Not Perfect.
Another day, a sigh escaped her lips as she sat at her desk, hands together and head bowed down starring at nothing in particular – just thinking. Her thoughts ran to all random subjects of life, love, dreams, goals, and the purpose of the living. Every time her father would insult her or yell at her about being a weak heiress and unworthy of the name Hyuuga, she would always close up in her room, sit like she did today and think about random things as depression filled her very being.
Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
She stayed behind after she finished training with her teammates. Being on her own she had some advantages that she like for instance: she liked that no one pressured her and didn't feel inferior to her teammates who were much stronger then her, in her opinion anyways. However it also had some disadvantages like, the way she didn't know how much she progressed, or what she did wrong. In those times she wished she was a genius prodigy like her cousin, who was the lucky one, even though he was in a lesser house then she was. After exhausting herself, she leaned against the tree and hid her face in her knees. She cries silently, for she feared she'll always be a defect in her fathers eyes.
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me
She didn't know when exactly it happened, when her cousin suddenly stopped loathing her and her father was a bit kinder in her address. She guest it was after the Chuunin exams, after Neji's fight with Naruto. Her father was training with Neji and she was serving them afternoon tea that was when she found out, but smiled nonetheless to them as they sipped her tea. Both thanked her and she bowed, her eyes downcast and a smile barely there, she felt left out again first it was her younger sister, now her cousin Neji. He seemed to acknowledge everyone but her, her who is his first born, her who needs him the most yet he neglects her. She felt jealous and selfish for wanting her father to look at her for once, with proud and kind eyes, and not with the once he looks at her everyday: disappointment.
'I'm not strong like they are' she settled with that thought in her head as she bowed again and left the two males to their training.
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
She was on her own again, practicing her juuken and chakra control. She felt anger soar through her at everyone around, but mostly at herself for being so wear and useless to her comrades and family.
'I'm not useless I'll prove them wrong' her mind flashed some memories of her early childhood when her father only looked at her, trained her and acknowledged her even though she made mistakes he corrected her and then did everyone all over again. The way he would hold her hand when they walked around and tell her softly yet with a stern voice to come and greet people when she hid behind him, trying to disappear from the others view. The way he saved her that night when a cloud ninja tried to kidnap her, she looked at him then with big loving soft pearl eyes and smiled to her father. He was her Hero. What happened to those days, she wondered constantly, what happened that made him change towards her so much. So many alike questions popped in her head, but she never found the appropriate answers to them, she couldn't possibly blame her deceased mother for that, she didn't deserve that. She was the beloved. But she's been questioning it for so long now, that she grew indifferent to it all, and simply didn't care anymore. She decided that if he didn't care, then she shouldn't either.
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore
She passed the Chuunin exams with all the other Rookie nine, she smiled and felt so proud of herself, however her father didn't acknowledge even that, monotonously he muttered a Congratulationsand left. Her smile faded as she watched his retreating back, and when her whole team invited her out to celebrate she pulled on a fake smile and tried to enjoy the time with her team. A week later she found out her cousin was promoted to Jounin and that same day she was called into her fathers office. She knew already what he was going to say, so she prepared herself for that, but still it hurt, a few more cuts were added to her already bruised soul that afternoon. So she went back to her room, sat by her desk and let her mind roam freely as she gazed at nothing. Another lecture, another disappointment, he'll never be proud of her, never. Hanabi, Neji, Hanabi, Neji, Hanabi, Neji…she cried, and wished to just disappear already from this cruel world.
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright
That night she slipped out of her room and went for a nightly practice. Running through the dark forest she raced to her sacred place, a place only she knew and a place where she was free and powerful. Taking all of her clothes off she gathered some chakra onto her feet and danced like a graceful swan. Elegant, beautiful, and powerful she was. At night she was everything she wasn't in the daylight, so different from her name: Hinata. However she hoped she could be that Sunny place for someone someday.
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
He called her one day and she came in ready for another lecture about how much of a disappointment she is to the clan, and being an heir nonetheless. However she was very surprised when he called her and said that they should train together and have a heart-to-heart Father-Daughter bonding time. After a couple of hours of intense sparring he stopped and said they should rest, panting slightly she nodded and both went to sit on their porch. Tea was served to them by another branch house member and both sat there quietly as they sipped their tea.
"You have improved Hinata" he said, she was at a loss of words, did he just praise her?
"Thank you father" she replied softly, and didn't know what to say.
Neither of them knew how to start a conversation with one another, because neither of them were conversation starters. Hiashi sighed and looked at the sky, it was late afternoon and he needed to get back to his duties as a leader.
"Let's do this again sometime"Hinata nodded and Hiashi turned his back to her as he walked away to the room he spends hours upon hours in. Silently Hinata cried out to her father to stay, she finally felt needed. But the awkwardness between them was beyond her and she knew he must have felt the same way. Years of neglecting each other and only conversing when he needed to scold her, really put a damage to their bond, to the point where they don't understand each other at all.
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
She's not perfect like her older cousin is, or her younger sister, she acknowledged that fact a long time ago. However she wont let it bring her down because there are others who believe in her and think she's a strong ninja. Between her father and her things are a mess and they cant go back in time and fix them, but she knows they can try and mend whatever relationship they have right now. They love each other still because they are father and daughter, but they don't love each other enough to spend every walking minute in each others presence. For them it's a complicated love-hate relationship, he'll always be disappointed and she'll fear his presence. No one is perfect, especially her.
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
"I'm not perfect father" she muttered one day.
"No one is Hinata, no one is" Hiashi replied and took a sip from his cup.
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Havent written anything in a long time…but yeah, this is just random came upon some of my old play lists and this popped into my head. This is just the outlook on Hinatas' life in the manor and the damaged relationship between her and Hiashi.
So do tell your opinion. I'm sure a million people wrote something similar to this, but yeah I just had to get it out or it would've bugged me to no end. ONESHOT people.
P.S.: I apologize if you come upon some mistakes and all, my MW didnt want to cooperate with me today.