Far Away
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE DOING THIS! I HATE YOU!"
And with those words, the door upstairs slammed, prompting the tiny girl clutching Abbey's leg to recommence her screaming cry.
"Okay, Zoey. I hear you, baby girl. I'm sorry." Abbey picked up her youngest daughter and tried to soothe her the best she could. She tried to blow a stray stand of hair out of her face as her hands were full of the five-year-old. Zoey was almost too big to picked up like this. But she was upset and Abbey couldn't blame her. "I know, Zo. Ear infections are no fun." She rocked her daughter and gently kissed her cheeks until she calmed down enough to nuzzle into her mother's shoulder.
Once Abbey was satisfied that Zoey would survive the next few minutes, she put her down on the sofa, telling her to stay put. She went into the dining room to find Ellie hard at work doing her math homework. The middle Bartle daughter looked up and gave her mother an encouraging smile. "Is Zoey okay?"
"She'll be fine, sweet girl. Liz on the other hand…" Abbey replied, glancing up, as though she could see through the floor up to Elizabeth's bedroom where she was surely brooding.
"Why can't Liz go to the party?" Ellie asked curiously. "I don't like parties but you make me go. Liz loves parties."
Abbey sat down and explained, "College parties are very different than kid parties. Sometimes they aren't safe, so it's important to only go to parties with people you know and trust. And I don't know the boy throwing this party because he's older than Liz, and I want Liz to be safe, so she can't go."
Ellie scrunched up her face. "Why would she want to go to a boys party?"
Abbey chuckled. "Liz likes boys. And boys like her. I was like that when I was her age too. Which is another reason she can't go to the party."
"Why?"
"I got in a lot of trouble when I was in high school. I wasn't a good girl. And I know what can happen. So Liz can't go to the party," she reiterated.
Ellie nodded in understanding. "Okay." And with that, she went back to her homework.
Back in the living room, Zoey started wailing again. Abbey immediately got up to tend to her baby.
It was almost an hour until Abbey had the chance to go up and check on her eldest daughter. "Lizzie? Can we talk for a second?" she asked, knocking on the door.
Inside, a loud sigh sounded. "Fine."
Abbey took that as consent to enter. "Are you ready to discuss this calmly?" she asked sternly.
Liz stared daggers at her mother. "Dad would let me go," she said bitterly.
"Dad isn't here. And I can guarantee that if he were here, he would not let you go."
"Yes he would! Dad trusts me."
"I trust you too, Lizzie. It's the others I don't trust. You want to go to a party where half the guests are college boys? Not on your life. You're seventeen."
"Almost eighteen!"
"And then it'll be different. But right now, you're still underage. And those boys won't know the difference. Get them a little liquored up and there's no telling what could happen. And while you're still in high school and under eighteen and without a boyfriend to go with you to parties like this, you can't go."
Liz frowned. "How would this be any different if I had a boyfriend?"
"Men get territorial. And I'd rather a college boy get in a fight with an overprotective boyfriend than with you," Abbey replied bluntly. She had dangled the bait but Liz hadn't taken it. Abbey knew very well that Liz was dating that college boy throwing the party, but she wouldn't admit it.
"I'll be going to college a year from now when I'm over eighteen. What's gonna be different then?"
"You won't live here anymore and I'm just going to have to get used to it. But for now, you're still required to listen to what your parents say. And we say you can't go to this party."
"No, you say," Liz corrected accusingly.
Abbey stood up, ignoring the tightening of her stomach. "You can complain about it all you want, but the decision isn't going to change. So you'd better get over it. Dinner will be ready soon." It took everything in her for Abbey to refrain from slamming Liz's bedroom door behind her when she left.
As she tried to cook chicken and rice for her children, Abbey's mind wandered. Liz had always been difficult with her, but now that she was a teenager nearly done with high school, she had a much braver attitude, much more blatantly defiant. And frankly, it was exhausting. Abbey was still recovering from the all-night surgery she had performed two days earlier. Standing in the operating room for nine hours followed by the long drive back to Manchester to find that Mrs. Wilburforce had kept Zoey home from school because she had an ear infection. So while Liz and Ellie were at school, Abbey had gotten a prescription filled for Zoey and held her while she moaned and cried in pain. And now Liz had chosen this day to decide to vie for independence.
"Mom!"
Ellie's voice shook Abbey back to the presence. "Oh damn!" she cursed, realizing she had burned the rice.
"That's not a nice word."
"I know. Don't say that. Sorry," Abbey replied.
Abbey managed to get dinner on the table and herded her girls to the dining room. Zoey refused to eat dinner because chewing hurt her ear. She insisted on remaining in Abbey's lap all through the meal. Abbey could barely eat around the wiggling child. Liz was still pouting and refused to speak to her mother, except to comment about the burned rice and dry chicken. Ellie was very sensitive to the tension, and, not wanting to add to it, sat and ate quietly, doing her best to keep out of the way and not make anything worse.
As soon as she ate the last bite, Liz let her silverware clatter onto the empty plate. "May I be excused?" she asked, glaring at her mother.
"Not with that attitude," Abbey replied, almost daring her to argue. "Either take Zoey or go wash the dishes."
Without a word, Liz stood and picked up her little sister and took her upstairs.
Abbey watched them leave and sighed heavily.
"Mommy, I'll do the dishes," Ellie offered.
Abbey smiled. "That's sweet of you, Ell. Is your homework all done?" Ellie nodded. "Then why don't you help me clean up and just keep me company, okay?"
They washed up and chatted happily about Ellie's schoolwork and what she wanted to do for the President's Day holiday in a few weeks. For the first time all day, Abbey felt a calm happiness.
But it wasn't to last.
Upstairs, Zoey started screaming again. A moment later, Liz started yelling for their mother. Abbey told Ellie to go play or watch tv and Abbey raced upstairs.
It took over an hour to get Zoey calm again. Apparently Liz tried to distract her with a game and accidentally hit her in the bad ear when she tossed a stuffed animal to her. Abbey gave her a bath, trying to tune out the pained screeching—there wasn't much else she could do for her little girl. In a moment of weakness, Abbey considered giving her half of one of Jed's Vicodin for his back problems, but her rationality as a mother and a doctor quickly returned and she decided against drugging her child, as appealing as that concept was.
Finally, nine o'clock rolled around. Abbey's favorite time of day. The phone rang exactly on time. Liz answered it first, instantly begging to go to the party, then whining when she was told no. Abbey waited patiently as the phone was then passed to Ellie, who held it for Zoey. Both younger girls were in their pajamas. They knew to go straight to bed as soon as they were finished on the phone.
Abbey went upstairs to pick up the extension in the bedroom. Ellie and Zoey said goodnight and hung up the kitchen phone.
And they were alone at last.
"Hey there, doc. How was the surgery last night?"
Abbey smiled. It was so wonderful just to hear his voice, and his first question was about her work. "It went well. Long, but thankfully no complications. The scans were accurate, so I didn't encounter any surprises once we got in there."
"That's good. Did you sleep at all? Zoey said she stayed home from school. Is she okay?" he asked with concern.
"She'll be fine. She's got an ear infection and she's in a lot of pain. She's been screaming all day."
"Oh god."
Abbey frowned, trying not to think about it too much. "Yeah, it's heartbreaking. But I gave her the first dose of the antibiotics today, so she should start feeling better in another day or so."
"Can you give her anything for the pain?"
"I thought about that, but she's too small for any of the drugs we've got in the house, and none of the children's stuff is strong enough. But really, she'll be fine," Abbey assured him.
"So I guess that means you haven't slept in two days," he deduced.
"Pretty much. Zoey and I took a nap together this afternoon until Liz came home and got into a shouting match with me," Abbey said bitterly.
"Yeah, I figured as much. But she's not going to that party."
"I told her that's what you'd say. But she wouldn't have fought me if you were here to tell her in person."
"I'm so sorry, sweetheart." His tone of voice let her know how sincere he was. Though she knew him well enough to know that he genuinely hated being absent for family crises such as this.
Abbey could feel her emotions take over her tired body. She took a shaky breath, trying to keep calm. It didn't work. Tears pricked her eyes. "I really wish you were here." Her voice cracked.
"Me too." He didn't know what else to say.
"It's been an awful day and going to sleep in an empty bed is just so hard."
"I'm with you in spirit," he offered.
"You're just so far away."
He hated hearing her sound like that. He wanted so much to be with her. "Honey, you know I'd get on a red-eye right now if I didn't have that budget vote first thing in the morning."
"I know. I know you can't come. And you shouldn't come. I just…I wish you weren't so far away."
"You've had a hard day and you're exhausted. Get a good night's sleep, and everything will be better in the morning."
Abbey closed her eyes and pressed her lips together, staying quiet as she could as the tears fell.
"Abbey?"
"I know we talk every day, but it isn't the same. I miss you so much and I hate having to do this by myself," she told him with shaky words.
"Sweetheart, you're getting yourself all worked up. You're tired and the baby is upset and Liz is being a pain. Go wash your face and get ready for bed and curl up under the covers and I'll talk to you until you fall asleep."
"Our phone bill is already high, we can't…"
"Don't you worry about the phone bill. This is a charge I'm happy to pay for. Go get ready for bed. I'll wait."
Abbey did as she was told. She tried to do everything quickly so Jed wouldn't have to wait too long. But the more she thought about how sweet he was to stay on the phone with her just to make sure she fell asleep alright, the more emotional she got. She was fully crying by the time she turned out the light and got into bed.
"Oh come on, now, you can't cry when I'm not there to hold you! That's not fair!" Jed complained. He tried to keep the tone light, but his heart was breaking. Between imagining their baby screaming in pain and his wife crying with exhaustion and frustration, Jed was close to losing it himself.
"I just love you so much, and I hate being married to a man I only see every other weekend!" Abbey admitted.
"I know. This job sucks," he agreed.
She chuckled slightly. "It does not, Congressman. You love that job."
"But I love you more."
Tears flowed anew. "Stop doing that!"
"Jeez, you must be tired. You weren't even this weepy when you were pregnant," he noted.
"I know! It's terrible!"
"Alright, take some deep breaths. Close your eyes and try to go to sleep." Jed began to sing softly. He started with one of his favorite songs, an old Sinatra tune that had played for the first dance at their wedding. "More than the greatest love the world has known, this is the love I give to you alone…"
Soon enough, the quiet hum of Abbey's snores sounded over the phone. Jed smiled to himself. He listened for a little while, quietly picturing himself lying beside her in their bed instead of sitting up late in his office in D.C.
"Hello?"
Jed was torn from his daydream. "Liz?"
"Dad?"
"Keep your voice down, sweet pea. Your mom is asleep."
"Why are you still on the phone? We talked over an hour ago."
"Mom had a hard day and she was upset so I sang her to sleep," he explained.
"Oh." Elizabeth wasn't sure how to respond to that. She often witnessed her parents doing sweet things for one another but this was so simple and innocent yet so powerful.
"Liz, can you go up and hang up the bedroom extension, please? Quietly. Don't wake up Mom. I'll hang up and you can call Doug."
"How did you know?"
Jed chuckled. "I know things. Mom heard you call him last week. Apparently she did the same thing when her parents didn't want her to see her boyfriend when she was your age."
"He's really nice, Dad," Liz assured him.
"I'm sure he is, Lizzie, but he's in college and you're still in high school. You're graduating soon but until then, you're not going to parties with his friends."
Liz scowled. "Fine."
"And please be nicer to your mother. She's had a rough time recently, especially with Zoey not feeling well. And with me far away, it's three against one and that's just not fair. Don't make any more work for her. Between heart surgery and helping Ellie with homework and taking care of Zoey, she doesn't need to worry about you disobeying us on top of all that."
"Are you coming home soon?" she asked in a small voice.
"Three more days."
"Good."
"I agree. Now go hang up Mom's phone and kiss her cheek for me. Then you can call your secret boyfriend." He hated that his daughter was dating a boy in college, but making a big deal out of it would just inspire even more rebellion from her, so he did his best to pretend that everything was alright. She was nearly a grown woman now, but Elizabeth would always be his daughter, the little girl he held in his arms in a London hospital when he was not much older than she was now.
"Goodnight, Dad."
He smiled. "Goodnight, Lizzie."
She hung up the kitchen phone and climbed back up the stairs as quietly as she could. She tiptoed into her parents' room to take the phone receiver from her mother's hand. Abbey had been sound asleep, clutching the phone about four inches from her face. It was actually a sweet scene. And with her father's words echoing in her head, Liz started understand for the first time what it was like for her mother to have Dad so far away. She bent down and kissed her mother's cheek. "I miss him, too," Liz whispered.
"I know," Abbey murmured, still mostly asleep. She rolled over and resumed her slow breathing and slight snore.