I'm bored.
Pairings: Style, Bunny, Creek, mentioned Dip
~x~
Do you think it's weird to have homosexual feelings for your best friend? Do you think it's weird that I might be gay for Kyle?
No way.
Me too.
I'm not sure when I started to… "like" Kyle. It must've been around seventh grade, the time we almost kissed during a school field trip to Denver for some musical Mr. Garrison wanted to see. I remember Kenny and I had been walking across the street together and a truck was coming. Kyle wasn't big enough to move us both, but he sure as hell tried. Kenny was killed (big surprise), and Kyle had landed on top of me, and we were kinda… lost in the moment? We were inches away from kissing when I realized Kenny hadn't made it. So Kyle and I did the usual "Ohmigawd, you killed Kenny!" "You bastard!"
Awkward much?
Anyway, I think I'm going to tell Kyle during the college trip us juniors are taking to San Francisco, California. I don't want to keep this a secret, so I'm going to tell the most understanding person I can think of.
Kenny.
~x~
Two weeks later…Kenny was laying on the beach alone, almost as if he was waiting for the waves to crash over him and drown him. Pier 39 in San Fran was truly an amazing place. The rest of our year had walked down the base of the Golden Gate Bridge, but Kenny had stayed behind, so I did too. He didn't think this weird… In fact, I think he knew I was going to talk to him.
As I drew closer to my super hot friend (yeah, he's pretty damn fine), I realized he was singing.
"Oh, doctor doctor,
I must've gotten this sick some how.
I'm going to ask you a series of questions,
And I want them answered on the sport, right now.
Is it serious?
I'm afraid it is.
Am I gonna die?
Well, son, death is gonna catch up to all one day,
But yours is coming quicker than ours, ours…" he stopped singing as the waves reached his feet.
"Tide's coming in, Ken," I said. "I think you should try to go a week without dying."
He looked up at me and grinned. "I agree."
He sat up as I sat down. I wrapped my arms around my knees and looked out to Alcatraz, admiring its haunting beauty against the gray sky.
"So, what do you want to talk to me about?" asked Kenny easily.
"How did you know?"
"You get this look," answered Kenny, raising his hands in a feeble example. "Anxious, almost. I know you've been waiting to get me alone. That's why I didn't go with everyone else. To give you a chance."
He stood, and I did as well. I have to admit, I admired Kenny's observational skills. We began walking slowly along the beach, the waves licking out feet. As I watched them pull away, I got the dizzy feeling of moving really quickly.
Kenny sighed. "Stan?"
"Sorry," I said hastily. "I was wondering… Okay, this is a bit awkward, but… when did you first know you loved Butters?"
Kenny smiled fondly. "I knew it! You like Kyle!"
I blushed. "I-I… I guess?"
"Hah!" he said. "Damien owes me fifty bucks!"
"You bet on it?" I cried.
"Duh," answered Kenny. "I needed some money and Damien was bored. Pip was away in England visiting his sister, so Damien used me as entertainment… in a completely non-sexual way. I wouldn't do that to Buttercup."
"Assholes," I seethed.
"Anyway," said Kenny, chuckling. "Uhm… I guess… I couldn't get him out of my head and I just wanted to be the only one that mattered to Butters. Kind of selfish, but love does that to you… I thought it was just a phase, like how Kyle wants to be the one there for Ike in his time of pain. But it wasn't. Secretly, I've been fond of Butters since around fourth grade, but that was in a friendly way… or so I thought. I guess… me and Butters are a match made in Hell."
"Hell?"
"Well, all those damned homophobes say gays go to Hell, right?" reasoned Kenny. "Besides, Satan is pretty chill and Damien is kick-ass to play against in Halo. In Heaven… you sit around and eat cookies while hating on Jews. Go there, and we'll all end up like Cartman. Fatass Nazis."
I laughed and scuffed my feet in the wet sand.
"Can I tell you something?" asked Kenny.
"Sure," I said.
"Well… I'm going to ask Butters to marry me," said Kenny quietly. "At the end of the summer. I doubt he'll say yes. I mean, it's a fucking miracle he's with me because I'm such a damn man-whore, eye-em-oh."
"Don't text talk," I snapped. "But go on…"
"I was kidding, dude," said Kenny. "Anyway… am I just wasting my time in even thinking there's a shred of hope for us? Seriously, who wants a husband that's dying all the time and worrying he might not come back this time? That that one was really the end and whoops, you forgot to say goodbye. He's not coming back, and you're fucked."
"Shut the fuck up, Kenny," I said. "Butters is so lucky to have you. You're not a man-whore, just because you're not a prude like the rest of our shitty, red-neck town. I think you should ask him. There's no way he can say no."
"Stan! Kenny!"
I looked up (suddenly seeing that it was almost dark), and saw Kyle running toward Kenny and I.
"Hey dude," I said, smiling.
"Butters, Craig, Tweek, and I were gonna go up to the Warf and get something to eat," said Kyle. "Wanna come?"
"Sure," said Kenny, swiping off Kyle's green ushanka (?) hat. "But you're paying."
"Fuck you," Kyle pouted as I ruffled his red Jew-fro (K/N: The nickname I gave it~ :D) playfully.
"Let's go," said Kenny. "I'm fucking cold."
"The Warf won't make it better," I said.
"Who cares?" said Kenny. "Food and shopping."
Kenny had been saving up for this trip ever since Shelley came here a few years back. He had managed to save up three hundred, forty-nine dollars and sixty cents. He didn't need to worry about airfare, though, because Kyle had driven me, him, and Butters down to San Fran (mainly to get out of school a few days early in order to get here at the same time as the rest of the juniors), and the school was paying for hotel.
We piled into Kyle's car that he got for his sixteenth birthday, and began driving toward Pier 39.
"Dude, I'm so hungry," said Craig, running his fingers through Tweek's hair idly while said blonde slept. "It took forever to get to the bridge and back."
"Watching those surfers crash into the rocks was pretty cool, though," said Kyle, smiling.
"I guess…" said Craig, staring out the window and flipping off random bystanders.
Butters was snuggled into Kenny, fast asleep. No wonder Kenny was so cold, I realized. Butters is wearing his hoodie.
How did I miss that?
Kyle parked back at our hotel and we got out and began walking down to the Warf.
"I w-wanna go to, nngh, Alcatraz before we have to—GAH—leave," said Tweek, twitching.
"I heard it's haunted as hell," said Kenny, grinning maniacally. "The ghosts of the insane, murderous, and dangerous criminals still lurk in there."
Yeah, Death over and over made you a bit crazy.
"G-ghosts?" said Tweek, spazzing out. "So close?! W-what if they come over the w-water and—AH—get us?"
He twitched and jumped, clinging to Craig.
I gave Craig The Look, and he nodded, then kissed Tweek hard and long.
The Look was what we gave Craig in order to tell him to calm Tweek down without words. It worked, as Tweek twitched once, twice, then relaxed, now working his mouth against Craig's.
I have to say it…. Awwwwwwwh. How cute~
When they pulled apart, we continued walking.
"I wanna look at some things," said Kyle suddenly. "I'm not that hungry anymore. I'll meet you guys by the seal-things at ten, okay?"
"It's seven-thirty now," said Kenny, checking his phone. "See you at ten, then."
"Stan, do you wanna come?" asked Kyle.
I glanced at Kenny, who nodded encouragingly, then smiled at Kyle. "Sure, dude."
Kyle and I walked amongst the many useless souvenirs and clothes, occasionally picking up a shirt or shot glass, then setting it back down.
"Stan?" said Kyle.
I looked away from a black shirt that said, "I'm just one big fucking ray of sunshine, aren't I?" and met Kyle's eyes. He looked worried.
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay?" he asked. "You've been… distant lately?"
"I'm fine," I said, following him out of the shop. "Let's go check out Alcatraz at night, shall we?"
Anything to avoid this.
"Sure," sighed Kyle. "But you're not getting out of it that easily, Stan Marsh. I want to know what's wrong."
We moved through the multiple shops on the Pier, avoiding last-minute stragglers getting something to eat.
"I can't tell you," I mumbled.
"What?"
"I said, I can't tell you," I replied, a bit louder.
"Why not?"
"It's awkward."
"Oh, God," he said. "You have a boner for Cartman, don't you? Traitor!"
"Fuck, no!" I said, shocked. "That's sick, dude!"
"Then what is it?" asked Kyle. "I can't think of anything more awkward than that…."
"I can," I sighed, folding my arms over each other and leaning on the rail of the pier, my eyes on the dark water.
"What?"
"Please don't make me tell," I begged, a gust of wind ruffling my hair.
"If you were my Super Best Friend, you would!" snapped Kyle, losing his patience.
"I love you," I blurted, then covered my mouth in horror.
"Wh-what?" asked Kyle.
"I said… I love you," I said honestly, silently begging for some homophobe to jump out of the water and shoot me.
Then I remembered that I'm in San Francisco, not South Park.
I waited for Kyle to explode, the scream that I'm an ass-ramming faggot that was going to Hell. But Kyle wasn't like that, so I knew he wouldn't. Most of his friends were gay, anyway. I still waited for some sort of rejection, for him to say that he liked Kelly or Bebe or even Wendy. But he didn't.
He kissed me.
Kyle cupped my face in his hands and kissed me full on the mouth. Right there in San Francisco. It wasn't rough or demanding, but slow and gentle. Loving, even.
"I love you too," he said, resting his forehead against mine.
Nothing could ruin this moment, our moment. Not Kenny, not Craig, Tweek, or Butters. Not homophobes, not ghosts attacking us from the abandoned prison nestled out in the bay, not even God himself.
This was how it's supposed to be.
~x~
This just in: Corn-monster attacks fanfiction authoress, Kelly. The monster was unseen, and snuck up on her while she was listening to Tidus and Yuna's Sky Theme from Final Fantasy X. She remained unharmed, but suffered from a shitty fanfiction ending.
HAH.
That sucked so bad.
This question might've come up: Why the FUCK are they in San Francisco?
Because I like San Fran, the ocean, and I thought the ocean during the night was perfect for Tidus and Yuna's Sky Theme.
So yeah.
Also, who here thinks I should do a spin off of Kenny's proposal to Butters?