The Marital Observation

By gertie_flirty

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to the Big Bang Theory.

Summary: Sheldon Cooper is marrying Amy Farrah Fowler, but someone breaks up the ceremony at the last second.

A/N: This is a Sheldon/Penny fic, I swear, even if it's not immediate. Hopefully you'll find the journey worth it. Also, I started writing it about two weeks ago, so it might diverge slightly from canon following episode 4x05 – "The Desperation Emanation." I'll try to keep it as up to date as possible, but most likely it won't pan out to be the most canonical of things.

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Part One: Preparation

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Once more, he checked the cuffs of his sleeves. His fingers nimbly adjusted the buttons and he tugged at the ends ever so slightly.

"Nervous, huh?"

Sheldon scoffed. "Hardly."

"That's the twelfth time you've looked at your sleeves in the past ten minutes." Leonard couldn't help but smile at seeing his friend so uneasy. So-smug Sheldon was totally flustered, and it was highly amusing.

They were in one of the spare rooms of the church that had been converted to a dressing room for weddings. Somehow, someway, Sheldon and Amy had managed to not only become engaged, but actually make it to their wedding day without any huge catastrophe occurring.

"I'm being seen in front of a large crowd of people. Any dangling pieces of cloth could incite them to trample me." Sheldon looked at himself in the full length mirror and adjusted his bowtie.

"It's still bizarre," said Howard, in his own tuxedo. "I mean, you, Sheldon, getting married?"

"It really is kind of weird." Agreed Raj.

"I don't see what's so weird about it. Amy and I are perfectly compatible."

"Compatible in this case meaning you're the only two left of your strange alien race, then sure." Howard said, causing Raj to chuckle.

"To be perfectly honest, the only reason we agreed on marriage is because our mothers came to the conclusion that we must have a marital contract before we procreate."

"Procreate?" Leonard cringed.

"Yes. Our mothers both decreed artificial insemination was morally reprehensible, and we must conceive a child in the rather unpleasant fashion of coitus."

"Sheldon, do me a favor, when you finally do have . . . coitus, will you stop referring to it as . . . 'coitus?'" asked Howard.

Sheldon considered this for a moment. "I suppose so. Although hopefully it won't be as unsanitary as the three of you make it seem."

"Oh jeez—I need a – coffee," interjected Leonard.

"An Irish coffee," Howard added. "Let's let Sheldon finish getting ready. I'm sure he needs to re-button his sleeves fifteen more times."

"Perhaps the three of you should go. You are increasing my anxiety. However, remember the mockup we did of the ceremony. You need to be at the altar at precisely 3:15, on the groom's side—"

"We know Sheldon," Leonard said, pushing his friends out the door.

"What makes Irish coffee Irish?" asked Raj as they stepped out.

"Bailey's," Howard replied.

xxxxx

Down the street from the church was a small restaurant with a bar. The boys took seats upon the uncomfortable stools and started to order drinks.

"Rum and coke."

"Irish coffee."

"Appletini."

The boys looked over at the feminine voices that had spoke to the bartender. Three women in large, poofy bronze colored dresses had sidled up to the bar unnoticed, despite the ridiculous cap sleeves and taffeta of their gowns.

"Oh, hi," said Leonard. "You must be Amy's bridesmaids."

"Oh, yeah," said the first girl, a short woman with long, dark curly hair and thick glasses. "I'm Lina. This is Hannah," she gestured to the second woman with overly-straightened brown hair and an excessive amount of makeup; then pointed to a shy looking Indian girl and said "and this is Rabya."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Leonard, and this is Howard and Raj." The three men stood in front of the three women and an eerie air fell over the group.

Rabya whispered something into Hannah's ear. "Yeah, it is kinda freaky," said Hannah.

"What's up with her?" asked Leonard, even though he had a feeling he knew the answer.

"Oh, she can't talk to boys unless she's drunk." Lina replied.

The six of them were silent for a long moment.

"I really need that drink," Howard said.

xxxxxx

xxxxxx

Stuffy air filled the apartment. Penny looked around at the mess dismally. Sheldon had been so busy with his wedding preparations that he hadn't cleaned her place in weeks. It was stupid, she knew, to expect him to clean up after her, but she did anyway, even though it was immature and stupid, stupid, stupid, and anyways, he would move out soon enough to be with his wife and then what?

Then what.

She let out a deep breath and picked at the edge of the cardstock the wedding invitation was printed on. For so long, she had tried to talk him out of this marriage business, but Sheldon never listened to reason, only that was the problem, Sheldon did listen to reason, but only reason, and not emotions, which was really unreasonable of him. After all, what good reason was there for Sheldon and Amy not to get married? They were so alike, so similar, so smart, and here she was, dumb stupid Penny, completely different and why did she care anyway? But the marriage felt wrong. Penny knew that much.

She looked at herself one more time in the mirror. She looked good. Cute, but tasteful. Nothing that would offend Sheldon's mother, or Sheldon. Not that Sheldon ever noticed.

She would go to this wedding. She would go, and she would sit in the crowd, and hope Sheldon didn't freak out, and hope and pray that he had invented time travel in the future and would appear in the middle of the ceremony and stop himself.

That was her only hope.