This is a two shot, I figure it's set between 4.08 and the Christmas Special, about a year after the rape. I didn't like how Anna and John never seemed to talk about the rape and while I do realize that it's the 1920's, rapes were handled differently then, Anna and Bates seem quite progressive and they wouldn't want to have it swept under the rug when it's just the two of them.

I'd like to thank my friend downtonluvr on tumblr, she helped me title this fic. :) Thanks sweetie!

Trigger warning!

John lay back and took in a deep breath. "Comfortable?" Anna's voice made him turn. She was packing up the picnic basket and he caught her smiling at him before he closed his eyes again.

"I'd be more comfortable if you were in my arms." The words drawled out easily.

"I'll be there in a moment." Anna finished packing the basket back up and cast a glance around the blanket before laying down next to her husband. She put her head on his shoulder and his arms wrapped around her. She stretched an arm over him and sighed, content.

"I wish we could stay here forever." The wish came several minutes later.

"That would be nice," John said, "But just like all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, I think the opposite would ring true as well."

Anna hummed an agreement, nodding. They lay together for several minutes more before John moved his head to look at Anna, she was quiet, but awake.

"What are you thinking about?" John's quiet murmur made Anna turn her head to look up at him.

"Things." She was evasive, and he suddenly knew what she'd been thinking about. Her hand patted his chest awkwardly.

"Do you want to talk about those...things?"

Anna pushed herself up on her elbow. "It wouldn't change anything."

"Your nightmares lessened when you told me a lot about it." John said. "I know you've been having more nightmares then usual lately."

"Not here." Anna lay back down, one hand lightly gripping his shirt. "When we've gotten home."

"All right." John let his arms encircle his wife again. They stayed by the brook for nearly another hour before they went back to their cottage. It was as they were putting everything away that Anna brought the subject up herself.

"It's been almost a year."

John didn't have to glance at the calendar to know what Anna was talking about. Dame Nellie's concert had been nearly a year before. He took in a breath. "I know."

"I know it won't happen again, at least I hope it won't, but I still get scared sometimes." Anna spoke carefully, not wanting to show how scared she was just talking about it. She could hear John stepping forward, but even with the knowledge that he was right behind her, she still started when he lay a hand on her arm. "Sorry," The whispered apology came out without her permission.

John's voice was tender; "you've done nothing to be sorry for, Anna." He led her to the table, she sat there, her back rod straight as she looked on as John knelt in front of her, when it registered what he was doing, she shook her head, his leg would bother him. "My leg will be fine." he preempted her argument. Her mouth worked for a moment before John cupped her face in his hands. "You have done nothing wrong Anna." His voice was quiet, he caressed her cheek with a thumb. He looked at her like he always had; with love and adoration.

Hesitantly, she reached out and touched him. Her hand landed on his shoulder and she gave it a gentle squeeze. "I-I keep feeling that something bad will happen on the day it happened, the anniversary I mean."

John continued to look up at his wife. His leg was screaming for him to get off of it, but he ignored it and continued to speak. "I can't promise that nothing is going to happen, Anna, you know I refuse to make you a promise I can't keep. But I do promise you that I would do anything to protect you and keep you safe."

"This is all my fault..." Anna started. John pressed a finger to her lips, stopping her mid sentence.

"You are without fault Anna, it is the fault of the..." He broke off, frustrated with his inability to come up with the proper word. "Miserable curr who assailed you." Despite the subject matter, Anna gave a watery smile, this was her orater. "You did nothing to bring this on, none of this is your fault. If there is fault to be had, it's with me."

Anna shook her head silently but John overrode her, "We both know that I wanted to follow you downstairs, but my Irish pride got in the way. And then, when I could tell that something was wrong, I didn't give you the space you needed. Even when I could tell that you didn't want to be touched, I touched you. Instead of helping you heal, I was hurting you more."

Anna reached out and cupped his cheek. "Oh John,"

"If there is anything I could do to make it all better for you..."

"You have,"Anna soothed, "I'm just having a bad day. It's like you said when we got married and you were having flashbacks of the war and prison, some days are worse then most." She let her thumb tap on John's lips "and even though it's been wonderful to spend time with you today, it's been a worst day."

"What can I do today?" John asked, "To help you?"

Anna smiled at her husband, "You can get off your knee for one, and for second..." she trailed off trying to think of something. John stood but pulled a chair up and sat next to her. "How about I make you some tea, just the way you like it?" He suggested.

"That sounds alright." Anna said, "I'll take a bath, bring it in when it's ready."

John pressed a quick, chaste kiss to her cheek. "Of course my love." he said.

Anna made her way upstairs and began drawing her bath, thankfully, Lord Grantham had installed pipes into the house and they were able to get warm water straight from the tap. Soon she was easing her way into the bath, the bubbles she'd poured in surrounding her.

"My love..." John broke off as he walked into the washroom.

"Yes?" Anna turned as he walked in. She watched his face change, his jaw went slack and his eyes widened. "What is it?"

"You look beautiful." his voice was soft. He set her tea on a shelf and dragged a stool over to the tub and then set the tea on it, so she could reach it without having to get out of the tub.

"I think you're a little biased." Anna smiled, she stretched out, sighing happily.

"I think you're beautiful." His voice lowered as he pulled up another chair and sat down. "Your skin glistening, your braid partly wet, the strands coming loose." He was looking at her like he'd take here there.

"Come join me." Anna said, "We know this tub is big enough for two."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Anna sat up, and motioned with her chin, "Come sit behind me."

John quickly striped and slid into the tub, the water seemed dangerously close to sloshing over the edge but Anna ignored it and lay her head back onto her husband's chest.

John's hands found a place on her hips and stomach. He pressed a kiss to her shoulder and then her neck. She giggled and looked behind her, into his eyes. "John," she grew serious, she could see her husband's eyebrows furrow in worry and she spoke quickly. "I said I wanted to talk about..." She trailed off, "Things later, when we got home."

"Of course." John's tone was soft.

"Well, I do feel like I need to talk about it, but what to say?" Anna asked. "I feel like I've said everything that needs to be said about it."

"I have an idea." John said, his right hand gently squeezed her hip.

"Yes?"

"I have a couple of questions, would you mind if I asked them?"

"No, I don't mind."

"Where did it happen?" John asked, he buried his nose in her hair.

Anna closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. "The boot room." the words came out as a whisper but John heard them the same.

"The boot room?" He made sure he'd heard her correctly.

"Yes." He could feel one of Anna's hands touching his leg.

"You said when you got downstairs, he was waiting for you?"

It took Anna a moment to answer, it was a quick nod.

"Did he have a question?" John asked.

"What?"

"You said it was a stranger." John reminded her. "He broke in,"

"I-" Anna's mouth worked for a moment.

"Anna?" John's voice was very gentle.

"Yes?"

"What happened?"

"I've told you." Anna's voice went up in pitch, like she was worried.

"Anna?"

"Yes John?"

"Why don't we dry off and go lay down together and talk?" John pressed a kiss to Anna's cheek.

"John..."

"Please Anna?" It was his tone that broke her.

Finally she nodded. "Yes, alright."

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