Chapter 1

Buffy swooped her leg around to land a nice kick to a newly risen vampire's head. The vampire reeled back and almost crashed into the tombstone of the grave that it had just come out of. What a way to start an unlife, huh? Buffy took advantage of the stunned vampire and quickly kicked it once more, which made him clear straight through the tombstone it was so carefully avoiding.

"Oops, I hope that wasn't too expensive," Buffy quipped as she put a dramatic hand over her mouth.

The vampire outraged, clumsily got up and pointed a dirty finger at his enemy, "Slayer, you're dead!"

The vampire then bent over and charged head on into Buffy who caught the vampire's head under her arm but she couldn't stop him. The vampire pushed her along as fast as he could until the slayer's back painfully smacked into a tree. Buffy's eyes widened, as the wind was completely knocked out of her and she frantically pushed the vampire away from her. The conniving vampire then gave Buffy a taste of her own medicine and kicked her when she was down. She grabbed her stomach and fell face first onto the cold grass of the cemetery. Before she knew it, she felt two sharp fangs graze her neck and she stopped cold in the vampire's uncomfortable grasp.

"How does it feel, slayer?" He breathed into her neck, way too close for her liking.

She refused to answer. Her instincts were going haywire, everything inside of her was telling her to fight back, but she couldn't maker herself move. Being in this position scared the crap out of Buffy and it wasn't doing her any good.

"Tell me, slayer. How does it feel knowing you're going to die?" The vampire hissed.

The vampire couldn't have known what affect this would have on a slayer because she knew that feeling all too well. She had already cheated death twice, what's one more time?

A sudden blast of air and a sprinkling of dust jolted Buffy out of her thoughts and back to reality. She placed her warm face onto the cool grass, helping her calm down.

"You need to be a little bit more careful there, Slayer," Spike said as he watched her lay on the ground.

Buffy reluctantly pushed herself up, purposefully ignoring the alabaster hand that stretched out to help her.

"Wouldn't want some little weakling takin' you down. Wanna go out in blaze of glory, yeah?" Spike continued as he watched her dust herself off.

Buffy gave Spike a stern look before placing her stake back in the waistband of her jeans. She stared at him for a second, and then changed her mind as she shook her head and began walking in the opposite direction.

"Been there, done that. Go away, Spike," She said tiredly.

"No thank you for saving your life? Again?" He asked as he followed her, probably something that she didn't want him doing, "Maybe next time I won't be there to save your pretty arse."

She stopped in her tracks and looked over her shoulder, "Maybe next time I won't need saving."

Spike's footsteps stopped right behind hers and he mustered the courage to stand right behind her, not touching but pretty close to it.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Spike genuinely asked.

"No," was he immediate reply.

"Buffy," Spike gently turned her towards him with his hands on her shoulders, "You can't keep this all bottled up inside. You've got people worried about you; that care for you. Just want you to be happy, is all."

"Spike, please, not now," Buffy earnestly replied, "I've had a hard day at the Doublemeat Palace and I just don't want to talk about it."

"Why are you avoiding this, Buffy?" Spike said, clearly becoming more concerned and frustrated over the slayer that was shutting him out, "You died."

"Don't you think I know that?" Buffy almost shouted through clenched teeth, "And now I'm back! It's some kind of cruel joke! How am I supposed to tell my friends that they ripped me out of heaven, Spike?"

Spike's gaze switched from Buffy's to the ground. He hated talking about her death but it was getting out hand. She was shutting out her friends, her family, and no one could do anything but watch because they just wanted to give their friend what she wanted, some space. But when does some space turn into too much space? She was a shell of a person that she used to be and Spike could see her deteriorating in front of his blue eyes. And he wasn't going to lose her again, not if he had anything to do with it.

"They think they've done something heroic! Saving me from the depths of hell or whatever is stuck in their heads. But they've just committed the ultimate betrayal, Spike," she quieted, "They never let me rest."

Spike looked over at the slayer and found her looking completely defeated. Her shoulders slumped and her hands clasped as her waist. Her head was bowed as if in mourning and she never looked more vulnerable. Spike took a tentative step towards the slayer and he placed a finger under her chin and slowly eased her into looking into his icy blue depths.

"You can rest whenever you want, love," Spike told her, "You don't have to be a slayer all the time. You can just be Buffy, too, you know. Your friends miss her. The person you used to be. Just let your hair down and forget about the worries."

She nodded ever so slightly. He took an unneeded breath and kept going.

"And," he hesitated, "And you know I love you, right?"

Buffy was still, no reaction at his words. Spike was just happy she wasn't repulsed by the thought as usual.

"And if there's anything you need, you know I'll go 'round the world to find it," Spike promised her with a smirk.

His love was never ending, she could feel it. But at the same time the feeling terrified her. How could a monster be the way that Spike is? He was unique that was for sure, but loving and gentle? Those words weren't the first thing that came to her mind when his name was brought up into the conversation.

"Just say the w-" Spike began again but was cut off.

He was cut off by Buffy's lips crashing into his and all coherent thought was lost. Buffy finally got what she needed, if only it was for a little while.

Chapter 2

"Ugh, why do 15th century guys have to be so boring?" Dawn asked no one in particular as she shut her history textbook.

Dawn was getting used to spending a lot of time at The Magic Box since work just seemed so much more interesting to Buffy. She would come after school to do her homework and slowly the others joined in and kept the littlest Summers company, as well as safe. She couldn't help but be angry at being neglected. Dawn knew that Buffy was going through a rough time, but the least she could do is spend some time with her. With Buffy working at the Doublemeat Palace, Dawn was getting closer to the gang, while Buffy was getting farther and farther. At least Dawn's grades were getting a little better.

"Because they have small-" Anya began as she was checking out her nails.

"Bladders!" Willow shouted as she slammed her book down.

She shot Anya an annoyed glare but it didn't have any effect on the ex-demon as she continued lulling in her own business.

"What do bladders have to do with anything?" Dawn asked as she passed a strange look between them.

Willow nudged Xander hard in the ribs while made him yelp in pain before he answered, "Uh, they have everything to do with anything, Dawn," His eyes shifted and his arms started moving with flailing gestures, "See, guys with small bladders have to pee at the time, right? So, um, when they all go out to those dance thingies …"

"Balls," Anya provided.

"Yeah, balls," Xander coughed, "The girls got mad because the guys would always have to pee all the time while they were having a good time. Hence, small bladders make for boring 15th century guys. See! It all makes sense!"

Dawn's eyebrow quirked in suspicion. The gang tried to be good role models for her, but sometimes their explanations were out there. Any Anya's bluntness didn't really help them much.

"Yeah, right," She replied, making the Scoobies sigh out of relief, slightly.

The gang was trying to do their best to keep Dawn out of danger. Being the surrogate's surrogate wasn't easy though. They had to be happy when the circumstances definitely weren't. They were truly missing their friend and they wanted to do everything that they could to make sure that she was going to be alright and that she got everything that she needed. If Buffy needed space, she got space. But, when does a little space turn into too much space? When do you tell you friend that what she wants isn't what she needs? And this wasn't just some pesky matter, this was huge. Buffy came back from the dead. It's not like she just came back from vacation or something. It was a completely different matter and no one knew the best way to handle it.

Before things settled down again, the door jingled as it was opened and Anya rushed to greet her customer.

"Welcome to the Magic Box!" She said cheerfully, "Please send your money – oh, it's only you."

The gang turned to see who entered only to be surprised by Buffy. Her nervous expression and fidgety hands showed that it had took a lot out of her to come here and now that she was, there was no turning back.

"Hey guys," Buffy quietly said.

"Buffy," Willow said as she went to hug her friend, "I thought you were working a double?"

"I was," She answered, "But I, um, decided to skip it. I wanted to spend some time with you all."

For once Buffy decided to take Spike's advice and just take some time off. She let down her hair, literally and it flowed freely around her face. She had to admit it made her feel better and it seemed to lift her mood as well. Her friends would support her no matter what, right?

She looked at her friends' faces before she continued on, "I know things haven't been so great lately and I'm sorry. It's just hard readjusting to everything and I think it's going to take some time. But I want you guys to know that I'm going to try really hard to be here. I want things to get better."

Xander stepped forward and gave his best friend a hug, "Anything you want, Buffy, we're here for you."

"Thanks, Xander," Buffy said after he pulled away, "Dawn, if you want, we can go shopping later."

Dawn scoffed, "Wouldn't that require money?"

Buffy's hurt was evident on her face as she cringed, "Oh, uh, yeah."

But Dawn's wall didn't hold up much longer, her guilt was stronger than her pride, "How about we go window shopping?"

Buffy sighed and let out her relief, "Yeah, it'll be fun."

Dawn enveloped her sister in a tight hug, "I love you, Buffy."

"I love you, too Dawnie, I love you too," Buffy replied as she ran her hands through her sister's hair and now she knew that things were definitely going to get better.

Chapter 3

"Why do you always have to leave, pet?" Spike asked as he grazed his soft lips in the crook of Buffy's neck.

"Because," She answered, trying to sound the least bit affected by his doings.

"Because I said so!" Buffy burst.

Spike's head shot up and he gave her a look. Her cheeks blushed a nice tinge of red as her embarrassment settled in. Spike couldn't help but think of how cute his slayer looked like this. All sweaty, and of course not from slaying, and in his bed. He was finally getting what he had wanted all this time, but it was different. She wasn't making love to him; she was just having sex with him. He knew Buffy was just doing this to deal with her feelings, but he just wanted to give her what she wanted. It was a well known fact that Spike would do anything for her and if she wanted his body, he would give it to her.

She went on to amend her sentence, "Because I have people who really care about me and who love me and I should get back to them."

"Who says you aren't loved here?" Spike countered.

She sighed, "I do."

"Buffy," Spike called as she got up from the bed.

"Don't," was all she said as she started gathering her things.

From one corner to the crypt to the other Buffy gathered every article of clothing that was haphazardly taken off after she stormed into Spike's crypt. She found a sock on the couch and another one on the fridge. Her pants were by the door and ironically her shirt was near the hatch. Her clothes were back on her body and lastly she slid her boots on small feet.

"Goodbye, Spike," Buffy said as she shut the door behind her and left Spike to drown in his thoughts.

Spike stretched his arms out and lay comfortably back on his bed, hands folded neatly behind his head, "Why can't you love me, Buffy? Why?"

"Dawn!" Buffy called as she walked through the front door.

When she heard no reply, she went to open the shades only to have the bright sun glare at her through the windows. She slammed the shades shut and the decided it was safe to venture into the kitchen. She threw her hands o the counter and buried her head in her hands. Buffy thought that things were heading towards the better, but in all honesty, she really didn't know what was going on in her life. Her newfound relationship with Spike was allowing her to forget about all her troubles at home and work. But why Spike? Why couldn't it have been some guy at the Bronze or a co-worker or something? She just had to crawl into bed with the lovesick puppy that tailored to her every whim. Guess it didn't seem like such a bad idea after all.

It was then that Buffy noticed the note that was under her elbows.

'Hey Buffy,

Seems like you had a long night again. I went to the Magic Box so Willow could help me with my math project. I'll be home soon.

Love you,

Dawn'

Guilt began to settle in as Buffy realized that she had forgotten about Dawn again. She really didn't mean to, but it just kind of happens. Buffy decided that dwelling on that would probably put her in an even worse mood so she decided that drawing a hot bath would help. She crawled up the stairs to the bathroom and turned on the tap. She looked at herself in the mirror and saw a person. A person that she didn't know. The Buffy that she knew was strong, slender, and courageous. But the person before her eyes was weak, bony, and a coward. She peeled off her clothes for the second time and dipped her toes into the water. She let out her breath as the water swelled with warmth and eased her tension away. Her lay back for a minute before her hand went to grab the washcloth. But she consciously pulled her hand back and thought that scrubbing her skin raw wasn't going to be on the agenda tonight. She just wanted to relax and let her worries go down the drain.

Chapter 4

Spike casually smoked a cigarette as she sat upon a tombstone. He was sure that Watson Dresko really wouldn't mind taking a rest where, well Watson was taking a rest. They were practically family, and he could completely understand, dead guy to dead guy.

Spike just flicked away his cigarette when a hand shot up from under his boots. Apparently, Watson was done resting.

"How 'bout I give you a hand there, mate?" Spike said and grabbed the fledgling's hand and hoisted him roughly through his own grave.

The stunned vampire landed several feet away and frantically checked all over his body, "I'm alive! I'm alive!" He shouted.

Spike rolled his eyes at the vampire before he strode over to him, stake in hand.

"No, you're dead," He told Watson before he drove the stake through the vampire's heart and all that was left was a pile of dust.

"Stupid fledglings, don't even know what they're talking about," Spike muttered to himself,

"And you do, William the Bloody, master vampire," A voice added.

"Who's there?" Spike called out with his stake poised.

"Easy there," A figure stepped out from the shadows. It was a demon, but it seemed as though a man were hidden underneath. His body was a dark orange and his eyes were blacker than the darkest night. Bumps protruded from his face like large freckles and his teeth were a vicious set, sharp and ready to claw through anything. He was dressed in a crisp pinstriped suit complete with a tie and the dressiest of shoes.

"Krakor, long time, no see," Spike greeted him and placed his stake away in the pocket of his duster.

"Too long, Spike, too long," Krakor agreed as she sat on a tombstone and signaled Spike to do the same, "How many years has it been, Spike? 50? 60?"

"Something like that, yeah," Spike answered as he lit another cigarette, he blew out a steam of white smoke, "What kind of trouble have you been brewing?"

"Not as much trouble as you, I can be sure of. Falling in love with the Slayer? That's more trouble than I've caused in my lifetime." Krakor answered.

Spike continued smoking away, unaffected by the demon's ranting. Krakor noticed this and kept on trudging.

"And killing your own kind, come on. That's not something that you should be proud of. The things that are being said in the community, Spike, it's not all praises." Krakor informed.

"What of it? It's pretty clear that I don't bloody care what you all have to think about me, mate." He stressed on the last word.

Krakor raised his hands in surrender, "Easy there, buddy, I'm just saying. But, seriously, don't you miss it? The killing, the feeding," His voice got lower, "The fun."

Spike hesitated. His face contorted in anger and frustration but his mind kept wandering towards the things of his past. He couldn't help but ask himself the same question; did he really miss his days as the vampire he was? But Buffy changed him. She is the reason for the person that he is today. He's stronger and his conscience in much more alive. He feels such strong emotions that he can't even describe. He's half light and half dark. Nothing to him was just black or white.

"I don't miss it," Spike announced, "Because I know I am a better … I am better because of her."

He faltered, what was he, a monster or a man? Was he both? "I don't miss the killing, the feeding or any of that lot. I fight for the good side now. And who says I'm fighting for the wrong side, I was human before, wasn't I?"

"But that's no the point, Spike," Krakor said, "You've let these feelings take over your demon, they're controlling you now, you're not in control of them. You'll always be one of us, Spike, no matter what you say. You'll always have that monster inside of you screaming to come out, but if you keep pushing him away, he'll just get angrier, won't he?"

Spike looked away, Krakor had truth in his word, he always did, "Face it, Spike. You can come back. It's not too late. Just say the word and I'll make it happen. It's what you want, isn't it?"

Thought were now swirling inside Spike's head. He knew he was a changed vampire now; he was fighting on Buffy's side. But his mind kept asking him if that was what he really wanted. Was he just forcing his demon away for love, for a taste of Buffy?

"No, I'm not bleedin' going back," Spike said forcefully, "I'm on the good side now. And that's all that I will be."

Krakor straightened himself out and stood up. His anger was evident on his face. His plan didn't work. Spike was supposed to be convinced but his just wasn't going the way that he thought it was. As a measly vampire, Spike sure had the strength to withstand an Egos demon.

"I thought you would say that," Krakor said and out of nowhere, three demons appeared and grabbed a tight hold onto Spike.

They forced his back down and now he lay on top of the tombstone, back arched painfully. Two demons kept a strong grip on his arms while another had a strange box in its hands.

"What the bloody hell is this, Krakor?" Spike asked with teeth clenched.

Krakor's demeanor changed in an instant, "You disgust me! Betraying your own kind for love. You're a traitor with no boundaries. This isn't the vampire I knew. The vampire I knew destroyed towns in minutes and drained hundreds in seconds. You were great, admired by any. But now you're nothing. It can't get any worse than this. A vampire in love with a slayer. And you've even befriended her friends and family."

Spike struggled at the mention of the people he knew but the demons held him pinned in place.

"How cute," Krakor spat, "Next why don't you save the world and adopt a kitten? Well, I've come to change all of that."

Krakor came over to Spike and looked down upon him, "You see love is a pesky thing. I don't know who came up with it. But, anyway, where does love come from, Spike?"

When Spike refused to answer, Krakor placed a foot roughly down on Spike's neck. His shiny black shoes dug into Spike's throat, threatening to crush Spike's windpipe.

"H-heart," Spike managed to whisper.

"Very good! Any poet would have known that, now isn't that right?" Krakor said with an evil glint in his eyes.

Spike's eyes flashed gold as he started to lose his temper and control.

"Down boy, not so fast, we're not done yet," Krakor said as he noticed Spike's reaction, "Now, if love resides in the heart, and the heart resides in the body, how do we get hat love out of the body?"

Spike's eyes widened as the realization of what Krakor was intending to do. And all Krakor did was smile. Spike struggled to say something but Krakor's foot was too tight. Krakor saw this and lifted his foot, ever so slightly to let the vampire speak.

"I thought you were my friend," Spike said hoarsely.

Krakor craned his head over Spike's face and sneered, "I was, until you fell in love."