Title: Bittersweet Beginnings
Rating: PG
Summary: Kate tells Sawyer she's pregnant. How does he react? What do they do? And what happens after that? All will be revealed through Desmond's eyes, as his psychic visions show him the future of this couple.
Warnings: There will be a little violence, nothing too major. Picks up towards the end of the third season.
Status of Fic: WIP
Author's notes: It might get a little weird, but I promise it will all make sense in the end. Just trust me. Some elements may be a little different to the show, but I don't think it's anything too dramatic.
Disclaimer: I own nothing recognizable.

Chapter 1.

The sun rose over the island, much in the same way it had every day since they'd arrived. It never changed. Those who watched this occurrence day in, day out, were coming to believe that nothing ever would.

Kate and Sawyer woke up together in their tent, as they had every other morning of late. It was easy to settle into a routine in a place like this. Sawyer usually hated routines, but he was beginning to like this one. It was nice to be reminded, from the second he opened his eyes, that he was no longer alone in the world. He smiled at the thought.

This feeling of happiness didn't linger long that morning, though. Sawyer was worried about Kate. She'd been a little off lately. She'd been avoiding him too, he thought. She'd been unusually quiet and remote the previous evening, and when she spoke she seemed distracted. It wasn't like her.

That morning, she was slow to get up. It looked like she could lie there forever, and just block out the world. That definitely wasn't like Kate. She didn't look well. Leaning down to wrap his arms around her again, Sawyer asked if she was okay.

His concern seemed to surprise her. She leaned into him, relaxing a little. "I'm fine", she murmured softly, closing her eyes again. Sawyer wasn't convinced.

"I don't think you are, Freckles." She was falling asleep again. Sawyer nudged her slightly, wanting to keep her awake. He didn't know what was wrong with her, and he wanted her to tell him. Her needed her to reassure him, to tell him what was wrong, just so he knew it wasn't serious. Then he'd let her sleep as long as she needed.

She opened her eyes again, and stared at him a moment. It looked like she was considering what to tell him. Sawyer was even more worried now. What was so bad that she couldn't just say it?

She pulled away from him slightly, sitting up. This act seemed to drain her of all energy. She looked exhausted. Sawyer stared at her, apprehension eating at him.

She sighed deeply, then spoke. "I'm pregnant."

Silence overtook the tent, its occupants frozen in time, stunned by the enormity of those words.

Kate waited for Sawyer to say something, anything. She needed a reaction. She needed to know what he thought. Now that she'd told him, she couldn't stand not knowing what he was thinking. She was usually so good at reading him. Not this morning.

"Please say something." So much meaning behind those three words. It wasn't enough though. Sawyer still didn't respond.

Kate couldn't stand the tension. She thought he should have said something by now. Whatever he was thinking, it had to be something bad. Otherwise he would say something. She stood up abruptly, and with tears in her eyes, stormed out of the tent.

Sawyer called after her, finally coming out of his trance. But it was too late. Kate ignored him. He was left alone, mentally kicking himself for what had just occurred. That could have gone better.

Sawyer couldn't stop thinking about everything Juliet had said. It was what had stopped him from saying anything to Kate. He knew that, typically, when he heard this kind of news, he should feel extremely happy. Terrified, definitely. He should be wondering how the hell he was going to be a father, and imagine everything that could possibly happen to the baby. He should have been wrapping Kate in cotton wool, kissing her stomach and vowing to never let her out of his sight again. But more than anything, he should have a had an intense feeling of all-encompassing joy and wonder that he and the woman he loved more than he'd ever thought possible, had created a new life.

All he could think was that Kate was going to die. There would be no baby. He would be alone again.

He'd never been more scared in his life. He couldn't lose Kate. Even if Juliet was wrong, even if she did survive the pregnancy, there were no guarantees that she'd survive childbirth. There were no medical facilities, no equipment. If it got that far, no one would be able to tell what was happening. So many things could go wrong. If that happened, how could he raise a child alone? He couldn't. It wasn't even a possibility. Even with help, he'd probably screw it up. He'd never done anything right.

He was completely consumed with worry. He still couldn't move.

After Kate had stormed out of the tent, she walked along the beach for a while. She needed to clear her head. She was worried about Sawyer's complete lack of a reaction to what she'd told him. In a way, she understood it. She was shocked herself. But she'd dealt with it better when she found out. Sure, she'd burst into tears, but at least that was something.

What scared Kate the most was the thought that Sawyer didn't want a kid. She wasn't sure how she felt about it herself, but the idea that Sawyer definitely hated the idea… she couldn't cope with it. She was scared to admit it, but she needed help, and she needed it from him. She couldn't stand the idea of doing this alone.

Suddenly, Kate remembered what Juliet had said, and realised she'd basically just been handed a death sentence. She'd forgotten till now.

Kate worried about what that would do to Sawyer. In that moment, she realised how much she loved him. She was thinking about her impending death, and all she could focus on was how it would affect him. She'd never imagined she'd ever feel that way about someone.

As she wandered down the beach, she passed Claire. She was holding a screaming Aaron, and it looked like she was struggling. Really struggling. She looked like she needed help. Kate wondered how she'd managed for so long. What chance did Kate have, on an island, on her own? She was terrified.

She walked, almost ran away from Claire and the baby. She couldn't be around Aaron, it was too confronting. She had to get away. As she fled, she ran into Hurley. The force of the collision almost knocked her to the ground. Hurley helped her steady herself, asking in his usual cheerful way if she was okay. Kate didn't take the time to answer. She had to get away from the baby's cries. She kept running.

Kate found herself in the garden she'd helped Sun plant soon after they'd crashed. Sun was there, weeding. She looked so calm. She was in the same predicament as Kate, she remembered. Yet she was so calm. How was that possible? What was her secret, Kate wondered?

She knelt down to help her friend. Maybe the secret lay in this place. Maybe if Kate did what Sun did, she'd feel the way she did.

They worked in silence together for a while. Sun didn't question why Kate was there. Or why she kept staring at her. Kate tried to hide it, but she couldn't tear her eyes away.

"How are you doing?" Kate asked. She couldn't ask what she really wanted. It was too confronting, too personal. But Sun understood the implied question anyway.

"I'm fine. Worried. But things will be alright."

Kate didn't understand how she could be so okay. "But, Juliet said…"

"I know what she said." Sun cut off Kate's new question. "But what can we do about it? If what she says is true, there's nothing anyone can do. All I can do now is trust that things will be all right in the end. That's all anyone can ever do."

Sun went back to her gardening. Kate followed her lead, but she couldn't stop thinking about what Sun had said. She was glad Sun had such faith. But she couldn't find any for herself. Nothing had ever turned out right for her before, why should this be any different?

Sawyer was stalking around the jungle, doing nothing in particular. He was brooding. He wished he'd said something to Kate. What was she thinking right now, he wondered? She probably hated him. He ruined everything.

Suddenly, Hurley appeared, blocking Sawyer's path. He was about the last person Sawyer wanted to see just then. If Hurley noticed, he didn't pay any attention to it.

"Hey, dude. What's up with Kate?"

Great. Hurley knew. If he was able to figure it out, it wouldn't be long before everyone else did. It was the last thing either of them needed.

"What are you talking about, Hoss?"

"Well, she like, ran into me dude. She looked pretty upset. Something's up with her. I thought maybe you'd know something." This caught Sawyer's attention. Maybe there was something actually wrong with her now. He was worried now.

Leaving Hurley alone in the jungle, calling after him, Sawyer started to head back towards the beach. He was going to find Kate, and he was going to talk to her. Like he should have done in the first place.

He eventually found her later that night, as the sun was setting. She was on the beach, staring out at sea. He realised she must be pretty upset. She only did this when something was wrong. This time, he knew it was because of him.

He sat down beside her and started to talk. Sawyer couldn't stop talking. He told her everything he'd thought in the last few hours, everything he wished he'd said the moment he found out about the baby. He assumed she was freaking out about the prospect of dying. He thought she didn't want the baby.

Kate still didn't talk. Sawyer couldn't handle the thought of more silence. He had to get her talking. Maybe he could figure out a solution to this.

"Maybe we don't have to go through with this." He glanced at her, trying to gauge her reaction. He didn't want to push the issue if she clearly hated the idea. But she wasn't giving him anything.

"Juliet might be able to help. She's probably got experience in this kind of thing. We could talk to her tomorrow." He wasn't sure he liked the idea, even as he suggested it, but if it guaranteed her survival…

Kate looked at him. Her expression was still blank. "Maybe you're right." Her voice was empty; there was no emotion in it. "It's probably for the best."

Sawyer nodded. "Okay".

"Okay." She echoed with that same, empty expression.

Sawyer wasn't as relieved as he thought he'd be. Kate leaned against him. He put his arm around her, comforting her. They stayed that way till long after everyone else had disappeared for the night.

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