Im depressed, So I wrote something Sad. Explanation at the bottom of the page.
"Quotations"
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Its been years since I've last written in you.
How has it been journal? Lonely, I bet.
I have a few things I would like to discuss with you. I re-read everything I had written before, and I want to take it all back. Smiles don't make people like you, they never did.
The little girl looked so happy. I wanted to steal away her smile and put it on my face! Then no one would hate me because I'd be wearing a real smile! A frown scares people away doesn't it, journal?
Smiles are what people force so that the problems they are facing aren't shown through their face. I think the smiling I used to be so fond of has worn off drastically. I can't seem to hide behind one anymore. I think that privilege has been taken from me as well.
I've made up my mind! I'm not ever going to frown again! I'm always going to smile!
I did notice one thing I had written about. Sasuke. He has grown up to be quite the man. He hasn't smiled in front of me once since we met, but we have become the closest thing to friends. He's very strong, but I'm not weak either.
I Think Sasuke is going to grow up to be a very pretty man! He'll have all the girls on him, and he'll smile! I hope that happens soon, I want to see him smile for once! I think that he will though. Someone has to smile once in their entire lives! What's a life without a smile?
I hate to say it, but tragedy struck Sasuke during his young stage. His family was killed. No one could figure out who did it, and they also couldn't find out what happened to Itachi's body. I don't understand how Sasuke lived through that massacre.
I hugged him the next day, journal. I wasn't expecting him to shove me off, or hit me, but he did. I should've understood myself that he probably wouldn't want to be close to human contact for a long time. I never considered how he felt. I'm selfish, and I now admit that.
I'm not determined because I like to take things at their own pace. Is that a bad thing? I think I'm going to ask Sasuke tomorrow! Maybe he'll smile at me, and I can steal it away! Well, I'd ask for it first. Stealing is wrong!
I've taken everything I've been given for granted, and I have nothing left anymore. I've become incredulously lost in my own stupor, that I have lost my way out. So, its about time that our chats come to an end.
I want to be a Ninja soon! I think I'm joining the academy in a few years! I don't think I'm going to write much until then though, because I need to train!
My heart has been stolen from me. God, how I wish it hadn't. It hurts the most to admit that... Sasuke stole it.
I remember how I used to write about his smile. I wanted to steal one away from him so bad, and I considered that selfishness. I used to think selfishness was about taking things from people that couldn't possibly ever be taken. You also cant take what another person doesn't have to give. Sasuke never had that smile to give, and even if he did, I wouldn't be in the place to steal it.
Stealing is wrong!
I feel like I've lost myself, journal. I cant fucking find myself! I'll never be able to! I want to give it up, my life in exchange for others happiness. Doing deeds for a crime you've committed doesn't take the crime away, and it doesn't make it better. The crime will forever be imprinted in your soul, no matter how hard you try to erase it. Dying to repair my crime of living wouldn't change what's already happened.
I don't think my smile worked today journal. I tried it on the lady at the drug store, and she forced me out! I really needed to get some bandages for my knee! I don't wanna bleed to death!
I don't quite understand what happened to me in these last few years. Its not easy enough to explain on paper. I have a feeling its even entirely too hard for me to explain through verbal communication as well. I do miss what I was. I couldn't worry about anything going wrong in my life because I relied on you. A fucking booklet for Christ's sake?!
Sometimes I wish you could talk! Then we could be like best friends! I don't really have one of those. Aw! Who need's em'? I've got you! That's great to hear isn't it journal? You're my best friend. If you weren't around I don't know what I would do for comfort around here!
I cant explain how I feel about this village. I never left it, regardless of all the wrong and pain it caused me.
I think I need to go to sleep now! I don't want someone to throw a rock at the window so that it can hit me!
I was attached, and I wasn't entirely sure if It was because of Sasuke or not. I loved him. Hell, I love him now. I refuse to allow myself to ever openly admit it. He has too much of a life in front of him to consider being held back by me. I never had intentions of telling him anyway. I wasn't allowed to love, I had been taught that.
You know, I was hoping that one day, someone could explain to me why the world is so complicated. Iruka could never really explain it to me either, no matter how many times I tried to get him to. I used to wonder if Iruka even cared about me. The only thing he ever had me do was a job around his house... only because I would never be allowed to work elsewhere.
I didn't earn enough money to turn on the lights today! Iruka didn't really have much for me to do, so he only gave me a little towards my bill. I'll pay it though! I promise that soon you wont have to sit near a cold window at night so that I can see your pages! I wish I had night vision, and then I wouldn't need lights.
I guess I'm never going to know what it feels like to have a family. It doesn't depress me though. I've lived through enough to learn that a family only loves you because they have to. It would probably be hard to hate someone that was running around with the same blood that flows through your veins. Other than that, would a family really care?
I've made up my mind! I'm not ever going to frown again! I'm always going to smile! Then I could have a family like that little girl! I'd introduce you first of course, because your my brother! It wouldn't feel right to leave you out!
I'm running out of time to write.
I hope that this booklet carries my life with it forever. Not because I want to be remembered, but because I never want to find out if you have a soul, journal. So just please ...never die.
Journal? I wonder if you can really talk to me. Can you speak to me one day? Ill even draw you a mouth right here on this paper! Then you could smile at me! We could have a smiling contest, and I would win. I know it! Maybe I should draw you eyes too! Oh! A nose! Then you could smell ramen, and I could make you eat it.
I don't think I can draw arms! I always mess up the hands! I wouldn't want you to only have 2 fingers! I cant draw toes either, but ill practice! Ill practice and get better, and then you can live like me! I wonder what you'd look like. I hope not like me! The villagers tell me I'm ugly, and I wouldn't want you to be ugly!
You have a very pretty cover too! You couldn't ever be ugly! You'd be the prettiest person I'd ever see!
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What's a life without a smile? Smile for me, Sasuke.
Okay. I want to explain this before any reviewers ask me what's going on.
YES. Naruto died.
Naruto used to keep a journal when he was about 7 years old (Parts of it are in italics.) He considered the journal to be his everything, so he wrote in it everyday. Years later after his life had been messed up drastically, He found his journal again, and wrote in it his very last entry. (Which would be this story.)
Im not adding anymore to It. I feel like the ending is a good place to stop. R&R appreciated.