Hi! So this is my...second Harry Potter fic I think. Just a humorous one-shot. I hope I have the characters right.
Also, in my forum Twilight Opinons, I have awards going on for the best story of Harry Potter and/or Twilight for best humor and/or drama. Go check it out and nominate please!
Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter series. J.K. Rowling does.
Hermione Weasley sighed, turning as she heard the shrieks of her young child, Hugo. He had been in a very stubborn mood, refusing to take a bath.
"Come on, Hugo, please! It won't take too long!" Hermione pleaded desperately with the young five-year-old. Just then, Ron came through the door, looking exhausted.
"Hard day?" Hermione asked.
"Yeah," Ron replied. "Another Death Eater wanna-bee. I don't see why he'd agree with Voldemort, but he decided to cast the Dark Mark. Scared a young witch and wizard to death. They both Apparated over to the ministry, despite the fact they were underage. They ended up splinching themselves."
Ron grimaced; he had been the one to find the rest of their body parts. They had left behind an arm and a leg. Ron had never gotten over how bad it was when he'd splinched. Harry hadn't been pleased. They worked together in the Auror department and had been less than happy to discover that the Dark Mark had been set off. They'd arrived just in time to catch the culprit.
"Who was it?" Hermione asked curiously.
Ron sneered. "Little Gregory Goyle Jr. who else?"
Hermione shook her head. Ron and Harry had been having trouble with Goyle's son. He seemed most keen to follow his grandfather's path in life. They had nearly arrested him several times and he'd also nearly been kicked out of Hogwarts numerous times.
"On the up side," Ron continued. "We got to arrest him this time. He's in Azkaban for attempted impersonation of the Dark Lord. Personally, I couldn't care less what he was arrested for, just as long as he was. Harry was just as pleased as I."
With that, Ron left to go upstairs, snagging a giggling Hugo as he went. Hermione watched in amazement as Ron threw Hugo up into the air, before neatly catching him.
"He's gonna break his neck, Ronald!" Hermione yelled, though she was still smiling. She loved to see Ron play with his kids.
Hermione turned back to making dinner, and very quickly had it close to finished. Then Rose came in through the door.
"Hey, Mum." She greeted, getting up on a bar stool and settling down at the counter, her elbows propping her head up.
"Hello Rose. Did you have fun at Lilly's?" Hermione inquired sweetly. Lilly Potter was the cutest little thing. She mirrored Ginny very much.
"Yes. Until Uncle Harry came home and started ranting about work at the Ministry. Aunt Ginny said it was best that I go on home. Uncle Harry agreed so they sent me back." Rose answered, idly playing with her hair.
Hermione laughed. "Well, I'm not surprised. Your father came home and did the exact same thing."
Rose grinned and then hopped down from the stool. She went upstairs and Hermione soon heard the sounds of Hugo and Rose playing.
"Ahhh! Hermione!!!!" Ron suddenly yelled from upstairs.
Hermione froze her heart pounding. Ron sounded terrified! She snatched her wand and darted to the foot of the stairs, fearing the worst. She ran up the stairs and flew into their room, half aware of the patter of feet following her. When she saw the scene before her, her jaw dropped.
Ronald Weasley was standing on the dresser, pure terror on his face. There on the bed was a spider. A tiny little black spider! Hermione couldn't take it anymore, she doubled over laughing.
Ron glared at her, and growled through his teeth, "this isn't funny, Hermione. I swear they're conspiring against me!"
"T-they?" Hermione managed to gasp out. "Ron, I only see one spider. One, tiny-tiny black s-spider."
Ron pouted and shook his head firmly. "No. there's also one on the floor, one by the window, and then another by the closet!" he complained. Fear was still present in his voice.
Hermione looked and sure enough, there sat three more tiny black spiders. Hermione pursed her lips, trying not to laugh.
"Ronald, they're not going to hurt you, love." She murmured as she really took in Ron's quaking form. She felt sympathy, but mostly amusement.
"You don't know that!" Ron objected. "Look at their beady black eyes, they're evil!"
"Mum, why is Dad standing on the dresser claiming the spiders are evil?" Rose asked innocently.
"Because your father is a big ol' wuss and can't handle a few small spiders when he's a fully grown wizard. Not to mention an Auror." A voice behind them replied.
Hermione turned to see Ginny Potter standing there, an amused smirk plastered across her face.
"Hey, Hermione. Harry sent me to ask you to dinner Sunday, but I see that you're, ah, busy with your wimpy husband. Honestly, can't even handle a spider." Ginny shook her head and grinned.
"Oh, bugger off Ginny!" Ron exclaimed hotly.
"Nice choice of words, Ron. Bugger off. As in bug." Ginny responded serenely. She leaned against the wall and examined her nails.
Hermione decided it was time to cut in. "Tell Harry we'd be happy to." Hermione smiled at Ginny and she nodded, then turned on her heel and disappeared with a loud 'crack'.
"Hermione, please." Ron begged from his position. Hermione sighed, and then grabbed her wand.
With a blast, she killed all four spiders. Then she spread a poison around the room to kill anymore hiding ones. With another flick of her wand, the spiders disappeared into oblivion.
Ron sighed in relief and climbed down from the dresser. Hugo and Rose left, snickering and smirking. Ron came over and wrapped his arms around his wife.
"Thanks, Mione." He murmured into her hair.
Hermione smiled. "You're welcome Ron. The spiders wouldn't have hurt you, you know."
"I know, but I just…I can't stand those things." Ron shuddered and Hermione hugged him tighter.
"I know."
Ron grinned and leaned down to deliver a kiss to Hermione's lips. She grinned and kissed back. Just then they were interrupted by someone clearing they're throat.
Hugo stood there, a smirk on his youthful face. Ron looked over warily. Hugo had his fist clamped around something, and Ron was getting nervous.
"Dad, I found this. I wondered if you could tell me what it is." Hugo stated innocently.
Then he held his hand out, opened his fist, and showed his father what was hidden.
An ugly, hairy, large brown tarantula sat on Hugo's palm. Ron stiffened against Hermione. He moaned.
"No, no no no no no! Get it away from me! Get the thing away from me!" he cried out, stumbling back in terror. Hermione glared at her son, and with a flick of her wand killed the spider.
"Hugo!" she reprimanded. Hugo grinned and dashed away before Hermione could grab him.
Ron regained his footing and darted down the stairs after his son, cursing under his breath the entire way. Hermione shook her head and turned to watch Ron chase Hugo around the yard through the window. She went to lean on the windowsill, but something caught her eye. There on the frame of the window, a spider sat. It was brown, and was looking at Hermione with what could be the spider equivalent of curiosity.
Smiling, Hermione gingerly picked the spider up and placed him outside of the window.
"It's best that you leave before Ron gets back. We don't want another breakdown." She whispered as she closed the window tightly.
Still smiling, Hermione shook her head thinking: My family.
So I hope you all liked, review please!
Eminnis and Alicia