Life in the Shire
This foolish tale is dedicated to anyone who needs a laugh.
Pippin Took sat down on a rock, gasping for breath. His friend Merry Brandybuck plopped down beside him. "I thought Sam said this would be an easy scavenger hunt. We've been here for hours!" Pippin was red in the face after all that searching in the hot sun.
Next to him, Merry sighed. "Well, I suppose we must keep looking. After all, Sam promised us a barrel of pipe-weed each if we find this for him."
"Well, what are we waiting around here for? We won't find it here, and that's a fact."
Pippin suddenly looked enthusiastic. He jumped up, then suddenly stopped. He turned, looking sheepishly at Merry. "What are we looking for again?"
Merry rolled his eyes and pulled a sheet of paper from his jacket pocket. He read it aloud.
" 'I need a good bit of cinodain for the stew for Mr. Frodo's birthday party tonight.' "
"Where in the Shire are we going to find that?" said Pippin. "I've never heard of it before. It sounds nasty, whatever it is." He shuddered.
Merry shook his head. "I had it once before, in a stew. Quite fine it was, actually."
"Still sounds horrible."
Merry rolled his eyes. "Just walk faster. I keep stepping on your foot."
After another hour of searching, Pippin stopped and said, "Did Sam even tell us what the cinodain looked like?"
Merry paused. "Well, now that you mention it, no he didn't, I'm afraid."
That was the last straw for Pippin. "You mean to say we've been out here for three hours, digging in the mud, throwing our backs out and we probably passed it at least five times already!?"
Merry thought for a moment, then shrugged. "I suppose so, yes."
"I can't believe it! I could have been sitting under the oak in my front yard, drinking ale and smoking my pipe! But no, I had to help you look for some plant that's probably poisonous and will kill us all!" If Pippin was red before, he was about to explode now.
"Calm down," said Merry. "All we have to do is go back to Bag End, and have Sam tell us what it looks like."
Pippin sighed, trying to regain his temper, and nodded. "I suppose you're right, Merry." He sighed again and as they walked on, he said, "I'm sorry I lost my temper. I tend to do that."
Merry patted Pippin's shoulder. "That's alright, Pip. It happens to the best of us." He muttered under his breath, "And the rest of us."
"What?" asked Pippin.
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing."
After they got back to Bag End, Pippin and Merry saw Sam sitting on the
doorstep, waiting patiently for their return.
When he saw them he said, "Mr. Frodo is resting and won't accept no visitors." Then
he realized who it was. He jumped up and said, "The cinodain, do you have the cinodain!?"
Pippin and Merry looked at each other until Merry finally spoke.
"Well, Sam, when you told us to look for the cinodain, you never told us what it looked like, and, well, with neither of us being particularly good gardeners, we…well…"
"We didn't get any!" piped up Pippin.
Merry glared at Pippin before turning to Sam, who had a shocked expression on his face.
"Ninnyhammers! You… you… didn't get it?!"
Merry tried to reason with him. "Now see here, Sam, you should have told us-"
But it was no use. Sam was hopping mad. "You didn't get the cinadain! How could you ruin poor Mr. Frodo's birthday stew?!"
There was a strange light in Sam's eye that the hobbits had never seen before.
"Now Sam, be reasonable. You should have told us what it looked like." Merry said.
"I won't be reasonable! You ruined Mr. Frodo's stew! On his 33rd birthday none the less! You've…you've…" with that, Sam burst into tears.
"It's all my fault! 'Now you be sure to always remember to tell people everything
you mean to say', that's what me 'ol Gaffer used to say to me. And now look what I've gone and done!"
Merry patted him on the back. "Don't feel bad, Sam. It's just as much our fault as it is yours."
Sam choked back a few tears and said, "Well, poor Mr. Frodo won't get no stew tonight. A shame that is, it being his birthday and all."
With that, Sam slowly trudged back inside.
Pippin and Merry stared after him, then Pippin said thoughtfully, "You know, we could, perhaps, still find the cinodain, and then Sam can make Frodo's stew, and we can forget this whole thing."
Merry slowly nodded. "After all," he said, "it's only two o'clock. That should leave plenty of time for Sam to make the stew."
"Right you are, my dear Merry."
With that, Pippin and Merry strode in the house and saw Sam sitting on a stool
and staring out the window. He had finally stopped crying.
Pippin stood in front of him. "Look here, Sam. We don't want Frodo's birthday stew to be ruined. If you'll tell us what the cinodain looks like and where we can find it, we'll…" he sighed, thinking about all the bogs and mires he was going to have to go through. "We'll get some for you."
Sam looked up. "You will? But…but…" with that, he burst into tears again.
Merry went over to him. "Now see here, Sam, if you don't stop your blubbering, you can just forget about the cinodain…and Frodo's stew."
Sam immediately stopped weeping.
"It's an odd sort of plant, you might say," he said slowly. "Looks a bit like kingsfoil, only cinodain has five pointy leaves."
"That stuff?" said Pippin. "I saw lots of that when we were looking for it. It's not
too far away. I could run and get some, and be back in a half-hour."
Merry nodded. "Good. Now I won't have to come and hear you complain." He pushed Pippin to the door.
"But-" Pippin started to say. But Merry shoved him out the door and shut it behind him.
"And be sure you get the right stuff!" Merry shouted through the window. Then slammed the window shut with a bang.
Sam sat staring out the window. Slowly a smile spread onto his face. He shook his head, as if amused. "If you've got real good friends, they'll stay by your side, that's what me 'ol Gaffer used to say, though I can't say I believed him back then."
Merry just grinned.
When Pippin got back, Merry yanked him inside the door.
"What took you so long? You said that you'd be a half-hour. It's been forty-five minutes!"
Pippin nodded, out of breath. "I ran as fast as I could, but the stuff was further out than I thought."
Sam jumped up. "It doesn't matter how long he took, he's here now!" He turned to Pippin. "Please tell me you have the cinodain?"
Pippin opened his clenched fist. In his hand were a few stalks of a greenish-brownish plant.
"Perfect!" cried Sam as he snatched them up.
He quickly chopped them and threw them in a pot that Merry and Pippin now noticed was simmering over the fire.
Sam stirred the stew for a moment, then seemed to realize they were still there.
"Well? Is there something I can do for you? I'm a bit busy with the stew right now, but perhaps I could help you later."
Merry nudged Pippin towards the door and said, "No, we're fine right now. I believe we'll go set up tents for the party tonight."
Sam nodded, then turned back to attending the stew.
As soon as they were out of Bag End, Pippin glared at Merry. "Why did you volunteer me to help set up? I was looking forward to sitting under the tree in my front yard and smoking my pipe."
Merry grinned. "It'll be good for you. Besides," He pinched Pippin's arm. "You need some muscle."
He ducked as Pippin pitched an apple at him.
The party was a success, and everyone had a wonderful time.