Hey guys! I'm just... *sigh* I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I've just been really stressed out and I'm taking my anger out by writing awkward/funny/weird/lemony Eclare one shots and I apologize if I disturb any of you. Please Enjoy this one shot I'd love to call "Snoop"...

Twitter: TheCliffyG

No Beta Reader, so ignore mistakes if any :)

Rated T: for language and awkward situation

Snoop

"Hey Clare! Where's the computer?" Eli called out to his wife, knocking on the bathroom door, as he heard her groan, before she shouted over the pounding water, "I-I think I left it in Lilly's crib! But I need it, don't look at it! I wasn't done using it!"

A tug curled up on Eli's face, as he said, "Oh don't worry honey, I won't...I was just wondering where it was."

"Thanks! I'll be out in five minutes."

Eli was already gone, long gone, on his way into his baby daughters room. As he walked into Lilly's room, he realized the laptop was perched up in the crib. He scoffed, knowing Clare was so exhausted that she was probably oblivious as to where she left it.

He began to slowly grab the laptop, gripping it in his hands, in fear of waking his daughter up.

"Almost there," just when he was about to lift it up, his daughter's eyelids fluttered opened, and he whispered, "Hi baby girl..."

Her tiny eyelids opened, as Eli's stomach grew intense butterflies when he saw two, tiny, blue orbs staring up at him. But, he couldn't help but feel proud when he noticed tiny black hairs sprouting on her head.

Lilly grabbed Eli's hand, and placed it in her mouth, as he smirked, "You know, daddy doesn't like being drooled on."

But Lilly ignored him, giggling, as she coated his lanky hand with her drool. Eli should've been mad that he was getting his hand covered in his daughters drool, but he only smirked, watching in awe as his baby showed off her teeth less mouth.

"You know, I was planning on sneaking up on mommy's laptop, but now all I want to do is sit here and let you drool on me," he admitted, admiring the way Lilly gripped his hand with her two tiny, nimble hands. He chuckled, shifting his weight on his right, to his left foot, as Lilly tugged at his hand with her gums.

Two minutes passed, and Lilly's tiny eyelids were growing heavy, "That a girl...go back to sleep...sh, sh."

Eli continued to hum lowly, something that always sent Lilly straight into a sleeping abyss. As he walked out of the nursery, he trotted down the steps, placing the laptop on the island in the kitchen.

"Now, let's see what Clare's been up-," his heart stopped, his eyes widened as his eyebrows tightened, "to."

"What the...?" before he could finish his sentence, Clare came downstairs, clamming she was parched from taking that intensely heated shower, "I'm so thirsty, I can't believe you didn't come in the shower with me tonight."

When Clare turned around, her eyes widened, her jaw dropping as she stuttered, "W-w-what are you doing on the computer?"

"Well Clare, I don't know, I just wanted to check my email on our computer," Eli had emphasized the word 'our' to show that it was in fact his computer too, and he didn't have to explain what he was doing, considering what the hell she was fucking doing on the computer.

"Eli, I can explain-," he cut her off, glaring at her, "Go ahead Clare, try to explain to me why my wife is looking at buying sex toys on her laptop! Explain to me why you wouldn't come to me and instead, go off, behind my back, to buy a fucking sex toy!"

"Keep your voice down, you'll wake up Lilly," Clare begged, as Eli took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose and continued, "Please Clare, enlighten me."

"Well...I don't know, you're just...you're not around a lot with work, and the baby is sleeping all the time, so I don't know...I really don't know Eli, I wasn't going to buy it, I was just...browsing," she smiled up at him, but Eli wasn't smiling, he was torn, "Clare this is serious, I'm your husband, I should be taking care of these sexual problems...not a plastic toy that vibrates."

"How can I depend on my husband when you're not around until four in the afternoon?" she asked, as he smirked, "I would've just assumed you could wait for me, and then we can do it together. Going behind my back to buy a vibrator is completely out of the question and was a stab to the freakin' back for me Clare!"

"But-," he cut her off, slamming the cover to the laptop down, "What if I went behind your back and jacked off to porn? Huh? How would you like that?"

"Well I-," he interrupted her once again, slamming his hand on the kitchen table, "How would you feel if I just decided to lock myself in our bedroom and masturbate on your freakin' pillow to porn? How would you feel?"

Tears began streaming down Clare's face, and that's when it hit Eli, that he took this way too far and was out of proportion, "Clare I'm sorry, I didn't-."

He went to grab her arm, but she moved away from his touch, "I get it Eli, okay? You don't have to paint me a goddamn picture! I'm a selfish mother, and a conceited person, trying to put my physical needs before my family for once. I'm sorry that I was looking it up, I was just...I was horny, you weren't home, and I was just browsing. I swear."

"I'm sorry, okay," he breathed out, "I'm just upset that you would resort to this without talking to me first..."

"What am I supposed to say?" she asked, laughing lightly as tears streamed down her face, "I'm supposed to wait for you to come home, then approach you, and then tell you how much I want to have sex with you?"

"That's kind of how it goes since we're husband and wife now," Eli approached Clare, invading her personal space as he kissed away the tears on her cheek, "I'm sorry that I leave you all horny and tired all the time. I'm going to get my hours cut, and spend more time with you."

She smiled up at her green-eyed husband, whispering against his lips, "I'd love that."

"But, only on one condition," she glanced up at Eli, as he smirked, "Just don't...don't buy a sex toy or something. Those things creep me out, they remind me of snakes having spasms when they turn on."

"And how would you know that, Mr. Goldsworthy?" Clare tugged at Eli's shirt, slowly stroking her fingers over his chest, "Oh...I don't know-."

Their lips attached, their tongues battling with each others, as Eli forced Clare playfully against the living room wall. She fought back a yelp, as he trailed his hands down her bare bottom. He smirked against her lips, pulling away brielfy, to whisper seductively, "Now...let's show that dumb vibrating dildo whose boss."

END OF SNOOP

Did ya'll like the awkwardness? ;)

Love you guys,

Cliffhanger Girl

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