Hey, so my second fanfic, and its not a serious one! Haha, I just decided to completely ruin the point of the first chapter in deathly hallows, just because I felt like it.

I love the Harry Potter books, so this parody of sorts is not meant to insult JKR.

Those who say they love my other fic Tonks/Lupin, pay no attention to the apparent decrease in writing skills in this story : P

Reviews are greatly appreciated!

The Dark Snore Ascending

They came out of nowhere - one was taller than the other, and they stood a few yards apart in the sunny moonlit lane.

"Stand and fight you mangy beast!" one of them yelled, but straightened almost immediately. "Oh, Its you."

"News?" asked the taller of the two.

"The best." replied Snivilly Snap, renowned potion-maker, and suspected shampoo thief.

The lane was bordered on the left by wild, low growing thorn bushes that seemed strangely reminiscent of the hair of Bellatrix the Strange. It was bordered on its other left by a high, and neatly manicured hedge that seemed strangely not reminiscent of the dear Bell-hoppers hair - but more like a hedge that was neatly manicured.

The men's long pink cloaks flapped around their ankles as they marched, attempting to trip them over.

"Thought I might be late." said Yakkley, his blunt features sliding in and out of sight as he attempted to play peek-a-boo while being attacked in the face by a branch. "It was a little trickier than I expected - escaping from that pink and purple hippogriff, but I hope he will be satisfied. You sound confident that your reception will be good?"

Snap nodded, but did not elaborate as he was being attacked by his cloak with every stride. They turned right, or was it left? (that's what they get for going to Hogwarts instead of a muggle school) In any case, they turned into a driveway that leg into the mulberry trees. The high hedge followed them and then ran off into the distance carrying along an innocent country wizaard who had been in its way.

"HELP MMMMEEEEEE!" he shouted, but Snap and Yakkley were too busy looking at the gates that were in their way. They walked straight at it, hoping that it might be like the barrier to platform 9 and ¾. They raised their right - no it was their left - arms in a salute but the gate didn't give.

CRASH!

Poor Snap and Yakkley were thrown backwards, rubbing their heads as they tried to stand up. 'Wait a moment!" shouted Yakkley. "I have a key!" He rummaged through his pink robes in search of the key. Before he managed to find it he pulled out many others. There was a key with wings, a key for every colour of the rainbow, a small talking key which kept shouting "YIPPEE KEY YI YAY!" over and over, a set of hot pink keys on a small key ring which featured the face of Hannah Montana….

As the keys started blaring the lyrics to 'Ordinary girl' Snap blushed bright red and snatched the keys up from Yakkley. "Those are the keys to my shampoo store." he snarled at the other wizard.

Finally Yakkley pulled out a huge purple key. "Here we go!" he shouted gleefully. "Yippeeeeeee! " They walked towards the gate carefully this time and looked for the lock, before realizing there was no lock, and that they could just walk straight in.

The sound of Snap hitting Yakkley over the head with a baboon muffled the sound of the men's footsteps. There was a rustle somewhere to their le…. Right and Yakkley drew his wand and threw it at the hedge, where they saw a hillbilly sitting and playing guitar singing Taylor swift. Both men shrugged and kept walking, leaving Yakkley's wand for the hillbilly's Christmas lunch.

As they walked a handsome pumpkin house grew out of a potato patch. Snap and Yakkley walked up to the house, past a man pretending to be a fountain. The gravel attacked their bare feet as they walked because neither could afford to buy boots for two dollars fifty.

Snap and Yakkley ran towards the door, which opened inwards as they did. A house elf wearing a pink potato sack stood behind the door with its hands over its eyes. "Please sir, I is meant to make it look like the door opened by itself, so if I can't see you, then you cant see me." Snap and Yakkley shrugged again, and as if to prove a point, walked straight over the top of the house elf, because it 'wasn't there'.

The hallway was large: but only if you were two centimeters tall. Snap and Yakkley had to bend right down and crawl through the hallway. It was decorated with bits of old rubbish and things - and was quite luxurious actually, especially when you consider that Snap lives in a cardboard box and Yakkley lives in the zoo. Someone had drawn stick figures on the wall and framed them, because they couldn't afford real portraits. The two men stopped when they reached a tiny door and then Snap turned the orange handle, which was orange because they couldn't afford to make it bronze.

The large room that they ended up in was filled with silent people who were all yelling quite loudly at each other. The furniture was all stuck to the roof, but it gave the room character. There was a big fireplace underneath a huge mirror. They looked above the table where a figure was dangling, apparently unconscious.

'SNAP! SNAPPPP!" the figure yelled and Snap recognized the Buggle Studies teacher from Hogwash school of Wizardcraft and Witchery. "I'm meant to be unconscious! So Shhhh, Don't tell anyone I'm talking to you!"

"Yakkley, Snap." said a strange voice from the head of the table. "You are very almost nearly almost nearly very almost late."

The speaker was seated directly in front of the fireplace and he was damn ugly if Snap and Yakkley said so, which indeed they wasted no time in doing particularly loudly. As they drew nearer, his face shone through the darkness and they two jumped back in horror. "ME EYEYESSSS!" Yakkley yelled.

"MEEE LEEGGGGG!" Yelled Snap.

He had no hair and he looked like a bloody snake gone bloody wrong. It had no nose, just a couple of holes in its ugly face. Its eyes were a startling hot pink and had vertical pupils. He was so pale that he was almost black.

His name was Lord Mouldemort…

So its really stupid, really crazy… Just felt like putting it out there : P This is what happens when I am in a weird mooood : D

Pleeeeaaaaaaaaassssseeee reiview, even if it's just to tell me that I am bloody insane.