Chapter 1

Forever alone

It should have been another wonderful day in Magnolia. The smiling sun was already up on the sky, warming everyone with its lights. The sky was clearly blue and the singing birds carelessly were passing by. The flowers were blooming, giving off their amazing and overwhelming aroma. The loving couples were holding hands and the loving and caring smiles were on their faces. Love was in the air!

Even in our guild the atmosphere was cheerful as usual. The noise was on extremely high level as people shouted, laughed and shared jokes or the best moments of their previous quest. I sniffed the air. The air was impregnated with beer, which was most likely Cana's fault, smoke from Wakaba's cigarettes and flowery perfume from Evergreen.

It should have been another wonderful day in the guild for me. But it was not. Not all. I looked painfully at Elfman and Evergreen. They shouted at each other, waving the quest sheet around. What a lovely couple, Mira would have said. I was pretty much sure she was saying it in her mind now. I looked at her as she was looking like she has seen the most adorable thing in the world. She looked at Natsu and Lucy in the same way this morning. Suddenly I felt a familiar cutting twinge in my sore heart. Natsu… I felt how hot and burning tears were coming up to my eyes. I hardly swallowed them. No I could not cry. Not here, not now. Mirajane has been already so close to catch me crying all alone in my bedroom. I covered all my tear-stained face with a blanket so she would see me so shamefully crying on a bed, holding a Natsu's picture so tight to my heart. What a scene! I could not even imagine how upset Mira-nee would have been if she had realized that I felt so lost in pain on Earthland. She would have thought that it was better for me to stay in Edolas and not going through this torture of being a broken-hearted girl. I shivered at this thought. How selfish I was! Making Mira-nee and Elfi-nee upset after they suffered those three years, bearing a thought of my death! No, I would never do that!

Trying to help myself, I looked away from Evergreen and Elfi-nee. But instead of something ridiculously funny like watching Gray running away from a poor over-loving Juvia, I saw Biska and Alzak, playing with their little sweet Aska. Such an excellent example of happiness that I would never have. Damn! Is there any place I could hide?

Hoping that a glass of my favorite strawberry and milk shake will help me to cheer up a little, I went to bar. Mira-nee was lovingly clearing the already perfectly clean and shiny bar counter. I sat down on a chair, crossing my hands on my chest.

"Strawberry and milk shake as always, Lisa-nee?" Mira smiled with her absolutely ideal smile. Her smile quickly faded as she saw my face. "What is it, Lisanna?" she asked worriedly.

"Oh, it's nothing, Mira-nee," I quickly said, shrugging off my depressive thoughts.

She raised one eyebrow in disbelieve. In respond, I faked a cute smile, exposing my white teeth. Mira was staring at me for a while and I started to feel so uneasy like she was looking through my fake smile down to my sore heart. However I still kept still, trying to resist the undefeatable Mirajane.

After a few more minutes she nodded, pursing her lips into a thin line and turned away to make the shake. I quietly sighed with relief. I already had hard time so far and being exposed by Mira-nee would not make anything better.

She got a crystal glass, pouring the milky-pink liquid in it, and passed to me. I got it and made a few sips.

"You know, you can try to fool everyone and even yourself, but you would never be able to lie to me," she said looking directly into my eyes.

I choked.

I looked at her in surprise, when she continued more quietly, "Is it about Natsu?"

I lowered my eyes, trying to hide my face. Damn these tears! Damn these emotions! Oh get a grip, Lisanna! Stop crying! Not in front of Mira-nee! I squeezed my fists.

"Maybe eventually you will get together after all," Mira-nee whispered with a weak smile.

"If only, if only", I sadly thought. I could understand when the chance was gone. Lost. When we arrived from Edolas, Natsu was so happy to see me. He was jumping around me just like a puppy with big eyes of joy. I remembered that delightful feeling of hope that we could be together after those long three years. I even started to hope that I would finally marry him. But then it was gone. He got normal around me and spent less and less time with me. I expected him to at least call me to go on a quest together, but he never did. He was not even bothered to. Something stung my heart again. Even on Tenrou Island he asked Lucy to make a team again and go against the Glimoire Heart together. He asked Lucy. Not me. Maybe in this exact moment I realized that that was the end of my silly childhood's dream. Maybe he was not my knight on a white horse after all. A silent teardrop burned down my cheek. The fainted hope was still in my heart, I thought he did not love anyone else. But then I saw him looking at Lucy in that way. In the way I wished he would have looked at me, loving, caring and ready to die for her in any minute if it's necessary. He was in love with her. That would not have been so bad, if falling in love for a dragon slayer did not mean to find his only and only life-long mate. And Lucy was his mate. I wiped away the tears. He was my best friend. And he thought of me as his best friend. I knew i was supposed to be happy for Natsu. I was supposed to get Natsu less dense and make him confess to Lucy for his own sake, before she would fall in love with someone else. However I could not do that. It was just too much for me to take and the only one thing I was capable of was being glad that Natsu's mate was such an amazing person like Lucy as when she would fall in love with him, she would certainly take care of him like I would have done it. it would take a long time when I would be able to stand happily near these two and smile sincerely. But it will happen. I promise myself that I would never let Natsu down as his best friend. Never.

"Lisanna? Are you all right?" Mira-nee asked and I could how tense and anxious she was. I put another fake smile on my face and rebuild the cage for my emotions that just violently burned it down, being exposed to Mira-nee.

"Honestly, Mira-nee, it's nothing," I smiled as perfectly as I should have.

She smiled too, but now it was not her ideal smile, it had some sadness too. Mira-nee was sad that I was secretive but I could not help it. It was for Mira-nee and Elfi-nee sake.

Our short but very emotional dialogue was distracted by Elfi-nee. I jumped on my seat when he went up to us and angrily hit the bar counter, so that some drops of milk shake were splashed on the table. I looked nervously at Mira. Mira-nee could be very cute and polite but making a mess on her favorite bar counter could turn her in Demon Mirajane.

To my surprise she just smiled lightly and I could feel that she was on the edge of about to explode. On contrary hand, Elfman did not notice a thing.

"This woman got me mad, Mira-nee! And I'm a man, I can't hit girls!" he emotionally exaderated.

"What happened, Elfi-nee?" Mira asked more calmly when he pointed to Evergreen.

"I chose this request a week ago and I was only waiting for you to contact the client to make an approval! And this damn woman noticed the quest only today and she wanted to take it! Man! This woman drives me nuts!" Elfi-nee again hit the bar counter on the last sentence, making the crystal glass shake and splash some more shake. Mira's eyes became wide.

"Elfman-" Mirajane started with a warning voice.

Elfman did not seem to notice her at all, "What can I do about this, Mira-nee! You are so manly, you can give me an advice," Elfi-nee hit the table, covering his eyes in frustration.

The rest of milk shake splashed dangerously on the bar counter. Mirajane gasped. Feeling something bad coming up, I took a random rag and cleaned the liquid from the wooden surface. Mira-nee a little bit calmed down and a sly smile touched her lips.

"Elfman, if you are a man, go on the quest with Evergreen," Mira said, innocently flapping her eyelashes.

"T-together?" poor Elfi-nee stuttered.

"Yes, why not? I think you offended Evergreen and a real man would never do that," Mira-nee said like she was reading him another lecture on how should men behave with women.

"I-I d-didn't w-want t-to o-offend h-her," Elfi-nee muttered just like a big baby.

"Well, then go and ask her to join her on that quest!" Mira-nee smiled again like she has seen the most adorable thing in her life.

Elfman froze to his seat. I could bet that I did not even hear him breathing. Poor Elfi-nee.

"NOW!" Mirajane treated him with that demon voice, which everyone around was afraid of.

Elfman nodded frantically and with the cotton legs went up to the nearest table, where very mad Evergreen was sitting.

"Evergreen?" He asked quietly and carefully like he was afraid this mad woman would stone him forever.

"Elfman? What are you doing here? Go on your damn quest!" She barked not even looking at him.

"I-I just wanted to tell you something," He muttered.

"What are you muttering? Speak more loudly!" she said being very irritated.

"I'm a man! I speak loudly when I want! I just wanted to tell you something!" he said loudly and aggressively.

"What is it then? It's better be something short because I am in a hurry!" She said through her teeth.

"I- I…" Elfman's confidence somehow vanished as quickly as appeared.

"That's it! I'm leaving," she roared and stood up, but Elfi-nee grabbed her wrist, making her look at him.

"Would you like to join me for that damn quest?" he said slowly, watching her reaction.

Her jaw dropped and she was silently flapping her eyelashes in disbelief. After a while of not getting any respond, the situation felt really awkward.

For my relief, Bickslow crazily laughed, sticking his tongue out as usually, and said, "Of course she will go with you, man! She just cannot believe her happy she is!"

These words made Evergreen angry. She started to shout something at Bickslow, desperately blushing, when he and Freed were bursting from laughter.

Elfi-nee let her go and went up to me and Mira-nee again.

Now he was looking quite embarrassed and sad. But why sad?

"Err Lisa-nee, if I would go with Evergreen on the quest, you would be left out," he said sadly.

Oh yes! I forgot that I and Elfi-nee always go on the quests together. Without him I would be really left out. Just like always.

"It's okay, Elfi-nee! I would stay with Mira-nee and help her around," I assured him.

"I would not let her down, Elfi-nee," Mira agreed.

Elfman smiled. He was about to say something else but he could not as irritated Evergreen took his hand and lead him towards the exit, saying "Come on we have to pack up our things! Tonight is the train to Hargeon will go earlier!"

When they went away, I looked around again. Mira was cleaning again the bar counter. Alzak and Biska taught Aska how to shoot. Romeo played with Wendy. Suddenly I felt so lonely. Again. Left out. Just like always.

The pain strung my heart again and ran away from the guild. I was sure that no one even noticed that.

I would run away where I could be forever alone again.