The Untimely Demise of Miscellaneous Characters
Author's Note- I am not, nor have I ever been, J.K. Rowling. I am also not Michael Jackson or Oprah Winfrey, but that is completely beside the point. I do not own her characters, although I feel that she is unfit to care for them if she's simply going to keep killing them off like she seems to be so fond of doing.
'Twas the end of a legend.
An era. An age.
Harry Potter was nearing its very last page.
There were those that remembered
The innocent boy from the cupboard.
Those that had been onboard from the very first title.
It had to be special,
Melodramatic, and sentimental.
Full of honesty, friendship, and resurrected parentals.
Of course, it was to be expected
For Voldie to die.
But every great author ought to make readers cry.
She'd already snuffed
Dear Albus and Black,
Without any intention of bringing them back.
So who to kill next?
Who was worthy to die?
Thus slaughtering another moderately nice guy.
It was best to begin
With minor characters first.
Collin Creevey and Tonks were among the fatally cursed.
"But wait!" Thought the author,
"No one's going to care
For an obsessive fan boy and for a girl with pink hair."
It was time to progress
To more memorable souls.
And that idiot, Crabbe, was the first one to go.
"Oh, shoot!"
Thought the author, "I've completely neglected!
There's still a Marauder running about, all disconnected."
So it was, without showing
Any signs of remorse,
That the author dispatched whom, but dear Lupin, of course.
Miss Rowling grew nervous.
Surely, this was no way to end!
So she rolled out the big guns, the plot line would bend.
Unjustly, it was,
That with a malicious glint in her eye,
She sent unlucky Fred to his untimely demise.
If that didn't get 'em,
She didn't know what would.
The fan girls would cry, it'd be misunderstood.
But then, came a notion
From the back of her head.
There was one final persona who'd end up, unfairly, dead.
Severus Snape,
A man shrouded in doubt,
With endearing black locks and an oddly shaped snout.
A mystery to all;
Is he good? Is he bad?
Dumbledore trusted him, but then again, he was half mad.
A dramatic death revealed
To one and to all,
That he was more than a creep in a gothic, dark shawl.
He never was evil,
But hopeless and lost.
His mistakes required of him the most horrific of costs.
And when the identity,
The love of his life was now clear,
It brought even the critics and skeptics to tears.
Undoubtedly,
It was exceedingly sentimental and sappy.
Who knew that an emo middle-aged man would make fan artists so happy?
With each of the characters
Sufficiently slaughtered,
The epilogue begged for sugary sons and daughters.
To tie in the theatrics
Of the last chapter or two,
She named Harry's children for the dead people he knew.
The overemotional lines
Of the very last page
Stated that all was well, and marked the end of an age.
And so it was,
That with an unnecessary number of deaths,
The final tome of the novels had slowed to a rest.
She'd accomplished her job,
Tugged at the heartstrings of young and of old.
The series completed; a sight to behold.
You shall be missed dearly,
Beloved Severus and Voldie,
And Lupin and Dora and Weasley and Dobby.
And Sirius and Dumbledore,
And Crabbe and LeStrange,
And unidentified others, not noble enough to merit a name.
We mourn and salute you,
You valorous, unfortunate characters.
Subjected to Rowling's serial killer-like nature.
They will be never forgotten,
Be it through fan fiction or art,
But they shall always reside deep down in our hearts.