I don't like being touched.
My friend Nate says it's because I wasn't hugged enough as a child. He got smacked for that one.
While most teenage girls my age yearn for that intimacy and affection from other people, I cringe at the thought of it. If somebody invades my personal space, I make sure I let them know. If somebody gets too close on a physical or an emotional level, i'm damn sure to push them away.
Why?
Maybe I wasn't hugged enough as a child or some other bullshit like that, but i'll never let Nate know if that really is the reason.
My heart has a great wall of China surrounding it, and i'm perfectly content with it being that way. I try to keep people away from my body as much as possible as well; Maybe I hope that without physical intimacy I won't get emotionally attached.
Nate hugged me once.
I kicked him.
He never tried it again.
Of course there is one person who my rules don't apply to. He lives in my neighborhood and looks like he stepped off an airplane from Italy or something: dark hair, tan skin, dark eyes. Tony.
Tony hugged me once. I didn't mind it so much. I wanted him to try it again.
He's the only one I let touch me; Maybe it's because I don't have to feel as guarded when i'm around him, like I have to protect myself, because I know for some reason he would never hurt me, that he would never have motive to. He makes me feel safe.
We weren't close, that was for sure. We had formed a silent connection since he had moved in down the street about a year ago and said very few words to each other, but every word that came out of his mouth was completely honest: I liked it.
I may not let anyone touch my skin, or my heart, but Tony touches my soul in a way I never thought possible. Just looking at him gives me inspiration and hope that one day i'll tear down the great wall of China around my heart and let him touch me on an emotional level.
Nate thinks i'm just crazy.
I think he's just jealous that he wasn't the one to touch my spirit first.