The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters has run off to the zoo. I set this story before DOOML. Why? Because I wanted to! HA HA HA HA HA!
Oh yes, I have gone quite mad.
Penance The Menace
"What are all of you doing?" Hank addressed the students in the living room playing video games.
"Putting on an amateur production of Cats," Tabitha quipped. "What does it look like we're doing Beast?"
"There's no need to be so snippy Tabitha," Xavier gave her a look as he wheeled in. "And why is this room so dark?"
"It's a lovely day," Hank drew back the curtains. "You should be outside. The sun is shining. The birds are singing…"
SHRED!
"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"The squirrels are screaming as they're being disemboweled," Hank blinked.
"Penny's having one of her little squirrel hunts isn't she?" Xavier sighed.
"That's why we're in here," Bobby told him.
"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"You kids might want to crank up the volume," Hank drew back the curtain. "You can still hear the screams."
"Penny still out there slaughtering the innocent squirrels?" Rogue walked in with Jean and Scott.
"Yeah there's more blood out there than in a slasher film," Tabitha said. "Some of which got on my brand new shoes. Hence my snippy mood. That and I totally stink at this game! AAAHH! WHY DO I ALWAYS RUN OUT OF PLUNGERS WHEN I NEED THEM THE MOST? DIE YOU STUPID BUNNIES! DIE!"
"Maybe Penny should play this game?" Scott quipped. "Sounds like she'd be a natural at it."
"Professor you wanted to talk to us about new ideas for presenting the Xavier Institute in a more favorable light?" Jean asked.
"Actually I had one," Hank told them. "We should focus on the students of the Institute. Show the public the human side of mutation."
"That's not a bad idea," Scott said. "So what some kind of public address commercial?"
"Why waste money on that when you can do it on Me Tube for free?" Tabitha asked.
"She has a point," Jamie nodded. "I can set it up easy. So who should we put on the web? How about someone cute? Like me?"
"Aren't you already on the net with that stupid news show you have?" Rogue asked.
"What news show?" Jean blinked.
"Nothing, never mind," Jamie coughed. "Not important."
"Actually I was considering someone else," Hank said. "A young lady who might convey our message more eloquently."
"Well Beast I'm flattered that…" Jean began.
"Penny," Hank said.
"Penny?" Jean did a double take. "Our Penny? The Penny that lives here?"
"Are you out of your mind?" Tabitha asked. "Oh wait, stupid question!"
"Penny is a homicidal maniac!" Rogue snapped.
"She is not a homicidal maniac," Hank told her.
"SQUEEEEE!"
"Wow, now she's using a squirrel head as a hackey sack," Jamie looked out the window.
Rogue gave Hank a look. "Okay she's a maniac, just not a homicidal one," Hank sighed. "I mean, she's never actually killed a person."
"That we know of," Scott pointed out.
"Oh really? Then where did she get that wooden leg I found under her bed the other day?" Rogue asked.
"I'd like to think at a yard sale," Hank sighed.
"Professor, Beast I have to agree with Rogue and the others," Rina told them. "Penny is extremely dangerous. And keep in mind this is the genetically engineered assassin clone talking."
"Yeah the only reason the cops don't lock her up is that she scares off all the muggers and the drug dealers when she gets out," Bobby agreed.
"Remember what happened when she got out last week?" Kitty added. "She ended up chasing those lions at the zoo and they wouldn't come down from that tree even after we took her home!"
"Never thought a lion could scream like a little girl but…" Rina shrugged. "And I don't even want to go into what she did to the alligator exhibit!"
"On the plus side Trinity did make some very nice handbags and luggage out of what was left of them," Tabitha said.
"Hank perhaps the students have a point?" Xavier sighed. "Penny's little…outbursts might not be the most appropriate light in which to showcase the Institute."
"You mean like what she did to the mailman last week?" Jamie asked.
"Yes, Jamie. Like that," Xavier sighed.
"And those paramedics?" Jamie added.
"Yes, Jamie. As I was saying…" Xavier sighed.
"And what she did with the tires on the ambulance?" Jamie went on.
"Yes, quite…" Xavier rolled his eyes.
"And then what she did with that squirrel's head and the policeman that fainted and…" Jamie went on.
"WE GET THE PICTURE MULTIPLE!" Xavier snapped. He composed himself. "As I was saying Hank, perhaps a more…balanced view of the students of the Xavier Institute is in order?"
"Charles I've thought about this," Hank said. "We make a video highlighting Penny's softer and gentler side."
"You mean edit out all the blood and gore and squirrel guts?" Rogue asked.
"Bingo," Hank nodded. "If you take all that out Penny is just a sweet cute little pink girl."
"A sweet cute little pink girl with the heart of a serial killer," Tabitha quipped.
"It wouldn't surprise me if she actually had a heart of some kind of killer after last week's incident at the police station," Rogue remarked. "Who leaves a holding cell door open? Seriously?"
"Hey gang! What's happening?" Todd hopped in with Lance and Fred behind him.
"Speaking of holding cells that never should have been open…" Scott grumbled. "What are you guys doing here?"
"We got bored," Fred shrugged. "And hungry."
"What a shock," Rogue drawled. "You bored and hungry? What are the odds?"
"About the same as Penny going through a day without throwing squirrel intestines," Lance looked out the window.
"Here's the real kicker," Tabitha told him. "Beast wants to put her on the internet as a poster child for the Xavier Institute."
"That's kind of dumb," Fred scratched his head.
"Advice from an expert," Rogue quipped.
"I mean isn't she already on the net?" Fred added.
"What do you mean already on the net?" Hank did a double take. "There are videos of Penny on the web?"
"Are you kidding? It's one of the most popular sites on the web for the past two weeks!" Todd said. "Penny Slashes The Squirrels Dot Com is a big favorite!"
"WHAT?" Everyone shouted.
"Yeah it's one of a lot of websites Multiple's put up," Lance smiled. "One of my particular favorites is Stupid Cyclops Tricks."
"Really?" Scott's face began to twitch.
"Were the you the one who put that video of me wearing a mud mask on the net?" Rogue shouted. "I always thought that was Quicksilver!"
"You better pray you can run as fast as Quicksilver if you've put anything embarrassing about me on the net!" Tabitha shot up
"Uh…I gotta go!" Jamie ran away.
"MULITPLE COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE RAT!" Rogue shouted as all the students started to chase him.
"COME BACK HERE AND GET BLASTED LIKE A MAN!" Scott shouted.
"I'M GONNA BLOW YOU UP TO KINGDOM COME!" Tabitha yelled.
"Come on! We gotta get this on video!" Todd told the Misfits as they ran off to watch the madness.
"Looks like Penny wasn't such a dumb choice after all," Hank sighed. "Who knew she was the least psychotic student here?"