Alphys jumped off the riverman's ferry and ran down the cave. Or was it a riverwoman? It didn't matter.
She received a message from Mettaton. He called for help.
Well, to be fair, he did it pretty often; over cases like noticing a scratch on his body or deciding that today was a bad hair day. But those kinds of messages usually were long and overdramatic. This one just said "plz help im diyng", and no replies followed Alphys' questions, so it did look like something was seriously wrong.
Alphys nervously knocked on the door of the pink house, but only heard a faint moan on the inside. The door wasn't locked, so Alphys stepped in.
Mettaton in his rectangle form was lying on his bed, making broken musicbox sounds and looking pretty awful. His indicators were glowing dim, sparks were coming out of the circuits and making him shudder, and Alphys could hear the mechanical parts whirr and creak. Napstablook was there, too, sitting in the corner and crying themselves a twentieth top hat in an attempt to calm down.
Mettaton noticed Alphys and tried to lift his arm, but just dropped it on the floor like a limp noodle.
"Help," his soundbox was heavy glitching.
"Wh-what happened?!" asked Alphys, turning to Napstablook. The ghost stopped crying for a second and mumbled:
"We were just…listening….the letters….oh no….." before tears started spilling again.
After ten minutes of trying to get information out of hopelessly broken Mettaton and his stressed cousin, Alphys finally gathered the whole story. Mettaton and Napstablook were reading fan letters and found a CD attached to one of them. The letter said that a fan wrote a song for Mettaton and wanted him to check it out. Blooky offered the CD player, but Mettaton waved it off and inserted the disk into himself. But as soon as he started playing it, his whole system stopped working.
"I'm sorry, I think there was a virus," said Alphys after examining Mettaton. "I-I can write an antivirus, but that'll take a while…Probably this whole day…"
"My show…My fans…My TRUE fans…" he whined and coughed in a mix of glitching and buzzing.
"You can't perform like this, you can barely even move!"
Mettaton groaned. He couldn't argue with that.
Alphys tried to fix as much damage as she could, but the robot still wasn't able to function on his own. Napstablook calmed down a little and was sniffing and staring at Alphys with their huge blank eyes. It made her uncomfortable.
"Alright, you should be more or less fine for now, but I recommend to find someone to look after you," she said, closing Mettaton's hatch on his back. "Someone other than your cousin."
"I tried to call Undyne for help…but she could only offer beating the glitches out of him….." whispered Blooky. Alphys sighed.
"What about her friend? That tall skeleton from Snowdin? I think he's a fan of your show."
"How can I trust my fans anymore?" dramatically exclaimed Mettaton. "Do you even know this guy?"
Alphys scratched her head.
"Well, we chat online sometimes…He's harmless. Also kinda weird and funny. He sent me photos of him with photoshopped muscles once. And photoshopped sunglasses on those muscles."
Mettaton was silent, and she couldn't read his facial expression in this form.
Then he snorted. Ah, good.
"Well, if I've got no better candidates, let him pay a visit to me," graciously gave permission Mettaton. Alphys brimmed with a smile and started texting.
Papyrus nearly slammed the door open, rushing into Mettaton's house with a bag behind his back. Mettaton was just finishing calling everyone about the cancellation of the episode. Papyrus opened his mouth and apparently was going to make a huge speech…but nothing happened. Mettaton was watching him awkwardly stand in the middle of the room, shifting eyes and breathing heavily from running.
"Good afternoon, darling," said Mettaton to break the silence, still cringing at the sound of his malfunctioning voice. Papyrus deeply inhaled and said quietly:
"Hello."
Awkward silence again.
"I'm Papyrus," he said a little louder. "Dr. Alphys asked me to take care of you…"
Mettaton just nodded. As much as a calculator could nod.
"It's an…easy task for the Great Papyrus!.. So don't worry!.."
"Thank you, honey."
"Also, uh…"
…
"I'm a hUGE FAN OF YOU!" Papyrus dropped the bag on the floor, not being able to contain his excitement any more. "Mettaton! I watch your show all the time! I never missed an episode! It's brilliant! Thank you so much for it! I can't express how glad I am to finally meet you in person! This is a great honor!"
"You're very sweet, darling," carefully said Mettaton, being perfectly aware of how dangerous his fans can get. Papyrus flopped on his knee in front of the bed.
"METTATON!"
"…Yes, darling?"
"Can we be friends?" whispered Papyrus, looking at him with puppy eyes full of sparkles and sincere love. Mettaton chuckled.
"If you want, dear, we-" his voice suddenly turned into a static noise, and he shuddered as sparks came out of the circuits again. Papyrus was terrified.
"Oh no! This is even worse thant I thought!"
Mettaton violently coughed, trying to get his voicebox to work again.
"I'll be fine, darling, Alphys said she can fix it till the end of the day," he finally muttered. "Although even then, this is a catastrophe to my entire schedule!"
Papyrus nodded with genuine sympathy. Mettaton suddenly felt like whining to him.
"You see, darling, today's episode was supposed to be our usual Wednesday Washing Work show, you should know the one. Except…»
"I do! It's my favorite! So educational and useful in everyday life! I tried to make my brother watch it, but to no avail, unfortunately."
"…except not so usual. Because I was going to show a tutorial on cleaning shoes myself. Everyone was waiting for it! And look…"
"I WAS LOOKING FORWARDS TO IT GOLLY"
"That's nice, honey. And look at me now - what am I doing here? I'm supposed to entertain my wonderful fans and-"
Mettaton was going to jump off his bed, but suddenly received a pretty strong electrical shock. Papyrus immediately caught him and returned on the pillow.
"Please don't move!" he cried out. "Your amazing show is amazing, but you're the amazingest, so please stay in bed until you feel amazinger again!"
Mettaton whimpered. He was kind of enjoying this attention. Papyrus was looking at him with such loyalty.
"Ah, what's the point in worrying about the performance, anyway?" he cried out dramatically, trying his best to pose in a way that doesn't make his inner parts rumble. "Look at what one of my 'fans' has done! Maybe it's for the better… They don't deserve my tragic beauty!.."
"…Do I, though?" cautiously asked Papyrus with absolute seriousness. Mettaton moved a little from his beautifully tragic pose and coughed.
"Yes. You do. You're alright."
This, for some reason, filled Papyrus with inspired determination.
"Worry not, Mettaton! I'll prove myself! I'll be here! All day! So you won't feel sad or bored!"
"Oh."
"I brought so many cool things; we're going to have so much fun! Because we're friends! If Undyne gets sick, I'm always there outside of her house, in case she needs something! Because that's what friends are for! (I'm so glad we're friends)"
"You're so nice," murmured Mettaton, gradually coming in grips with the fact that he had to cancel the episode. "I'd love to see what you've got there, darling."
Papyrus moved a chair to his bed and started rootling in his bag.
"Do you love…PUZZLES?" his voice turned into a loud whisper. Mettaton shrugged.
"I do use them on my show quite often…Why?"
"Would you mind…solving some puzzles with me?" Papyrus was blushing as if it was some kind of inappropriate offer. What a dork, seriously.
"Of course not."
Papyrus blushed even harder and handed him several sheets of paper. Mettaton took a look at one. It was just a junior jumble, stuff for the kiddies. He didn't even have to put effort into this; he could just use the word search function Alphys built into him.
"There," said Mettaton, handing the sheet back after quickly scratching out all the words.
Papyrus' expression was priceless.
"Unbelievable!" he exclaimed in awe. "You're even smarter than I thought!"
Mettaton wanted to pose proudly, but something inside of him dangerously clanked. Papyrus now was trying to find some redeeming qualities about himself.
"I-I'm good at crosswords, though! How about this one?"
He pointed at another sheet of paper. As Mettaton started reading the description, he suddenly realized that the word search couldn't save him here. That was going to be embarrassing.
Indeed, the crossword turned out to be pretty hard. Papyrus was victoriously cackling "nyeh heh heh"s while watching him struggle.
"Do you want me to solve it? Do you?" he asked, bouncing impatiently in excitement. Mettaton sighed and handed it back to the skeleton, ready to admit his defeat. Papyrus scribbled something and showed it to him.
All the boxes in the sheet were just filled in with the letter "z".
"I just do this every time because crosswords make me snore!" explained Papyrus.
Mettaton laughed out loud in his glitching voice.
"Truly, darling, you are the master of those," he said, wiping a figurative tear and patting happy Papyrus on the shoulder. "It's nice to see we're both good at something."
They ended up watching Mettaton's movies. Mettaton couldn't believe he was actually getting nervous at the thought that Papyrus didn't appreciate the idea of all of them consisting of a four-hour shot of rose petals showering his body. Since when did he care about whether anyone finds this boring? But fortunately, the skeleton didn't even consider disliking those. He couldn't stop babbling about when he bought each of 28 movies, how he watched them, what were his favourite parts and which moment made him cry the most. Mettaton has seen dedication to his work, but this was really impressive.
He kept coughing and sighing from time to time to make Papyrus ask if he was okay and needed something. Mettaton didn't even feel that bad anymore, he just really loved that his caretaker adjusted his blanket and shaked up the pillow with such care.
"Ah, but don't you have anything better to do than to watch my silly movies, sweetheart?" he murmured, slugging more and more.
"I cancelled my training with Undyne so I can be with you the whole day!" reassured Papyrus.
"My goodness, darling, you shouldn't have…"
"It's okay, she seemed to understand."
Mettaton sighed heavily again. He was in a joyful mood, so he extended his arm to brush Papyrus' hand with his fingers.
"It's so good to have such smart and sweet and dedicated skeleton like you to watch me over," he cooed. His fingers didn't move well, so the movements were a bit awkward, but it still brought blush on Papyrus' face.
"Anything for my greatest star!" he declared eagerly. Mettaton made a really silly giggle that got cut off by a high-pitched beep.
"Ah, darling, you're really something! I've only known you for a couple of hours, and I'm already falling for your charm!"
Papyrus, still blushing, stared at him.
"Mettaton, are you…flirting with me?"
This blunt question caught Mettaton by surprise. He stopped, quickly losing his playful attitude.
"Um, well," Mettaton mumbled, slightly embarrassed for some reason. "Possibly? Should've asked you first, huh? I mean… no way a handsome skeleton like you isn't dating anyone…"
Papyrus jumped on the bed and grabbed his hand.
"Don't worry, my brilliance doesn't belong to anyone yet!" he claimed, blushing even harder. If Mettaton had cheeks, he'd blush too.
Wow, uh. This turn of events was unexpected. He really did know this guy for just a couple of hours.
Mettaton got silent and carefully freed his hand from Papyrus' grip.
"I'm sorry, darling, I forget I…do that to people," he said, no more overexaggerating the way he talked. "I always assume they're aware of the rules. You know, that it's all just a game."
Papyrus looked confused, but not upset, at the very least.
"I promised myself to not get close to any of my fans," explained Mettaton. "No offence, but relationship with fans never go well."
"Why's so?"
"Well, they always see my…perfect side. The one that's scripted or improvised in a way to make me look good. I'm different off the TV screen, sometimes drastically different from their expectations. Sometimes they just love the idea of me, the fabulous TV idol, not who I actually am. Those two girls from the backstreet, what were their names again?.. Ugh. They just craved my showbiz image. It's fine, that's what I want to look like to others, but that's also the reason they'd never have a chance."
Papyrus hesitated.
"I used to imagine you being completely different," he finally said. "Until your battle with the human. But I wouldn't stop loving you after that because…I actually liked it more?"
Mettaton could hear his inner fans whirring loudly in an attempt to fight the virus. Or maybe, it's wasn't the virus anymore.
"I aspired to be like you, because you were so famous and popular. But sometimes I started doubting my greatness and feeling intimidated, because you seemed to be so flawless, and I…probably wasn't ALWAYS as flawless." Papyrus sighed and continued with more determination. "So, I found that episode very touching, because I saw you could break and regret your decisions, too."
He inhaled deeply.
"I was one of the callers that day, too. You probably don't remember my voice though, I was one of the last ones…"
"I think I do, now that you said it," Mettaton was deep in thought. Papyrus smiled.
"So I guess I'm a big fan of the imperfect Mettaton!"
For a second, whirring intensified.
"And also, I've spent half of the day practically 'backstage' and I'm enjoying every minute of being with the Casual Mettaton!"
Papyrus felt the gloved hand gently stroking his again. He restored the grip on it and looked at the otherwise motionless Mettaton.
"Goddamit," mumbled the robot. "You really make me want to give you a chance."
Papyrus blushed heavily and squeezed his hand.
"You can have my phone number," he said, still trying to sound confident, but failing. "Or add me on the UnderNet…"
"I'd rather have your address, sweetcheeks," judging by Mettaton's voice, he was smiling, too. "To pay YOU the visit next time."
Papyrus face went completely red, and he in a wave of inspiration blurted out the stupidest thing ever.
"You're my favourite sexy rectangle."
Mettaton wasn't sure whether it was the virus, the sheer brilliance of this line or the fact that his inner fans went wild. But this was the point where his system shut down.
He only woke up the next morning on Alphys' table. His pathetic whines drew her attention downstairs.
"Really, you should be fine already, I completely fixed you yesterday night," said Alphys, coming up and watching Mettaton playing deadly sick. Mettaton shifted and realized that he, indeed, was functioning normally again.
"Where's the guy that looked after me yesterday?" he asked, trying to sound as casual as possible. Alphys snorted.
"Papyrus? He brought you here. I tried to tell him that it's not necessary, but he was unstoppable. He also spent almost the whole night staring at me repairing you. I, uh, don't think he really understood that he needed to sleep."
Mettaton sighed.
"He left a couple of hours ago, only because I called Undyne and asked her to take him back. They're training now, I think. … Why though?"
"No reason," Mettaton pretended to inspect his non-existing nails. "Tell him he did a nice job. I enjoyed his company. That's all."
Alphys' smile was too wide to be accidental.
"He left you his phone number and address, I wonder whyyy?" she teased him with a note written in big round letters. Mettaton snatched it out of her hands, jumped off the table and went right through the wall of the house.
Alphys was used to him ending embarrassing talks this way, though.