Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or "The Way I Loved You" by Taylor Swift.
Authors note: Reveiw, please! I love constructive critisism :)
Summary: Hermione and Draco had a secret relationship for months, full of love, passion, and hidden affairs. Only, Hermione doesn't want it to be a secret anymore, but Draco refuses to speak out - so she gives up. Based on Taylor Swift's song.
The Way I Loved You
Hermione sat waiting in the corner of the library. Their corner. Waiting with sharp, stunted breaths and a heart that thudded painfully hard against her ribs. He would be there any minute, any second, and she tried to ignore the stabbing in her gut as her mind hurried over everything, everything she needed to say.
She had gotton sick of needing to pretend she hated him while her heart burned in protest. She hated hearing the dreaded word fall in a hiss from his perfect lips, breaking her apart with the venom ensued in the voice. And she could no longer stand watching all of those girls, all of those that were prettier and better than her, climb all over him. She could no longer bare to watch him let them.
Her heart stuttered as footsteps echoed around the corner. It was him - it could only be him - with his perfectly sculpted pale face, his wonderfully composed expression, his slick blonde hair. He smirked as soon as he saw her, taking two wide strides to wrap his arms tightly around her and press his lips forcefully to hers.
Hermione whimpered, trying desperately to choke back the tears as she shoved him off of her. She raised a trembling hand to her mouth, wiping the delicious taste of him from her lips. He frowned as she turned away, trying to prevent her breakdown long enough to say what she needed to say. She couldn't let him kiss her. If she let him kiss her, her resolve would crumble within seconds and she would only be here again soon, more broken than ever.
"Hermione? What's wrong?" He asked tentatively, reaching a slender hand towards her. She flinched away, and her started, looking at her with a confused expression painted on his beautiful face. "Hermione?"
"We have to end it." She said suddenly, surprising him. It took a few seconds for her statement to sink in before her realised what she had been referring to. He opened his mouth to protest, but any sound was cut off by her desperate voice. "I can't bare it anymore! I can't stand all of those blasted girls that follow you around like helpless puppies! I can't stand not being able to tell Ginny that I finally have the boyfriend she has been pestering me to get for years! I can't stand listening to Harry and Ron constantly insult and complain about you! I can't do what they want me to, dammit!" Her voice dropped to a whisper as she finshed her rant, a despairing tone that seemed to beg him to understand. "I can't hate you."
"Hermione, those girls - they don't mean anything! You know that! You know I have to do it so that the others won't get suspicious!" He reasoned with her weakly. She was still turned away from him, and he could see her shoulders convulse slightly every few seconds, accomponied by a muffled sob.
"And why can't they just know?" It was almost a rhetorical question. It didn't need answering - she already knew why. He answered her anyway, and she waited for the way he would hop around it frantically. He had never liked saying it directly out loud.
"You know why." He whispered. She nodded. She expected as much.
"Of course. Your father."
"Hermione. Don't do this. Please."
"I'm sorry, but I can't take it anymore! It's too much!"
"Please Hermione!" He had fallen to begging, so low for him. She was the only girl, only woman, only person in the world that could bring him down this far. Who would have thought? "I can't lose you! You're the only one that has ever beleived that I can be better than my father. You're the only one to trust that I can change! Please don't!"
When he finished, silence reigned over the couple. After a long minute, Hermione finally turned back towards him. Her eyes were red and her face was streaked with burning salty tears. She seemed to be considering something for a while before she finally spoke again. She stepped towards him so she was back withing his reach, and looked up at him with challenge in her eyes.
"If you want me to stay, I have one condition." She claimed. He was immediately alert, his eyes sparking. He didn't just want her to stay,he needed her. He would be open for almost anything. Hermione saw that almost in his eyes and couldn't stop the ripping in her chest at the knowledge of his answer to her request.
"What is it?" He asked, an undetectable hint of reluctance in his voice.
"Kiss me." She demanded. Immediately, his face softened into a smile and he reached towards her wet cheeks, pulling her towards him.
"You don't even have to ask!" He told her as his lips hovered over her own. She inhaled sharply and threw him backwards, sending him stumbling unsteadily into the bookshelves just behind him. He looked at her, dumbfounded.
"Not now! Tomorrow. At breakfast." As she spoke the words, she knew all hope was lost. Immediately realisation lit up his eyes and she could already see the rejection worm his way into his mind before her demand had completely soaked in. Another tear fell from the corner of Hermione's eye.
"You mean..." He mumbled, not really needing the conformation.
"Yes, I mean. That is my condition." She confirmed anyway. She already knew the answer.
"I can't do that Hermione." He reminded her, letting his eyes fall to the floor in shame.
"That's what I thought." She told him boldly, her tears now leaking their way steadily down her cheeks again. She wiped them away with her sleeve before spinning towards the exit from the bookshelves. Hearing her turn, his eyes shot back up to her.
"Hermione, no! Please, I lo... I l... I lov-" The foreign word simply wouldn't leave his mouth, almost seeming to strangle him as they worked their way up and then back down his throat. He reached out to her back as she froze, facing away from him.
"Don't lie to me. Don't make me promises you will only break." Her voice was pleading again. She knew that if he told her outright that he loved her, there would be no going back. She would be tied to him, their love twisting and turning and knotting together. And she would have to keep on watching all of those girls.
"Hermione, I'm not lying!" He swore to her. "I lo-"
"I'm sorry." She interrupted. She had to go now, while she still could. "Goodbye, Draco."
And she walked determinedly out of the stacks and towards the door of the library. Her head was held high and her strides were steady as she turned into the corridor. Immediately she fell back against the wall, sliding to the floor and letting her head fall into her hands as sobs shook her body.
Back in the library, Draco stared after the girl that had captured his heart. Walking shakily to the corner of the stacks, he curled up into a tight ball and closed his eyes. He refused to let the tears that so wanted to fall escape from his eyes as he trembled silently. His broken sobs were dry, no salt water staining his perfectly sculpted cheeks. Malfoys never cry.
A few months later, Hermione was dating one Ronald Billius Weasley. Sensible, incredible, charming Ronald Billius Weasley. Six weeks after Hermione had confronted Draco and put an end to their affair, she had left her room to find an oblivious Ron at the bottom of the staircase to the girl's dormitories. He had a slightly squashed box of chocolates in one hand and a wilting bouquet of roses in the other, and his face had morphed into the same bright red as his hair as he laid eyes on her. She could see sweat coating his forehead as he nervously thrust the gifts towards her.
Hermione couldn't turn him down. It was clear to every member of the school how he felt for her, and he was her best friend. She didn't want to put the wonderful love they felt for each other at risk, and the only way she could think to keep it secure was to accept his offer of an awkward evening at The Three Broomsticks the next weekend.
It was the relationship everybody had been waiting for - the inevitable love affair between the mysterious friends that were always hidden in the shadow of the famous Boy Who Lived. The two thirds of the Golden Trio destined to be together until death did them part.
Hermione was only lying to herself when she ignored her reaction to the statements that had been flying around the wizarding world, putting the shudder down to cold. Though, sitting in the armchair nearest the fire in the Gryffindor common room, she was far from cool. She shook her head in denial.
Anyone could see that Ron had matured since first year - in more ways than one. Not only wiser to the harsh, discriminating world, intelligent and cunning enough to assist the great Harry Potter in his quest to defeat Voldemort - why, it was common knowledge that he had been the first to discover Barty Crouch Junior impersonating Alistair Moody - for he was clearly no longer the gangly, dirty nosed boy Hermione had first met on that fateful train. Now tall, elegant and well built from his regular Quidditch practice, he was one of the most wanted boys in Gryffindor, second only to the third member of their trio.
Hermione winced. Every one of her single friends (bar Ginny) simply seethed jealousy. Lavender was the worst, not even attempting to hide her dagger glares towards the bushy haired girl whenever possible.
Ron often had to soothe her fears that Lavender had poisoned her pumpkin juice, and frequently told her how much better she was than the pretty girls that threatened her every day and, night by night, persisted in sending Ron chocolates laced with love potion. He always made sure she could see him throw them into the bin, smiling at her with reassuring confidence. There was nothing better to ask for.
The girl stood before the fire, brushing down her long sleeved fitted pinstripe shirt and skinny jeans. Self-conciously running a hand through her long curls, she ruffled the ringlets before breathing out heavily and walking determinedly out of the door. She was off to meet Ron at the main hall - it was Saturday, and he was taking her out to eat at Hogsmeade.
Her footseteps echoed hollowly in the empty corridors of the school as she hurried towards her destination, jumping with a squeal as she was confronted at the doors by a certain redhead just about to leave.
"There you are Hermione! I was just about to go looking for you! I was almost worried you weren't coming," he chuckled with a wink, making her blush in embarrasment.
"Oh, no! I was just getting... I wasn't quite ready you see, and -" Her aimless stutters were abrubtly cut of by the swift lifting of a long finger to her lips.
"Hermione, calm down," he laughed lightly, trying to ease the tension, "I don't mind."
"I'm ever so sorry." She mumbled shyly around his finger, her eyes falling to the floor in shame.
"Don't be." He assured her, smiling comfortingly. His eyes swept over her figure in obvious approval, removing his finger to lift her chin so that she was looking at him again. "You look beautiful tonight." She didn't answer, only blushed again.
Ron reached down for her hand before leading her across the entrance towards the courtyard, where several carriages were waiting. To innocent eyes, they would look as if they drove themselves. But Hermione had seen death, and now she could see the skeletal creatures that pulled them. Ron lead her to one, opening a door before lifting her in. He smiled at her mumbled thank you before shutting her door, running around to the other side.
They were just getting comfortable before the carriage started moving when Hermione's eyes widened. Ron looked at her, curiosity written across his face as she gasped and threw a palm to her head.
"My purse! I can't beleive I forgot my purse!" She cried, and Ron moved to soothe her, rubbing his hand over her arm. "I left it in the Common Room, of all places!"
"It's fine, Hermione. I'll run and get it now." He tapped the drivers compartment twice, letting the carriage know that it needed to wait, before hopping out. Hermione was given the oppurtunity to contemplate her relationship with Ron. It was what many would call the perfect relationship - only, she didn't. Sure, she felt perfectly fine, but that was all - fine.
Looking out of the window, Hermione's heart stuttered pathetically as she caught Draco's eye. Walking towards a carriage behind her own, he had glanced up at the window and taken her breath away. The hurt that had never left his beautiful silver eyes broke her heart, but what killed her was the love and passion that she could see still lurked there.
She knew she hadn't gotton over Draco. She still loved him, and it was why she didn't love Ron. She missed the screaming and fighting of their relationship, whenever they had been alone on holidays when most of the school was at home. She missed the insanity, the rush. She wanted to break down and come undone, as she had done so many times with him. She missed the stolen kisses in a thunderstorm when everybody was inside, drying by a fire. Before Draco, she never knew she could feel so much as she did, and thoughts of him often kept her up until way past 2AM. She had never been so tired as she had in the last three months.
She realised Draco had stopped, and they were still staring longingly at eachother. He moved as if to walk towards her carriage, but she was startled into looking away as the carriage jolted. She looked to see Ron climbing through the other door, her purse in hand, and when she glanced back out the window Draco was gone.
Hermione blinked away the tears that were prickling her eyes and tried to ignore the painful ache in her heart as she faked a smile at Ron and gratefully took her purse. She didn't feel all too eager to go into Hogsmeade, anymore. Only, how could she leave now that Ron had gone through all of the effort? She would simply have to grin and bear it.
Later, in the village, Hermione explained to Ron that she just needed to pick up a few things. Realising that she needed space for a while, he smiled charmingly at her and arranged to meet in The Three Broomsticks two hours later. She agreed with a fake smile before rushing away.
She found herself in the local bookshop, scanning the shelves for any interesting looking titles. As she removed 1000 Useless Bits of Information, by Alfred Birdie, she glanced the unmistakable blonde head of one Draco Malfoy. Immediately she replaced the book and spun around, bracing herself against the bookshelf as she tried to resist the urge to burst into tears. She couldn't stop herself before running out of the shop, the gentle jingle of the bell alerting all customers of her leaving.
After painfully browsing for an hour and a half, Hermione eventually retired to The Three Broomsticks. She was shocked to find Ron already there, sitting at a table. He was ready with two butterbeers and a smile. As she sat down, she voiced her observations.
"You're early." She informed him. He laughed at her lightly.
"So are you. And I knew you would be, so I didn't want to make you wait." He smiled at her and pushed the butterbeer towards her. "Thank you for lending me your fellytone so I could call your parents again last night. It was very entertaining to discuss being a teeth healer with your dad." He thanked her, earning a chuckle from Hermione, who didn't bother to correct his mistakes.
She knew Ron was awefully close to her mother, and her father did enjoy teaching him about dentistry and other muggle things. It was just another thing that made her heart ache, knowing her parents already loved him so when she just simply couldn't. She pushed that away, however, and focussed back on the conversation.
Ron was smiling endearingly at her as he told her everything - everything - that he had spoke about with her parents last night. Hermione couldn't deny that she was comfortable with Ron, but that was just it - it was like he was a brother. She was sure she couldn't think of anyone in the same way she thought of Draco.
It frustrated her that he couldn't see that her smile was fake - Draco would've seen through it so easily. Though she was startled when his happy, contented expression suddenly fell and he became serious.
"Hermione, there's actually a reason I wanted you to come out with me today. I suppose I wanted to soften the blow." Her look of confusion slowly began to fade as she understood what he was approaching. She tried not to smile in releif as he continued, saying what she had wanted to say for weeks on end. "Listen, Hermione... What we have, it was good when it started. But you've, I don't know, faded away. And I think it's my fault."
"Oh, Ron, no! It -"
"No, let me finish. Whether it is my fault or not, it has something to do with me, because you've only been like this since we started dating. I tried to do this as gently as possible, I don't want to break your heart -"
Don't worry, you're not! Hermione thought happily.
"Anyway, I think this is for the best. I'm sorry."
"No, it's fine, Ron." Hermione stood. "Thank you for a wonderful time." She bent to kiss his cheek a final time before leaving the pub, smiling brightly. She had no reason now to feel guilty for the feelings she still harboured for Draco. Wild and crazy, frustrating, intoxicating, complicating Draco, who held her heart still. But she still knew there was nothing she could do to have him back. It wouldn't be fair on either of them.
Hermione climbed into a carriage to take her back to Hogwarts, and didn't bother to wipe away the tears streaming down her face. People she passed cast her sympathetic looks that told her Ron had broadcasted his intentions at some point. She was tempted to tell them all that she had never given a damn about him, that he was not the one to make her cry, but decided against it.
Let them think it's his fault. She decided. As long as Draco can be happy without me.
Curses and hexes flew around Hermione as she ran through the hall, her own spells flying from her wand as she narrowly avoided three different streams of green light. Immobilising Death Eaters as she went, she searched frantically around her. All she needed to know was that he was OK. That was it, and then she would be fine.
Finally, she found him. He was looking around in the same fashion as she, and Hermione couldn't stop the hope that it was for her. But now that she knew he was alive, she had to carry on. She wasn't sure if Draco saw her before she dissapeared back into the throng of fighters.
Hours later, the school that had been so filled with screams and curses was eerily silent. Families and friends were mourning over loved ones, embracing each other in their greif. Hermione stood with the Weasleys, mourning the many unfortunate losses of the Order. But even though she knew she shouldn't, Hermione couldn't stop looking for him again. Couldn't stop making sure he was alive, that he had survived - that he wasn't one of the many bodies lying in the room.
She was searching around her frantically, and only Harry seemed to notice her worry.
"Hermione? What's wrong?" He asked, his voice hoarse. It drew the other's attention, curious and worried at the same time. She waved them away as she continued looking.
"No one, I just..." She trailed off as she finally caught his grey, storming eyes. There was now no denying that he too was looking for her. He smiled, so brightly it seemed to light the room, and she could see tears sparkling in his eyes. He was standing with his parents, and as they looked at him in confusion, he began walking towards her.
Hermione choked on her breath and copied his actions, ignoring the family still watching her. Tears began steadily streaming down her face as they both sped to a light jog, before finally meeting in the middle at a sprint. The collided together in a tangle of limbs, sobs echoing from the both of them. He wrapped her tightly in his arms, as if he never wanted to let her go. No longer did they care who saw them, he dipped his head and kissed her with such a furious passion that she had never known before.
When they finally pulled apart, he began peppering desperate kisses over her face, their tears mingling as they held eachother close.
"Never leave me again." He ordered her between kisses. She nodded, pulling his lips to hers again. "Don't you ever leave me again." It soon became sobs again as he kissed her over and over.
"Never." She insisted.
"Promise me." He demanded.
"I promise. Oh God, I promise!" And then it simply became sensless sentences, just needing to hear eachother's voice after so long. Each sentence was ended or inturrupted with another desperate kiss as they held eachother.
"I love you so much." Draco confessed.
"I was so worried!" Hermione sobbed.
"I thought you were-" He cried.
"Oh my God, I love you!" She told him.
"If you ever leave me again-" He threatened.
The reunion was interupted by a dark cough, and the pair looked up to see Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy standing over them. While Narcissa's face looked soft and understanding, Lucius' only looked tired.
"Would you care to introduce us?" Lucius sneered. Hermione could see, however, that he didn't seem to put everything behind it - as if he didn't mind as much as he pretended to. Hermione saw that the Weasleys, Harry, and what was left of the Order had too approached the couple, standing behind the adults. Although many didn't actually care anymore, too busy greiving their losses, it seemed as if every pair of eyes in the hall were on her and Draco.
Draco looked at Hermione meaningfully, before turning back to his parents.
"Mum, Dad. Harry, Ron, members of the Weasley family," he addressed, turning around, before grabbing the entire hall's attention, "everybody!" Hermione looked at him in shock as he used Ron and Harry's first names. He just clenched her hand tightly in his own.
"Everybody," he repeated, "this is Hermione Granger. My fiancee." He smiled warmly down at her, and Hermione couldn't stop from throwing herself at him. Their lips met once more, and as they kissed, a slow, quiet applause started in the hall. It began to grown in volume and speed, and in the space of a few short seconds it had become thundrous, accompanied with cheers and whistles. Even the Malfoys were smiling.
"I thought Malfoys didn't cry?" Hermione laughed between happy tears. He smiled back down at her through his own, before placing another chaste kiss on her lips.
"It figures that you'd be the only person to ever make a Malfoy cry. Bully." He teased, and Hermione laughed again. The applause began to die down, and the hall was suddenly filled with happy chatter. It seemed that the happy occassion had been all nessasary to begin the celebrations.
Hermione and Draco didn't care. They were simply too caught up in eachother - they could finally have what they had been denied for far too long.