Dementor went down to Georgia,
He was lookin' for some tech to steal.
He began to find, it wasn't worth the time
Inventin' all that stuff for real.
But when he came across that fancy lab,
And spotted that gadget so fine,
A flash of red hair
And Kim Possible's there,
Saying "It's so the end of the line."
I guess she didn't notice
The Professor make a sign
Before she could shout,
That Henchman© popped out
And grabbed her from behind.
Dementor grinned like a man possessed
And thanked his hulkin' goon,
But when he turned 'round
The device he found
In the hands of that blond Buffoon.
He said, "The name's Ron Stoppable,
So tell your lackey to drop KP.
And in return,
You're gonna learn
How to win this doohickey.
"Now, German Dude, I'll say this once
So listen up real good.
I'm tired of all this weak sauce
You been bringin' in ma hood.
"Rap better than me,
You'll get this shiny… thingy in my hand.
But if you lose, we throw you in the can."
The Prof snapped his fingers and the redhead dropped,
Then he said, "You poor, poor boy,
Zhis thrashing I'll be giving you,
I'll thoroughly enjoy."
Another snap and the goon stepped up,
Beatboxing just like a pro.
And Professor D got in Ron's grill
Then he shouted "Ja , here ve go!"
Hey, vhat's your deal?
Why you being zhe aggressor?
My rhymes are so prime
Zhe fraulines call me Zhe Professor.
(Ron: Come up with that one all by yourself?)
How long is it you have
Been in zhis hero game?
Oh, pardon me…
I just can't recall your name.
(Ron: Dude, I told you like two minutes ago!)
You'd think zhat meddling
Cheerleader could find a guy vith class.
(Ron & Kim: Hey!)
Ve're begging you, please keep your pants on,
Und spare us zhat pale, bony ass.
When Dementor finished, the sidekick said,
"You're better than I would'a guessed,
Rufus, buddy, break it down,
Everybody gather 'round,
And prepare to be impressed…"
(Rufus: Na na na nana na nananana, na na na nana na nananana)
Hey, big man,
You really think you can defeat me?
I think you missed the sign:
You must be this tall to beat me.
(Dementor: Grrr)
At least I have a girlfiend.
It doesn't matter what you'd give her,
No girl'd touch you before
Your jaundiced ass gets a new liver
(Kim: Not even after.)
That's if you like girls.
All I see here are men.
I bet you just can't wait
To wear yo mamma's dress again.
(Dementor: It vas a house coat! A HOUSE COAT!)
Dementor stomped and growled
Because he knew that he'd been served.
So he waited there for the Atlanta PD
And the sentence he deserved.
Ronnie said "I know you'll just break out,
So just chew on this 'til then,
Booyah, you Nazi son of a bleep
I'm the best there's ever been."
A/N: I've been a huge fan of this song since the first time I heard it and, in spite of that, I went through with this, anyway. I got the idea, oddly enough, by reading "The Wreck of Plan 457" by Mr. Wizard. It's rare that you get a songfic that's an actual song instead of just lyrics and a story to go along with them, but he did it. And with a ballad no less. I figured it was only fair that Ron deserved his own musical tribute. I can see how it might seem a bit out of character for him, but he was a little miffed at the good Professor, after all. Just throw a handful of Eminem into the Ron Stoppable mix and everything works.
Feel free to review and let me know what you think. I certainly don't have any idea what I was thinking, that's for darn sure.
All blessings from the Order of the Closed Fist,
-Brother Bludgeon