AN: This is my new story, ta-da! I hope you all enjoy it and don't forget to read and review. A few things firstly, though: 1. I have realized that Carlisle is a very difficult character to write!! 2. Please stick around with this story; I have it planned out exactly. I will make it the best it can be.
Thank you to my new Beta: LeahAdele.
Disclaimer: I'm not Stephenie Meyer.
No Beginning, No End
"Is this the master plan? You're gonna stop me by telling me you love me?"
"Well, I was gonna walk you off a cliff and hand you an anvil, but it seemed kind of cartoony."
-Willow and Xander, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Chapter 1: He Said Good-bye
As I glanced down at my watch, I was mildly surprised to find that it was nearing seven o'clock at night. Sometimes it amazed me at how fast time flied. Especially, since I could have gone on working for another seventy-two hours straight before I would feel any need to go home. Unfortunately, with this human facade, that was impossible. I would have to pause for food and sleep breaks. I let out a heavy sigh.
"Are you heading home now, Dr. Cullen?" A heavy set nurse by the name of Betty asked me. Betty was a very nice lady who had three children and had to go home to take care of her eldest son's daughter. Her son refused to take full responsibility of his child and she was forced to be the surrogate mother to her three year old granddaughter. She always had dark bags underneath her eyes and constantly looked exhausted. I felt sympathy toward this hard-working middle-class human.
"Yeah, I was thinking about it," I said, giving her a warm smile.
She beamed. "Say hello to that lovely wife of yours. Wow, six kids, I can't imagine it. Never mind that, six teenagers," Betty's eyes widened at the notion.
"They're the best family. I believe I can no longer call them children," I shook my head in a mock-form of astonishment.
Betty snorted. "No matter what, they'll always be your children."
I smiled faintly. "Yes, that's true."
"Are they all still living with you and your wife? I can't imagine that they are. Some are in college, yes?" I wondered what the sudden interest in my family was. I had to choose my words carefully. Betty was looking at me eagerly. She seemed too interested in what I had to say for me to try and change the subject.
"Yes, they are," I decided to keep my answer short.
"That must be some big house."
I gave her a sideways look. "What's the sudden interest in my family about, Betty?" I asked lightly, trying not to be defensive.
I had changed hospital locations. After an additional eight years, I couldn't exactly continue to be a doctor at the Forks hospital. My co-workers already had a difficult time accepting me being in my thirties, I had to leave there soon after Nessie was born. I now worked at a hospital in British Columbia. Anyone from Forks would have to drive six hours, roughly, to get to this hospital. It took me only two with the way I drove. It was unlikely that I would get caught by anyone from Forks. Plus, working in Canada made it even more unlikely.
"I've always been interested," she shrugged. I never thought of Betty to be such a nosey person. I started to feel annoyance toward this woman, even though I desperately wished I didn't. I had no right to judge. She was just being curious, like humans were. Bless them.
Besides, I had spent years avoiding suspicion from humans. I shouldn't feel so uncomfortable with her questions. I had lived through this so many times over it was as simple as anything.
"Well, they do still live with Esme and I. It's nice...we enjoy they're company thoroughly," I answered her. I hoped that was a satisfying enough response for her.
"Do you see any grandchildren in your future? I tell you, sometimes I prefer being a grandma then a mother," Betty's expression dropped slightly.
I immediately think of Nessie. But no one can know about her; which is something that frustrates my granddaughter to no end. "I don't think I'll be a grandfather for quite some time."
Betty nods as if she knows exactly what I'm talking about.
"I apologize Betty, but my wife is expecting me home for dinner soon," I say glancing at my watch to emphasize my hasty leave.
"Oh, yes, of course! I don't mean to keep you waiting. Have a nice evening, Dr. Cullen," she smiles at me in adoration. It's hard not to notice these women who attempt to flirt with me. I always feel guilty for having to act oblivious to their forward gestures. It was obvious that she wanted more of a response from my answers. Maybe, she would have liked it if I innocently flirted back?
"You as well," I nod and head quickly to my office to retrieve my things and drive home. All I could think of right now was seeing Esme's warm inviting smile. No matter where we were in the world, as long as I saw Esme happy and glowing, I felt at home. That was a nice feeling.
I soon found myself making my way onto the highway in my Mercedes, eager to get home with every passing second. I thought about the welcome I got every single night I returned home from work. It was the perfect hello. Esme would greet me with a kiss on the cheek and we'd share a small moment with one another. Whoever else was home would say 'hi' in such a careless way that it made me feel so good that we had reached a point as a family where seeing one another all the time was just like breathing. It was inevitable that we would all return home and be there for one another whenever it was needed.
So caught up in my thoughts, was I, that I hadn't realized the silver Volvo driving closely behind me. I blinked and saw that it was Edward with a fierce look of determination plastered across his features. I gave him a curious look through my rear-view mirror and pulled over to the side of the deserted road. I quickly got out of the car feeling anxious. Edward was already out of his car, waiting impatiently.
"Edward, is there something wrong?" I asked striding toward him. He stood very still and held up a hand to stop my advancement.
"I need you to do several things for me," he said slowly. The intense look on his face prevented me from asking the millions of questions running through my head. Although, he didn't need me to say them aloud to know them.
I hesitated, wondering what these 'several things' could be, because in that moment I got the impression that Edward was about to say something very unsettling. "Yes, of course. What is it, son?"
"I have to go and I need you to watch out for Nessie and Bella for me. I need you to do this for me. Please." Edward's intensity increased when he pleaded. He felt very strongly with what he was saying to me. This meant a lot to him and he didn't want me to disappoint him. Despite his cool facade, I could see the desperation behind his set-features. It was staggering and only made me more nervous as to what he was going to do.
"Of course. Edward, what's going on? Can I help...?"
"Watch them," he said firmly. "Watch them," he repeated. I didn't pull away from his gaze, as much as I wanted to. I felt overwhelmed with the confusion of the situation.
I felt my jaw go slack as I stared at my son. I had seen him go through a lot over the past ten years. He had fallen in love, he had tried to fall out of love, he had sacrificed his happiness for the woman he cared most for, he had married, he had become a father, he had faced his fate without a seconds hesitation, he had been willing to give up his own life to protect his family...so I trusted that what he was about to do was the right thing.
"Don't tell them I spoke to you either. Just...try to pretend you hadn't seen me at all tonight," he said.
I started. "I can't do that -" I thought about lying to my family and it immediately turned my stomach.
"Please, dad. Try...I need time. I can't be worried that they have followed me right away," Edward said quickly.
"You want them to think you've abandoned them?" I asked incredulously. As much as I trusted him, I didn't understand him. What a horrible impression he wanted to leave on his family. I wondered aimlessly why he was proceeding with this departure in this way.
"Just trust me. That's all I ask," Edward said.
He knew I did. He knew I would; so I nodded because that was all I could think of doing. I wanted to beg him to stop and explain, but I knew that it would be a fruitless attempt. Edward understood my dedication. He gave me one last look of his quiet desperation before turning back to his car.
"Be careful," I called out as he sped off down the dark highway.
I hadn't moved for quite some time. I just stared after the Volvo that had been out of my sight for a while now.
What was I going to say to my family? To Bella? To Nessie? To Esme? They wouldn't take my vague explanation easily. They would demand more information and would probably try to go after Edward like he said they might. It was useless. He was long gone. He would only return when he wanted to.
Something caught my eye and I looked down wondering how I hadn't seen it at first? On the ground was a white envelope. Edward had left it. I picked it up and found a sticky note blocking the seal, it read:
Give this to Bella when you have no other choice...
No other choice? I pinched the bridge of my nose, imitating Edward. I hoped it would help me. It didn't.
Dreading the upcoming conversation, I walked slowly to my car; I no longer looked forward to going home. Once I was in my seat I sat without moving. What was I going to do? Should I act as if everything was normal? I turned on the engine. I glanced at my watch realizing that it was now eight. I pressed my foot on the pedal urging the car to go faster just so I could have something to do.
Without meaning to, I imagined how Bella would respond to Edward's absence. I shuddered at the thought. I knew how she'd respond and was convinced that it would be a miserable time for everybody. I wish I was able to fix Edward's problem. It would solve all the pain and heartache his leaving will mark on all of us. But, obviously, I could not help Edward at all. I hoped this would all be over soon. I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle Nessie's pain...
I don't think any of us are.
As I got closer and closer to home, I decided that I wouldn't even bring up Edward's absence. I felt horrible for doing it. I felt absolutely terrible. Why did Edward leave me with such a difficult task?
I could hear the inner workings of my household as I guided my car along the highway that led to the drive toward our house. I didn't think I could face them. I'm such an awful person for even considering doing this.
I couldn't hide my detestation for very long. Jasper would surely feel my despair and mention it to the rest of the family. It was no use, I couldn't hide it forever.
Did I owe it to Edward to keep quiet?
I owed a whole lot to my first son. But this?
I had to find the right way to handle this. There had to be a right way. I walked slowly across the meadow in front of our house, up the porch steps and opened our front door.
Esme was waiting for me like I had hoped. She came over and kissed me lightly on the lips.
"How was your day?" she asked, nicely.
I can't lie to her. I can't lie to her.
I turn and shrug slightly, hanging up my coat.
"Carlisle?" the concern is already present in her tone.
I looked at her meaningfully in the eye. "I'll be in my study." Before I could feel powerless under her stare, I raced to the stairs.
"Carlisle, what's up?" I heard Emmett call to me from the living room, but I ignored him. Jasper gave me a pointed look before I completely disappeared up the stairs.
Once I was in my study I closed the door tightly in relief. I was hiding out from my own family! It was absurd! What will I do? I was sincerely at a loss of how to handle things. The only thing that made the most sense to me was to tell my family the truth: Edward had left.
But then, Edward had begged me to keep it silent for a little while. Although, he had left a note to me to give the letter to Bella when I had no other choice...what did that mean? I sat in my chair behind my desk and buried my face in my hands in frustration. I replayed everything that Edward said to me over and over. Was there a way around what he had said?
He told me to just try to keep up the facade. I was trying and failing at keeping it quiet. I couldn't even look my family in the eye long enough for them to not suspect something! From the moment I walked through that door Esme knew something was wrong. They all knew me too well for Edward's good. This wouldn't work at all.
Edward had to have known that. Maybe that's why he said, 'just try...'
It couldn't be managed, but I could try.
The only thing that I could think of doing in this moment was to wait.
I sat in the dark of my study, waiting.
Waiting for someone to realize what was going on.
I hoped it would be soon.
After hours of my waiting, finally, I heard Bella enter the house. Emmett and Jasper were watching the television. Esme was pacing back and forth downstairs, worrying endlessly about me. I tried to block her anxiety out, but it was near impossible. Rosalie was in her bedroom, fretting over her appearance. Alice was outside, seemingly relaxing out in the night.
And Renesmee was out with Jacob.
Bella asked the question I had been dreading: "Has anyone seen Edward? I've been trying to call him for hours..." She was playing around with her phone; I could hear its digital noise with each press of a button.
"No, I haven't seen him since this morning," Esme contributed. She had stopped her pacing and focused her attention on a concerned Bella.
"It's not like him to not pick up the phone," Bella muttered, confused. She tried to hide it, but I could feel the worry building up in her tone. Her pain would come soon. Once she knew...
"Maybe he just doesn't want to talk to you," Emmett offered. I heard Rosalie exit the confines of her bedroom and head swiftly down the stairs.
"Emmett, don't be mean," Rosalie chastised. "I'll try and call him." Rosalie pulled out her phone and waited while the other line rang and rang before Edward's voice-mail picked up. Rosalie obviously gave up after that as I heard her close her phone.
Emmett snorted. "Yeah, like you're any better than Bella." I heard Rosalie smack her husband for his comment. "I meant to Edward!" he apologized. Alice entered the house and there was silence as they all tried to call Edward, with no luck.
I could almost hear Esme thinking. "Carlisle, can you come down here?" her voice was soft and didn't betray any of her suspicions: that I knew something.
I really wished I could ignore her. I headed down stairs. Everyone was looking at me hopefully. I saw all their expressions. Some of them were suspicious. And strangely, Rosalie looked as if she knew the answer to what was going on. She was frowning and a crease in her forehead indicated that she was fuming inside. I looked at Bella lastly to find that she was holding her stomach, her expression showed her fear and anxiety.
The tension was thick and it was only a matter of time before someone exploded. I think I knew who it would be too...
"Well, do you know where he is?" Bella asked the moment my foot reached the bottom step.
I closed my eyes. "No, I don't know where he went." I regretted almost immediately for phrasing it the way I had, because they all seemed to catch my double meaning.
"'Where he went?'" Emmett repeated. He seemed to give the conversation his full attention now. Apparently it was more interesting than whatever was happening on the television.
"Carlisle," Bella's voice was small. I didn't want to hear anything more. I wished I could freeze time. If I were to have any extra-vampire ability I wished it was the power of stopping everything at once. I wanted to stop Bella mid-request and go on with the next while until Edward came back home. "Did you talk to Edward? Where is he? Please, you have to tell me!" Her voice changed from small to urgent in an instant. Her tone made her questions harder to ignore.
I sighed, allowing the truth to escape my lips. "I talked to Edward a few hours ago," I said. I reached to my back pocket and presented Bella with the letter Edward had left in my possession.
"What -?" Bella yanked the letter from my hand but seemed reluctant to read its contents. She stared at her name scrawled in Edward's elegant handwriting. She slowly backed up and seemed too weak to stand any longer - which never happened to a vampire - as she sunk into the seat beside Emmett. Emmett stared at the letter with a look of understanding and pity. He put a large hand on Bella's shoulder; she was shaking from head to toe. I saw her swallow slowly.
"I'm sorry," was all I could think of saying. I truly was - more than anyone would ever know. I sneaked a glance at my wife who looked absolutely thrown at the exchange. But when she finally looked away from Bella and the letter and stared back at me, I knew that she understood how sorry I was.
R/R!!!!!