Hello, and Merry Christmas to anyone reading this! This free-verse poem is dedicated to my good friend ~Icearrows1200, who is an amazing writer and who, like all of us (and John) is still recovering from Sherlock's jump two years later. Consider it a Christmas gift, Icearrows. :)
First off, I want you to know
you were never alone
even when you thought
no one was listening
my ear was to your heart-
you see, I was listening
I heard every word
even the ones you
did not say
(those, I think
were the loudest)
.
Second, I want you to know
that even if you claim
your heart was shrouded in ice
221B was so much
warmer
with you at its core
You would say that such a thing
defies chemistry;
I say that chemistry
does not always apply.
Not with people.
.
Third, I want you to know
that yes, I use the cane again
and my hands tremble sometimes.
When I try and hold a teacup
between earthquake hands
sometimes it ends up
on the floor,
little ceramic lifeboats
on an ocean of spilled tea
(that's how I feel
anyway)
.
Fourth, I want you to know
that I've stopped leaving flowers
on your grave.
Those plump, snowy roses
seemed to frown at me
and beg me to move on.
I said "no" to them
and as revenge
the roses didn't grow
this year.
.
Fifth, I want you to know
that Molly Hooper never cried
but Greg Lestrade did;
that Sally Donovan never cried
but Mrs. Hudson did;
that Irene Adler never cried
but I did.
.
Sixth, I want you to know
that I'm trying-
so hard-
to move on.
And I am.
I've met a nice girl
and I'm back in the field
and just this morning I bought a suit.
.
Seventh- and seventh is hard00
you should know that this poem
is really an exercise
a therapist's challenge
to a sick, unstable man.
Because sometimes I wake up
swimming in sweat
when seconds ago I stood teetering
on the rooftop of
St. Bart's Hospital.
Fright has been branded
into my heart
and I claw for an answer- how?
How did you manage
to fling yourself
to the sidewalk
when you know it would leave me
shaking at night
and alone in the flat
and nervous around people?
When you knew it would hurt
to drag myself out of bed
that my joints would creak
just from putting the kettle on?
.
Eighth, I want you to know
that I often think of joining you
but I don't you see
Because by jumping off that building
you wanted me to know
what my life meant to you
So I'll hold onto it
Sherlock
For me,
yes.
But mostly
for you.
Icearrows1200's work can be found right here on FFN. She writes for a variety of fandoms and has shown incredible progress since I started following her a few years ago. Please take the time to read all of her stories and shower her with love.
Merry Christmas!