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Angst. Death warning. ELSIE K. MOLKO do not read this. It is a ficlet. 1X2 lime
[implying relationship]. Rated 'R' for content and themes.
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Gundam Wing and its characters do not belong to me. They belong to Bandai. I am
writing this without their permission.
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This is dedicated to The Original P: Parliament/Funkadelic…. P*FUNK!!!!!! And not
Elsie because I will not allow her to read this. On with the fic…
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FINAL CUT
by Shea Akers/Anya Dvorak

"Duo… Its Quatre… open the door, please." The blonde haired pilot plead, softly
rapping his knuckles against the wooden door.
Duo stood in front of the bathroom mirror, ignoring his friend. Duo's face was
pale; accept for his puffy red eyes. Duo heard Quatre lean his body into the door. The
blonde tried to reach Duo again. "Duo…" He said, his voice pained slightly, laced with
worry, "I just got home, and Wufei says that you've been here for a few hours. We all
feel bad about what happened…"
Quatre's voice trailed off. The braided soldier Duo turned his head as his
eyebrows creased in anger. "You feel bad?" He whispered maliciously, so lowly that it
was barely heard, "You didn't know him like I knew him."
"What?" Quatre asked, "I can't hear you. Please open the door."
Duo turned back to the mirror. He whispered to his reflection, "Why is it that
everyone I love ends up dieing?"
Reaching out, Duo touched his hand to the mirror. It was cold. Duo's face broke
again and the tears started up. "Baka…" He fiercely shouted.
"Duo!" The startled Quatre said, "What's going on in there?! We can help you!"
"Quatre… he was so stupid!" Duo muttered, "He knew he would die and the
world needs him…"
Quatre took a ragged breath. He was crying too. "I know… I know he was stupid
and he paid dearly for it."
"He didn't have to go on that mission… His very last mission and I never said
goodbye or I love you!" Duo yelled, his voice cracking.
Quatre paused. He had never heard Duo say those words… words of love and not
death. Duo grabbed a pair of scissors lying on the bathroom sink. He pulled his braid over
his shoulder and gently trickled his hands down the thick hair. Heero used to do that
before he died. Heero used to do that; play with his hair. The entire physical contact thing
was always a taboo for the both of them, but together, all defenses dropped. They
welcomed each other's touch. Quatre's small voice spoke again, "Duo… are you ok,
please talk to me some more… make some noise, for god's sake."
"Quatre, I'll be done in here in a minute."
"What are you doing?"
"Its none of your business. It'll be over soon."
"Well, I'll be downstairs with Trowa if you need us. We still have to tell Relena."
Quatre added.
Duo's eyes lowered into slits. She didn't deserve the right to know. Heero had
confided in him that she was a pest. He only put up with her because she was the
meaning of his mission: Absolute peace. Duo said quietly, "Whatever…"
Duo heard Quatre's footsteps down the stairs and a sick smile stretched across his
face. Duo lifted his braid. He savagely sliced off one of the three strands. The brown hair
fell, drooping over, the ends curling. Duo undid his twist tie and let the hair fall to the
floor, cascading locks around his bare feet. Duo sighed. His hand began to shake a bit. He
remembered the first time they had met. He had seen the boy attempting to shoot Relena
Peacecraft. On second thoughts, he should have let Heero. She was a pest. Yet at that
moment, he thought Heero was the enemy, and he was Heero's. He had shot the boy
twice. Heero had incredible stamina. Later they broke him from an Oz run hospital. Duo
couldn't have left him there. If anything, he was a fellow Gundam pilot. Heero had tried
to kill himself, and set his own leg. It was a horrible experience meeting the perfect
soldier. Meeting the boy whose eyes told nothing, and whose heart beat only to kill for
innocence. That night, He had thought Heero was incapable of love.
Duo reached up for the second strand of hair. The remaining strands were
unweaving from their braid. Duo grabbed a section and gently, with much precision, cut
the strand. It to fell to the ground in the same was as the first. The strand tickled his toes
and he lightly kicked it away. The pile resembled brown snakes. Duo growled to himself,
"Heero isn't loveless… he has a soul too…"
Duo took a deep breath and remembered a time when Heero would make his
heartbeat and his breath cease. He remembered the feeling of when he made Heero's
heart swell. He could almost imagine the ice melting off of the Japanese pilot. Heero had
made the first move. They were studying together: philosophy. Duo was complaining that
Plato's Symposium was useless, and Heero argued. He had said that love was one of the
most important things a person has. It created peace. Duo chuckled and noted that Heero
had never felt love a day in his life, let alone know what it was. One deep kiss later,
Duo's opinion of Heero had changed.
And now, Heero was dead. Duo stared at the cold mirror again. His hair was
swinging slightly at his shoulders. There was one long strand left. Duo cut it and let it
fall, some of it catching on his black clothes. He let out a sigh he was unaware of holding.
He was in the kitchen when he heard about Heero. Wufei walked in and sat down. He
looked nervously at Duo. Wufei was being uncharacteristically sweet to Duo; therefore
Duo knew that something was wrong. Wufei told him the news directly, while Trowa
walked in. The three of them sat in silence for a while. Duo then left the table and locked
himself in the bathroom. It was unbelievable. The first hour was spent on disbelief and
denial. The second hour, Duo blamed himself. The third hour, Duo cried for his loss. By
the end of the fourth hour, Duo had no more hair on his head.
Duo looked at his new appearance. Perhaps his hair was a symbol, a loss for a
loss. Duo shook away some new tears and shuddered down a sob. How could he love? He
had known true love, and he had lost it. He only wanted Heero to return his love again.
He wanted to feel Heero's hands gently stroking the base of his neck. He wanted to feel
Heero, to hear his voice, to taste his lips and to listen to his theories on peace, war and
death. He wanted to be with Heero again.
Duo opened up the bathroom door and walked into their bedroom. "My
bedroom… no longer Heero and Mine…" muttered Duo said bitterly.
Duo looked around at all of Heero's belongings. He couldn't sleep here anymore.
He couldn't breathe in this room; look in this room… he couldn't be here. "I want to be
with Heero, Dammit!" Duo yelled to no one in particular.
Duo walked to his desk and opened up the drawer. He took out a gun. "I am
Shinigami." Duo said. He wrote down a quick note, and read it aloud, "Death is nothing
without it's opposite, my love. Therefore Death will be nothing."
Duo placed the gun in his mouth and shot it.


Heero…? Duo said.
Duo… you came…
Yeah, I couldn't be there without you.
I missed you… I'm sorry I had to leave…I failed you.
No… No… Heero, I love you…
I love you too, Duo.
I want to see you… I want to hold you again… why can't I do that?
A Pause.
Because this is hell, Duo.


FINIS
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Okay all comments to Anyadvorak@cs.com
All flames and anything recommended. I am sorry for the pain in this story. Its dark and
bitchy… and suicide is NEVER a good idea… you never know what is beyond… and it
is the most selfish thing in the world… okay, off soap box… PLEASE COMMENT!
And if you wanna archive this.. .tell me first… ?