You're Perfect To Me
Rating:M
Warning:Self Harm/Adult Language/Sexual Content
I do not own Glee or these amazing characters.I wish I did but i sadly don' enjoy and feel free to write reviews of this!
Day 1:
I don't see why we have to write in these stupid journals for group counseling. It's not going to make my multiple personality problems go away…
My name's Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. Elizabeth is my other personality. She's sort of…a brat….And she's the reason why I'm in this stupid counseling group. Whenever I get upset, I leave and Elizabeth shows up. I can never remember what happens after she shows up. I always black out and come back when she leaves. Anyway, I (technically, it was Elizabeth) bit someone in the arm and banged their head into a locker, so now I'm stuck doing this crap. But I got to meet some interesting people. I was especially interested in this guy I met today. His name's Blaine Anderson. He broke some guy's arm for trying to beat him up. We talked a little to each other. He has these beautiful eyes. They're antique bronze. I looked it up on Wikipedia. He obviously has curly hair, but he hides it under hair gel. He's tan and has soft looking lips. He seems like he never blushes. There's not a single blemish on his face. He's just…beautiful….Anyway, we talked for a few minutes and I guess we're friends now. You can't even tell he's a violent person. He seems so kind…I wonder what's causing his anger…
Day 2:
Blaine and I sat together at lunch today, with my best friend, Rachel and her boyfriend, my step-brother, Finn. After lunch, Rachel and Finn kept telling me that Blaine obviously had a thing for me but I didn't believe them. Blaine may have smiled and looked at me a lot, but that doesn't mean anything. Besides, who would want to like me? I'm ugly and annoying and I have this damn mental problem. I'm just a loser. I mean, how can someone as amazing as Blaine like me? Besides, he might not be gay!...I am…And I…sort of….ok, I really like Blaine…a lot…and I really want him to like me back, but I doubt he does or ever will. There are so many other better people out there for him, that aren't me…
Anyway, on my way to Glee club today, some jerk decided to push me into lockers…Thank god Elizabeth didn't show up because I was walking with Blaine…He doesn't know I have multiple personalities. He just thinks I have anger problems…I'm afraid that if I tell him, he might not like me the way I like him…But Blaine helped me up when I fell on the floor. He asked me if I was alright. He's so sweet. Nobody ever asks me that after some jerk decides to bully me…I said I was ok and he put out his hand to help me up. We basically held hands for a minute…It was amazing…His hands are so soft and warm. I couldn't help but smile like an idiot when our hands touched. I felt my heart skip a beat. It was just an amazing feeling.
After that, I went to Glee club, went to the Lima Bean with Rachel, and went home…I can't stop thinking about Blaine's hand on mine…
Day 3:
Oh…My…God…Blaine and I hugged today…I can't believe we hugged…Our counselor wanted us to get to know everyone and she said the first step to doing that is to hug them and that hugging is also a great way to get rid of stress and anger…I officially love this group counseling thing…
Blaine's obviously muscular. He hugged me tightly, using his strong arms to hold me close to his body. He also has washboard abs. I could feel them…I could feel something else, too…That was the best part…I shouldn't think about these things. It's just creepy to think about your best friend's dick…and imagining him being naked…Ok, I need to stop writing about this. I'm getting…hot and bothered…
Anyway, the hug was was the best damn hug I've ever the hug lasted for a long time…Blaine smells must wear some kind of cologne. It obviously isn't his shampoo. Under all that hair gel, you couldn't smell it…Maybe I was smelling the hair gel…Hmm…
Day 4:
Blaine and I went on a date…Well, we technically went to Breadstix together with Rachel and Finn to hang out because Blaine's going on vacation soon…
But it totally felt like a date. Blaine kept staring at me with these big, loving eyes when I spoke. He even put his hand on my hand when he was talking to me!
After we ate, Blaine gave me his phone number and I gave him mine. We've been texting since then…
This is surreal…This can't be happening…Blaine can't like me. He's too good for me…But god, do I want him to like me…
This journal is turning into a journal about my love for Blaine. This is supposed to be about solving my problems with multiple personalities…But when I'm around Blaine, I don't remember I have mental problems. All I can think about is how happy I am and how much I like Blaine…
I got it! Blaine is the solution to my problems! He makes me so happy, that Elizabeth doesn't show up! That's why she didn't show up the other day, because I was so distracted by Blaine!
Oh my god…I need to tell Blaine…But how? He doesn't even know about my multiple personalities…And I'm afraid to tell him…Fuck my life…
Day 5:
I hate people. I hate everyone in this world! That's it…I'm going to kill someone…No…I'm cutting. I don't care if Kurt doesn't want me to…
Day 6:
Elizabeth took over yesterday. I woke up on my bathroom floor today with blood all over my arm and on the ground…Elizabeth cut deeply all over my wrist and arms and I know how it all started.
Blaine won't be at school these next few days with his vacation and all. Since he isn't here, I can't contain Elizabeth.
One guy slushied me and another guy shoved me face first into some lockers, making my nose bleed…Then all I can remember is waking up with all this blood all over the place…I need Blaine. I need him to hold me in his arms and tell me everything will be ok…But he never will…
Day 7:
Blaine's coming back in two days…That's all I have to write.
Day 8:
I can't let Blaine see my arms. I don't want him to know that I, technically Elizabeth, cut myself. That might drive him away and I don't want that to happen, obviously.
One more day…One more day until I get to see my life saver…
Day 9:
Blaine came back today. We hugged for a long time. He still had the same scent as every other time we hugged. Then we talked for a while…And then I left…And cried…And I'm still crying…
Blaine apparently likes someone, but he won't tell me who or what gender this person is. That's why I'm ignoring Blaine now. I'm not surprised Blaine doesn't like me. I'm fat, ugly, stupid, annoying, and a loser…I'm nothing…
Day 10:
Today in counseling, we had to draw a picture of what we thought we looked like. I put a dot in the middle of the paper.
When it was my turn to present, I said that this was a dot and that I think I look like this because I'm alone and that I'm nothing in life. Blaine yelled at me, in front of the group. He said that I shouldn't feel like that and that no one should feel like that in this world. He said I'm not nothing, I'm an amazing person. Then he walked out and slammed the door.
I didn't see him the rest of the day…I think he was crying when he ran out…I wonder what pissed him off so much…
Day 11:
I finally broke today. I talked to Blaine today. I had to ask him why he stormed out of group counsel the other day. He told me it's because he was just angry…That didn't answer my question very well, so I asked him again, more forcefully. He finally told me…
He said he had to spend the days he was on vacation with his whole family because his dad's grandmother had died…And Blaine hates his family. He won't tell me why, though…
But he said he was sorry and I forgave him and did the same. Then we hugged for a minute…Or three…And now I guess we're friends again.
I think I'm in love with Blaine…
Day 12:
Dear diary, Im a gay fag. Im in love with another fag. Im ugly and annoying and I talk like a girl. I have no friends and Im nothing because Im just a loser. Blah blah blah.
Day 13:
Dear Kurt…It's Blaine…Some guys passed me this in my class and told me to read this…I was stupid and did…Kurt, I just want you to know that yes, I am gay. But I'm still not going to tell you who I like. And by the way…I'm pleased that you…love me. I just thought I should put this in so you can know I read this, but I'm not going to be awkward around you. Kurt…In your journal, you put that you didn't know why I hated my family because I wouldn't tell you…No one knows this, but…My dad's been abusing me since I was six…He saw signs of me being homosexual so he used physical abuse to try to solve it…But it never worked because I never let it work. I just keep being who I am and I never let people tell me that what I'm doing is wrong…Kurt, those jackasses that wrote in this yesterday are stupid. Don't listen to them…You're such an amazing person and no, you're not nothing. You're my best friend…Well, I've got to go. I'm going to return this to you tomorrow. Just…Make sure you keep this journal in a safe place. Ok? (:
Day 14:
…I was mad yesterday…Until I read that note…So many emotions are running across my face that I just don't know what to feel right now…I'm upset about Blaine being abused, I'm happy that he's gay, I'm mad that he won't tell me about who he likes…But overall…I'm just…Gleeful…Why? Because Blaine did the right thing when no one else would, meaning that he does care for me…And the fact that I'm his best friend is cool, too…Ok it was amazing…And I want Blaine to see this, too…So I'm going to start letting him write in this with me…And he's already lost his journal so I guess that's a plus, too…
Day 15:
I told Blaine my idea and he loved it. I'll write in this one day, and then I'll give it to Blaine the next day. That way, we can see what the other person wrote. I also told the counselor and she loved the idea, too…
Blaine and I talked yesterday about how I love him. He said that it wouldn't make our friendship awkward and he was also pleased that at least someone likes him. I told him that I'm sure other guys like him, but he didn't believe me…And then…It happened…I don't know what came over me but…I kissed him. I pulled away and looked at him. He was obviously in shock, so I turned around and walked fastly away…I swear he kissed me back…
Day 16:
I feel like an idiot. Blaine hasn't talked to me since we, well, since I kissed him. Things weren't awkward before, but now they are because I'm stupid! And now that we're not talking, Blaine won't write in this journal with me! I'm just…I'm just mad at myself for taking things too far…
Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt? That's how I feel about Blaine. I just love him so much, but I know he'll never date me…Love sucks…
Day 17:
Hey Kurt. It's Blaine…I know we're not talking so I thought writing how I feel right now would work.
You're probably wondering how I got your journal. Well, let's just say I know some people that can break into lockers…I'll make up for that, but I'll talk about that later…Look, I know that you think it's your fault that I'm not talking to you, but really…It's my fault that I'm not talking to you…I haven't been talking to you because of that kiss…Here's what I mean:
Kurt…I love you…I have since the first moment we met. When we were talking, I couldn't help but stare into your beautiful eyes and smile at you. You're just the most magnificent person I've ever met. So what, you have multiple personalities? I think you're perfect and flawless in every way, no matter what. And I know what you're thinking. This isn't a prank. I really feel this way…I just love you so much…
I just thought you should know this and yes, you're the person that I liked. I never told you because I was afraid to.
When you kissed me, I couldn't help but kiss back. And honestly…That was my first kiss and I'm proud to say that you're the first person to kiss me. So, to make up for breaking into your locker and stealing this, I wanted to ask you out to dinner at Breadstix.
Well, I have to go…Just write down you're answer in here. Bye. (:
Day 18:
YES! Yes, Yes, Yes! I'll go with you! Oh god, you don't know how long I've waited for you to say those words! I just…I love you, too, Blaine. (:
Day 19:
The date went better than I expected it would go! We even held hands! He kept smiling and laughing at all the funny stories or jokes I was telling him. He just made me feel good tonight. Tonight was the first night that I really felt loved and cared for. But there's only one problem right now…
I don't know if Blaine and I are dating or not…
We act like we are, but neither one of us has made it official. I mean, we've hugged and flirted and we've even kissed! Shouldn't that mean that we're dating?
I just really want to be dating Blaine…He's my knight in shining armor. He's saving me and preventing Elizabeth from coming out and destroying people…We have to date. We just have to…
Day 20:
Blaine and I talked some today. We talked about the date and our feelings and just random things…I mentioned us dating and how I wondered if he ever saw us being boyfriends. He said that he could…But then I was afraid to say anything after that…I didn't know if I should've asked him out or not. I mean, what if he was just imagining us dating and not actually wanting to date…What if he just wants to go on dates with me? What if he's just pretending to like me?
…Oh god, what if he's just doing this to just find out stuff about me and then go around telling everyone and then make fun of me?
…No Kurt, Blaine isn't like that…This is Blaine Anderson we're talking about. Not David Karofsky…Blaine is your hero, not a bully…Or is he?
Day 21:
Hey, Kurt. So yeah, that date was really awesome. I really hope we can do that again…So I read your last post and no, I'm not a bully. Trust me, I'm going on these dates with you because I think you're the most adorable and most fascinating thing in this world. (:
I also saw what else you posted…Kurt I can see us dating and I do want us dating. I can see us just holding hands and walking down the school hallways and celebrating holidays together, going over to each others houses and seeing movies and fooling around and just being the way teenagers are supposed to be, living the teenage dream…So basically, what I'm asking is, will you be my boyfriend?
Day 22:
…Yes! Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes! Oh god, yes! I will be your boyfriend!
Day 23:
School…was…amazing…We held hands whenever we saw each other. So what, we got weird looks and stared at but honestly, I was too busy staring at our hands to care.
When it came to lunch, he sat across me and our legs were tangled together like our fingers. We spent more time staring at each other with loved filled eyes than eating lunch. I just…I don't know how this could've happened to me of all people…
I think Blaine might be my soul mate…
Day 24:
Hey. (:
Hey there cutie. (:
This video is so boring. I feel like I'm going to end up dying in here.
Yeah, I know how you feel…So I was wondering if I could come over to your house later and hang out. I have nothing better to do and I don't really want you to come over to my house…
Oh…Ok, yeah that's fine. My parents will be at work and Finn will probably go over to Rachel's place. So do you have any ideas as to what you want to do at my house? (:
I don't know…I was sort of hoping to just spend time with you…Talking, watching TV, cuddling, making out, the normal things couples do when they're hanging out. (;
I'm sorry…I only saw the making out part of that…(;
Yeah we can do some of that. I mean, if that's ok with you.
Of course. (;
Then I guess we can make out…And do other things.
Sounds good. (;
Day 25:
So Blaine and I had…fun…yesterday…We made out…..
Finn walked in on us…
Things were just about to get a little more interesting and then he walked in. He was starting to take off his pants and mine and then, Finn barges in. He didn't even knock. He just opens up the door and then looks at Blaine lying on top of me, looks shocked for a minute, then shields his eyes. Then he says he's sorry, shuts the door, and leaves…
I never think I've ever been more embarrassed in my entire life…
Day 26:
Blaine can't even look at Finn again. He's still embarrassed about Finn walking in on us. Thank god Finn didn't tell my dad. If he did, my dad would kill me. Obviously, I'm not allowed to have "special visitors" in my bedroom. At least Finn saw us before our pants came off, right?
That's not funny, Kurt!
Hahaha! Sorry! I just had to say that!
Still! He could've seen…stuff…
True…But I had to have a little conversation with him about knocking on doors before entering a room…Ok, maybe it wasn't talking. Maybe it was yelling…But still! I think he got the point.
Good! Now I won't be so afraid to be in your room now…
Hahaha!
Day 27:
It's almost Christmas! I can't wait! Blaine says he has no plans for Christmas and that he never has…That really upset me when he said that.
Every Christmas when I was a kid, I would wake up really early and wake up my dad. We would go downstairs and open up presents. Then we'd eat breakfast and try out everything we'd get. We would snack all afternoon and have a huge dinner in the evening. At night, we'd drink hot chocolate and watch Christmas movies…I can't believe Blaine's never experienced anything like that…
So that's why I invited Blaine over to my house for Christmas. That way, he can experience what I've gotten to experience for 17 years…
Now Blaine, since I know that you read this, I want you to stop reading after this point. Ok?
My present for Blaine is a new bowtie, some hair gel, and one other surprise…
I'm going to decorate my room with Christmas decorations and hang mistletoe above my bed. (Trust me, I asked my dad if this was ok and he said it was, which surprised me) There will be a whole bunch of candles lit around the room and only white Christmas lights hung around my walls will be lighting my room. Then I'll take him over to my bed and we'll sit down. I'll tell him that I have another surprise. My surprise is a song…I'm going to sing Teenage Dream. I know it's not a Christmas song, but it really explains how I feel about him. Then we'll kiss under the mistletoe…Then I don't know what we'll do after that but it'll probably involve kissing and cuddling.
So Blaine, if you saw this, I hate you for not listening to me, but I still love you…But still, that's so not cool if you read this…
Day 28:
I promise I didn't read the last part! And yes, I'll come over to your house for Christmas.
Yay! You're going to have so much fun! I promise! And I have some awesome presents for you, including a little surprise. (:
I can't wait. (:
Neither can I.
It's our first Christmas together.
The first of many to come. (: