His Sole Secret

by Im-just-peachy

Joe Walker is not usually a man of unspoken thoughts or actions, choosing to provide himself with a life of openness he rather tells all than face the burden of 'what-ifs' that usually follow. There is however, one thing he never dare voices, and that my friends, is the meaning behind this drabble. LAURWALK.

Dear Readers,

I would like to take this moment to tell you a secret, well, if it can still be called that. You see, we all know of this fellow named Joe Walker; and if you do not know him, you might have accidently clicked on a wrong link, and I suggest you correct this error or you will be horribly confused about what you are about to read. Now as I was saying, or rather, writing, Joe Walker is not usually a man of unspoken thoughts or actions, choosing to provide himself with a life of openness he rather tells all than face the burden of 'what-ifs' that usually follow. There is however, one thing he never dare voices, and that my friends, is the meaning behind this drabble.

As you know, Joe and all of his closest friends are about to wrap up their second (inter)national tour and have spent a great deal of time on the road. One staple of road-travel that most everybody knows is good music to pass the hours spent with nothing but changing scenery, and Joe was taking this golden rule to heart whilst he lounged in his small pod, unable to sleep. They were finally on their way home to the Windy-City, each of them filled with a happy-sadness. A joy that stems from good-times, many laughs, and freshly-made memories, but a dull ache that reminds you that that's all they are now, memories. He had attempted to find peace in the soft snores and deep breathes of his slumbering bus-mates, but he found even the content signs of being surrounded by those he loves the most to be keeping him from some much-needed rest. Searching half-heartedly around his sheets, Walker struck what he had searching for and illuminated not only his own bunk, but that of Joey who snored gently across the aisle, and Lauren who was sleeping comfortably on her stomach, below Joey, the curtain of her pod left half uncovering. Squinting at the obnoxiously bright screen of his iPhone, his fingers fumbled in his pass code and dimmed the screen to its absolute minimum, giving his bleary blues some comfort. Popping in two ear buds, he wasn't even sure were his own, Walker hit the small sapphire app on his home screen, opening up Pandora Radio. Closing his eyes he let his thoughts wander.

And wander they did.

His thoughts wondered to his best friends, to one friend in particular, actually. But Joe wouldn't let them linger in her long, because Reader, she was his secret. Like a schoolboy, he kept his crush a secret. Never telling, and trying so desperately to hide it. Joe Walker could not tell a soul because the stakes were ever so much higher for him. He could not tell a soul because the girl he liked was his best friend. The girl he liked was too important for him to lose. The girl he liked was Lauren Elizabeth Lopez.

Joe groaned aloud once more frustrated with, once again, the failure to talk himself out of love. Joe had never fallen in love with Lauren, never had there been any sort of revelation to new-found feelings. He had grown into love. It was a bunch of little things that he eventually found himself cherishing, it was the loyalty and the love she had always had for him, since the day they met, that he eventually saw as the most important thing in his life, and it was the times that she was by his side that he knew he was happiest.

He nearly had succumbed to what all human's crave at two o'clock in the morning, sleep, when a raspy, soothing voice filled his ears, and a rush of memories began to play like a film without sound through his sleep-deprived head.

I like the way you look at me every time, you first come into my mind.

It was a perk of being best friends, he supposed, their thoughts always on the same channel. It was also one of the most terrifying things about the petite brunette, her ability to make him feel as though she could read his mind. Walker's mind flashed to all those times her chocolate eyes sparkled at him from across the stage, the times they glinted mischievously during their occasional debate, and the way they found his every time he thought of her.

I like the way you fit perfectly, on my side.

He thought of walking to class together sophomore year, playfully bumping his side with each step. Her shoulder nudging low on his chest, she eventually linked her slender arm through his own and continued her animatedly babbling about some new production Brian and the Lang's were writing about Harry Potter. He smiled softly down at his friend, thankful to have her beside him.

I like the way you hold my hand, and bury your head in my chest, every time you're tired, every time you want to rest.

The memory of earlier came to mind. After the majority of devoted fans returned to their homes and respective transports, the gang meandered back to the two large vehicles that would be finally taking them home. No one quite wanting the tour to end, they all knew to stand outside the busses and recount all the times they shared for the past month; the good, the bad, the inspiring. The recounted opening night in Chicago with the fans bouncing the floor and filling the theater with the energy needed to fuel a tour. They mentioned the proposal in Austen. The time Lauren's infectious laughter made an appearance on-stage in Denver. Reminiscing of their bus troubles in Boston, and finally, of the last curtain call that night. With mutual understanding the StarKids all formed a circle, the same they'd create pre-performance, and Lauren slid a delicate hand into his much larger one, giving it a small squeeze: gently nuzzling her head against his heart while she smiled sleepily at a crying Julia.

I like the way your face looks when you sleep.

Joe looked over to the small girl curled against a pillow diagonal from him. He gazed at the face he had memorized to long ago. The full, dark lashes the rested on high cheekbones and the tiny scar that lay nearly-invisible along the left, the small straight nose the lead to her slightly parted lips. Her face relaxed and soft skin free of any wrinkles or blemishes. Joe smiled adding this to his moments to flash-back to.

I like your legs crossed over me.

Since college, her legs would rest across his lap. While watching movies, while she cried in his arms after yet another guy let go the best thing they had ever had, while they talked about their futures, while they laughed at Joey's lack of ability to play charades well, Joe would find her limbs crossed at the ankle or bent to form an arch across his own.

I like the way you always want me to win.

"Take him down, Wox!" She had screamed that night; he remembered the merriment in her voice clear as day, "Go! Go! Go!" She egged him on further, giving him even more motive to finally pin Brian's thumb. While his opponent bowed his head in defeat, and Meredith groaned in disappointment, Joe had thrown his arms in the air, declaring himself the Thumb-War Champion.

I like how you touch my skin.

Each night on tour, he was reminded of how much power her touch held over him. Opening with "Get Back Up": he could never forget the rush of warmth that washed over him from the delicate brush of her fingertips across his ginger-stubble, even more cherished were the times her hand would subconsciously fall from his face to his chest; allowing him to relish in that small moment of bliss for even a second longer.

I like you . . . you . . . oh I like you . . . how else can I tell you.

Walker was brought back to reality. Had he really taken note of all of this? He was surprised to find it unsurprising that he could remember so much about her.

I like the way you always ask for another song,

When preparing for tour she constantly tried to convince Julia to add "Just one more song? Please? This will be the last one!" "Lo, this is the fourth song we have added to the show! Tour will never end if you keep asking for more!" She did it for the fans, and he knew she felt selfish, because he knew that she only wanted more to be added for the sheer joy she felt when performing.

and how we always get along.

He snorted.

This was true for the most part. They didn't always get along. She was too stubborn, and he hated to be wrong, this leads to a great deal of squabbles and raised voices. But never had they ever walked away without fixing the damage. Never had they stayed angry.

I like how you dress for me, I wish you could see what I see.

He recalls a muggy night in Florida, all of them were stepping into the LeakyCon Ball, each ready to enjoy themselves with new friends, some fans, and of course each other. Holding the door open for her he leaned down to her level so she could hear him above the already blasting music, "You look beautiful, Lo" She said nothing, but she didn't need to. The grateful smile and hopeful eyes that met his statement spoke volumes. She doesn't know how beautiful she is.

I like how you're slow to get into the pool, oh how I like to hold you when you do.

This memory was not at a pool, however, but a beach. With a hot summer sun weighing on tanned skin, the friends all decided a trip to the beach was in order. While Julia set up the blanket and umbrella, Joe followed Dylan, Brian, Jaime, and Meredith into Lake Michigan's surf. Lauren was standing in her orange bikini at the water's edge, inching her tiny frame in at a snail's pace: taking her time to adjust the drastically cooler temperature. He remembers walking back over to her, and her protests, she knew what he was about to do. He remembers how nice she felt in his arms, how her arms wound their way around his neck, her girlish squeals as the water would splash up and spray her. He remembers being conscious of every touch of her skin on his.

I like the way you smile at me, I wish the whole world could see

This was too easy to remember. Her smile. The smiles she gave him when she was happy, that light up to room, as cheesy as it sounds, and that fill him was a tinge of jealously if he wasn't the one to put that smile in place. Her competitive smile: the one that grew from the left corner of her lips and spread, causing his legs to go weak and his own love for a challenge to flourish. Her sad smile that rarely formed but gave him comfort when it did present itself. Her nervous smile, her silly smile… she had one for every emotion that filled her little body, and Joe could list each and every one, because each smile was one more reason he loved her.

I like you . . . you . . . oh I like you . . . how else do I tell you.
I like you . . . you . . . oh I like you . . . how else do I tell you
I like you . . . you . . . oh I like you . . . how else can I tell you

This is getting out of hand. He can't love her. It would ruin everything they have. It would ruin them. And if it ruined them, it would ruin him.

I like when you walk into a room, I like how people look at you.

Everyone loves Lauren. It isn't hard to see why! While she is physically adorable, she has a personality to match. She is an optimist, with a level head. She is a child at heart, with the vocabulary of a sailor. She is bubbly and fun and adventurous… When she shows up anywhere, everyone knows Lauren is someone special, and all Walker can do is agree whole heartedly.

I like you in your ski clothes and warm hat.

Joe's mind drew up pictures of her from each winter he has known her: her too-puffy coat that seemed to visually swallow the tiny girl, the red hat that always matched her reddening cheeks and nose. He relived all the times they would be walking in the snow together and Lauren's eyes would shine a bit brighter and would have stop to catch a few snowflakes on her tiny pink tongue.

I like how you talk in your accent.

Taz. Starship was quite frankly his favorite production. Not only because he wrote it but because he got to enjoy nearly every scene with Lauren. He got to goof around with her at every rehearsal, he got to hold her in hers arms at numerous points of the play, and he got to hear Lo speak with a Hispanic accent, something he found so hot. He had even told her so, not that she took him seriously.

I like how you dance with me.

Joe flipped onto his side, in his pod, now: facing the wall of the bus instead of her. He thought of the SPACE tour and the warm night in Alabama, he thought of the way she looked around the campfire that night, with the wind gently tousling her hair and how the fire caused it to appear auburn, while making her eyes glow more golden in color. He thought of the way her sweet soprano voice was so easy to spot from amongst the group, and how she offered her hand to him and requested a dance, while it was Don's turn to play for them. He remembers pulling her to him and swaying under the southern stars, her eyes closed and head against his chest, while the soft tune of Don's guitar played around them like the wind.

I like how you like family.

Joe knew Lauren didn't see her immediate family very often, but he knew that they were still the most important thing to her. He knew that she called or texted her older brother at least once a day, no matter what. He knew she would always buy her mother flowers whenever she would see her. He knew that even though it was irritating sometimes, she secretly loved how protective her father was. But this wasn't the only family Lauren cared so deeply for. They were always of high importance. The thought of the time she picked him up from a party when he was too drunk to drive home. She was flying to L.A. the next morning and she still came to get him, clad in her pajamas, at 2am. She wasn't angry, she wasn't disappointed in him, she was "just doing what you would do for me, Wox" she had told him.

I like how you inspire me, I like you so much can't you see.

He flash-backed tothe time they all were at Navy Pier to see Dylan's show, he still remembers her purple tank top and how excited she had been to see the show. On the way there however, the group passed by a little boy of about 5 wailing, and it was Lo who, without a second thought, approached the distressed child. While the rest of their group stayed frozen in place, they watched as she gently approached the boy, and kneeled down to his level. The watched her say a few kind words, before the small blond nodded tearfully and Lauren took his hand. She brought him back to the group, and spent the next 15 minutes finding the lost boy's mother. They missed the opening scene, but Dylan understood.

Can't you see . . . can't you see . . . can't you see
I like you . . . can't you see . . . can't you see

Not sure why, but these memories stirred something in Walker. He now lay there thinking about all that could happen if he did tell her. He thought of what they could have if things went the way he wished them to for so long… Should he tell her? Flipping back around he looked once again at Lauren, she gave a soft sigh in her sleep and Joe smiled. He knew that he had to try. These feelings weren't going away ever, and he couldn't stand these 'what ifs' any longer.

And so, my dearest Reader, I present to you Joe Walker's sole secret, the same he cannot bear to keep to himself for much longer. It is for that reason, that the close of the Apocalptour will bring about many changes in the StarKid Universe, some that have been years in the making.

I thank you for taking the time to peek into the mind of this handsome friend of ours, and I bid you adieu…

Signed,

A Loyal Fan.

P.S. This song is called I Like You by SJ and I suggest you all give it a listen. It is simply beautiful.