
Eddie: Very funny. Now admit it! You are Spider-man!
Peter: Okay, okay. I'm Spider-man. Please don't tell anyone! If you haven't noticed, I'm trying to keep this a secret.
Eddie: Don't worry, I won't tell…if you give me 20 dollars…
Peter: WHAT!? No…
Eddie: I wonder who would like to find out first. Maybe Jameson would get a few good laughs from this…
Peter: -stands up- Okay! Here's 20 dollars…bitch…
Eddie: -takes the money- What?
Peter: Nothing…
Eddie: Wow, blackmailing you is making me tired. Let's go get ice cream at Wal-Mart!
Peter: YAY! Wal-Mart is the best! We could-
Eddie: Shut up and let's go!
(Eddie and Peter go to Wal-Mart. When they get there, they see Harry in the cologne isle.)
Peter: Holy crap! Harry!?
Harry: Peter? Goddamnit! I knew that we went to the same Wal-Mart as each other!
Peter: -sarcastically- I can't believe that I ever denied it…anyways, what are you here for?
Harry: Oh, I just wanted to see if this Axe cologne stuff really worked.
Eddie: Trust me, it doesn't.
Harry: Oh, well, I still want to see how it smells.
(Harry sprays on the cologne.)
Harry: It smells…okay…
Peter: -snatches the cologne away from Harry- Are you done yet because we were just on our way to pick up some ice cream.
Harry: Ice cream?! I love ice cream! I'll get some too!
Peter: Copycat…
(Peter, Harry, and Eddie go to the frozen food isle.)
Eddie: Ah yes…cookies and cream.
Peter: More like cookies and ass! Let's get Butter Pecan!
Eddie: But I'm allergic to Pecans!
Peter: Exactly…
Harry: I know! Let's get Butter Pecan!
Peter: I just said that!
Harry: Oh…well, let's get the vanilla with the chocolate mixed in with it.
Eddie: No! I'm allergic to chocolate!
Harry: If you're allergic to chocolate, then why do you want cookies and cream?
Eddie: Okay. I'm not really allergic to chocolate; it's just that I don't want that type of ice cream.
Peter: How about we just get plain vanilla?
Harry: How about you just take that plain vanilla and shove it right up your-
Eddie: Wait, listen! Do you hear that?
(Everyone stops and listen. They hear a crowd of people running toward them.)
Peter: What the fuck…
Eddie: Is that…is that a bunch of women racing toward us?
Peter: It is!
Harry: Oh my God! Don't you understand? They're coming for me!
Peter: Yeah right. Who would come for you?
Harry: No, seriously. Remember when I sprayed that cologne on me a few minutes ago?
Eddie: I've already told you, that shit does not work!
Peter: Well, tell that to the crowd of girls chasing after Harry.
Eddie: What!
(Eddie and Peter look over to see Harry running from a few dozen women.)
Harry: Holy crap! Save me!
One of the girls chasing Harry: Bow chicka wah-wow!
(Harry runs out of Wal-Mart.)
Eddie: Damn…guess I was wrong…
Peter: Poor Harry. Should we help him?
Eddie: Yea… after ice cream.
(Eddie walks away and Peter quickly grabs some Butter Pecan ice cream. Back at Harry's house, Harry comes busting through the front door.)
Harry: -breathing hard- Holy shit…I can't believe that just happened.
Bernard: Mr. Osborn, there is a crowd of screaming girls outside. I-…sir, where are your pants?
Harry: Please don't ask…
Bernard: Okay…
Harry: Can you do me a quick favor?
Bernard: Yes sir?
Harry: Can you start the shower up for me?
Bernard: Right away.
(Bernard goes upstairs and turns on the shower. Harry goes to his room.)
Harry: Maybe if I take a shower, I can get this smell of off me and I'll be able to go outside.
(Harry begins to take off his clothes when he suddenly hears a voice.)
Voice: Harry…Harry…
Harry: -turns around- What, who's there?! Who said that!?
Voice: Harry…you know what you have to do…
(Harry grabs a towel and runs in the bathroom.)
Harry: -sighs- At least I can't hear that weird ass voice anymore.
Bernard: -from outside the door- Mr. Osborn, your shower is ready… also, please try not to drown in there like last time….
Harry: Okay, thanks!
(Harry is about to step into the shower until he notices something in the mirror.)
Harry: -looking into the mirror- Oh damn! I'm sexy as hell! I wonder why I didn't notice this before…
(Harry begins to smile and make poses in the mirror when he hears that voice again.)
Voice: Harry! Stop joking around and listen to me!
Harry: What!? –He looks up into the mirror- What the-DAD!?
Norman: Yes son, it's me.
Harry: But- I thought you where dead!
Norman: I am. But I'm alive in you.
Harry: …um…what does that supposed to mean?
Norman: Just be quite and listen! Are you not aware that your so called 'friend' Peter is Spider-man?
Harry: Well…now I am.
Norman: He was the one who killed me!
Harry: Holy crap…that bastard!
Norman: Yes, and now you know what you must do!
Harry: …um…get in the shower before the water gets cold?
Norman: No! You must kill Peter Parker!
Harry: But, but, but-he's my friend!
Norman: Would your 'friend' kill your father?
Harry: Um…I don't know. That's what I would do…
Norman: -sighs- Harry just kill Peter.
Harry: Okay.
(Harry just stands there for a moment while looking at Norman.)
Norman: Well, what are you waiting for?!
Harry: Dad! I can't take a shower with you still here!
Norman: -sighs- Whatever!
(Norman disappears from the mirror. Harry just stands there looking shocked.)
Harry: Damn…I can't believe I have to…kill Peter. But-no! He killed my father! I shouldn't think of it as 'killing Peter' but I should think of it as 'killing Spider-man.' Yeah…
(Harry gets in the shower and beings to form a plan. Back at Peter's house, he and Eddie are eating ice cream.)