Decisions
Never before has a decision Preston Burke has made ever broken his heart. Of course he's done things he's regretted. He's done things that have been wrong. Things that made his chest tighten. Things that made his stomach tie up in knots and fill with waves of nausea. Things that made it difficult for him to breathe.
Cristina was a choice he would never regret. She had this way of making him feel so happy and so utterly confused at the same time. Every moment that they shared made him feel whole. Like he was living for something more than surgery. The wedding had changed it all.
They were never going to be the same.
Walking away was a descion made out love. A least that's what he told himself but when he tried to explain to her. She just let out a bitter laugh after telling him "If that was love then I'm glad that I'm not loved anymore."
His chest tightened.
Besides the occasional drink at Joes they put all their time and effort into their work. They were never more than colleagues except for the time where they ended up in the same on call room after a long day.
He just wanted to feel her skin against his lips for just a second. When her eyes fluttered open and she didn't pull away he moved his lips to hers and forgot about the pain. When clothes started being tugged off, he couldn't help but smile.
Lying there spent he breathed her in. And he couldn't help but let out an "I love you". He realized his mistake when her body tensed and she pushed him off of her and told him very angrily 'That he was never to tell her that again because she would never believe it.'
His stomach tied in knots.
He needed away to fix things, a way to get her back. When he was first interested in her he gave her coffee. It was a way to break the ice and get to know her beyond the hospital. He smiled at the memory as he paid for the two cups of coffee from the beverage cart.
Stepping onto the elevator on his way to the surgical floor, he heard the whispers of two gossiping nurses. 'She had a date with some hot shot lawyer who bought her flowers after a mishap over a parking space.' Stepping off the elevator he threw both cups into the trash.
His stomach filled with waves of nausea.
She didn't seem as angry with him anymore. She smiled at him a couple of times. He couldn't help but smile back, he hadn't witnessed her smile in what seemed like years. It was almost like she was happy. Well as happy as Cristina Yang would ever be.
Shortly a year after their failed wedding she took a week off. A week was too long for her to be away from the hospital. He wondered what the reason was. He overheard Meredith tell Derrick that she was on her way to the courthouse. She was getting married the way she had wanted.
He couldn't breathe.
Never before has Preston Burke want to fix something so badly that he couldn't. He walked away. He let her go. He wanted her to be happy. To be Cristina. The Cristina he fell in love with. And before he know it someone else fell in love with her. She was no longer his.
So Preston Burke laid on his bed as his chest tightened, his stomach filled with knots and waves of nausea, and he couldn't breathe. And he knew that the feeling would last forever.
A/N: Umm this is very AU. Just something I found interesting. Comment and tell me if you liked or hated it. I kinda feel both ways about it.