New Year's Eve
(What Might Have Been)
"Luke, are you happy?"
His smile was bright enough to light up the whole room, but he focused it only on me as he replied, "Yeah." He reached up and adjusted my tie and my mind slid out of focus as I remembered the last time he fixed my tie. There were so many repercussions stemming from that one little act. I started to wonder, not for the first time, if the butterfly effect was real. His fingers lingered on my tie and he pulled it a bit, drawing back my attention, as he asked, not quite meeting my eyes at first, "So, um, you wanna go somewhere, somewhere else, somewhere . . . a little more . . . private?" One last adjustment to my tie and he let it go, his eyes questioning and hopeful.
I hoped my smile was as bright and beautiful as his when I replied, "Yeah."
We made it out to truck in record time. He's really getting quite good at getting around with the cane. I wonder if he'll even need it in a couple of weeks. I'll miss that little hop thing he does, though. It's adorable, I thought, but I'd never tell him that. Well, maybe not. I smiled ruefully. Who am I kidding, I'll probably tell him before the night is over.
I started the truck and cranked up the heater, but we just sat there, the neon lights of Metro illuminating the inside of the truck. Luke reached for my hand and linked our fingers together, tilted his head and gave me a half-smile. "So, where do you want to go?" he asked.
Anywhere, as long as it's with you. "I don't know. I thought maybe you had an idea."
"Not really. We could go back to the farm."
"I thought your dad was still there."
"True. He might be in bed, already, but . . . how about our parking spot by the pond?"
I considered it for a moment, but said, "It's kinda cold." I glanced out the windshield and back at Luke and cleared my throat before asking, "How about my dorm room? My roommate is still home with his family."
"So we'd be alone? Really alone?" Luke's eyes got big and sparkled with a combination of fear and anticipation. I nodded and tightened my fingers in his hand and was relieved that they only shook a little. "Yeah, let's go. That is, if you want to, too."
I swallowed and met his eyes. "I do." I let go of his hand and shifted into reverse, pulled out of the parking lot, and headed to the college. I glanced at Luke and it hit me, what might happen tonight, and I realized we'd never really talked about it. We'd flirted and made innuendos, but we'd never, seriously, talked about it. Sex. I glanced at him again, searching for some courage. He was looking ahead, out the window, and looked so calm. He turned his head and I saw the wrinkle in his forehead. Ok, maybe he's not as calm as he looks. Unfortunately, I ran out of time, because the college was right in front of us and I lost my nerve.
The key stuck in the outside door, like always, and my nervousness made it worse. Luke pressed up against me, stuck his cold nose against my neck and said, "Hurry up–it's freezing out here."
"I'm trying. Shit, I dropped the keys." He moved with me when I picked them up.
"Want me to try?" he asked. He pressed his lips to my neck and was leaving little kisses that turned cold when the air hit them. It definitely wasn't helping me get the door open.
"No, I got it," I declared, finally having wrenched the damn thing open. We backed up together and went in. I don't know what prompted the velcro treatment from him, but I definitely liked it. A lot. The hall was quiet and empty–most kids were still away on the holiday break. I grabbed Luke's free hand and pulled him along behind me to my room at the other end of the hallway.
"What's your roommate's name again?" Luke asked.
"Mark."
"Are you sure Mark is still on vacation?" he asked, while I fumbled with the key in the door to my dorm room. This time I knew it was all me and my trembling fingers that were having the problem.
"Yeah, why?"
"There's a light on–I can see it under the door."
"I must've left it on when I was here earlier." I hope.
The key finally turned and I opened the door to a, thankfully, empty room. The light above my desk was on, casting a soft glow over the two twin beds, two desks, and tall closet doors. "See, no one here," I said.
"I see," he replied, slipping out of his coat. I took it and hung it up in the closet with mine.
"Do you want the grand tour?" I cocked an eyebrow and tried to look serious.
"Of course," he said, playing along.
I started on his left and worked my way around the room. "This is my closet, this is the sink, Mark's closet, his desk in that corner, his bed under the window, my desk in the other corner, our mini-fridge, and this," I made a sweeping motion with my hand at the bed right next to us against the wall, "is my bed."
"Very nice. Very . . . dormlike."
"Very small and cramped," I replied.
"Actually, I'm a little jealous. I think it would be kind of fun to live in the dorms." His voice dropped and he added, "Especially with you." He gave me a wicked grin and slipped out of his shoes and suit jacket. "So, when is he coming back?" he asked, pointing at Mark's bed as he laid his jacket on it.
"Um, not until Sunday, I think." I started to loosen my tie, but he stopped me, leaving his cane leaning against Mark's bed.
"Let me." His voice was so low it was almost a whisper. His eyes were on my tie while he untied the knot and pulled the end out, slow, like he had all the time in the world. I put my hands on his waist to steady him. He pulled my tie off and tossed it in the general direction of the other bed, then put his hands in the front of my jacket and slipped it over my shoulders. I let go of him only long enough to take off the jacket and throw it on the bed. My hands were back around his waist before he had time to move.
"Luke . . ." I started, almost brave enough.
"Yeah?" he looked up at me from beneath his lashes; his eyes were darker than I'd ever seen them. My thoughts scattered and I was incapable of doing anything but lean down and kiss him. He pressed his body to mine and it was hard in all the right places, which freaked me out. I pulled back and looked at his face. His eyes were still closed, but they opened slowly, filled with confusion.
"Should I put on some music? Do you want to sit down? I should lock the door. Is it too dark in here?" I was babbling and made myself stop. I handed him his cane and went to lock the door. I took my shoes off while I was by the door, then went to my desk and turned on my iPod speakers and set it to what I thought was an appropriate playlist. I finally looked at him; he looked sort of amused and sort of pissed. "I'm sorry, I just . . ." I shrugged my shoulders and kept my eyes on his.
"Noah, it's okay," he said, his voice soft, like he was trying to calm a spooked horse. He dropped the cane and leaned back against the sink, put his hands in his pockets, and waited for me.
I went back to him. "I don't know what's wrong with me."
"Nothing is wrong with you," he said. "This is just the first time, ever, really, that we've been alone. There's no one to interrupt us. We can do–" he put his hands on my waist and pulled me closer, "whatever–" he kissed me, "we want."
"Yeah."
"You know what I want to do, Noah?" he ran his tongue along my bottom lip and kissed my chin. My eyes closed and I forgot to breath.
"No, what?"
"I want to," his voice dropped even lower, "change the song on your iPod."
My brain was still on kissing him as my eyes fluttered open. "What?"
"Well, I'm impressed that you have Alien Ant Farm on your iPod, but Smooth Criminal isn't exactly setting the right mood."
I blushed and smiled. I hadn't even noticed what was playing. "Of course. Hold on. Do you have any requests?"
"Just something not quite so, um, jarring?"
I picked out a song on a slower playlist and asked, "How's this?"
"Better. Now, come back here."
"You're a little bossy tonight," I teased.
He tilted his head and smiled. "I'm always a little bossy. I thought you knew that."
"Yeah, I guess I did. I just didn't want to be rude and point it out before."
"Oh, you didn't, huh?"
"Nope, I'm a nice boy."
"You certainly are," he said and linked his fingers in my waistband and pulled me close again.
"Do you want to sit down?"
"Not yet." He started unbuttoning my shirt. I watched his fingers as they moved nimbly from one button down to the next, until he reached the last one above my pants. He looked up and met my eyes for a heartbeat just before he tugged my shirt out of my pants and unbuttoned it the rest of the way. He parted my shirt slowly and put his fingertips on my bare skin. Not until then did he meet my eyes and hold my gaze. Emotions flowed across his face–love, desire, fear, defiance–as he waited for me to make a move.
"Are we really going to do this?" I asked. I was only half-way through the sentence when I realized what I was saying.
"Do you want to?" His words hung between us far longer than they should have.
"Yes. Yes, I do. I just . . . it's just . . ."
"What?"
My face flushed with embarrassment and, I had to admit, a little anger. He knew what I was talking about.
"Luke, this is . . . god . . . I've had sex before, but not with a guy. And I know you haven't ever had sex. So, yes, fuck, I'm nervous. And it's driving me fucking crazy that you don't seem nervous at all."
His hands grasped my waist tighter, he pulled me closer, dropped his head and shook it slowly. Only a second later, he looked up and into my eyes. "Noah, I'm nervous. I'm freaking out inside, but I didn't want to freak you out, because it looks like you're barely holding on as it is, so I didn't want to make it worse. At least you know what sex is–you know how you're supposed to feel and where things are supposed to go.I don't know anything."
"First of all, I may know where things go when I'm with a girl, but this is not exactly the same. And second, I don't believe that you don't know anything. I mean," my voice dropped and I looked at his mouth, "you're an amazing kisser."
He licked his lips involuntarily and looked at my lips. "Yeah?"
"Mm hm." I murmured and kissed him. "The best."
"Maybe we should both stop freaking out and just see what happens tonight," Luke whispered.
"I'll try."
"Me too. Now, are you going to unbutton my shirt for me or do I have to do it?"
"Let me," I replied and got started. A measure of calm came over me with each button I opened. When they were all undone, I opened his shirt and ran my fingers down his chest. It was smooth, except for the light sprinkling of sandy hair. I realized that this was the most skin I'd seen since our swim night at the pond–before everything spun so crazy and out-of-control.
I looked up–his eyes were on my mouth, watching, waiting. His eyes met mine and I knew I didn't want to wait any longer and it was clear he didn't want to either. We surged together–I gasped at the incredible feeling of the meeting of our bare skin. My tongue met his and I breathed his breath and it still wasn't enough. I couldn't get close enough to him. We kissed for a long time, standing there at the sink, our hands all over each other. I didn't realize I was pushing him back until he was practically in the sink when we broke apart to catch our breath–to take one final chance to slow things down or back out.
"Want to move to the bed?" I asked.
"Yeah," he said. I led him over and he looked down at the twin bed and smiled crookedly at me. "This should be interesting."
"I'm sorry–"
"Stop–what are you apologizing for? At least it's a bed and not a car or the front seat of your truck or in the hayloft."
"That's true."
He grinned and took his shirt off, followed by his pants and socks. He stood there, in only his boxers, and he was, without a doubt, the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.
"Do you need help, Noah?"
"What?" I snapped out of my body-worshipping trance. "No." I fumbled with my belt buckle and nearly caught my boxers in my zipper, and then I nearly fell over when I was trying to wrestle out of my pants and socks at the same time.
Luke smiled and smirked and sparkled at me the whole time. "Are you sure you don't need some help?"
"Positive," I said, standing up and kicking my pants behind me.
"Come here," he said. He hooked my pinky with his index finger and pulled me to him. I stepped forward, right on his toes.
"Sorry," I said, smiling sheepishly.
"I'm okay." He pulled back my comforter and sat on my bed, pulling me with him, on top of him. Electric energy filled my whole body; everywhere I touched his skin, I felt the spark of raw current pass between us. I balanced on my elbow and looked into his dark eyes, brushed my hand across his forehead, and ran the back of my fingers down his cheek. He cupped my cheek in his palm and looked at my lips as he ran his tongue over his own.
"Noah . . ." his voice was low and rough, a sensual caress upon the air. I swallowed, but couldn't speak. There was no longer a need for words–not that I could form a coherent thought to save my soul at this point. All I could do was feel–his legs twined with mine, the silky feel of his stomach pressed against mine, the hardness of his erection pressed next to mine, his hand on my face and the other on my back. And his lips, when they met mine, soft, yet firm and demanding; his tongue, pressing its way into my mouth, tasting me and giving me a taste of him. My body ached to join his.
His hand slid down my back, beneath the waistband of my boxers. I bucked against him and we moved together–our bodies surging toward that feeling of almost unbearable pleasure. I had to stop, or it would be over before it began, so I pulled back and rested my head on the pillow next to his. As if he could read my mind, he slowed and pulled away from me. His lips were parted a bit, with just the hint of a smile. I kissed his dimple, the corner of his mouth, his chin, the spot above his adams apple. His fingers tangled in my hair and he arched his neck as I licked a line from his jaw to his ear. His leg hooked over my hip and pulled me closer. We moved together, then parted again.
Luke licked his lips; his eyes were half closed and a little dazed. I slipped a hand under the waistband of his boxers and started to push them down. His eyes opened fully, then narrowed as a wicked grin parted his lips. He untangled his legs from mine and finished what I'd started–pushed his boxers off surprisingly fast. I followed suit and we lay there, inches apart, eyes exploring. His body was amazing and even more beautiful than I'd originally thought. It surprised me–I mean, I knew I loved him, even if I couldn't say it out loud, but seeing him naked and vulnerable and so obviously aroused did something to me, inside me. It awakened a hunger so fierce it threatened to eat me up from inside.
Fortunately for me, it appeared that my hunger was reflected in Luke's brown eyes. They traveled down my body and when they reached my cock, he reached out and took it in his hand. His grip was strong as he stroked for a moment. He leaned in and kissed me, then said, "Noah, get on your back." I just looked at him. "Come on," he urged and adjusted so I could lay on my back. He hovered above me with one hand and knee on each side of my body. I grasped his biceps; he grinned and kissed me long and deep, then moved down my body, kissing and licking as he went. He reached my thighs and pushed them apart so he could kneel between them. I knew what was coming and almost couldn't believe it. He put his hand on me again–I watched as his lips hovered above my cock and then, when his perfect, luscious lips closed on it, I think I may have blacked out for a second.
Luke was sucking and moving his tongue, taking me further and further into the hot, wet depths of his mouth. I didn't want to gag him, so I tried to keep from bucking, which was nearly impossible. I let go and lost myself in the sensation for a few moments before I risked a look at him–his blonde head, shining in the faint light of my desk lamp, bobbing up and down between my legs. The sight alone nearly made me come. I was so close . . .
"Luke," I gasped, trying to warn him. He didn't even hesitate. "Luke . . . oh, god . . ." I reached for his head, to warn him, to hold him in place–I wasn't sure which. I couldn't stop myself–I shuddered and cried out as the orgasm washed through me. He kept his mouth on me, until my body stilled, then wiped his mouth and crawled up over me. I could barely move. All I could do was try to catch my breath and focus my eyes on him.
"How was that? Was it okay?" he asked. There was a tiny wrinkle between his eyes. I reached up and smoothed my thumb over it. "It was . . . that was . . ." I still couldn't catch my breath or form a coherent thought. I met his eyes and smiled, pulled myself together as much as I could and said, "You are amazing." He smiled back and kissed me; I felt his erection press into my stomach and I was half hard again.
"Trade me places," I said. He looked, for just a second, like he might be polite and say I didn't have to return the favor, but he didn't. He couldn't. We maneuvered until he was on his back and I was poised above him. I wanted to touch every inch of him and cover his body with kisses. Instead, I focused on a fairly straight line down his chest and stomach. When I was between his legs, I sat up and looked at him–his mouth was parted, one hand rested on his stomach, the other clenched a handful of sheet, and his eyes, alight with anticipation and desire, locked on mine. My breath caught and blood surged through me–I was totally and completely turned on again. I ran my hands up his thighs, pushing them apart, feeling his silky skin and soft hair beneath my fingertips. I slid a hand up his cock and rubbed my thumb over the tip. His back arched and a low moan escaped his lips. I hesitated for a moment, overtaken by fear and a finger of shame that stirred the fear. What if I didn't do it right? What if he didn't like it? What if I didn't like it?
I looked at Luke's face again, at his body, and was ashamed of my fears. I wanted to touch him everywhere. Hell, I wanted to crawl right inside him and stay there forever. He was so beautiful, so sexy, and he was here, with me. As sudden as they came, all my fears dropped away and I lowered my head and licked his cock, from base to tip, before taking the head in my mouth. His moan was so loud I almost pulled back. I was thankful the dorms were nearly empty. I was also infinitely pleased that I could elicit such a sound from him. I swirled my tongue and pulled off him for a second, licked the tip again, and took him in my mouth again–further and deeper.
"Noah . . . Noah . . . Noah . . ." he chanted my name between breaths and rocked his hips. I wrapped my hand around the base of his cock and could tell he was nearly there. When he came, I sucked and swallowed every drop before I released him and crawled up next to him. It was my turn to crinkle my forehead and ask the inevitable.
"So, was that . . . you know . . . okay?"
"What?" he looked seriously dazed. I wondered if that's what I'd looked like.
"It was good?"
"Are you kidding?"
"I know it was my first time, but I think it's one of those things that need practice, you know, like riding a bike or–"
"Noah, shut up." He finally looked at me, still a little dazed. "That was the most fucking amazing thing I've ever felt."
"I guess that would explain the loud moaning."
"Was I loud?" he looked a tiny bit alarmed.
"Kind of."
"Sorry," he said, but didn't look it.
Luke shifted so his back was against the wall and we could face each other. He took my hands in his, held them to his chest, and kissed me. His lips feathered on mine–a light kiss with an undercurrent of passion. I had a feeling there would be an undercurrent of passion to everything we did from now on.
I chuckled as a thought occurred to me. He looked at me, one eyebrow raised. "So, does this mean we both earn a gay merit badge for first blow jobs given and received?" I was a little thrilled to see I'd shocked him–he grinned, then laughed out loud.
"Noah, I definitely think we earned our gay merit badges for tonight. Wanna try for some more?" he wiggled his eyebrows at me.
"What did you have in mind?"
"Is that a yes?"
"Like I could say no to you."
"Mm, the feeling is mutual," he murmured, leaning close, meeting my lips in a kiss. We were tangled together and all I could hear was our breathing and the low, sexual sounds coming from each of us. Luke's hand was wrapped around both of our erections, sliding an erratic rhythm that was bringing us both close to the edge again. I put my hand over his and leaned on him–he was slightly under my body, making more friction between us. He stiffened and pulled away from our kiss and released a long moan as he slipped over the edge. I followed eagerly, burying my moans in his neck.
I'd just collapsed on my back, still grinning, happy and dazed, when there was a knock on the door. Our eyes met, wide and worried.
"Noah?"
"Fuck, it's my RA."
"Noah, it's Paul, open the door, dude."
I jumped up and grabbed a towel from the sink and wiped my hands, threw it at Luke to use, then scrambled for my boxers. "Hang on. Just a second!" I grabbed a t-shirt out of my closet and pulled it over my head, risked a look at Luke, who'd managed to clean up and pull the blankets over his nakedness. I opened the door and stood in front of it, blocking the doorway.
"Hey, Paul, what's up?" I asked. He was looking at me strangely, a combination of amusement and resignation. I took a deep breath and realized that I probably not only looked like I'd just had sex, but I definitely smelled like it.
"Well, I'm sure you know the rules against co-habitation in the dorms?"
"Co–co-habitation?" I looked at him blankly.
"Yes, you know, sex?"
"Oh, yeah, yeah, of course, no, I know, yeah. Not allowed."
"Ah, you do remember. So, if you remember, why do I have a report of hearing distinctly sexual sounds coming from your room?" I heard what sounded suspiciously like a muffled laugh come from Luke. "I'm sorry, but I have write this up, Noah. Can I come in?"
"Do you have to?"
"Well, if you're with another student, I have to let her parents know about the incident." He took a step forward, as if to come in, but hesitated and said in a low voice, "You know, I might have let it go, but another student reported it to me, so my hands are kinda tied. Sorry, dude."
I spared a glance at Luke before letting Paul in. He had the same look Paul had when I'd opened the door–amusement mixed with resignation. "Could you hold on, just a second?" I asked Paul.
He seemed to understand what I was saying. "Yeah, sure." He stepped back and I closed the door.
Luke sat up and reached for his boxers and pants and pulled them on.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered.
"Don't be," he said, finally looking up with eyes that were shining with amusement.
"This isn't funny, Luke."
"Come on, Noah, it kind of is. I'm not embarrassed. Are you?"
"I just feel bad for you. I don't have parents for them to send a report to, but you do. What are your parents going to say?"
"Noah, this is far from the worst thing I've put my parents through. Believe me, I doubt they'll be that upset." He stood up and zipped his pants, then looked at me, his eyes narrowed. "Are you ashamed of getting caught with a guy?"
I was hurt. He must have realized it because he looked instantly sorry. "How can you think that after," I gestured toward the bed, "this?" I turned away and opened the door. "Come on in, Paul. I'd like you to meet my boyfriend and partner in crime, Luke Snyder."
Paul stepped in my room and leaned against the door. He didn't look as surprised as I thought he would, but then I realized he'd probably heard our exchange through the door. "Is Luke a student here?"
"I am," Luke replied, "but I don't live in the dorms."
"Sorry, dude, I'm sure you heard me tell Noah that co-habitation is a no-no in the dorms. I'm gonna have to write it up and your parents will get a call about it."
"Sure, no problem," Luke replied. "Do I have to leave?"
Paul grinned and winked at him. "No, but dudes, keep it quiet. Geez . . ." he rolled his eyes and started to turn around. "Oh, happy new year."
"Yeah, thanks, same to you," I replied, then locked the door behind him. I turned back to Luke with wide eyes. "Fuck. That was . . . I don't know what that was."
He sparkled at me, then took his pants off and got back in bed. I turned off the light before I joined him.
"Does this mean we're done for the night?" he asked, hooking a leg over my hip and pulling me close.
"No way! But you better be quiet," I teased.
"Mm hm. That makes two of us, babe." He kissed me, his lips gentle. "Happy new year, Noah."
"Happy new year, Luke. I think it really will be a happy year."
"Me, too."
fin
A note from me: When I originally posted this on my livejournal I got a few responses about them getting caught having sex in the dorms and being reported--mostly along the lines of "that would never happen in a university like Oakdale U". Probably not, but for the purpose of the story, I've left it in, partly because I thought it was a fun twist and partly because I wanted to show that Paul is not phased by the fact that he's catching two guys in a compromising position. However, I also want to add that when I was in college and living in the dorms (granted, it was a few years ago) in a smaller, private university, there was a rule against sex in the dorms (they called it co-habitation) and my roommate got caught in a very similar situation to Luke and Noah. Luckily, her parents were cool about it and we had a laugh about it (especially since I never got caught for doing the same thing!)