Smoke Rings In The Dark

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or New Moon, and not even Eclipse!!! WAA! I don't even own 'Smoke Rings in the Dark'; Gary Allan does!!

Summary: These are Bella's thoughts during her months that she was numb. REVIEW! (Italics song and bold is Bella's thoughts)

Well I won't make you tell me

What I've come to understand

You're a certain kind of woman and

I'm a different kind of man

I should have realized that we were too different to be able to love each other equally. I loved you with all my heart, I still do. Yet I realize that my love, my entire being, is not enough for a vampire that has eternity to have everything in his grasp.

I've tried to make you love me

You're tried to find a spark

Of the flame that burned and somehow turned

To smoke rings in the dark

I recognize now that all of the time we have spent together, my heart which I gave you, mean nothing. I was just some unfinished business to take care of. Once I was done with and forgotten, your life could begin again, the same as countless times before, leaving me to pick up the pieces.

The loneliness within me

Takes a heavy toll

'Cause it burns as slow as whiskey

Through an empty aching soul

You had said that time heals wounds for all of my kind. If that's so, why do I still feel this way; empty, numb, like my life has no meaning.

And the night is like a dagger

Long and cold and sharp

As I sit here on the front steps

Blowing smoke rings in the dark

I still remember just wandering around in the woods before Sam Uley found me, just waiting for you to come back into my waiting arms; to fix my shattered heart. But you didn't. You did what you had set out to do; exist with no strings attached. I was that string that needed to be snipped.

I- I- I know I must be going

'Cause loves already gone

And all I'm taking with me are the pieces of my heart

And All I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark

I just wish I could tell you that I would try to move on, but how can I even try to achieve the impossible. If circumstances were different, you would still be here, where I could love you, touch you, kiss you.

The rain falls where it wants to

Wind blows where it will

Everything on earth goes somewhere

But I swear we're standin' still

You are free to leave, with an eternity to be free, and do whatever it takes to keep existing as you do. I will be stuck with one life, with all my love given away, and uselessly tossed aside, until someone shows up with a glue-gun.

So I'm not going to wake you

I'll go easy on your heart

I'll just touch your face and drift away

Like smoke rings in the dark

I won't try to look for you, hell, I've already accepted that you're never coming back for the "pathetic human" that fell for you charms. I'll just drift away in the abyss of your countless memories from the century that you've been "reborn". Soon, you'll remember me as what's-her-name, the human from Forks that was as clumsy as hell, and could blush a deep burgundy.

I- I- I know I must be going

Cause loves already gone

And all I'm taking with me are the pieces of my heart

And all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark

I hope it will be easier for you now, since you've experienced human emotions, and realize how much easier life was without them. As for me, I will still cling on to a shred of hope, that you'll come back. You are wrong, we humans can remember a vast array of memories, painful and joyous. I could never forget someone whom I loved so much. As Alfred Lord Tennyson once said, "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."