Alright listen friends. You're going to hate me for this.
I like the idea behind With this Life. I came up with it so of course I like it. However, it wasn't my best writing so I kind of got bored with it. I'm sorry. A lot of people liked it and I know that. So I'm rewriting it here instead of ignoring it and hoping it disappears. So this here is my legitimate writing style and I hope it doesn't fucking SUCK like before. I know it sucked. You know it sucked. It's okay to admit it.
She was walking down the hallway when she heard the sound of her best friend's voice. She sighed inwardly and put on a happy face when she turned around to face him. All she wanted to do was get home and get her homework done, but her friends wouldn't let her do that without bugging the hell out of her.
"Sakura," he was huffing when he finally caught up with her and she simply stared at his blond hair, feeling quite disinterested in whatever he had to say. "Sakura," he said again, "You should come with me and Sasuke to a party tonight." Sakura could see the black haired man walking slowly up the hallway, not interested in rushing as quickly as he could, like Naruto had.
"Uh, no." She tilted her head to the side, watching her two friends. Naruto looked quite let down, but Sasuke didn't. He had known what her answer would be and so didn't get his hopes up. For whatever reason, Naruto always did.
"Why not?" he whined, pouting. Sakura wanted to punch him. She hated it when he pouted and he knew it. He still never failed to do it whenever she said no. She sighed.
"Because, Naruto," she sounded tired, "You know my father will never leave my house after I get home today. He never lets me go anywhere and you know it." Sakura thought he should expect this by now, but he never failed to forget every time. He seemed to think her answer would change every time he tried asking her to go out.
"Idiot, you know that she can't go anywhere unless her father investigates it thoroughly," Sasuke said, annoyed. He became annoyed with Naruto faster than Sakura ever did, but it was still a tough tie on the matter.
"Can't you ask your brother to cover for her?" Naruto asked, slightly exasperated.
"I don't like parties anyways," Sakura reminded him. She checked her watch. She really had to get home so she could complete her homework before her father came home. She was held to strict guidelines and if she were to miss even a minute of the schedule, it wouldn't bode well for her. Naruto seemed to give up at that point, looking extremely let down. Sakura didn't care much. She had more harrowing things to worry about other than a distressed Naruto. He'd get over it.
"Wait, Sakura, we'll talk to Itachi and see if he'll come and get you," Naruto said, beginning to walk with her. At this point he knew she wasn't going to stand around any longer and knew he'd have to follow her if he wanted to keep talking to her.
"Don't even," Sakura sighed. "Itachi's always busy with work; he doesn't have time to cover for a teenage girl." Though the words were dejecting, she didn't sound much like it. She was just stating the facts. She didn't want to put Itachi out even though Naruto had no problem doing it. Sasuke finally spoke up after minutes of being quiet.
"Sakura, my mother would love to see you. You don't have to come with us to the party, it's enough to get you away for a little while," he said quietly. Though he wouldn't be happy that she wouldn't be around at the party, they would be a little happier knowing she wasn't being oppressed in that terrible house. They didn't know the extent of what she had to put up with, but they knew, so very well, how very strict her father was and did everything they could to give her a break every now and then. Her father's strictness often made her irritable and more prone to emotional breaks and when they saw it happening, like now, they did everything they could to get her away for a while.
"That's great, Sasuke," she sighed. "Look," she stopped by the door of her car. "If you're really going to go on and on about it, you can go ahead and ask him. Don't even think that I'll go to a party with you. I'm not too into drunk college frat boys trying to hit on you and I know both of you are going to try if you get too drunk. I'll stay with your mother if that's what you want." She wasn't trying to be too much of an asshole. She just had put up with a lot of shit lately and didn't want to deal with more. She knew they wouldn't stop bugging her if she didn't give in and therefore did at one point or another.
"That's great!" Naruto looked very happy. Though she wouldn't be tagging along with them to a party, he didn't really mind. As long as her mood was better in the morning, he'd be more than happy. She needed a little emotional rest.
"Whatever," she finally made it into the seat of her car. She sped out of the parking lot, not even looking behind her. She had to get home. Her house wasn't far from the college, at least, and she got there at record time. She knew she had to be more careful with her time. If she got a traffic ticket, she'd never hear the end of it.
She parked her car carefully and sped up the stoop into the modest two bedroom home she shared with her father. She stopped just inside of the doorway and slipped off her shoes, pulling on her plain brown slippers. She placed her street shoes on the mat, making sure they were perfectly aligned with the edge of the mat. She hung up her coat and made sure nothing was out of place in the downstairs before drifting up the stairs and into her room. She pulled out her laptop and began her homework. Thankfully, today she only had an essay for an English class and finished it rather quickly, sliding her laptop back into her bag.
Before going to the kitchen, she checked her phone. Her father didn't know she had it and she couldn't possibly have it out when he was around. She had a text from Sasuke saying that Itachi had agreed to pick her up and would be there at six, which gave her the perfect amount of time to make dinner and wait for her father to finish. She wasn't allowed to talk to him until he finished his meals. She tucked her phone back into the zippered pocket of her bag after answering Sasuke with a short, simple 'k,' and went downstairs.
She made a simple dinner of baked ziti, knowing it was one of her father's favorites. It would put him into a better mood, though he would know she wanted to ask him permission for something. It didn't matter. If he was in a good mood, the chance to go out somewhere went up by ninety percent. She usually pulled out all the stops when she had to ask for something.
He arrived home just as she was placing their plates on the table, at either end. She had already placed the wrapped silverware and the glasses of water on the table. She had to make sure everything was put perfectly on the placemats and that the water was perfectly half a glass. Though she always took care to make sure it wouldn't ruffle his feathers, she took extra care just to make sure he would be happy with her. The dishes she'd use to make dinner were already washed and put back where they belonged, just as he wanted. She sat quickly and made sure her eyes were on the table when he walked in.
He didn't speak as he walked in and she waited for him to take the first bite before she even picked up her fork. She ate slowly, making sure she finished at the same time he did, just as he wanted. She knew exactly what he wanted and knew he would become irritated if she didn't adhere exactly to what he wanted. She couldn't afford to irritate him tonight and therefore watched herself as much as she possibly could.
"So," he finally said after she had taken their plates and cleaned them. She had sat back down and was staring at the table, waiting for him to speak. She gave no indication of surprise at his sudden speech. "What is it that you want permission for, daughter?" he never called her by name. It was always 'daughter' and nothing else. She didn't know why, but didn't really care.
"Mrs. Uchiha has asked for my presence at her home. She says she has missed my presence and would like to see me," she said softly, just loud enough for him to hear her. He rested his chin on the tips of his fingers and surveyed the quiet girl. He thought for a long while, though she couldn't think what about.
"Alright. I assume Itachi is coming to pick you up?" he assumed it was Itachi. He liked Itachi. She knew he did. Itachi was quiet and stoic and didn't put up with much bullshit. Her father likened them in the same group of people, though he was wrong. Itachi was slightly harsh and cold when you didn't know him, but he was generally nice after a while.
"Yes, father," she affirmed. She wasn't allowed to call him 'dad.' It was either 'father' or 'sir,' though she didn't know why, again. She didn't understand why he wanted everything to be so formal all the damn time. It certainly wore her down after a while.
"Do they expect you to spend the night?" Sakura thought quickly. They usually did.
"Yes, sir," she said, almost immediately. Her voice did not falter in her guesswork. She couldn't allow it to. He would know she didn't know what she was talking about if she paused or if her voice faltered. She didn't want that. She had learned, long ago, how to make it seemed she knew exactly what she was talking about all the time. It usually worked.
"I expect a call from one of the Uchiha's."
"Of course, father," she said softly. He nodded. He pulled himself out of his seat and climbed heavily up the stairs. That was his tired walk, but Sakura couldn't find it within herself to care. She didn't care much for her father that much was true. She checked her watch. She only had ten minutes until Itachi was to arrive and she got up quickly. All she needed was her bag. Mikoto would give her something to wear for bed.
She was waiting at the bottom of the stairs when the doorbell rang. She stood quietly, hands folded and eyes on the floor. She wasn't allowed to answer the door and had to wait for her father to walk heavily down the stairs and slowly open the door to Itachi's unmoving face. He didn't try to look past her father or anything and she didn't look up at him lest her father turn around. She didn't want to get caught and therefore kept her eyes trained on the floor.
"Good evening, Itachi," he greeted the young man warmly. Well, as warmly as her father could. Itachi didn't smile or anything of the like. His black eyes held the older man's and he didn't back down. That was part of the reason her father liked him. He seemed and held himself like a powerful young man and he liked that type of personality.
"Good evening, Mr. Haruno," Itachi always showed him the respect he didn't seem to have for anyone else. Perhaps it was because he was younger than him, but he didn't care. He was just there for Sakura and that was all.
"So why are you picking up Sakura tonight?" Her father was testing him to make sure the stories matched up and he knew it. He had known, after years of picking up Sakura, that he did this every single time and he never faltered in his answer, no matter how very untrue it was.
"My mother has requested her presence at home. She quite misses her and there is a family party tomorrow and would like her help cooking," the young man answered smoothly. The reason his mother wanted her around varied every time Itachi came to get her, but it was usually along the same lines. His mother wanted her around to help her with some kind of 'womanly' duty. It fit her father's sexist expectations and made him happy his daughter was doing work of that sort. It was never true, but that didn't stop him from telling the man what he wanted to hear.
"Very good. I know Sakura is expected to stay the night. I expect a call at some point." Her father was watching him with hard eyes.
"Yes, sir." Itachi knew either he or Sasuke would have to call and pretend to be Fugaku. Honestly, it was usually Itachi who did it. He could impersonate his father perfectly, though Sasuke could do so in a pinch as well. Fugaku would never give into the whims of such an awful man, though he did seem to like having Sakura around. Mikoto liked her so he couldn't say much, but he wasn't about to do things like that. Itachi didn't mind, not really, the phone calls didn't usually last for more than a couple minutes.
"Sakura," her father finally turned to her and held out his hand. She stepped forwards quickly and grasped his hand. It was so cold, like always. He seemed to be a cold man, inside and out. He waited while she switched her shoes and folded her coat over her arm before he presented her hand to Itachi, who took it lightly. When Sakura left the house it was always a dramatic production. Itachi pulled her lightly out the door and her father shut it behind them. They knew he was watching from the window, like he always did, and so Itachi led her by the hand to his car. He opened the door and let her step into the car, only letting go of her hand when she was firmly seated. He shut the door after her before walking to his side.
"So obnoxious," Itachi breathed as he pulled out of the driveway. He looked over at Sakura. She was looking down at her hands, biting her lip.
"I'm sorry. I know it's always a hassle to come and get me and I feel terrible about it," she said softly. She didn't often look at him, didn't often look at anyone as far as he knew. She seemed like a perfectly normal person around her best friends, but around anyone else, even him or his mother, she was a quiet and shy little thing.
"It's quite alright," he said, trying to soften his tone as much as he could. Sakura needed a tone of gentleness and he often adopted one he used with no one else. Though she was quite shy around him, she was closest to him after Naruto and Sasuke. She had told him once, a few years ago; it was because he was always so nice to her, although stoic. Perhaps that was why she was so shy around him. He didn't joke and play around with her like the other two did.
They drove for a good fifteen minutes to the other side of town, the rest of their ride spent in comfortable silence. His family was quite wealthy and had a good amount of land and plenty of privacy at the edge of town. The house was huge. Sakura couldn't count all the bedrooms and bathrooms in the house and those were on the second and third floors. She'd seen the inside of at least three studies and knew there was a library floating around somewhere. The kitchen was huge and could entertain at least two crews of professional cooks and cater at least three hundred people. The lower level also held a parlor, a family room, a living room, and the biggest dining room she'd ever seen, almost like a banquet hall. It was certainly glamorous and she always found herself out of place when she entered it.
Itachi pulled up the long, winding driveway and parked in a garage that held more cars than people that lived in the mansion. Sakura had never had enough care to count them all and didn't decide now to try. Itachi was out of the car first and opened her door, offering his hand to help her out. She waved him off.
"We aren't in the line of vision of my father, there's no need," she huffed, hoisting herself up. Her long skirt got caught in the door, though, and he had to catch her anyways. A glint of amusement shown in his eyes while he watched her untangle her skirt and close the door a little more forcefully than necessary. He wondered why she wore such long skirts, but it was not a new thought. He often wondered why she wore what she did. She also sported long sleeves, no matter the weather. He wondered how she wasn't too hot or too cold depending on the weather.
She followed him up the stairs and he let her into the house first. She took off her shoes and her coat, donning the slippers they'd gotten especially for her. She had certain idiosyncrasies she had from living so long with her father and they couldn't hope to break her of the habits when she stepped foot in the house. They merely went along with it at one point and made her as comfortable as they could.
"Sakura!" Mikoto was in the living room, watching something with a cup of tea in her hands when they walked through. She pulled herself up, setting her tea on a coaster, and hugged the small girl tightly. Sakura was surprised and didn't quite know how to react, but she never did. She didn't receive or give hugs very often, hell she hardly ever initiated any touch, and never hugged back. Mikoto never seemed to mind, though, and she pulled away from her with a warm smile on her face. "Come, sit with me and tell me what's been going on."
Sakura could only nod as she was pulled to the comfortable couch and sat down. "Itachi, dear, would you get her a cup of tea?" Mikoto asked, smiling. Itachi would stick around when Sakura was in the room, though he would pull out work he took home from the office. She didn't really know why he liked to stick around and be in the same room, but she wouldn't try to stop him either. "So, Sakura, what's up?" Mikoto always put her off slightly. She was so open and warm, unlike her own mother that had left long ago. She didn't know how to feel when the older woman did this and found it quite disconcerting.
"Nothing, really," Sakura said softly, looking at the floor. Yet again, she hardly ever looked at whomever she was talking to unless it was Sasuke or Naruto. It was one of those idiosyncrasies she had embedded in her personality from a very young age. "There's just been a lot of school and housework," she elaborated slightly.
"Oh, well, how's school going?" Mikoto never seemed to miss a beat. She could talk about anything and everything and would always find some sort of question to ask. It was an easy conversation when Sakura had to have it and she didn't really mind at all.
"It's easy," Sakura shrugged. She'd always been a very smart girl, had to be. Her father would settle for no less than a hundred percent on anything. She had graduated as valedictorian of her high school class and already had many college credits taken care of. So many, in fact, that she was able to skip two semesters of her major.
"How about boys? Any that you're interested in?" Mikoto asked, waggling her eyebrows. Sakura turned red, almost unable to thank Itachi for the tea he placed in her hands. Instead of answering Mikoto right away, she sipped at her tea and looked anywhere but at the black haired woman. She didn't want to talk about boys, but she knew she had to answer eventually.
"No one's really been standing out," she said finally, after a few long moments. "Anyways, it's not like I could do anything even if I were interested in a boy," she knew she was getting far too personal and part of her was rebelling against that fact, but she owed something to the older woman. "My father will choose my husband eventually, after I finish my schooling. That is how it is in my church," she had resigned herself to this fate long ago and had given up on any longing of finding love. There was no love in her church, just following orders and strictly adhering to her gender role.
"That's horrible!" Mikoto gasped. Sakura had never dropped this before, but she had never really asked before. She had never tried to gossip with the girl and was now feeling terrible that she'd tried now. She felt like she had made the younger woman remember something she was trying hard to forget.
"It doesn't matter," Sakura shrugged. She had bought herself a little time by talking her father into letting her take college classes. She had had to choose a degree in the education field, as the church had a short list of professions women could do. When she was to bear a child, though, her career would become a far off dream, something she'd resigned herself to as well. "Many of my friends have been married, so it's only a matter of time." The silly girls she'd been going to church with and taking Sunday classes with were all married with at least two children by now and they all jovially asked her when she would be wed and would bear children. She'd been doing a good job of deflecting them, but her father wouldn't dodge the pastor forever. Her father was so far up the pastor's ass, she didn't understand why they weren't wed by now.
"My goodness," Mikoto was surprised. Sakura was a little eighteen year old girl, barely an adult and just out of childhood. She couldn't believe that she was already being pressured into marrying and bearing children. "How young were your friends when they were married?" she asked, not really sure she wanted to hear the answer.
"Most of them were sixteen or so," Sakura shrugged. It didn't seem odd to her. Her mother had married at sixteen and had her by seventeen. It was normal in her church. Women were expected to drop out of highschool the moment they turned sixteen and become married, have a child within a year. That's just how it was. Sakura was one of the lucky ones. Because she was so smart, she had been able to talk her father and the pastor out of most things. "A few others were seventeen because they entered school early and were able to graduate before starting a family," she said, trying to make it seem less awful. From the look on Mikoto's face, she hadn't made it so.
"I'm glad you're not married with children," Mikoto said, sighing. "How did you manage that, by the way?" she asked, narrowing her eyes. Sakura shrugged.
"I'm very smart," she said simply. Mikoto couldn't help but laugh. Sakura wasn't inherently funny, but some of the things she said in complete innocence caught others off guard and they couldn't help but to laugh their disconcertedness off. Sakura never really seemed to realize why they were laughing. She was such a naive and innocent girl.
"Well, that's good," she finally said after her laughing fit passed. Sakura just nodded. She yawned into her hand. It was only about seven or so, but she was always tired. She often went to bed late after cleaning the entire house and she woke early so she could make breakfast for herself and her father before leaving for school. "Would you like to go upstairs?" the older woman asked gently, her hand on her knee. Sakura finished her tea before answering.
"Just slightly," she said softly. That was her usual way of saying yes. Though an odd way, it usually got her point across.
"Alright, I'll see you in the morning," Mikoto smiled and looked to Itachi, "Will you show her upstairs, please?" Itachi was her usual guardian in the house, unless Sasuke and Naruto were there to steal her away. They'd gone to a party shortly before Itachi had come back from Sakura's, though, so Itachi had her all to himself.
"Of course." He offered Sakura his hand and pulled her up. Mikoto smiled. Her son was so sweet to the girl and he usually was a cold mask of apathy. It was certainly warming to see him being so sweet. He'd known her for a long while and Mikoto thought he acted in this way because he thought of her as his sister. It warmed her to know Sakura had her family to care for her although her own really didn't. She watched them go up the stairs before turning back to her program.
"Did you want to go to bed?" he asked, stopping outside the guest room they often gave to her. She rarely slept in it, though. She shook her head and nodded down the hallway in an attempt to tell him she'd like to spend a little time with him. Of course, because he knew her so well, he understood it and he made his way down the twisting hallways.
She knew these hallways of course. She knew them well enough to find the rooms she wanted at least. She had become lost once or twice, but someone found her eventually and that was all that mattered. He pulled her into his room and left the door opening, just as she liked. He supposed it was because she had to keep her own door open at home and she felt immensely more comfortable if she was able to do what she did at home.
"Come," he said gently, pulling her to his bed. She sat easily enough, back against the wall, and he joined her shortly after. He grabbed the remote and turned the television on, hoping she'd like what he put on. She didn't say a word on the forensic analysis show he put on, though it was a more informative show than anything else. She liked shows where she could learn something. She leaned into his side and he wrapped an arm around her. This was the way she would act when they were alone and he adored it.
She had confided in him once that she held feelings for him. He thought the same way of her, but both knew it would never come about. She was deeply faithful to her church and she was only buying time until she had to fulfill her duties to that church. He had accepted it, putting his father off on the topic of marriage as well. She pushed herself to buy time so she could be with him as long as possible, but he knew he would have to say goodbye to her at some point. That day was not today, however.
"How are you feeling today?" he asked quietly, not sparing a look at her. She became more shy when she had eyes on her and he didn't want her to crawl back into her shell and hide. He liked it when she was out in the open and it didn't happen often, but judging from her words with his mother, she was feeling that way today.
"I'm tired," she sighed, staring at the bed. She was always tired, he knew. Whenever he managed to see her, she was always yawning and would go to bed early, earlier than anyone else in the house, but she would also sleep much longer. She always had dark, dark bags underneath her eyes and she often rested when visiting with someone.
"Anything else?" he asked. She used him, he admitted it. She would often become frustrated and upset and use him as a surrogate for her father, speaking her feelings and getting out all of the confusing emotions whirling inside her. She used him, but he allowed her to because she needed some kind of output for all the things she felt but could not say. Sakura sighed and he pulled her closer, attempting to offer her comfort for something he knew nothing about.
"It's always been hard, but you know that," she said softly, "Lately, though it's been getting worse. I came home with a ninety-eight on a test instead of a perfect score. I only got one question wrong and he kept me there for forty-five minutes, talking about how I should be grateful that I'm being allowed to continue school and how I shall be married within the next three months if I do that again." He passed his hand over her shoulder, trying to calm her. She held the burden of an entire world on her shoulders and she never breathed a word to anyone save for him.
"Why does he want a perfect score on every test? Surely he doesn't really expect that of you," this was his script. She said this so often, he simply answered immediately the same thing every time. She really didn't care what he said, she knew he was listening. He was always listening and watching, knowing, but wouldn't interject unless it was completely pertinent.
"It's because the pastor is always on him about me I suppose. That's what he says anyways," she said dejectedly, leaning into his body. Her head was planted on his chest now and he didn't mind at all. He brushed his fingers down her neck, soothing her, wondering what he could possibly say to make her feel better.
"You should leave," he said suddenly. Sakura looked at him out of surprise, one of the few times she would look at him. She didn't often look at him for any other reason than surprise or a different strong emotion. She turned red and stared at him for a long while before she could think of something to say.
"I can't. You know I can't," she said softly, finally. He sighed. He knew. This wasn't the first time they'd had this talk. He would tell her that she should just leave and she would come up with a million and one reasons that she couldn't. He didn't understand, but he supposed he never would. She existed on a different plane parallel to his. It existed with only mild differences between the two, but he could never hope to understand. He only hoped to say the right words.
"I know," he finally said, quietly. He felt bad that he'd brought it up again, but felt even worse that he had been shot down again. She didn't seem to realize that she'd said anything wrong, though, and so looked back to the program, intent on leaving this conversation behind. They were quiet for a long while, Sakura not needing to talk and Itachi not knowing what to say. "Do you want to lay down?" he finally asked after a long while.
"Sure," she said softly, looking blearily around her, as if she hadn't quite noticed how late it had gotten. He gestured to the pillows and waited for her to lay down first. She didn't seem to want to sleep yet, but she climbed to the top of the bed and settled comfortably. His bed was soft and there was a seemingly endless supply of blankets. "Wait!" she pushed his shoulder before he could lay down beside her.
"What?" he asked confused. She had never stopped him from laying next to her before and thought he did something wrong. She flushed, realizing she made him second guess his actions.
"You have to call my father, remember?" she asked softly, the flush still evident. Itachi wanted to laugh. Of course it was something trivial like that. He couldn't believe that he had thought he'd done something wrong. He shook his head and pulled away from her. Exchanging no words, he pulled his phone off the desk and left the room to call her father in the hallway.
Sakura watched the door until he came back and she breathed a sigh of relief when she saw he wasn't irritated in the least. Sometimes her father would piss him off and he would have an irritated twitch in his brow. She let him climb in beside her this time and she watched the television, waiting endlessly until he found himself comfortable. It took several minutes until he could lie comfortably and she always got impatient waiting for him.
He finally settled behind her and draped an arm across her waist. She was so tired and her eyes were already closed, her hand resting gently on his. He liked being with her like this. It wasn't often he managed to pull her away from that terrible house, but he felt like he was on top of the world when he managed it. He felt generally warm and his heart felt lightened when he got her into his arms.
"Itachi?" he heard her tiny voice and was instantly awake though he'd just been about to fall into a light doze. He turned her over so he could see her face and brushed his fingers along her cheek. She blushed and closed her eyes, enjoying the gentle affection. "Why does life have to be so hard?" she finally continued. There was a slight pout in her voice, a tone of hopelessness underneath. He hugged her closer, trying to make that feeling go away for her.
"I can't tell you why, Sakura," he said softly. "It's up to you to change it, though." He didn't tell her that it would be tougher than just going along with what her life was like now. He didn't want to tell her that. He knew she could do it, but he had never met anyone with lower self esteem, so he knew it would never happen without his pushing.
"There's nothing to change," she said softly, resting her cheek on his chest and staring at his face. Staring, but not seeing. Her eyes were void, hazy green depths and there was not even a thought passing through them. He didn't like when she had that look in her eyes and she had it often. He saw it almost every time he saw her. It was disheartening and he felt like anything and everything he had tried to make happen flew away like a breath of wind.
"There's everything to change and everything to manage," he said, staring at the feeling. He couldn't bring himself to keep looking in her eyes when she had that look. "It will only change when you decide it's time to," he brushed his long fingers along her neck and she shivered, pressing her body close to his. She was quite ticklish on her neck.
"I don't have such power over my own life." She sounded quite defeated. He didn't know what to say anymore. His words were lost to him and he couldn't think of anything to let her know she did. This always happened. She would wear him down with her sadness and the hopeless words she used until he could no longer think of anything to say to carry on the conversation. He only sighed at the end and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. He had yet to actually kiss her. She had never shown any interest in it and therefore he had not overstepped his boundaries.
"Let's go to sleep," he finally said. "It's late." Sakura could only nod slowly before letting her cheek fall to his chest. She felt his arms tighten around her and press her close, though she knew he was upset with her in some way or another. He was never happy with her by the time they went to sleep. Though her thoughts were harrowing and keeping her up slightly like they always were, she managed to calm her head enough to sleep.
When she woke the next morning, she was still wrapped comfortably in Itachi's arms. She checked her watch and saw it was still early enough that she wouldn't be expected home for hours. Her father didn't wake until noon or so and expected her home before then. It was only nine and she had a couple hours to enjoy time away from that house.
"Good morning," she heard his soft voice. She raised herself slightly, looking down at him for a quick moment. She looked away immediately after, at the world outside his window. The leaves seemed to be falling off the trees quicker than ever and winter was beginning to fall over the town. She didn't like winter. The distaste she held for it was due to the cold penetrating her mood as well as her body. She was never happy when the snow came.
"Good morning," she finally said, still staring out the window. There was a starling on the branch of a tree near his window. She wondered why it hadn't gone south by now. It was surely too cold for it to be around right now. It flew away and she finally allowed herself to fall back onto Itachi's chest. He didn't make a sound as she connected with his chest.
"Did you want to get breakfast?" he asked, trying to sit up. The weight of her body wasn't helping him, but he managed to struggle up. She seemed annoyed by his jostling, but didn't say a word. She seemed thoughtful for a moment.
"Wait, wouldn't your mother have breakfast ready?" they didn't usually skip breakfast with Mikoto and Sakura had heard the woman would become irate when they did. She didn't want to piss Mikoto off in any way, even if she would enjoy a few extra moments alone with Itachi. Itahchi only shrugged and shook his head.
"It seems the two idiots came home late last night completely smashed out of their minds," he said lazily. Sakura giggled softly at his words. It wasn't often he would say words like that and she couldn't help but laugh. He let her have it. "She's currently yelling at them about poor life choices and how they shouldn't have come home drunk like that."
"That's only going to teach them to stay out," Sakura said, pulling herself away from Itachi. She stretched her arms over her head and Itachi missed her warmth immediately. He knew this meant they were going to go and so he pulled himself out of bed as well. He heard her shoulder pop and he looked to her, wondering why that happened. She didn't seem to care, though, so he looked away.
"Perhaps, but I don't believe they'll be going anywhere anytime soon," Itachi sighed while he changed. "Both of them are quite terrified of my mother's wrath and so won't want to try and cross the line again anytime soon." Sakura only nodded. She looked around for her bag, finding it at the foot of the bed, and strung it over her shoulder.
"So where will we be going for breakfast?" she asked as she trailed behind him in the hallway. He shrugged. Hell if he knew. He usually just drove around and stopped at the first diner they came across. Sakura knew that and he wondered why she was asking. He only shrugged the thought off. He reached behind him and she automatically latched onto his hand, gripping tightly. She didn't often hold his hand, but when he reached for her, she caught him.
They bypassed the kitchen by taking the back stairs, though they could still hear Mikoto's raised voice. Sakura couldn't discern separate words, but she knew the older woman was angry, immensely so. She could only imagine that Sasuke and Naruto were sitting at the island in the kitchen, heads in their hands and eyes closed. They definitely weren't enjoying themselves by any means.
Itachi opened the door for her and made sure her long skirt was completely inside the car before closing it. He began driving through town, trying to find a diner that was open for breakfast. Sakura's hand was on his arm and she gestured to the one coming up. They'd been there before and he remembered the food was pretty good for what it was. He nodded and pulled in to the small parking lot. He went to open the door for her, but she was already out, shutting the door. She almost got her skirt caught again, but she managed to pull it away just in time.
"Why do you wear those skirts?" he asked her when they had sat down and were waiting for their food. He had never asked before though he had always wondered. She looked surprised that he asked and looked down at her body.
"Because that's what I'm expected to wear," she said, as though she thought he was dumb. He narrowed his eyes at her in annoyance. She sighed. "I've been wearing skirts and dresses like this for as long as I can remember. I'm not allowed to own shorts or pants and my father had me excused from gym class and the like so I wouldn't wear them," she explained.
"What about the long sleeved shirts, then?" he asked next.
"Why all the interest in my clothing choices?" she asked, guarded. She was always guarded when asked about why she had to do this or that or why she did things others didn't. She replied defensively and wouldn't often talk a long while after. Itachi knew he treaded a dangerous path, but he really did want to know. He had never seen her in anything short sleeved and almost everything was covered by clothing.
"I never asked before," he answered simply. "I just want to know." Sakura seemed to calm minimally, but she didn't answer for a long moment.
"I come from a conservative background, Itachi, you know that. There are things I'm not allowed to do and things I cannot wear. My life is watched by everyone in it and I am scheduled and regulated every moment of the day. That is why I wear the things I do, because if I do not adhere to the strict guidelines given to me," she paused, thinking she didn't want to get so personal that she put him off forever, "You don't want to know what will happen and I don't want to remember," she finished strongly. She wouldn't tell him. She didn't want to. There would be a difference in the affectionate looks he gave her and he would no longer wish to hold her on the nights he could or reach for her hand when they were alone. It wasn't something she wished to happen.
Itachi thought it better to not try and wheedle her more and so swallowed what he was going to say. He reached across the table and offered her his hand. She smiled faintly and gently laid her hand in his. It was their usual signal that she was still okay to talk and wasn't too angry with him. If she returned his touch, she was still okay.
"Am I to take you home after breakfast?" he asked, watching her face for any little change in emotion. She only shrugged.
"That would be best. It is poker night for my father and there is no way he'll miss my presence," she sighed heavily. "I have to clean the house from top to bottom and make dinner before they show up." She wasn't looking forward to it, he knew. She never did. She hated when her father's friends came by, but she wouldn't tell him why. He simply accepted it and didn't like dropping her off at home when the time came.
Their food came and for that Sakura was glad. She couldn't think of any more words to say to him and it was a welcome relief. He observed her relief, of course, but said nothing about it. She slowly slid her hand from his to pick up her fork and start on the eggs and toast she'd gotten. He started when she did. They didn't talk while they ate. She had explained to him that, at the table, there was nothing to be said until the dishes were cleaned and put away. It was just another of her idiosyncrasies. He hated that these things had been drilled into her since early childhood.
The waitress took their plates and left the bill, but they stuck around for a little while longer. Itachi knew she had to be home by noon, as always, and didn't like taking her home a moment sooner. He enjoyed her company though they didn't have much to talk about sometimes. It was as though the sun shone on him when she was in his presence. They talked about trivial things this time, though Sakura was still having trouble coming up with things to say.
"Will you be coming to the Thanksgiving party this year?" he asked, right before it was time to go. The question caught her off guard and she stared at the empty place in front of her for a long moment before she could come up with the words to answer.
"I'm going to try, but you never know what's going to happen with my father around," she said slowly, softly. Her father didn't celebrate holidays, not since her mother left, but that didn't mean he would allow his daughter to enjoy them. He had let her attend last year, though that was the first year she'd been allowed to go.
"Well, I'll ask him," Itachi said, beginning to pull himself up. Sakura followed suit, latching onto his hand as they left the diner. She wouldn't be able to touch him for a while and the knowledge of that weighed heavily on her mind. She closed her eyes when she was seated in the car, trying to block the ride home out of her mind.
All too soon, he was parking in the driveway and opening the door. She allowed herself to look up at his face for a quick moment before she got out of the car. What he saw in her eyes made him want to shrug her hand off his arm, get back in the car, and drive far, far away. She looked about to cry. She looked like she didn't want to go and as though she would never see him again. Within the next moment, she was out of the car, her eyes on the ground, and the perfect daughter façade back on her face. A feeling Itachi couldn't quite comprehend filled him and he slowly led her up the steps, knocking at the door.
"Good morning, Itachi," her father said when he opened the door. There was a smile on his stern face and Itachi wondered what that could possibly mean.
"Good morning, Mr. Haruno," Itachi said smoothly. "I have brought Sakura back to you, safe and sound," the words he usually used when bringing Sakura back sprang from his lips. The older man nodded and Itachi had to offer Sakura's hand to him. She had to hold back a wince when his cold, rough hand touched hers, so different from Itachi's. Her heart was hollow as she stepped into the house and she felt as though she was in a dream as she thanked Itachi and her father shut the door. He dropped her hand as though burned the second they were alone and he walked quickly away from her, up the stairs. She switched her shoes and hung up her coat, putting her bag into her room before going to the kitchen to make her father lunch. Though she wasn't hungry, she knew she was going to have to eat.
She made a light lunch of avocado and tomato sandwiches. She set it on the table with the customary half glass of water and sat down, waiting for him to come down. They ate in silence as they usually did and she sat back down after the dishes were cleaned.
"Did Mikoto enjoy your company?" he asked when he was ready. Sakura didn't look at him. She didn't tighten her hands in her lap, though she wanted to. She didn't wince at his voice, though she wanted to. It was easy to lie when he didn't allow her eyes to catch his.
"Yes, very much," she said softly. "She complemented my cooking and understood I had to leave so I could not stay and help her clean up after the party." It was a lie she had told a million times a million different ways. The words came easy to her and she knew Mikoto would back her up on anything and everything she said.
"Splendid." He stood. "I expect your duties to be accomplished today," he said before leaving the table. Sakura only nodded slowly, even though she knew he could not see her. She waited until his door was slammed shut and then she was up, in the kitchen. She had to get to work now, or else she would never have everything done. She had to start with the kitchen so she could leave a stew on the stove afterwards.
She worked mindlessly, making her way through the house. She knew the house was already spotless, but went through everything anyways. Woe be to her if her father came down and thought she hadn't done anything. He would find an imaginary speck of dust and would berate her about it for hours and hours. He would force her to stand in front of his friends and tell them how much of a useless girl she is. She had had that humiliation enough times to know she never wanted it again.
The stew was just finishing just as she completed vacuuming the rooms. She still had to dust the furniture and pull the laundry out of the dryer, and then she was done. She put those on hold to get the stew off the heat and pour it into a nice serving bowl her father insisted she use for things such as these. It would stay warm long enough for them to eat it. She did the last two things quickly before returning to the kitchen.
She prepared a simple salad and washed the stew pot, then pulled out a smaller pot and set it to boil, pulling the things she would need out. Her father required that she serve a main dish and at least two side dishes at each of these gatherings and she would pick easy dishes that seemed rather difficult to make. She had had years of thinking to know how to fool him into thinking she'd spent a lot of time and effort on things such as these.
A short while later, she had made pasta salad and everything was set out on the table. She set the entire six places at the table and put a half glass of water and silverware folded into napkins at each. She padded up the stairs and had her door closed just as the doorbell rang, just in the nick of time. She sat at her desk, breathing deeply and staring at the wall. She heard her father walk down the stairs and heard the loud voices of her friends.
She stayed in her room and finally allowed herself to cry, like she always did when her time with Itachi ended. Remembering how his warmth felt next to her and the way he reached for her when he wanted to know she was there hurt her chest and she hated herself a little for it. She had resigned herself to a life with a loveless marriage, in a church that she hated with every ounce of her being, but she wouldn't leave, she never could.
Her mother had left and she couldn't do the same to her father. The church had already shamed him once and without her, he had nothing. He had nothing to be proud of and nothing to marry off to a prominent member. He had nothing to show off to his friends and nothing to really fight for, as she knew it took quite a bit to sway the pastor in allowing her to go to college. Her father had raised her and gave her everything she needed. She couldn't betray him like that.
She knew that she held feelings for Itachi and she never wanted it to end even though she cried every time she had to leave him. She knew it would hurt like nothing else when she had to say goodbye for the last time with the knowledge she would never feel the warmth and safety of his arms again or the small things he did to show he held great favor for her. She knew she was setting herself up for the worst pain in her life, but she couldn't make herself stop.
She heard her father call her from downstairs and she wiped her eyes, pulling herself away from the desk. She didn't have it inside of her to lie to everyone downstairs about why she'd been crying or why she didn't look the best. She didn't have any more lies in her today. She pushed her remorse and despairs down deep inside her body and opened her door.
May my hell begin now, She thought at the top of the stairs.