Anything Goes
By M. Zephyr

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 is a trademark of Rumiko Takahashi and VIZ Communications, and its characters have been borrowed without permission. This story was written for non-commercial purposes only.

Ranma x Akane. Shampoo and Cologne have taken Ranma. Akane wants him back.

I wasn't too sure about posting this one. It isn't my usual style at all. It's very short, really just a scene, not a story at all. It's rather dark for the Amazons - you may wish to skip it if you really like them. Some people are way OOC. You've been warned.

Ranma Saotome, heir of the Saotome school of Anything Goes martial arts, sat near the campfire in the wide clearing and warily regarded the two Chinese Amazons nearby. Not that he had any choice but to sit and watch. Try as he might, his arms and legs would not move at his command. The ancient and withered Cologne, a matriarch of her people, was taking things out to prepare their supper, while her great-granddaughter Shampoo was putting the tents up before darkness fell.

"You didn't have to kill Mousse," Ranma said to the elder.

Cologne paused in her work to glare at him. "I didn't really want to, but an Amazon male should have known better than to challenge me. Especially when we were short of time. After you ate those mushrooms, it was necessary for us to be on our way immediately, before any of the random chaos which surrounds you could do anything to interfere."

Ranma regarded his traitorous limbs. "I figured it was the mushrooms that did this. Neat trick, having my body only respond to Shampoo's spoken commands. But it can't last forever. What do you reckon I'm gonna do when it wears off?"

Cologne grimaced at the sight of the murderous glint in his eyes. She would have preferred the softer solution of having the boy agree to marry Shampoo of his own choice, but things had not worked out that way. When he had declared his intention to marry his fiancé Akane Tendo, heir to the Tendo school of Anything Goes, it had become apparent that stronger measures would be required. After all, their laws required that he marry Shampoo, whatever he might wish in the matter.

"It's simple enough, son-in-law," the elder told him as though speaking to a child. "Before they wear off, Shampoo will simply order you to eat some more. That pattern will continue until we get you back to our village, at which time more permanent methods will be employed."

Shampoo slowly approached the young man, hips swaying, making him think of some beautiful but poisonous flower. She leaned forward and placed a kiss upon his lips, which he was powerless to escape. "You learn to love Shampoo, airen," the girl told him in a purring voice which sent ugly shivers up his spine. "Tonight Shampoo give you commands you like very much. It be too too wonderful to finally have airen be with Shampoo as husband should."

Ranma's body managed to tremble under the force of his rage. "You ain't any better than a damned rapist, Shampoo. Even if you get me back to China, the only emotion you'll ever get from me after this is hatred."

"It matters not, son-in-law," Cologne shrugged as she began adding ingredients into a pot. "Love or hate, you belong to Shampoo, and you will always be hers and no one else's."

"Aren't you two forgetting something?" Ranma asked seriously. "Akane's gonna find out what happened pretty quick. In fact, I'm sure she already has. She ain't gonna take this lying down."

The two Chinese women both laughed contemptuously. "The Tendo girl is no threat," Cologne told him with a snort. "Perhaps if it was she we had kidnapped, and you who were after us, I might feel just a touch of concern. But while the girl has some skill at martial arts, she poses no serious threat even to Shampoo, let alone to myself."

Ranma looked the old woman in the eye and said quietly, "You really don't understand, do you? Akane is a practitioner of Anything Goes martial arts."

Cologne cackled. "What of it? Do you think I fear a martial arts style founded by that old pervert Happosai? My people have a tradition stretching back three thousand years! We are warriors and martial artists without peer! I have absolutely nothing to fear from a child such as Akane Tendo!"

Ranma shook his head at her obtuseness, and then his mouth curved up in an evil grin. The elder stared at him, trying to divine what he was grinning about. Of course, she was unable to see her own forehead. A forehead on which Ranma had just seen a red dot appear. The dot vanished as a small black hole took its place, and the back of Cologne's head erupted, spraying blood and less pleasant substances over the tree behind her. A sharp crack split the quiet of the forest at the same moment.

Even as the sound registered, Shampoo was already rising and spinning, lifting her bonborri to meet whatever threat was present. Her scanning eyes saw no one nearby, but another crack sounded through the trees. Ranma watched as the bonborri fell from the Amazon's hands, and then her body slumped to fall to the ground. Ranma really wished that he had the power to turn aside, as what was left of the back of Shampoo's head was in his line of sight.

Several minutes later Ranma heard a noise to the side, and then Akane stepped in front of him, grim-faced but beautiful. He looked at the rifle strapped to her back and lifted an eyebrow. "A Steyr AUG. Fitted with a laser sight. Where did you get that?"

Akane smiled as she knelt down before him. "Let's just say that my sister Nabiki has some scary contacts. After Mousse's body was found at the Nekohanten, we were all wondering what the hell was going on and whether you were involved somehow. Then one of Nabiki's classmates called and said that she had seen you leaving town with Cologne and Shampoo, and after, um, recent events ..." The young woman blushed, before going on. "Well, I knew that you wouldn't have gone with them voluntarily. Nabiki pulled some strings and got the police to let Doctor Tofu into the café. He found the remains of the stuff that they fed to you, in a pot in the kitchen. One of these days you have got to learn to control that stomach of yours."

Ranma sighed, embarrassed. "Sorry."

She pulled a small bottle out of a pocket. "Anyway, Tofu figured out what the stuff did, and prepared an antidote. Open wide." She poured the contents of the bottle down his throat, and gave an evil grin of her own as he began choking at the vile taste.

Akane went on with her explanation. "By the time he had the antidote ready, Nabiki had obtained this thing for me." She hooked her thumb over her shoulder at the assault rifle. "Her informant had told her which direction you left town in. After that, I just had to catch up. Tofu said there was a limit to how much cooperation they could force out of you, so you probably wouldn't be moving very fast."

Ranma tried moving his arms and legs, managing slight wiggling motions. As he did so, he let his eyes wander over the camp and inquired, "What about the evidence?"

Akane shrugged. "We're in the middle of a forest. Why not just leave them? I was careful not to get any fingerprints on the gun. Nabiki assures me it can't be traced. There's a river we crossed about a kilometer back, I figure we can drop it in there. Seems a pity to treat it like that, but we might get in trouble if we kept it."

It was becoming clear that Ranma wasn't going to be moving anywhere under his own power anytime soon. With a sigh, Akane picked up a pot of water which had not yet been placed over the fire, and dumped it over her fiancé's head. This activated his curse, and he transformed into a shorter, red-haired female. With a little effort Akane got him up onto her back, in order to carry him away.

Ranma looked down at the bodies. His mouth near Akane's ear, he whispered, "I told them they were making a mistake. That they didn't understand."

Akane nodded, also looking down at the body of Shampoo lying at her feet, lifeless eyes staring off to one side. In a voice filled with contempt, she told the corpse, "The name of the school is Anything Goes, bitch. Especially when you take my man." She turned and walked off with Ranma into the forest.

THE END