Hmm okay. This wasn't supposed to be that long and a plot bunny mauled me. So here we go. Now let's try not to get confused because I do realize with the structure you may get confused near the end. Italics are Things that already have happened in the beginning. Although the italics are scenes in the movies mostly. Now there's gonna be a line break further down. I'll let you know where it switches.
There will be things thrown in that have come up from before the line break in italics. That means those truly are the past. The normal print is what the time is the present. Although at one point during Loki and Thor's childhood it does go a little weird. so please bear with me. I put a line break where it may be confusing. Anyways I do not own anything.
This was inspired by roncheg. deviantart gallery/ ?offset=24&rnrd=3 4703#/d4db1vt It was a bit unexpected on how it grew. Anyways reviews would be appreciated. Enjoy. :D Muppet out.
Loki's POV
The first time we had danced together it is a display of childish antics. It's one of my fondest memories.
It's Thor's birthday. It's a grand party and certainly befitting of a young prince and someday perhaps King. The room seemed to glitter and shine more on this occasion.
I stood off to the side as I watch the various people go speak with Thor. He smiles at each and every single one. Not once does his smile waver. His face still held the round shape that only children are able to properly retain.
My green eyes flickered from face to face as they passed me by. People nodded towards me, sometimes they would smile. But none would approach and speak with me. I told myself I never minded it. I still don't mind. It had been Thor's day after all.
Thor was dress as casual as am I. We were both still young enough to get away with it. Still though I glanced to the entrance periodically. It's not like I did not want to be here, it's simply I did not belong there. That's what I had told myself anyways. I would glance at my clothes, my own green, black and golden tinted clothes clash with the rooms colors.
I pick up the casket of Winters. My hands shake slightly and I inhale sharply. This is the only way to know. I lift it up. My eyes flicker all around, my breathing speeds up.
The guards are not near yet I still hear protest. "Stop!" It comes from behind me. It is too late though. I see it as clear as day. I continue to hold the casket.
Thor catches my eyes and his smile brightens. I watched as he excused himself and he started to make his way towards me. I offered him the smallest of smiles. "Brother why do you not dance?" Thor asked me. "It is such a fun thing to do." He continued, his smile still never wavered. "I do not want to partake in such a meaningless thing brother. I do not have a partner either so it matters not." I say.
"Am I cursed?" I ask as my hands start to shake. My hands, my skin is blue. Just as a…I can't bring myself to say the name let alone think it. I know the monsters who's skin I seem to share. It's the same wretched shade of blue. Horrific.
"No." Father said. "What am I?" I know the answer but I want a lie. I place the casket down.
Thor smiled at me and took my hand. "It is very fun brother. You must try it." He exclaimed excitedly. I know attempting to leave now would only end in failure. I let Thor drags me forward.
We danced around in a uncoordinated circle. Thor smiled so brightly it could have rival the sun. As we started I allow Thor to lead me. Thor grabbed my hand and started dancing. I couldn't stop the smile that broke out on my face. It wasn't long before I forgotten my wish to leave.
"You're my son." Father speaks again. "What more than that?" I turn and look at him. He knows and he knows I know. I felt the cold skin fade away and I stride towards father. "The casket wasn't the only thing you took from Jotunheim that day, was it?" Why? My mind whispers.
Thor and I laughed as we danced around in a messy circle. I had hardly took notice of the adults around us, watching us. I thrown my hand out on the next turn, Thor mirror's my movements. We both smiled and laughed as all children do.
The second time is less enjoyable and carefree than the last. Though it was a dance together. It is still a cherished memory.
Unlike the last time where we could have danced with abandon and carelessness of children the second time we had to be dignified. We were older then and therefore had more responsibilities to attend to.
"No." Father says. It sounds almost grim to my ears.
Thor's hair had grown out longer. The childish look to our faces had dissipated as the years passed. Thor had grown stronger. I had grown taller, more lean. Our colors had never differed from when we had been children.
"I went into the temple, and I found a baby. Small for a Frost Giant's offspring. Abandoned." I felt a stab in my heart. "Suffering. Left to die. Laufey's Son" More pain welled up from each word that left Father's mouth.
"Laufey's son?" I repeat. I couldn't stop thinking of the blue skin. He had found me after the bloodshed and battle. Why was I spared?
"Yes." Father confirms.
"You must learn to dance in way befitting the status you hold Princes." A teacher scolded us. Thor foolishly had tried to dance in a ridiculous manner. It had been the opposite of what the teacher wanted. I sighed and held a hand up. Thor mirrored me. Nostalgia had flicked to life briefly.
The music started again. I had held my hand behind my back, Thor had chosen to put his on his hip. That joyful smile was still on his face. My lips had twitched up briefly at the corner. It had been as if Thor's smile was an infection.
We had started slowly. Our boots tapped on the floor with each step. I looked at our touching hands. His hand had felt warm compared to my own, mine was as ice. He had continued to smile at me as we finished our third circle. "This is not as fun as we were children but I am glad I have you as a partner still Loki." Thor said. A smile again had tried to take hold. 'Who else would keep you from looking as a fool would?" I asked. Thor had simply laughed in response. We continued to go around at the same eased pace for what seemed to be hours.
My breathing picked up. My gaze flickered around. There was only one thing that came to mind. "Why?" I breathed out. His hand's were stained with my their blood when he cradled me. They had to have been. "You were knee deep in Jotun blood. Why would you take me?"
I remember once I had fallen ill. I could not leave my bed for weeks. Thor would come every day though and every day without fail. He would speak to me, whether I was conscious or not he would come. Sometimes he would hold my hand. He would remain by me until Mother shooed him away to his studies, sleep, or food.
"You were an innocent child." No. That couldn't be it.
"You took me for a purpose. What was it?" I'm almost afraid to know, almost. It wasn't the full reason. I had to know.
"Because of your idiocy we are going to be late!" I whisper harshly to Thor. My hair was still damp. The idiot that thought it would be a good idea to go hunting in the forest a few hours before the feast. It had ended with me soaked to the bone. "I'm sorry brother. I thought we would make it back before it was time." He smiled sheepishly. I sighed irritably.
I grow frustrated as Father remained quiet. "Tell me!" I scream in anger, in betrayal. This man whom I thought was my father was truly a liar. My heart feels like it's writhing in agony. The mother whom wasn't my own. And Thor…Now gone, banished to Earth. He was gone.
"Leave me alone at once Thor." I say as soon as I hear him enter my room. "Why not come with my and the warriors three?" He asked. "We are going hunting and it would be good fun if you would join us Loki." Thor tried to persuade me to go along with him and his friends.
"I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day. Bring about an alliance. Bring about permanent peace, through you." He finally answers me.
"I am quite fine here brother. I had things I need to attend to." I couldn't stop my eyes from flickering to him. He looks disappointed but then smiles. "Next time then, next time we shall go together." I do not respond as he leaves.
"Wha.." I couldn't get the words out. A part of me had hoped it would be for a different reason. My throat constricted and the words, trapped. My breath continued to quicken. Was I of no use now? "But those plans no longer matter." Father continued.
I was useless wasn't I now. Father's reason didn't matter. My life is a lie. Was the love a lie as well? It had to be. I was a monstrosity. Now any peace with the Frost Giants was impossible.
The third and final time we danced was short lived. It was a far cry from our last time and even more so from the first. It is a week before his coronation. Thor looks at me with kindness, though he doesn't smile. We are both wearing almost formal clothes. For a single moment I long for the days when we were children.
That revelations shakes me to my core. Without thinking I lash out. "So, I'm no more than another stolen relic? Locked up, here, until you might have use of me!" I shout. You cannot deny it Father! It's true isn't it?' I couldn't stop the poisonous thoughts. "Why do you twist my words?" Father responds. Why would you not tell me? I scream in my mind.
The first spin around is simply getting a feel for our partner. I stare into Thor's eyes as we go around again and again. My expression never changes, never falters. My plans will start in only a week. Realization hit me as I looked at the never changing trust in Thor's eyes.
"You could have told me what I was, from the begging! Why didn't you?" I want to know. Why hide it? Were you ashamed in the end? "You're my son. I wanted only to protect you from the truth." I cannot believe that. Not fully anyways.
I knew what I was going to do. It would be treason. I felt ill suddenly and stopped dancing. I let my hand fall limply to my side. Thor looks at me, confused. "I must go brother. I am not well." I look down. I cannot meet his eyes. I fear if I do he may see my guilt.
The pain intensifies. "What? Because I..I…I…I'm the monster that parents tell their children about at night?" The whispers of those frightened children echo through my mind. This revelation brings new grief. Though it doesn't remain as grief for long. My mind spirals towards fury and hatred.
"Do you require a healer brother?" I shook my head in response. A healer could not help me with matters of an emotional kind. "It is nothing of importance, Brother. You mustn't worry." The feeling in my chest intensified. Thor looks as if he's not trying to be disappointed. "We'll dance together again, brother." I still feel ill. "I must leave you now." I turned before another word could be said.
It finally clicked in my mind. Father had always loved Thor more. He was truly his son, not I. I, who am the beast, a monster. White hot rage continues to rage my heart. I never stood a chance of getting the throne. Second best. Just as I had said. A stolen relic.
"You know it all makes sense now why you favored Thor all these years! Because no matter how much you claim to love me!" I unleash my fury and misery. My voice is twisted. I hardly took notice as Father slowly slid down to the floor. I advance towards him. I felt him reach towards me but it does not register. "You could never had a Frost Giant sitting on the throne of Asgard!" My voice was a snarl and I towered over him.
I again wish for the lost time when we were children.
I breath heavily as come to my senses. I realize I am standing over Father. This isn't how it's supposed to be. With me standing over him. I almost hesitantly kneel down. Gingerly I reach forward.
Thor and I are children when Father takes us to the Weapons Vault. Thor and I listened as he spoke of the war, the Jotuns.
I wanted desperately to touch him but I feared. I feared hurting him. The tips of my fingers brushed his skin softly. I let my hand rest atop his.
"Do the Frost Giants still live?" I asked curiously. Before Father can answer Thor speaks. "When I'm King, I'll hunt the monsters down and slay them all!" He smiles at father with adoration. "Just as you did, Father." Father looks at us both before speaking. "A wise kind, never seeks out war. But he must always be read for it." With those words father strides away.
"Guards!" I call "Guards Please! Help!" Worry leaks into my voice. Two guards rush into the room.
I smile at Thor joyfully and we run to catch up. Father reaches out and takes Thor's hand. I run up on the other side, I take Father's other hand. "I am ready, Father." Thor says eagerly. "So am I!" I chime in.
I stood alone with my thoughts. I will not be forgiven for my heritage. I was a monster. The burning pain is there but the anger is merely a simmer. Why was I spared? I asked myself again and again.
The time comes and it goes. It had worked out unexpectedly. I sat upon the throne. Thor had believed me. Why shouldn't he? I am his brother. But this needs to be done if my plans are to be done.
"I will hunt all the monsters down." Thor's voice drifts through the silence.
I sent out the destroyer. Laufey should be here now. I cannot stay to watch the light leave Thor's eyes. I arrive as he is about to kill Father. "It's said you can still here and see what transpires around you. I hope it's true, so that you may know your death came at the hand of Laufey." A ghost of a smile crosses my lips and I strike him. "And your death came by the son of Odin."
Mother comes in as does Thor. It is unexpected. I try to conceal my treachery.
((Here's where it swaps. Anything above ^ line is past. Normal format is the present. There will be dialogue and things that are weren't iitalic but here they will be. That is because we've changed times. We have caught up to the story and much of the events up there are past down here.))
"If you'll excuse me I must go destroy Jotunheim." It's the only thing I must do now. I have to. Redemption.
Thor and I stand at opposite sides. I see truly how we were so different. Just as I was going to the side he was on he comes to my own. "You can't kill an entire race!" Thor bellows. I chuckle dryly "Why not? And what is this new found love for the Frost Giants? You?" In my mind flashes of our time in Jotunheim go by. "Who could have killed them all with your bear hands." I am truly curious if not amused.
"I've changed." I know it. Thor has changed if he refuses to do away with them. "So have I." I say quickly. I hit Thor, his face snaps to the side. "Now fight me." I strike again, this time much harder. Thor groaned as he hit the ground a few feet away.
"I never wanted the Throne!" I snarl. "I only wanted to be your equal!" I know now. It's impossible. To know truly what I am. That I am the monster in the night. A wretched thing. A beast.
"I will not fight you, brother!" Thor yells back at me as he stands once more. I wanted to recoil. We're not brothers. Surely he will find out and denounce me. I feel anger. He would not hit me. Of course he wouldn't, for Thor is not me. Thor is everything I am not.
"Laufey's Son." Father says.
"I'm not your brother. I never was." He will see. He will learn. Thor looks back at me with something akin to pain. It changed quickly.
We stand outside and wait to be called in. It is the day of Thor's coronation. I am facing Thor as I speak. "I've looked forward to this day as long as you have." I say to Thor. "You are my brother, and my friend." And I mean it.
"Loki this is madness!" Thor tried to reason. White fury engulfs me further. Had he left me as well? Can he not see what I am trying to do? What changed in him on Earth? I thought he would be glad I was to destroy Jotunheim, to do away with those beasts, my kin. The tears sting my eyes. "Is it madness? Is it? Is it!?" I growl. I thought Thor of all people would understand.
"Sometimes I am envious. But never doubt that I love you." I say sincerely. Thor in return smiles. He reaches forward and places a hand by my neck. "Thank you."
"I don't know what happened on Earth to make you so soft!" I thought he would be glad! "Don't tell me it was that woman?" I remember vividly. That mere mortal wretch. What was so great about her that she would change Thor in such a way? Hatred bubbles to the surface as I look at Thor as he doesn't deny it. My breathing is shaky at best. "Oh, it was. Well, when we're done here, maybe I'll pay her a visit myself!" I snarl.
Finally Thor lunges at me and we clash against each other. Our weapons hit each other again and again. I am lost in the battle. Thor surely cannot win against me. I laugh.
My mind had been made up. I will earn redemption and be free of the sin of merely existing. That is my purpose now. I will end the threat of the Frost Giants.
Thor is about to bring Mjolnir on me. Again we clash. This time however we fly and land on the Bifrost. I conjure a spell as we fly through the air. I watched as Thor fell for my clone trap. I came up behind him and laughed again. Thor groaned as I thrust a dagger into his body.
"Really how do I look?" Thor asks me. I look at him. There is only one way I could describe my brother at the moment. "Like a King." And again I mean it.
I lie trapped under Mjolnir. Thor is trying to stop the Bifrost still. There is nothing that he can do now. The Frost Giants will be destroyed. I watched as Thor continued to try.
"Because you are my son." Father speaks.
The Bifrost is destroyed.
I'm hanging on barely. Odin holds Thor by his leg. The pain comes back full force at the sight of Father awake. I feel desperate and I try to reach out for understanding. "I could have done it father!" He has to see what I was trying to do!
"I could have done it! For you!" Please see me! My mind screams. See what I was truly doing! "For all of us!" I want you to understand.
"Let's dance for another song, Loki!" Thor's childish expression greets me. It's his birthday.
"No, Loki." Two words brings on a fresh wave of pain. He doesn't see. Thor doesn't see. None of them see. I am alone, completely alone. A tear escapes me as I look up at them both. Why? Why did they not see?
"Those plans no longer matter." Father's voice is grim.
I loosen my grip and I start to slide towards the abyss below. Realization of what I was going to do reaches Thor. "Loki, no."
"You mustn't worry." I say. The ill feeling is there. "We'll dance together again, brother." The coronation is only a week away.
If I could not destroy all the Frost Giants it least I could destroy one. With that thought in mind I let go. "NO!" Thor's howl follows down after me. I close my eyes, the sight of my brother's face is seared into my mind. The wind screeches in my ears as I fall. I would've liked to dance again.
Thor and I dance. We spin around and around and around. We're adults, yet we're dancing as when we were children. Father and mother are watching in amusement. I throw out my hand and Thor mimics me. I throw my head back and laugh as we go around once more. It's like a wonderful dream.
And that's it. Reviews are appreciated. This was unbeta'd so I probably messed up in a few places.