A/N: this is actually a pretty screwed up thing but I had to write it to get it out of my head and to maybe rid myself of writers block for my other two stories that I have yet to finish.
Rated M for a good reason.
Brooke Davis is the most beautiful person to grace the earth with her presence. I've known this forever and so has everyone else on earth. Peyton Sawyer is creative and funny, sarcastic and beautiful, Lukas Scott is a talented writer and basketball player, Nathan Scott is the star of the basketball team and a complete hunk. Then there's me, Haley James, I don't have all that much going for me except that I'm smart but even that doesn't stop the hole in my chest that gnaws at my very being. Brooke doesn't know how beautiful she is, They say she's hot and sexy but she doesn't understand that she's actually gorgeous. I didn't just love her because she's pretty, honestly I don't know why I love her so much I just do. I can't help it anymore then she can help loving Lukas.
Everyday I deal with the troubles of being gay. Most people don't care who's gay or not but not in Tree Hill. Besides the few friends listed above I had no one. Simply because they hated that I came out. They'll never know how much pain they've caused me. They'll never know how much I love Brooke, They'll never know that each time I think of them a small voice in the back of my head pushes me to my inevitable end. The final escape. So I sat in my room staring blankly at the wall, as if wishing it to give me hope. But it never came. I rolled up my sleeve and uncovered countless scars across my thin slender arms. I stared into my right hand, the blade was clean and sharp. It poked it with my finger, I'd always preferred them sharp so that I didn't have to waste time cutting the same spot repeatedly. I lifted the cool soft, flexible metal to my skin. I pressed it down ever so lightly as if preparing or it to cut on it's own. Then an image of my "friends" flashed through my mind. A gentle voice told me that it was the only way for release. Anger overcame me. I pressed as hard as I could down and rip the small piece of metal across my skin in one quick fluid motion. Immediately blood poured from the cut. I couldn't get it to stop and it was located near my elbow on the opposite side. I watched as the blood slid gracefully down my thin arms over other scars and down my fingers. I watched an undetermined amount of blood drip to the floor. This one was deep. I saw little yellow bubbles rise to the surface. I assumed they were little pockets of fat because I had read somewhere that that happened if you cut deep enough, I'd never cut this deep before but it seemed to be providing the most distraction from my life. The stared at it as it continued to bleed. I didn't bother cleaning it. I slid off of my bed and leaned my back against it. I watched as a small pool of blood formed on the ground beneath me. I felt the sting of tears behind my eyes but I refused to let them fall. Brooke flashed through my mind and before I knew it another cut appeared this one closer to my thin wrists. I let the tears fall freely from my face and made another cut. Then another and another and another and another…eventually I was at the point that I was about to press the blade down to my wrists. Then the moment replayed in my head.
Brooke smiled at Haley as she placed the book back on the shelf in the library. They were discussing Lukas, as they normally did whenever a holiday was about to roll around. Lukas' birthday was coming up soon and Brooke wanted to get him something amazing, something that would mean more to him then anything else and who better to ask for that advice then his best friend? Brooke sat at one of the many round tables in the library. Haley sat down next to her as she placed a book in from of the raven-haired beauty. "No Brooke, Lukas does not need a car." Haley sighed.
"But he doesn't even have one!" Brooke argued. Haley shrugged he'd prefer to walk then a car but Haley didn't quite know how to tell Brooke that her plans were spoiled. "Brooke." Haley sighed again. Brooke had finally gotten the message and backed off with that idea. "So what else could I get him?" Brooke asked as Haley sat down. Their hands brushed against each other and neither could deny the wonderful electricity that surged through them at that moment. Brooke locked eyes with Haley, Haley tried to break away just so that she could pretend that she wasn't pouring her feelings for Brooke of the last two years out of her eyes. It didn't work and she couldn't break away from the gaze of the most beautiful creature on earth. Brooke's hand moved slightly and her nails grazed Haley's skin. Haley shut her eyes involuntarily. They leaned in towards each other and shared a beautiful first kiss just as the girls pulled apart Lukas walked through the door. "What the hell is this?" He yelled at them, he was obviously angry. "Nothing!" Brooke defended as she stood, Haley glared at Lukas for interrupting her one perfect moment in her life. "It sure looked like something!" Lukas yelled again this time advancing towards Haley. "Hales you were kissing Brooke!" He screamed as if she didn't know. "Lukas, Look, I'm really sorry I was just…I slipped and we accidentally kissed." Haley explained lamely. "Like Hell!" Lukas pushed Haley back with force into a table. It slid out of the way as she fell to the ground. "Luke!" Brooke screamed as she ran to Haley's side. Haley stood up and Lukas made another advance towards her. He raised his fist and punched her hard in the mouth. "You little Dyke! I don't mind if you're gay Hales but don't touch Brooke! You disgusting piece of scum!" He spat at her. "You're gonna burn in hell bitch!" Lukas screamed at her. Brooke watched as Lukas kicked her quickly he then grabbed Brooke's arm and walked out of the room. Haley lay on the floor, blood dripped from her nose.
That had hurt so bad, he was supposed to be my best friend. I thought to the moments afterward before I ended up in her room.
"Brooke I'm sorry." Haley said as she caught up to Brooke in the hallway. "Stay away from me." Brooke replied simply. This hurt more then any cut on Haley's arm could. "What?"
"Stay away from me, dyke." Brooke said as if she were about to cry. Haley couldn't believe what was coming out of Brooke's mouth. "I hate you." Brooke whispered. It was obviously forced but it still stung Haley like a knife piercing her heart. Haley watched as Brooke walked away with tears evident on her cheeks.
I stared down at the blade in her hand, I was already bleeding so much I was sure if I had stayed like this I'd die. Then I switched the blade to the other hand. I pressed down straight on my wrist I saw the blue vein bulge slightly as if in anticipation. I slid it across in one fluid motion. It didn't hurt as much as I'd thought what I was feeling was more like…relief. I was finally going to escape this hell. I was going to be free, free of prejudice, free of the world, free of her life. I tried as best I could to hold the blade in my already slit wrist hand. It only seemed to make the blood squirt faster out of my body. I successfully slid the blade across my other wrist. This time more slowly, more appreciative I watched the blood spill from my body like rain from the sky. The world started to go fuzzy, I got dizzy and the earth went black. Then suddenly it was like a giant light was turned on, at first I thought it was the light at the end of the tunnel I'd heard so much about seeing when you died, but it wasn't. I saw Brooke standing above me, I saw Brooke leaped down to my level and pull my face into her hands. I saw her take off her shirt and wrap up my wrists gently, trying desperately to stop the blood. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a cell phone, I watched her dial 911. "B-B-Brooke." I said in a whisper, I knew she heard it. "Just keep talking baby, Just keep talking to me." Brooke smiled I could see the tears fall freely from her face. "Dot cry Tigger, I love you." I said, I knew she knew that I meant it. She leaned down and kissed my lips. "I love you to Tutor Girl." And with those last words and the feeling of her lips on mine again I slipped peacefully from this world, wishing I hadn't wasted so much time not telling her. I wish I could take back the time I'd lost but I can't. I was content and peaceful as I slipped away knowing she loved me like I did her. All I want is for her to be happy, maybe one day I'll see her again I just hope that it's not too soon.
A/N: Well that was pretty sad and depression, review, tell me if I should continue and yes I have plans if you want me to continue. So yeah, do that. Sorry if I brought down your mood and I will try my hardest to update my other two stories but I've hit a snag in both of them. Well let me know if I should continue.