Title: Fade to Black
Author: Anerastar
Date: 3/21/01
Disclaimer: This story is not affiliated with the WB or Roswell, the TV show, in any way, and is not intended to infringe upon any copyrights.
Summary: Liz becomes faces depression soon after "EOTW" and, well, read the fic! I can't explain it all!
Category: M/L
Rating: PG-13
The first lyrics are to the song "Black" by Sarah McLachlan. The second set is to the song "Everlong" by the Foo Fighters. The third set is "Hanging by a moment" by Lifehouse.
As the walls are closing in
And the colors fade to black
And my eyes are falling fast and deep into me
And I follow the tracks that lead me down
And I never follow what's right
And they wonder sometimes when they see all the
Sadness and pain that truth brings to light
...'Cause I can't see no reason
What is blind cannot see
'Cause I want what is pleasin'
All I take should be free
What I rob from the innocent ones
What I'd steal from the womb
Liz Parker stared blankly at her chemistry homework. "Come on," said that little voice inside her head "you know this, God.. You've done these type of problems a million times." "O.K. maybe not a million times," the voice conceded, "but you could still do this in your sleep" it boasted proudly. The chemistry equations and formulations swam in front of her eyes though, and she couldn't focus her mind on anything specifically.
The problem was not just new, it plagued her since that fateful day when Max Evans, not her Max, mind you, a Max from 14 years in the future, uttered that sentence. The sentence that in a moment had shredded her heart, killed her soul, and left her a hollow shell of herself. Those nine little words
"I need to fall out of love with you."
But she did it.
She ignored the selfish Liz, the Liz that cried and screamed at her "What the hell are you doing!" the person that could not, on any level, begin to deal with the reality of that action. She told this Liz to shut up, over and over and over again, to no avail. It ate at her, slowly at first: in fact she didn't even notice it at the beginning. She stood steadfast, carrying the knowledge that she had saved Earth and its inhabitants. That piece of information calmed her for a while. Then cold hard reality seeped into her bones. The ramifications of her actions, unclear until now (well, she knew that Earth was alright) became glaringly obvious in the weeks following that charade that she had planned so carefully.
God,................ sleeping with Kyle.
She couldn't even begin to figure out how Max could believe that. She was Liz Parker.. Sweet, dependable, responsible, loyal Liz: how could Max believe that she would just sleep with Kyle out of nowhere? She was logical and being in bed with her ex-boyfriend was about as un-logical as you could possibly get... Logic, it seemed to be her only friend. It was what she had been grasping onto for the past week, when she was threatening to fall...and it worked, for the most part, until tonight. Until Tess. With Max. In the Crashdown. Then even it was gone.
What she had seen had quite possibly slipped her off the edge that she so loved to teeter on. Max and Tess, together, acting as though they were having the time of their lives. Well, maybe Tess was.
She got the distinct impression that Max felt like one of those dogs at the shelter, knowing that it was trapped but acting nice 'cause it didn't know what was gonna happen next, smiling so it wouldn't be put to sleep. But still she thought, angrily, how dare he come in here with her. To the Crashdown. That was unforgivable. She knew that this wasn't logical and a small sigh escaped her lips. She happened to look up and she caught her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes, my God they looked empty... Sad auburn pools that spoke of nothing but pain. Hadn't anyone noticed? Of course not, she replied to the voice in her head.
Maria had eyes only for Micheal;
Alex had eyes only for Isabel.
No one had eyes for her.
No one to notice her pain and no one to share the burden had slowly been swallowing her whole. She continued to stare into the mirror - her thoughts a mass of jumbled words and phrases that clogged her mind and threatened to snap her sanity. 'Too late' she though bitterly with a hint of sad laughter, "its already gone." The words to the song on her CD player broke the reverie she was enjoying with her reflection...
.
If I cried me a river of all my confessions
Would I drown in my shallow regret
As the walls are closing in
And the colors fade to black
And the night is falling and deep into the sea
And in the darkness all that I can see
The frightened and the weak
Are forced to cling to the mistakes they knew nothing of
At mercy are the meek
Liz came to a startling revelation.. That no one could care less about her...no one would miss her if she died. She looked into the mirror and watched as tear after tear ran down her pale cheeks.
"How could it have ended like this?" she asked aloud, to no one in particular.
"This was not the way it was supposed to be.........".
Suddenly a thought came to her. She pushed it aside and ignored it for the better part of an hour attempting to finish her Chemistry; she found that she was unable to concentrate on it so she reached for her copy of "The Grapes of Wrath"...like she could concentrate enough to read! However, the book was not in her bag..Damn..She looked up again and found herself crying again. "What have you become Liz Parker"? She meant it to come out funny, an inside joke to break the dismal air in the room. Unfortunately it didn't have the desired effect, if anything, it sounded even bleaker to her...and that is when the idea came again..but it wasn't pushed aside so easily this time. Instead it took root in her mind as the last of her precious logic began to formulate a way for the plan to go. 20 minutes later she had pulled out her stationary, her most treasured stationary that her Grandmother had given her as a present before she had died. She looked for a pen and began to write..
First she wrote a letter to her parents: it wasn't too long..Just long enough to put in what she felt. She told them not to blame themselves because under no circumstances was this, their fault. Then she wrote to Max-and promptly wrote five pages....from
I love you with every ounce of my soul. No matter what I said I would have died for you at any time. You are my soul Max. Nothing compares to you or the gratitude I felt when I knew that you loved every piece of me.
To
When you stood on the balcony how was I to know that my life was ending? Oh my body went on, but Liz Parker, the Liz that you loved and knew was gone. Eradicated.
. She finally had to stop writing on page 5 because she was sobbing and her tears were smearing the ink. "Do I really have the strength to do this?" she asked herself sadly. She wished to God that the answer that came out of her lips wasn't "Yes."
** (Same time)**
Max had just dropped off Tess at Micheal's (she had been staying there for a while) and was driving home in the Jeep. He was absolutely miserable. Tess was always clinging to him, mostly physically, but when he spoke she hung onto every word like he was some kind of Messiah. He wanted to take a shower desperately just to get her off of him. Just then his thoughts flashed to earlier that night when he saw the stricken look upon Liz's face when she walked through the doors of the Crashdown and when her eyes fell upon the scene that was He and Tess.
He had noticed that she wasn't the same lately that her involvement in the group had dwindled from a somewhat reluctant attendee at their weekly meetings to a practically non-existent one.
He asked Maria about it but lately she was pre-occupied with Micheal. Ditto for Alex.
He and Izzy had been seeing more and more of each other throughout the weeks. Good for her, he smiled; she deserved some happiness after all they had been through. He was still smiling as he pulled into his driveway. He reached back to grab his backpack and his hand caught the edge of another book. He turned on the cabin light and read the cover-- "The Grapes of Wrath." He groaned inwardly, Liz had left this in Class and he had meant to return it to her at the Crashdown that afternoon.
Unfortunately a petite blond-haired moppet insisted on spending their night together and he found that he really had no reason to decline her offer, save the voice in his head screaming
"But you LOVE Liz".
He knew that there was going to be a quiz in English Lit tomorrow on the novel so he backed out the driveway and headed to Liz's intent on returning the said book. Attempting to figure out some way to return the book without either pissing her off or making her any sadder than she had been appearing lately. So he resolutely got on Main Street and headed in the direction of the Crashdown.
At the same time Liz was dealing with chemistry, however not anything school related. She was trying to figure out the best combination of pills that would let her leave this world without pain and that would do it effectively. She remembered that she had some old pain pills in her medicine cabinet, from the time that she had severely sprained her wrist by accidentally pulling a platter onto it. She found the bottle that was half full of Hydro-Codeine. "That should be enough," she thought aloud. Her rational mind suddenly realized what the irrational was about to do and tried to stop her by its weak pleadings of
"everyone would miss you"
And
"you cannot do this".
The irrational was louder though and it clamored for attention until it was the victor in this little mini-battle in her mind. Without any further debating occurring she grabbed the bottle of water on her desk and proceeded to ingest the remnants of the bottle. She then laid on her bed and stared at the ceiling before she rolled to her side and focused on the picture of Max on her bed stand table. As the minutes went by she began to feel woozy.
Suddenly panic engulfed her, her rational mind was back and it was pissed off, so much so that she tiredly sat up in bed and did the next logical step. She called Max on his cell.
.
Max almost swerved off the road when his cell phone began playing a lively mariachi song. Damn Micheal, he was always fooling around with Max's cell and making it play the most ridiculous tunes.
"Hello?" he asked.
"Max?" came the soft reply over the line.
.
"Liz?" he asked worriedly, she never called him on his cell so his mind immediately began to try to figure out what was wrong..
"I think I did something I shouldn't have Max"-came the voice. He could barely make it out. It sounded like she was half-asleep..
"See, I got to thinking that there wasn't anything more for me here, and that no one cares for me"
Max's heart dropped to the floor of the Jeep when her heard her begin to cry.
"And Max I kinda took some pills, a lot of them in fact"- the voice was even weaker now..
"Oh my God"-Max went white and slammed on the gas pedal..
"Liz, keep talking to me," he pleaded desperately. His mind was spinning, how could Liz have done this?
"Max, I'm so sleepy, I've got to lay down; 'nite Max"-and with that Liz promptly hung up the phone.
Max practically broke all speed limits racing to the Crashdown, he prayed that Liz was alright and that she had not of done what he dreaded. That she hadn't attempted suicide
.
Max pulled into the alley and practically leapt out of the old Jeep. He made it up the fire escape in record time and went straight to the window. He used his powers to unlock it and then jumped through it.
What he noticed horrified him: Liz was on her bed but she had the oddest tinge of blue to her body. She couldn't be...
He checked her breathing and heartbeat. There was none. No, no, no, no, no, no...this is not happening. The girl I love with every ounce of my soul is not dead. He attempted to make a connection with her but was unable to. There was no Liz left in her,
She was gone.
He dropped to his knees beside her bed; pale as a ghost and rapidly going into shock. He couldn't even shed a tear, he was numb.
Completely and utterly numb.
He wondered if he would ever feel again. That thought made him ill. How could he think of himself at a time like this? His only love, his other half, his soul, was gone. Forever. He couldn't think and after a minute he had to remind himself to breath, in and out, in and out...His eyes darted around the room and he noticed a pink envelope on her bed with his name written on it in Liz's beautiful penmanship. Still unable to think he picked the envelope up gently, as though it might break at any moment. When he opened it he found what he thought he would find: Liz's last words to him..
He proceeded to read...
Dear Max,
I am split inside, right down the middle. I love you more than you can possibly know, yet the knowledge that you and Tess are getting closer and closer tears me up inside. I cannot begin to describe the pain that I have felt recently. You. You were supposed to be mine. But everything went wrong. You were supposed to be there when I needed you the most. Yet I had no one. How could this have happened? It was my fault Max, all my fault. Because I Liz Parker, gave up my future and my soul so that others could have theirs. You see Max; I love you with every ounce of my soul. No matter what I said that night I would have died for you at any time. You are my soul Max. Nothing compares to you or the gratitude that I felt when I knew that you loved every piece of me. You were my all. There is hardly any way for me to describe my love for you, its intangible and well, it just IS. Max, I did everything for you and the others. When you stood on that balcony that night how was I to know that my life was going to end right then and there? Oh, my body went on, but Liz Parker, the Liz that you knew and loved was gone. Eradicated. You see Max, you appeared on my balcony that night, and it was you, but a version of you 14 years into the future. You had come from a world where Earth was about to fall to its enemies. A world where Micheal and Isabel died horrible deaths at too young of an age. You told me that we stayed together and that we went to Vegas at 19 and married. We had a beautiful wedding with everyone there, Maria, Alex, Micheal, and Isabel. However, Tess was unable to deal with what she saw as her destiny being taken from her. She left Roswell and you told me that things when downhill from there. That's because, when she left, your powers were not as strong as they would have been had she stayed. But you had a plan. Simple one at first. I had to fall out of love with you. Just so you know-I didn't want to at first, oh no, sacrificial Liz I was not. At least in the beginning, when I had to push Tess towards you. But when you told me about how the world would turn out how could I object?
Unfortunately you wouldn't leave me so easily. Even when I set Tess up as the perfect substitute for me. So you and I had to do something big, something that would shred your soul as much as it would mine. That is where Kyle came in. I convinced him to participate in the charade that I set up. That night I climbed into bed with Kyle and waited for you to come and to see what you had to. You will never know the agonizing moments that I endured laying there with Kyle waiting for you to come so I could crush you. I did it for you though. All for you. Since that day I wasn't the same. It shocked me somewhat to see that none of you noticed what I was going through. Or maybe I just hid it too well. I guess it is too late to quibble over details, lest you just know that the past weeks were a hell that you cannot imagine. I am weak I have decided, because I am going to end my pain rather than suffer through it. I am sorry Max- I love you with all my heart. Please make sure that Tess stays with the group or my actions will have been in vain.
Liz Parker
P.S- Max-There is an object called the Granolith and it is in the cave. Protect it with your life. It is a source of great power that enabled you to come back in time. Khivar and the Skins will do anything to get their hands on it, at least that is what you said.
Max was dumbstruck after reading the letter. "Oh my God"-he thought with a sinking feeling. She did all that for HIM. She sacrificed everything and suffered for it while he was out parading with Tess. At that very moment he too wanted to die...Then the last slice of Logical Max noticed the words on the page held in his shaking hand...Granolith...Source of Power.....back in time...powers were stronger.
He had a plan. He was going to make this right, even if it killed him.
*******************************
Micheal was dreaming of Maria. She was wearing that Orange halter dress that he loved and was slowly and seductively walking towards him when a loud noise woke him out of his slumber. He wondered who was at the door as he walked toward it; the banging was louder and more frequent. "What the Hell" he though aloud as he opened the door.
There in front of him stood Max and Isabel. His eyes ran over Isabel who was white as a sheet and had fresh tears running down her cheeks.
"Maxwell, what happened?" he asked in a trepidatious voice...
He got little from Max and was truly frightened by the look in his eyes. His eyes looked...empty..dead....the brown eyes that were usually filled with knowledge and leadership were gone and replaced by a shell of what was there previously.
Max held out the piece of pastel stationary and explained in reserved tones and clipped words.
"Liz is dead..She took her own life tonight." Came the soft voice that Micheal had to strain to hear and even then he couldn't believe what he thought he had heard
.
"What, excuse me. Did you just say that Liz killed herself"?
"Yes"
Micheal could not believe this. Liz wasn't his best friend or anything like that but why? Why would she take her own life? He then noticed the paper that Max was holding. He quickly read it and had to sit down quickly. He could not believe that Liz had done something so selfless for all of them. Wait, scratch that, he could believe it, because that was Liz, loyal and selfless. His breath caught when he realized that he had use the past tense when talking about her, because she was gone.
"Hi Guy's, Hi Max" came a sleepy voice from the back of the apartment as a blond haired girl walked into the living room. She instantly noticed their grave stares and then she noticed Max's. If looks could kill she would have burst into a flames.
"What's wrong?" she asked warily
"What's wrong, What's wrong!!" screamed Isabel.
"Because of you and your stupid destiny shit, Liz is dead"
"She gave up everything for Max and what do you do? You rub it in her face every damn day". Isabel then fell to the floor weeping. Micheal got up and went over to comfort her
Tess had back-stepped after hearing the fury that escaped Isabel's lips. Directed towards her.
"Liz is dead, will someone please explain?" she asked with tears in her eyes. Not so much from the news that Liz was dead but rather from the fact that she seemed to be on the receiving end of blame for it.
She was handed the same letter and she quickly digested the information. She found that she was speechless. Good too, cause she didn't want any more of what Isabel was serving.
Out of the confusion and pain came a strong voice.
"I have a plan"-Max said determinedly.
"Liz described the Granolith and that it has the ability to transfer a person into the past, she also described how our powers are stronger when we are together and when we focus them as a group. Well, we are going to the Granolith and we will stay there until we figure out how to make it work and how to make it go back and save Liz from herself."
And once they saw the determined look on his face no one objected....
TBC................
3/27/01
Max looked around the room eyes searching but seeing nothing. He then sat down next to Micheal and placed his head in his hands. He knew what he had to do to save her; the only problem was his mind.
To say that his mind was spinning would be the understatement of the year. Max could barely focus on a single phrase, thought, or even a tiny concept...the only thing that he kept repeating in his mind was
"Why, why, why, why" over and over again...
He felt as though a hand had reached in and had violently ripped out his heart, almost like the night he found Liz and Kyle together... but not quite. This was far worse on the grand scale.
From across the room Isabel noticed the look in her brother's eyes. She could see how devastated he was and that he was in a complete state of shock. She knew then that she would have to be the strong one and that it was her who would have to be the rock for Max. "Be Strong," she kept muttering to herself... "Max need's you".
With that piece of knowledge, she was given the will to bury her own emotions so she could assist Max in dealing with his, something that was desperately needed.
She picked herself off the floor and turned to Michael.
"We are going to need some supplies... food, blankets, flashlights, matches...we might be there for a while."
Max raised his eyes and met Isabel's. He acknowledged his gratitude in a single heartfelt glance.
Michael grabbed Tess and they started packing.... Isabel then walked over to the couch and sat next to Max. She realized that there was little she could say to relieve him of his anguish so she simply wrapped her arms around him and let his head rest on her shoulder, a simple act of love. As her brother lay cradled in her arms she wondered if Max would ever, could ever, get over this. She prayed to God that the Granolith would indeed work but she had her secret worries and doubts, namely that Max wasn't going to recover and that the Granolith, even if they could find it, wouldn't work.
Max had been taking the leadership role with a serious intensity. A part of her wondered if this could be what would break him.
Michael and Tess then appeared dragging 2 heavily packed duffel bags and a suitcase. Isabel saw Tess searching for forgiveness within her, however forgiveness was not to be had, Isabel couldn't even stand to look at the girl.
Michael looked at her as if asking, "Can you hold him together?" He was dismayed but not shocked to find that her answer was no...He couldn't even imagine what would happen if something like that would happen to Mar...no..he didn't even want to think of it.
Max looked up saw that Michael and Tess were prepared. "Let's go," he said simply.
Michael drove Max and Isabel's Jeep. Tess sat shotgun; Izzy and Max in back.
Max stared out the window at the passing desert bathed in moonlight. The lyrics from one of Liz's favorite songs suddenly filled his mind..
Hello
I've waited here for you
Everlong
Tonight
I throw myself into
And out of the red out of her head she sang
Come down and waste away with me
Down with me
Slow out you wanted it to be
Over my head, out of my head she sang
And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
Breathe out
So I can breathe you in
Hold you in
He remembered when he had brought Liz out on a night like this one, and they had cuddled up on a blanket while Liz pointed out different constellations..
*(*(*(*(Flashback)*)*)*)*
"Here." Offered Max
"What is it?"
"Hot cocoa"-it'll warm you up he said, noting the pink on her nose.
"Liz, are you sure you don't want to go back?"
" You're going to get sick if we stay out here much longer" he said as he pulled the blanket around her shoulders with a worried expression on his face..
"Max..." she smiled
"Look!" She gestured towards a cluster of stars.
"That's Pyxis", it means "the compass" in Greek. "Isn't it beautiful" her voice awe filled...
"I think I know what I beautiful" he said softly as he leaned over towards her, their lips meeting.........
*(*(*(*(Flash Forward)*)*)*)*
He now realized the irony of her pick of constellations that night.
Liz was his compass. She directed his actions and he knew that when he was near her every thing was all right. She was his Polaris, his north star. In times of confusion and pain he could look to her for guidance. The key to the world's secrets lied within her and that smile of hers
But she would never smile again....As a result of his half-assed time traveling from the future, She was gone.
His compass was gone, and he had nothing to keep his eye on, nothing to guide him anymore. He was, in essence, lost.
"We're here," said Michael
They exited the Jeeps with trepidation...all wondering where Max was going with this.. Michael, Isabel, and Tess picked up their supplies and followed Max to the cave. When the got there Max began to search in earnest. He did not know exactly where the Granolith was, only that it was somewhere within the cave itself....The others stood together. Unsure of what to do first.
"Look for any thing that could be a sign, or a door of some sort"- Came Max's driven voice..
The proceeded to do so and spent the next hour searching every square inch of the cave, from the floor to the ceiling...Still they found nothing...
Max looked crushed. Isabel couldn't believe that her brother had to suffer through this second round of heartbreak..
Then, hurriedly, Max gathered them to sit together. They held hands and Max channeled their combined powers, seeking out the Granolith and location..
He was instantly transported to a long, dark hall...there was no sound or feeling, max didn't even think he was breathing. He then turned around and was bombarded with feelings that were associated with different images...from he and Izzy climbing out of their pods to them learning their respective destinies. He found though, that he was able to sort them somewhat. As the images flew by he caught sight of what he was looking for.....
Then something dark and large loomed in front of him...He reached beyond it, determined to get to the information. The presence saw what he was doing and slammed him backwards. With a start Max found himself thrown onto the floor of the cave. The others crowded around him, concern in their eyes, he was unable to answer them for a moment because the wind had been knocked out of him, so forceful the shove.
He staggered to his feet and looked at each and every one of them carefully, as if trying to see their true selves. When he looked at Izzy and Michael, he saw only concern.
Then his gaze turned to Tess. She stared at the floor and refused to meet his eyes..
"What have you done?"-Max choked out, realization dawning over his features.
"What are you talking about?" squealed Tess
Max went straight to her and grabbed her roughly by the shoulders and shook her hard..Micheal and Isabel ran over but not before Max shook her violently.
"What the hell have you done?" he asked again.
Michael pulled him off of Tess and demanded a reason for his erratic behavior.
"She is blocking me from finding the Granolith"- Max said coldly.
Isabel walked over to her and looked her in the eyes.
"Is that true?" she asked
"Kinda" - mumbled Tess.
Isabel looked like she was ready to lash out again, and she did. She raised her right arm and slapped Tess across the face with all her might.
Tess held her stinging cheek as tears welled up in her eyes.
"Max, don't you see! It was Liz's destiny to die. Just like it is our destiny to be together," she said desperately
At that point Michael let go of Max and went to Tess.
"Listen to me you little blond haired bitch!" he yelled.
"You are going to help us find the Granolith and you are going to help us find a way to use it, and you are going to help us save Liz, or so help me God, I will make sure you suffer!"
"Why?" cried Tess " Why is she more important?"
"Because", said Max angrily, "Because I love Liz, she is my soul mate, she is my destiny, and no matter how many mind games you play or how many strings you pull, I will never love you. Never."
Michael then looked to Tess and asked, "So you are going to help us now, right?"
"I guess so" came the weak, defeated reply.
They joined hands once more and Max accessed the tunnel. He again waited for the familiar piece of information and reached out and snagged it. He quickly digested the information and returned to the others.
"We were looking for the wrong thing," said Max quickly as he began to scour the room again with his eyes.
"It's the Control Panel that we need to find. The Granolith is actually a part of the cave and mountain. The two act to focus the energy so the time jump can be made."
He then walked over to a relatively normal looking part of the cave and waved his hand over it while his eyes were closed, focusing on opening the control panel.
To everyone's shock the piece of cave completely disappeared, as though it were a hologram, and they were faced with a shiny black surface that Max could see his reflection in. He then started receiving instructions, though not in his own language but rather from a language used on his home planet of Antar. HE didn't even know how he knew this, while there were large chunks of information that he clearly wasn't going to be able to decipher, there were smaller pieces that he was able to translate into English.
He motioned for the others and then placed his hand on the far left of the dark surface. Isabel followed suit placing her hand next to his, Michael next, and then Tess who had to be prodded to do so by Michael.
The all heard what sounded like a soft "swish" and looked behind them, the cave wall at their backs was no longer there. Instead a glowing white door replaced it. They glanced at each other, Michael clamped his hand on Tess's arm, and they walked through the door...
Their eyes adjusted as they came into what Max had been calling the control room. It was a room, although one that was not, in any way, normal. The walls weren't really what you could call walls. The whole thing was in the shape of a giant sphere.
A large white sphere save the concave dip in the center that had that same black, glassy surface as the panel to which they had placed their hands on. The chamber was quite large; Max noted that it was almost the size of he and Izzy's house. The walked toward the middle of the room noting the eerie quiet that pervaded the air, their steps didn't even make a sound..
They came to the center and surveyed what they saw. From their previous position it looked as though it was just a dark circle. They now saw that there was the slightest color variation that made a triangle. On the tips of the corners were circles about three feet wide. The foursome looked towards Max as if to gain leadership, after all Max had received the knowledge of how to run the Granolith.... Hadn't he?
"Max" said Isabel
"What do we have to do?"
Max was in a kind of daze, he was still listening to the instructions, as new pieces of previously unintelligible rules and guidelines in Antarian were translated in real time into English.
Max cocked his head to the side as the voices laid out the exact rules for how to run the giant machine. He learned that it really wasn't made for time travel; he would have to tweak his control over it if he was ever going to make it back.
"What will happen to the others" he asked the voices...
"They will cease to exist" came the matter-of-fact reply. "If you are able to change the time stream then this one will dissolve."
Max faltered for a moment, until he realized that a world without Liz was a world that nor he, Michael, or Isabel would want to live in. As for Tess... he thought with distaste, she can just deal with it.
He then felt a small shake that brought him back to reality.
"Max" yelled Isabel
"Are you all right?"
"I'm fine" he said calmly, "I've just been talking to some people"
Michael raised his eyebrows, clearly thinking that Max had somehow lost his mind, perhaps he had snapped.
"I know how to do this," said Max as he realized that this could work.
"Alright,......Izzy, Micheal and Tess (he glared at the girl as he uttered that last word) you have to stand at the three corners. You have to focus, clear your mind off all thoughts and you must use each other's powers. You have to let down your own barriers before this can work. I was told that you have to join your powers together and focus on where to send me. That would be approximately, he looked at his watch, it was 1 am now so Liz had done "it" around eleven, maybe 10:30.
"Try to get me there before 10 alright? I need to be on her balcony. You are going to have to concentrate, alright, I know we can do this.." he pleaded urgently as he looked briefly at the others
Michael pulled him to the side. "Uh, Maxwell, what is going to happen once you are gone?"
"When I stop her this time line will end," he said as he stared at Michael, hoping that he understood.
Michael got the message loud and clear. His survival instinct kicked in and fought him for about 20 seconds then he realized something. If Liz could sacrifice her happiness, and a time line in which she and Max were together, he could sacrifice a sorrowful time line in which she wouldn't be apart of.
Max went over to tell Izzy the same news; she took it bravely and with a strong, determined expression on her face.
"Let's do it" she said
Isabel stepped into one of the circles and the second her feet hit the center it glowed a deep crimson, Michael stepped into the next one, and his glowed a deep azure..Tess went next and hers glowed a dark, sickly greenish color. Max almost smiled, he thought it humorous that Tess' would be the only color that looked like puke..
He then stepped into the middle of the triangle and closed his eyes. The others followed suit. The three raised their hands palms facing towards each other as they concentrated. Max kept repeating 10 O' clock over and over again in his head. Suddenly beams of light were emitted from each of their palms. The colors met and focused towards Max. A dark purple vortex started swirling around him and he opened his eyes. He raised his hand in front of him and found that he was fading..... "It's working" he thought with a sense of awe.
"I'm coming for you Liz"
That was the last thing he thought as he felt his molecules separate and he found himself falling down a long dark hole...
Liz was sifting through her backpack looking for "The Grapes of Wrath",
"Damn" she muttered, tears beginning to fall down her cheeks..
She looked up to see her reflection in the mirror when a sharp, blue light entered the room..A very familiar blue light
"Oh, God" she thought with a horrified expression on her face
"I can't do this again, do you hear me? I can't do this again" she began to scream at the window...
*(*(*( 30 seconds before )*)*)*
Max awoke with a start. He looked around and said a quick prayer when he realized where he was, on Liz's balcony..He felt odd, like his body was kind of numb, "well there has to be some side effects when it comes to hurtling your body through space and time" he thought.
He moved quickly to the window and leapt in... meeting the horrified gaze of his love, Liz
"I can't do it again," she said as she met his gaze with a stark look upon her face, "I won't do it again"
He realized what she was talking about and who she thought that he was...his heart broke again when he saw the look in her eyes...God, he thought, he saw the pain in her eyes. He silently called himself a jackass for missing it...
Liz then realized that "Future Max" he wasn't. "Who are you" she choked out as she backpedaled....... "You're not him".........
How many Max's from the future needed her help?
She folded to the floor as she began to shut down....Crush Liz Parker once, she thought, fool on him, Crush Liz Parker twice, and fool on her...She stared resolutely at the floor and with a weakly she spoke...
"So what do you want me to do?" she said, defeat shading her voice
Max couldn't take the heartbreak that Liz was emitting....he could feel it deep in his heart.....He wondered for a moment how he had ever become a strong enough man to be able to come back and crush her...He didn't think he was capable to do her harm mentally or physically...
He walked over to her and sat down next to her, he gently took hold of her hands and began to speak..
"Liz, you probably think that I am going to ask you to do something that will destroy you again, but I am not. I am only going to ask you to avoid doing something that will, has, destroyed me."
She looked up tears still falling down her pale cheeks and met his eyes...
"I'm just Max from the recent future, he said softly, he looked at his watch, "about 3 hours in the future".
He didn't know how to say what he clearly had to so he tried to circumvent it..
"Around eleven tonight I realized that I had to return your book, so I backed out of my driveway and headed here. I had only gotten halfway when I received a phone call.....from you"
Tears came to his eyes as he forced the next part out
"It was you......You had called me only moments after you had taken a large amount of pills, after you had attempted suicide"
His voice caught when he uttered the next sentence
"And you succeeded"
Liz could not believe what she was hearing. She wouldn't do something like that, of course she wouldn't.....
She was lying to herself though, not 5 minutes before the flash on her balcony-- the thought that she had been trying to repress had entered her mind, the only thing that kept her from entertaining it was the light that diverted her.......Could she have...? She didn't want to think of it..
"You left me a letter, Liz, you revealed the secret that you had been carrying"
Liz looked at him again, "So you know"
She tried to remain calm, half of her was happier then she had ever been, Max knew the truth, she didn't sleep with Kyle.
The other side, though, chastised her, she couldn't even keep a secret...She wondered momentarily if that future timeline would ever occur and if it would negate the timeline that this max had come out of.....she stopped herself after a moment because thinking about the ramifications of time travel tended to give her a migraine..
"Liz" came that soft voice again, "Liz, I love you with all my heart, you have to promise me that you will never do anything like that"
"I can't live without you"
"I can't live without you either" she replied, "I love you Max Evans, I have from the moment you healed me and I will never stop".
She gasped aloud when she looked at his hands that had been holding hers so softly..She could see through them...He was fading......Leaving.......Which only meant one thing....
"It worked, Liz" came a voice filled with love...
Max began to disappear; he struggled to say his final words...
"Liz....Liz you have to go tell me" he yelled, his body losing cohesion.
"Go tell me the truth" came his desperate voice
"I never stopped loving you Liz Par......." And the voice was gone.....he was gone..
She slowly digested the information that he had given her and she waited, she waited for Max to come and bring her the book and so she could reveal the burden that she had been lugging around for weeks..
Max pulled up to the alley, took a deep breath, and jumped out of the Jeep. He then climbed her fire escape and tried to prepare himself for the imminent meeting ahead...
He was surprised to find Liz in that chair of hers, it looked as though she were waiting for him..
"Hi Liz, Ummm ah, you left your book at school and well, were having a quiz tomorrow so I thought you could use it" he said nervously.....The way that she was looking at him was making him kind of nervous....
"Max, I never slept with Kyle" came the bold voice...
His heart stopped. He didn't think it was possible, but it did. He tried to wrap his mind around her words but he found himself unable to..
"What?" came the shocked response.... he even dropped the book on the floor
She smiled when she realized that Max had the same expression on his face as the time when Michael had dared him to try a Tepin Pepper (the hottest pepper known to man)..
Liz stood up and walked over to him
"On that day in October, you came to me and told me that you and I staying together had caused Earth to fall to its' enemies. That was because Tess had left and with her absence your powers weren't as strong as they should have been.."
She noticed the look on Max's face and continued, afraid to stop..
"So you had a plan, quite simple actually, you had to fall out of love with me...we tried the little things first, like when I had tried to set you and Tess up and you found me out. We soon came to the realization that whatever we were going to do was going to have to be big, because our love was so strong, it would take something on the grand scale in order for you to stop loving me. So I came up with the Kyle idea. I convinced Kyle that I was trying to get back at you and that it had to look like we slept together. So that night I climbed into my bed with Kyle and waited for you. It killed me when you saw, Max...but I thought it had to be done...And it worked.."
Max finally found his voice as he crossed the distance between them.
"Liz, it didn't work," he said simply
"No, it did see, because you disappeared and so it had to work," babbled Liz
"I love you Liz, I never stopped, when I saw you with Kyle it only crushed me, but it didn't make me fall out of love with you."
She opened her mouth, then closed it again.
"Don't you understand Liz?" he asked
"I could never fall out of love with you, we are meant to be, you are my other half, you're my soul mate, I could never leave you or ever stop loving you, Liz, You are my future."
"Really?" she asked hopefully....
To answer her he swept her in his arms and kissed her...and as she lay comforted in her arms she knew that anything was possible and that the world was all right and that she and max would stay together forever.
And Forever was a beautiful word..
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely and complete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me
Now..I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
There's nothing left to lose
Nothing left to fly
There is nothing else in the world that can change my mind
There is nothing else....
There is nothing else....
Author: Anerastar
Date: 3/21/01
Disclaimer: This story is not affiliated with the WB or Roswell, the TV show, in any way, and is not intended to infringe upon any copyrights.
Summary: Liz becomes faces depression soon after "EOTW" and, well, read the fic! I can't explain it all!
Category: M/L
Rating: PG-13
The first lyrics are to the song "Black" by Sarah McLachlan. The second set is to the song "Everlong" by the Foo Fighters. The third set is "Hanging by a moment" by Lifehouse.
As the walls are closing in
And the colors fade to black
And my eyes are falling fast and deep into me
And I follow the tracks that lead me down
And I never follow what's right
And they wonder sometimes when they see all the
Sadness and pain that truth brings to light
...'Cause I can't see no reason
What is blind cannot see
'Cause I want what is pleasin'
All I take should be free
What I rob from the innocent ones
What I'd steal from the womb
Liz Parker stared blankly at her chemistry homework. "Come on," said that little voice inside her head "you know this, God.. You've done these type of problems a million times." "O.K. maybe not a million times," the voice conceded, "but you could still do this in your sleep" it boasted proudly. The chemistry equations and formulations swam in front of her eyes though, and she couldn't focus her mind on anything specifically.
The problem was not just new, it plagued her since that fateful day when Max Evans, not her Max, mind you, a Max from 14 years in the future, uttered that sentence. The sentence that in a moment had shredded her heart, killed her soul, and left her a hollow shell of herself. Those nine little words
"I need to fall out of love with you."
But she did it.
She ignored the selfish Liz, the Liz that cried and screamed at her "What the hell are you doing!" the person that could not, on any level, begin to deal with the reality of that action. She told this Liz to shut up, over and over and over again, to no avail. It ate at her, slowly at first: in fact she didn't even notice it at the beginning. She stood steadfast, carrying the knowledge that she had saved Earth and its inhabitants. That piece of information calmed her for a while. Then cold hard reality seeped into her bones. The ramifications of her actions, unclear until now (well, she knew that Earth was alright) became glaringly obvious in the weeks following that charade that she had planned so carefully.
God,................ sleeping with Kyle.
She couldn't even begin to figure out how Max could believe that. She was Liz Parker.. Sweet, dependable, responsible, loyal Liz: how could Max believe that she would just sleep with Kyle out of nowhere? She was logical and being in bed with her ex-boyfriend was about as un-logical as you could possibly get... Logic, it seemed to be her only friend. It was what she had been grasping onto for the past week, when she was threatening to fall...and it worked, for the most part, until tonight. Until Tess. With Max. In the Crashdown. Then even it was gone.
What she had seen had quite possibly slipped her off the edge that she so loved to teeter on. Max and Tess, together, acting as though they were having the time of their lives. Well, maybe Tess was.
She got the distinct impression that Max felt like one of those dogs at the shelter, knowing that it was trapped but acting nice 'cause it didn't know what was gonna happen next, smiling so it wouldn't be put to sleep. But still she thought, angrily, how dare he come in here with her. To the Crashdown. That was unforgivable. She knew that this wasn't logical and a small sigh escaped her lips. She happened to look up and she caught her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes, my God they looked empty... Sad auburn pools that spoke of nothing but pain. Hadn't anyone noticed? Of course not, she replied to the voice in her head.
Maria had eyes only for Micheal;
Alex had eyes only for Isabel.
No one had eyes for her.
No one to notice her pain and no one to share the burden had slowly been swallowing her whole. She continued to stare into the mirror - her thoughts a mass of jumbled words and phrases that clogged her mind and threatened to snap her sanity. 'Too late' she though bitterly with a hint of sad laughter, "its already gone." The words to the song on her CD player broke the reverie she was enjoying with her reflection...
.
If I cried me a river of all my confessions
Would I drown in my shallow regret
As the walls are closing in
And the colors fade to black
And the night is falling and deep into the sea
And in the darkness all that I can see
The frightened and the weak
Are forced to cling to the mistakes they knew nothing of
At mercy are the meek
Liz came to a startling revelation.. That no one could care less about her...no one would miss her if she died. She looked into the mirror and watched as tear after tear ran down her pale cheeks.
"How could it have ended like this?" she asked aloud, to no one in particular.
"This was not the way it was supposed to be.........".
Suddenly a thought came to her. She pushed it aside and ignored it for the better part of an hour attempting to finish her Chemistry; she found that she was unable to concentrate on it so she reached for her copy of "The Grapes of Wrath"...like she could concentrate enough to read! However, the book was not in her bag..Damn..She looked up again and found herself crying again. "What have you become Liz Parker"? She meant it to come out funny, an inside joke to break the dismal air in the room. Unfortunately it didn't have the desired effect, if anything, it sounded even bleaker to her...and that is when the idea came again..but it wasn't pushed aside so easily this time. Instead it took root in her mind as the last of her precious logic began to formulate a way for the plan to go. 20 minutes later she had pulled out her stationary, her most treasured stationary that her Grandmother had given her as a present before she had died. She looked for a pen and began to write..
First she wrote a letter to her parents: it wasn't too long..Just long enough to put in what she felt. She told them not to blame themselves because under no circumstances was this, their fault. Then she wrote to Max-and promptly wrote five pages....from
I love you with every ounce of my soul. No matter what I said I would have died for you at any time. You are my soul Max. Nothing compares to you or the gratitude I felt when I knew that you loved every piece of me.
To
When you stood on the balcony how was I to know that my life was ending? Oh my body went on, but Liz Parker, the Liz that you loved and knew was gone. Eradicated.
. She finally had to stop writing on page 5 because she was sobbing and her tears were smearing the ink. "Do I really have the strength to do this?" she asked herself sadly. She wished to God that the answer that came out of her lips wasn't "Yes."
** (Same time)**
Max had just dropped off Tess at Micheal's (she had been staying there for a while) and was driving home in the Jeep. He was absolutely miserable. Tess was always clinging to him, mostly physically, but when he spoke she hung onto every word like he was some kind of Messiah. He wanted to take a shower desperately just to get her off of him. Just then his thoughts flashed to earlier that night when he saw the stricken look upon Liz's face when she walked through the doors of the Crashdown and when her eyes fell upon the scene that was He and Tess.
He had noticed that she wasn't the same lately that her involvement in the group had dwindled from a somewhat reluctant attendee at their weekly meetings to a practically non-existent one.
He asked Maria about it but lately she was pre-occupied with Micheal. Ditto for Alex.
He and Izzy had been seeing more and more of each other throughout the weeks. Good for her, he smiled; she deserved some happiness after all they had been through. He was still smiling as he pulled into his driveway. He reached back to grab his backpack and his hand caught the edge of another book. He turned on the cabin light and read the cover-- "The Grapes of Wrath." He groaned inwardly, Liz had left this in Class and he had meant to return it to her at the Crashdown that afternoon.
Unfortunately a petite blond-haired moppet insisted on spending their night together and he found that he really had no reason to decline her offer, save the voice in his head screaming
"But you LOVE Liz".
He knew that there was going to be a quiz in English Lit tomorrow on the novel so he backed out the driveway and headed to Liz's intent on returning the said book. Attempting to figure out some way to return the book without either pissing her off or making her any sadder than she had been appearing lately. So he resolutely got on Main Street and headed in the direction of the Crashdown.
At the same time Liz was dealing with chemistry, however not anything school related. She was trying to figure out the best combination of pills that would let her leave this world without pain and that would do it effectively. She remembered that she had some old pain pills in her medicine cabinet, from the time that she had severely sprained her wrist by accidentally pulling a platter onto it. She found the bottle that was half full of Hydro-Codeine. "That should be enough," she thought aloud. Her rational mind suddenly realized what the irrational was about to do and tried to stop her by its weak pleadings of
"everyone would miss you"
And
"you cannot do this".
The irrational was louder though and it clamored for attention until it was the victor in this little mini-battle in her mind. Without any further debating occurring she grabbed the bottle of water on her desk and proceeded to ingest the remnants of the bottle. She then laid on her bed and stared at the ceiling before she rolled to her side and focused on the picture of Max on her bed stand table. As the minutes went by she began to feel woozy.
Suddenly panic engulfed her, her rational mind was back and it was pissed off, so much so that she tiredly sat up in bed and did the next logical step. She called Max on his cell.
.
Max almost swerved off the road when his cell phone began playing a lively mariachi song. Damn Micheal, he was always fooling around with Max's cell and making it play the most ridiculous tunes.
"Hello?" he asked.
"Max?" came the soft reply over the line.
.
"Liz?" he asked worriedly, she never called him on his cell so his mind immediately began to try to figure out what was wrong..
"I think I did something I shouldn't have Max"-came the voice. He could barely make it out. It sounded like she was half-asleep..
"See, I got to thinking that there wasn't anything more for me here, and that no one cares for me"
Max's heart dropped to the floor of the Jeep when her heard her begin to cry.
"And Max I kinda took some pills, a lot of them in fact"- the voice was even weaker now..
"Oh my God"-Max went white and slammed on the gas pedal..
"Liz, keep talking to me," he pleaded desperately. His mind was spinning, how could Liz have done this?
"Max, I'm so sleepy, I've got to lay down; 'nite Max"-and with that Liz promptly hung up the phone.
Max practically broke all speed limits racing to the Crashdown, he prayed that Liz was alright and that she had not of done what he dreaded. That she hadn't attempted suicide
.
Max pulled into the alley and practically leapt out of the old Jeep. He made it up the fire escape in record time and went straight to the window. He used his powers to unlock it and then jumped through it.
What he noticed horrified him: Liz was on her bed but she had the oddest tinge of blue to her body. She couldn't be...
He checked her breathing and heartbeat. There was none. No, no, no, no, no, no...this is not happening. The girl I love with every ounce of my soul is not dead. He attempted to make a connection with her but was unable to. There was no Liz left in her,
She was gone.
He dropped to his knees beside her bed; pale as a ghost and rapidly going into shock. He couldn't even shed a tear, he was numb.
Completely and utterly numb.
He wondered if he would ever feel again. That thought made him ill. How could he think of himself at a time like this? His only love, his other half, his soul, was gone. Forever. He couldn't think and after a minute he had to remind himself to breath, in and out, in and out...His eyes darted around the room and he noticed a pink envelope on her bed with his name written on it in Liz's beautiful penmanship. Still unable to think he picked the envelope up gently, as though it might break at any moment. When he opened it he found what he thought he would find: Liz's last words to him..
He proceeded to read...
Dear Max,
I am split inside, right down the middle. I love you more than you can possibly know, yet the knowledge that you and Tess are getting closer and closer tears me up inside. I cannot begin to describe the pain that I have felt recently. You. You were supposed to be mine. But everything went wrong. You were supposed to be there when I needed you the most. Yet I had no one. How could this have happened? It was my fault Max, all my fault. Because I Liz Parker, gave up my future and my soul so that others could have theirs. You see Max; I love you with every ounce of my soul. No matter what I said that night I would have died for you at any time. You are my soul Max. Nothing compares to you or the gratitude that I felt when I knew that you loved every piece of me. You were my all. There is hardly any way for me to describe my love for you, its intangible and well, it just IS. Max, I did everything for you and the others. When you stood on that balcony that night how was I to know that my life was going to end right then and there? Oh, my body went on, but Liz Parker, the Liz that you knew and loved was gone. Eradicated. You see Max, you appeared on my balcony that night, and it was you, but a version of you 14 years into the future. You had come from a world where Earth was about to fall to its enemies. A world where Micheal and Isabel died horrible deaths at too young of an age. You told me that we stayed together and that we went to Vegas at 19 and married. We had a beautiful wedding with everyone there, Maria, Alex, Micheal, and Isabel. However, Tess was unable to deal with what she saw as her destiny being taken from her. She left Roswell and you told me that things when downhill from there. That's because, when she left, your powers were not as strong as they would have been had she stayed. But you had a plan. Simple one at first. I had to fall out of love with you. Just so you know-I didn't want to at first, oh no, sacrificial Liz I was not. At least in the beginning, when I had to push Tess towards you. But when you told me about how the world would turn out how could I object?
Unfortunately you wouldn't leave me so easily. Even when I set Tess up as the perfect substitute for me. So you and I had to do something big, something that would shred your soul as much as it would mine. That is where Kyle came in. I convinced him to participate in the charade that I set up. That night I climbed into bed with Kyle and waited for you to come and to see what you had to. You will never know the agonizing moments that I endured laying there with Kyle waiting for you to come so I could crush you. I did it for you though. All for you. Since that day I wasn't the same. It shocked me somewhat to see that none of you noticed what I was going through. Or maybe I just hid it too well. I guess it is too late to quibble over details, lest you just know that the past weeks were a hell that you cannot imagine. I am weak I have decided, because I am going to end my pain rather than suffer through it. I am sorry Max- I love you with all my heart. Please make sure that Tess stays with the group or my actions will have been in vain.
Liz Parker
P.S- Max-There is an object called the Granolith and it is in the cave. Protect it with your life. It is a source of great power that enabled you to come back in time. Khivar and the Skins will do anything to get their hands on it, at least that is what you said.
Max was dumbstruck after reading the letter. "Oh my God"-he thought with a sinking feeling. She did all that for HIM. She sacrificed everything and suffered for it while he was out parading with Tess. At that very moment he too wanted to die...Then the last slice of Logical Max noticed the words on the page held in his shaking hand...Granolith...Source of Power.....back in time...powers were stronger.
He had a plan. He was going to make this right, even if it killed him.
*******************************
Micheal was dreaming of Maria. She was wearing that Orange halter dress that he loved and was slowly and seductively walking towards him when a loud noise woke him out of his slumber. He wondered who was at the door as he walked toward it; the banging was louder and more frequent. "What the Hell" he though aloud as he opened the door.
There in front of him stood Max and Isabel. His eyes ran over Isabel who was white as a sheet and had fresh tears running down her cheeks.
"Maxwell, what happened?" he asked in a trepidatious voice...
He got little from Max and was truly frightened by the look in his eyes. His eyes looked...empty..dead....the brown eyes that were usually filled with knowledge and leadership were gone and replaced by a shell of what was there previously.
Max held out the piece of pastel stationary and explained in reserved tones and clipped words.
"Liz is dead..She took her own life tonight." Came the soft voice that Micheal had to strain to hear and even then he couldn't believe what he thought he had heard
.
"What, excuse me. Did you just say that Liz killed herself"?
"Yes"
Micheal could not believe this. Liz wasn't his best friend or anything like that but why? Why would she take her own life? He then noticed the paper that Max was holding. He quickly read it and had to sit down quickly. He could not believe that Liz had done something so selfless for all of them. Wait, scratch that, he could believe it, because that was Liz, loyal and selfless. His breath caught when he realized that he had use the past tense when talking about her, because she was gone.
"Hi Guy's, Hi Max" came a sleepy voice from the back of the apartment as a blond haired girl walked into the living room. She instantly noticed their grave stares and then she noticed Max's. If looks could kill she would have burst into a flames.
"What's wrong?" she asked warily
"What's wrong, What's wrong!!" screamed Isabel.
"Because of you and your stupid destiny shit, Liz is dead"
"She gave up everything for Max and what do you do? You rub it in her face every damn day". Isabel then fell to the floor weeping. Micheal got up and went over to comfort her
Tess had back-stepped after hearing the fury that escaped Isabel's lips. Directed towards her.
"Liz is dead, will someone please explain?" she asked with tears in her eyes. Not so much from the news that Liz was dead but rather from the fact that she seemed to be on the receiving end of blame for it.
She was handed the same letter and she quickly digested the information. She found that she was speechless. Good too, cause she didn't want any more of what Isabel was serving.
Out of the confusion and pain came a strong voice.
"I have a plan"-Max said determinedly.
"Liz described the Granolith and that it has the ability to transfer a person into the past, she also described how our powers are stronger when we are together and when we focus them as a group. Well, we are going to the Granolith and we will stay there until we figure out how to make it work and how to make it go back and save Liz from herself."
And once they saw the determined look on his face no one objected....
TBC................
3/27/01
Max looked around the room eyes searching but seeing nothing. He then sat down next to Micheal and placed his head in his hands. He knew what he had to do to save her; the only problem was his mind.
To say that his mind was spinning would be the understatement of the year. Max could barely focus on a single phrase, thought, or even a tiny concept...the only thing that he kept repeating in his mind was
"Why, why, why, why" over and over again...
He felt as though a hand had reached in and had violently ripped out his heart, almost like the night he found Liz and Kyle together... but not quite. This was far worse on the grand scale.
From across the room Isabel noticed the look in her brother's eyes. She could see how devastated he was and that he was in a complete state of shock. She knew then that she would have to be the strong one and that it was her who would have to be the rock for Max. "Be Strong," she kept muttering to herself... "Max need's you".
With that piece of knowledge, she was given the will to bury her own emotions so she could assist Max in dealing with his, something that was desperately needed.
She picked herself off the floor and turned to Michael.
"We are going to need some supplies... food, blankets, flashlights, matches...we might be there for a while."
Max raised his eyes and met Isabel's. He acknowledged his gratitude in a single heartfelt glance.
Michael grabbed Tess and they started packing.... Isabel then walked over to the couch and sat next to Max. She realized that there was little she could say to relieve him of his anguish so she simply wrapped her arms around him and let his head rest on her shoulder, a simple act of love. As her brother lay cradled in her arms she wondered if Max would ever, could ever, get over this. She prayed to God that the Granolith would indeed work but she had her secret worries and doubts, namely that Max wasn't going to recover and that the Granolith, even if they could find it, wouldn't work.
Max had been taking the leadership role with a serious intensity. A part of her wondered if this could be what would break him.
Michael and Tess then appeared dragging 2 heavily packed duffel bags and a suitcase. Isabel saw Tess searching for forgiveness within her, however forgiveness was not to be had, Isabel couldn't even stand to look at the girl.
Michael looked at her as if asking, "Can you hold him together?" He was dismayed but not shocked to find that her answer was no...He couldn't even imagine what would happen if something like that would happen to Mar...no..he didn't even want to think of it.
Max looked up saw that Michael and Tess were prepared. "Let's go," he said simply.
Michael drove Max and Isabel's Jeep. Tess sat shotgun; Izzy and Max in back.
Max stared out the window at the passing desert bathed in moonlight. The lyrics from one of Liz's favorite songs suddenly filled his mind..
Hello
I've waited here for you
Everlong
Tonight
I throw myself into
And out of the red out of her head she sang
Come down and waste away with me
Down with me
Slow out you wanted it to be
Over my head, out of my head she sang
And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
Breathe out
So I can breathe you in
Hold you in
He remembered when he had brought Liz out on a night like this one, and they had cuddled up on a blanket while Liz pointed out different constellations..
*(*(*(*(Flashback)*)*)*)*
"Here." Offered Max
"What is it?"
"Hot cocoa"-it'll warm you up he said, noting the pink on her nose.
"Liz, are you sure you don't want to go back?"
" You're going to get sick if we stay out here much longer" he said as he pulled the blanket around her shoulders with a worried expression on his face..
"Max..." she smiled
"Look!" She gestured towards a cluster of stars.
"That's Pyxis", it means "the compass" in Greek. "Isn't it beautiful" her voice awe filled...
"I think I know what I beautiful" he said softly as he leaned over towards her, their lips meeting.........
*(*(*(*(Flash Forward)*)*)*)*
He now realized the irony of her pick of constellations that night.
Liz was his compass. She directed his actions and he knew that when he was near her every thing was all right. She was his Polaris, his north star. In times of confusion and pain he could look to her for guidance. The key to the world's secrets lied within her and that smile of hers
But she would never smile again....As a result of his half-assed time traveling from the future, She was gone.
His compass was gone, and he had nothing to keep his eye on, nothing to guide him anymore. He was, in essence, lost.
"We're here," said Michael
They exited the Jeeps with trepidation...all wondering where Max was going with this.. Michael, Isabel, and Tess picked up their supplies and followed Max to the cave. When the got there Max began to search in earnest. He did not know exactly where the Granolith was, only that it was somewhere within the cave itself....The others stood together. Unsure of what to do first.
"Look for any thing that could be a sign, or a door of some sort"- Came Max's driven voice..
The proceeded to do so and spent the next hour searching every square inch of the cave, from the floor to the ceiling...Still they found nothing...
Max looked crushed. Isabel couldn't believe that her brother had to suffer through this second round of heartbreak..
Then, hurriedly, Max gathered them to sit together. They held hands and Max channeled their combined powers, seeking out the Granolith and location..
He was instantly transported to a long, dark hall...there was no sound or feeling, max didn't even think he was breathing. He then turned around and was bombarded with feelings that were associated with different images...from he and Izzy climbing out of their pods to them learning their respective destinies. He found though, that he was able to sort them somewhat. As the images flew by he caught sight of what he was looking for.....
Then something dark and large loomed in front of him...He reached beyond it, determined to get to the information. The presence saw what he was doing and slammed him backwards. With a start Max found himself thrown onto the floor of the cave. The others crowded around him, concern in their eyes, he was unable to answer them for a moment because the wind had been knocked out of him, so forceful the shove.
He staggered to his feet and looked at each and every one of them carefully, as if trying to see their true selves. When he looked at Izzy and Michael, he saw only concern.
Then his gaze turned to Tess. She stared at the floor and refused to meet his eyes..
"What have you done?"-Max choked out, realization dawning over his features.
"What are you talking about?" squealed Tess
Max went straight to her and grabbed her roughly by the shoulders and shook her hard..Micheal and Isabel ran over but not before Max shook her violently.
"What the hell have you done?" he asked again.
Michael pulled him off of Tess and demanded a reason for his erratic behavior.
"She is blocking me from finding the Granolith"- Max said coldly.
Isabel walked over to her and looked her in the eyes.
"Is that true?" she asked
"Kinda" - mumbled Tess.
Isabel looked like she was ready to lash out again, and she did. She raised her right arm and slapped Tess across the face with all her might.
Tess held her stinging cheek as tears welled up in her eyes.
"Max, don't you see! It was Liz's destiny to die. Just like it is our destiny to be together," she said desperately
At that point Michael let go of Max and went to Tess.
"Listen to me you little blond haired bitch!" he yelled.
"You are going to help us find the Granolith and you are going to help us find a way to use it, and you are going to help us save Liz, or so help me God, I will make sure you suffer!"
"Why?" cried Tess " Why is she more important?"
"Because", said Max angrily, "Because I love Liz, she is my soul mate, she is my destiny, and no matter how many mind games you play or how many strings you pull, I will never love you. Never."
Michael then looked to Tess and asked, "So you are going to help us now, right?"
"I guess so" came the weak, defeated reply.
They joined hands once more and Max accessed the tunnel. He again waited for the familiar piece of information and reached out and snagged it. He quickly digested the information and returned to the others.
"We were looking for the wrong thing," said Max quickly as he began to scour the room again with his eyes.
"It's the Control Panel that we need to find. The Granolith is actually a part of the cave and mountain. The two act to focus the energy so the time jump can be made."
He then walked over to a relatively normal looking part of the cave and waved his hand over it while his eyes were closed, focusing on opening the control panel.
To everyone's shock the piece of cave completely disappeared, as though it were a hologram, and they were faced with a shiny black surface that Max could see his reflection in. He then started receiving instructions, though not in his own language but rather from a language used on his home planet of Antar. HE didn't even know how he knew this, while there were large chunks of information that he clearly wasn't going to be able to decipher, there were smaller pieces that he was able to translate into English.
He motioned for the others and then placed his hand on the far left of the dark surface. Isabel followed suit placing her hand next to his, Michael next, and then Tess who had to be prodded to do so by Michael.
The all heard what sounded like a soft "swish" and looked behind them, the cave wall at their backs was no longer there. Instead a glowing white door replaced it. They glanced at each other, Michael clamped his hand on Tess's arm, and they walked through the door...
Their eyes adjusted as they came into what Max had been calling the control room. It was a room, although one that was not, in any way, normal. The walls weren't really what you could call walls. The whole thing was in the shape of a giant sphere.
A large white sphere save the concave dip in the center that had that same black, glassy surface as the panel to which they had placed their hands on. The chamber was quite large; Max noted that it was almost the size of he and Izzy's house. The walked toward the middle of the room noting the eerie quiet that pervaded the air, their steps didn't even make a sound..
They came to the center and surveyed what they saw. From their previous position it looked as though it was just a dark circle. They now saw that there was the slightest color variation that made a triangle. On the tips of the corners were circles about three feet wide. The foursome looked towards Max as if to gain leadership, after all Max had received the knowledge of how to run the Granolith.... Hadn't he?
"Max" said Isabel
"What do we have to do?"
Max was in a kind of daze, he was still listening to the instructions, as new pieces of previously unintelligible rules and guidelines in Antarian were translated in real time into English.
Max cocked his head to the side as the voices laid out the exact rules for how to run the giant machine. He learned that it really wasn't made for time travel; he would have to tweak his control over it if he was ever going to make it back.
"What will happen to the others" he asked the voices...
"They will cease to exist" came the matter-of-fact reply. "If you are able to change the time stream then this one will dissolve."
Max faltered for a moment, until he realized that a world without Liz was a world that nor he, Michael, or Isabel would want to live in. As for Tess... he thought with distaste, she can just deal with it.
He then felt a small shake that brought him back to reality.
"Max" yelled Isabel
"Are you all right?"
"I'm fine" he said calmly, "I've just been talking to some people"
Michael raised his eyebrows, clearly thinking that Max had somehow lost his mind, perhaps he had snapped.
"I know how to do this," said Max as he realized that this could work.
"Alright,......Izzy, Micheal and Tess (he glared at the girl as he uttered that last word) you have to stand at the three corners. You have to focus, clear your mind off all thoughts and you must use each other's powers. You have to let down your own barriers before this can work. I was told that you have to join your powers together and focus on where to send me. That would be approximately, he looked at his watch, it was 1 am now so Liz had done "it" around eleven, maybe 10:30.
"Try to get me there before 10 alright? I need to be on her balcony. You are going to have to concentrate, alright, I know we can do this.." he pleaded urgently as he looked briefly at the others
Michael pulled him to the side. "Uh, Maxwell, what is going to happen once you are gone?"
"When I stop her this time line will end," he said as he stared at Michael, hoping that he understood.
Michael got the message loud and clear. His survival instinct kicked in and fought him for about 20 seconds then he realized something. If Liz could sacrifice her happiness, and a time line in which she and Max were together, he could sacrifice a sorrowful time line in which she wouldn't be apart of.
Max went over to tell Izzy the same news; she took it bravely and with a strong, determined expression on her face.
"Let's do it" she said
Isabel stepped into one of the circles and the second her feet hit the center it glowed a deep crimson, Michael stepped into the next one, and his glowed a deep azure..Tess went next and hers glowed a dark, sickly greenish color. Max almost smiled, he thought it humorous that Tess' would be the only color that looked like puke..
He then stepped into the middle of the triangle and closed his eyes. The others followed suit. The three raised their hands palms facing towards each other as they concentrated. Max kept repeating 10 O' clock over and over again in his head. Suddenly beams of light were emitted from each of their palms. The colors met and focused towards Max. A dark purple vortex started swirling around him and he opened his eyes. He raised his hand in front of him and found that he was fading..... "It's working" he thought with a sense of awe.
"I'm coming for you Liz"
That was the last thing he thought as he felt his molecules separate and he found himself falling down a long dark hole...
Liz was sifting through her backpack looking for "The Grapes of Wrath",
"Damn" she muttered, tears beginning to fall down her cheeks..
She looked up to see her reflection in the mirror when a sharp, blue light entered the room..A very familiar blue light
"Oh, God" she thought with a horrified expression on her face
"I can't do this again, do you hear me? I can't do this again" she began to scream at the window...
*(*(*( 30 seconds before )*)*)*
Max awoke with a start. He looked around and said a quick prayer when he realized where he was, on Liz's balcony..He felt odd, like his body was kind of numb, "well there has to be some side effects when it comes to hurtling your body through space and time" he thought.
He moved quickly to the window and leapt in... meeting the horrified gaze of his love, Liz
"I can't do it again," she said as she met his gaze with a stark look upon her face, "I won't do it again"
He realized what she was talking about and who she thought that he was...his heart broke again when he saw the look in her eyes...God, he thought, he saw the pain in her eyes. He silently called himself a jackass for missing it...
Liz then realized that "Future Max" he wasn't. "Who are you" she choked out as she backpedaled....... "You're not him".........
How many Max's from the future needed her help?
She folded to the floor as she began to shut down....Crush Liz Parker once, she thought, fool on him, Crush Liz Parker twice, and fool on her...She stared resolutely at the floor and with a weakly she spoke...
"So what do you want me to do?" she said, defeat shading her voice
Max couldn't take the heartbreak that Liz was emitting....he could feel it deep in his heart.....He wondered for a moment how he had ever become a strong enough man to be able to come back and crush her...He didn't think he was capable to do her harm mentally or physically...
He walked over to her and sat down next to her, he gently took hold of her hands and began to speak..
"Liz, you probably think that I am going to ask you to do something that will destroy you again, but I am not. I am only going to ask you to avoid doing something that will, has, destroyed me."
She looked up tears still falling down her pale cheeks and met his eyes...
"I'm just Max from the recent future, he said softly, he looked at his watch, "about 3 hours in the future".
He didn't know how to say what he clearly had to so he tried to circumvent it..
"Around eleven tonight I realized that I had to return your book, so I backed out of my driveway and headed here. I had only gotten halfway when I received a phone call.....from you"
Tears came to his eyes as he forced the next part out
"It was you......You had called me only moments after you had taken a large amount of pills, after you had attempted suicide"
His voice caught when he uttered the next sentence
"And you succeeded"
Liz could not believe what she was hearing. She wouldn't do something like that, of course she wouldn't.....
She was lying to herself though, not 5 minutes before the flash on her balcony-- the thought that she had been trying to repress had entered her mind, the only thing that kept her from entertaining it was the light that diverted her.......Could she have...? She didn't want to think of it..
"You left me a letter, Liz, you revealed the secret that you had been carrying"
Liz looked at him again, "So you know"
She tried to remain calm, half of her was happier then she had ever been, Max knew the truth, she didn't sleep with Kyle.
The other side, though, chastised her, she couldn't even keep a secret...She wondered momentarily if that future timeline would ever occur and if it would negate the timeline that this max had come out of.....she stopped herself after a moment because thinking about the ramifications of time travel tended to give her a migraine..
"Liz" came that soft voice again, "Liz, I love you with all my heart, you have to promise me that you will never do anything like that"
"I can't live without you"
"I can't live without you either" she replied, "I love you Max Evans, I have from the moment you healed me and I will never stop".
She gasped aloud when she looked at his hands that had been holding hers so softly..She could see through them...He was fading......Leaving.......Which only meant one thing....
"It worked, Liz" came a voice filled with love...
Max began to disappear; he struggled to say his final words...
"Liz....Liz you have to go tell me" he yelled, his body losing cohesion.
"Go tell me the truth" came his desperate voice
"I never stopped loving you Liz Par......." And the voice was gone.....he was gone..
She slowly digested the information that he had given her and she waited, she waited for Max to come and bring her the book and so she could reveal the burden that she had been lugging around for weeks..
Max pulled up to the alley, took a deep breath, and jumped out of the Jeep. He then climbed her fire escape and tried to prepare himself for the imminent meeting ahead...
He was surprised to find Liz in that chair of hers, it looked as though she were waiting for him..
"Hi Liz, Ummm ah, you left your book at school and well, were having a quiz tomorrow so I thought you could use it" he said nervously.....The way that she was looking at him was making him kind of nervous....
"Max, I never slept with Kyle" came the bold voice...
His heart stopped. He didn't think it was possible, but it did. He tried to wrap his mind around her words but he found himself unable to..
"What?" came the shocked response.... he even dropped the book on the floor
She smiled when she realized that Max had the same expression on his face as the time when Michael had dared him to try a Tepin Pepper (the hottest pepper known to man)..
Liz stood up and walked over to him
"On that day in October, you came to me and told me that you and I staying together had caused Earth to fall to its' enemies. That was because Tess had left and with her absence your powers weren't as strong as they should have been.."
She noticed the look on Max's face and continued, afraid to stop..
"So you had a plan, quite simple actually, you had to fall out of love with me...we tried the little things first, like when I had tried to set you and Tess up and you found me out. We soon came to the realization that whatever we were going to do was going to have to be big, because our love was so strong, it would take something on the grand scale in order for you to stop loving me. So I came up with the Kyle idea. I convinced Kyle that I was trying to get back at you and that it had to look like we slept together. So that night I climbed into my bed with Kyle and waited for you. It killed me when you saw, Max...but I thought it had to be done...And it worked.."
Max finally found his voice as he crossed the distance between them.
"Liz, it didn't work," he said simply
"No, it did see, because you disappeared and so it had to work," babbled Liz
"I love you Liz, I never stopped, when I saw you with Kyle it only crushed me, but it didn't make me fall out of love with you."
She opened her mouth, then closed it again.
"Don't you understand Liz?" he asked
"I could never fall out of love with you, we are meant to be, you are my other half, you're my soul mate, I could never leave you or ever stop loving you, Liz, You are my future."
"Really?" she asked hopefully....
To answer her he swept her in his arms and kissed her...and as she lay comforted in her arms she knew that anything was possible and that the world was all right and that she and max would stay together forever.
And Forever was a beautiful word..
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely and complete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me
Now..I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
There's nothing left to lose
Nothing left to fly
There is nothing else in the world that can change my mind
There is nothing else....
There is nothing else....