Title: The First Cut Is the Deepest
Author: Tizzylish
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, they belong to ME, Joss, David, and Marti. The song belongs to Rod Stewart/Sheryl Crow
Spoilers: Buffy Season four, Angel Season one and the whole B/A canon
Timeline: Between Seasons 4/1 and 5/2 closer to season 4/1.
Distribution: Fanfiction.net, but if you want it take it just tell me where it's going!
Authors Note(s): OK so yet another song fic to go with the others!! But this is the first one where I change the canon I hope you like it!! Please if read and review, or just drop me a line that says you read it!! J
***
I would have given you all of my heart
but there's someone who's torn it apart
and he's taking almost all that I've got
but if you want, I'll try to love again
baby I'll try to love again but I know
Buffy looked at the face of her sleeping lover, he was so incredibly active, his chest rising and falling in a measured rhythm. He was very handsome the all-American boy, blonde, blue eyed, tall, government demon hunter. OK so maybe not quite the all-American, but he was hers and she knew he loved her.
The had made love early, after a quick patrol, he had fallen asleep with her in his arms while she just lay there in the after glow. She pulled away from him their bodies no longer touching she just stared at him. His soft face with a peaceful smile drawn across it, he loved her, if only she could love him.
Buffy closed her eyes for a moment trying to find Riley's smile to put on her face, but when her eyes shut she didn't see her blonde boy anymore. Buffy saw the dark man who had all of her heart, his eyes closed in peace, and with a small smile she had only ever actually seen once. She jerked her eyes open she wouldn't think of Angel, she was with Riley, he loved her.
But Angel loved her too, forever. Even if he wasn't her to show her she knew and she knew because she still loved him. But she was going to love Riley now she had too. Move on with the small part of her heart she still had and give it to Riley.
The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
'cause when it comes to being lucky he's cursed
when it comes to lovin' me he's worst
but when it comes to being loved he's first
that's how I know
It was a year a week ago from the day he officially left her, walked of into the mist, sunset was impossible for him. A year? Had it only been year? To Buffy it felt like she was a whole new person, college girl with college friends and a college boyfriend. A year since they decided it wouldn't work, the curse but most of all his insecurities.
Poor Riley, he loved her so much but she could never return his affections the way he deserved. Angel's hole was too big, and the biggest part of her didn't want to fill it. She stared at the rounded lines of his face, their was definitely a boyish quality to him that she found attractive. He was perfect for her, he fought demons too, and well he was human.
But Angel would always be first in her heart, she knew her head was telling her Riley but her heart screamed ANGEL! She thought about their relationship; he was a vampire she was the slayer, he went evil after they had sex, she killed him, he tried to kill himself, she was jealous of Faith, she could talk to him with out words, he had the deepest eyes she had ever seen, he always made sure she was OK first, when he was around the lights dimmed, his kisses had more feeling and passion than she had ever felt since, he knew her, she knew him, he trusted her, she trusted him.
Buffy sat up and wiped the tears from her cheeks, reaching over the side of the bed she found her jeans and shirt from earlier in the day. She kissed Riley softly on the forehead, and left the house quietly.
The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
She listened to the radio as she made her way down the freeway at 4:30 in the morning, What was she doing? She couldn't just go to him, could she? She knew one thing, he was still all she saw when she looked into the future. She stopped the jeep in front of the burnt wreckage of the Angel Investigations office. Her heart stopped, before she remembered hearing that his offices had been blown up.
I still want you by my side
just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
cause I'm sure gonna give you a try
and if you want, I'll try to love again
but baby, I'll try to love again, but I know
She didn't remember where Cordy lived. OK she didn't know where Cordy lived. So she looked her up in a phone book and found her address. She was at the large complex before she had time to realize what she was doing, or that she was crying.
It was 5:00 am by the time she was knocking softly on the door, and about a second later until a bed rumpled, shirtless Angel answered the door. He stared at her just looking, he didn't believe she was there, he also couldn't believe the pain or tears in her eyes. Opening the door wider he silently invited her in. Buffy carefully crossed the threshold wary of what she was doing now that she was here.
Pointing her towards the hall to where she figured Cordelia's room would be Angel matched her look to tell her she would be sleeping a bit longer. Buffy noticed the carefully made up couch as she looked around the room, Angel gestured for her to sit. Noticing the tears that had started to trace her face again, Angel automatically raise a hand and wiped them away. Looking deep into her eyes, seeing everything, her pain, her joy, and all her that love still shone through.
She lifted her eyes to him, really seeing him for the first time in a year, and yet still finding the love that was always behind his chocolate irises. Bending her head up slightly she kissed him softly, a mere brush of her lips against his.
The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
Riley had known this day would come sooner or later, the morning he would wake up and she would be in LA. The city of her Angel, he almost laughed, he never had her and he never would. He picked up his stuff, and walked out of the house. Saying good-bye to his first love.
'Cause when it comes to being lucky she's cursed
when it comes to lovin' me she's worst
but when it comes to being loved she's first
that's how I know
She still loved him after everything her love for him still shone through her eyes. The hazel eyes that had haunted his dreams, she still loved him. Why? If he didn't deserve her when he left Sunnydale, he definitely didn't deserve her now. Now that he had taken away her only shot at true happiness, got his best friend killed, had beat up her boyfriend, and told her she wasn't in his life anymore. She still loved him, this beautiful vibrant woman loved him. He would never love anyone else, at least the way he loved her.
She would always be first in his heart, and sometimes he questioned her sanity for still loving him.
The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
They would make it work, had to make it work. They couldn't get past this, moving on was not an option for soulmates. They tried, they grew as people, and yet they still could talk for hour without words. After all the first cut is the deepest, so they would try to love again.