"Unnh!"
"Yes! Oh Yes!"
"U-Unhh! Y-You're… s-so… big…"
It was always the same for me…these men that always came to me looking for "a good time." It worked out well I guess, all they wanted was my body… and that was something I had to give. I gave myself to so many lonely souls, and in exchange, they gave themselves to me, if not for just those few short hours.. I wasn't so alone…
The money I got… was good, enough to put myself through school, and now, its enough to put myself into university. I wonder what my teachers and classmates would say… if they knew what I was doing to afford the books, the classes…
"Unnnh!" I groaned as usual as the boy who dominated me for the last hour spilled his seed for the third time in my body. He was young…. And eager…. With money to spend… and I was lonely. Isn't that enough?
"Sh-Shiki… Th-that was amazing…" He panted as he collapsed on the bed beside me. I felt him withdraw from me… and I was left to myself again. A few years ago… this would be the part that I hated… I would feel so dirty… so used… And now… nothing. I learned to smile at my "father", at my "brother", at my "master" and at anyone else who would want me.
"I love you.. Shiki…" That's what they always say… but none of them mean it…
This boy had become my regular…. Asking for me to come and see him every few days… he never did talk to me… except for telling me to call his name… he never touched me… if not to pleasure himself. Yeah, he loved me… but maybe, this was all love was…
"I love you… Kise…" I would say and around that time… he'd be asleep already… his arm drifting lazily around me. For a while… I wanted to tell him my real name… maybe if I heard that sentence with my real name… it would seem real to me. But… I couldn't tell him, and I somewhere deep inside I knew he didn't mean anything he said to me.
During the day, I am your average college student, Midorima Shintaro, top of my class, handsome, hard working….. But during the night, I'm Shiki, the boy who offers himself to the first person willing to spend time with me…
"Ryota!"
I awoke to the sound of someone barrelling through the house in the middle of the night. The door to the room flew open and there stood another boy, about my age, his blue hair soaked with rain.
"Ryota! HOW could you sleep… W-with that whore!?" He screamed and the boy who slept with his arm so firmly around my waist jumped up in a scramble. He looked at him then at me.
"D-Daiki! I-It's not what it seems! It's just… this… boy… he came on to me…" Kise lied to protect himself… And all I could do was nod as his boyfriend called me name after name. After a few minutes of shouting… I found myself thrown out of the house in nothing but a blanket that had been so generously thrown onto my naked body. I was used… and tired… And in no mood or condition to protest the rough treatment I received from Kise's hands. He cast me out into the rain like I was a bundle of trash… and I couldn't blame him.
As soon as I was outside, the heavy dark sheets that encircled my body grew even heavier as the rain soaked them through and through.
"Good choice… Shintaro…" I whispered to myself as I stumbled onto the road and tried to make my way home.
I felt so tired… so exhausted… I made it a few feet before I realized… I wasn't going to make it home… Quietly I crept up to a small alleyway between a bakery and some building that I couldn't make out. The brick wall never felt so soft as I bolstered myself against it. My eyes were getting blurry now… The rain caught in my eyelashes and cried the tears that my mind could not. I wasn't sad anymore… just lonely.
Just as the last dying glimmers of light were fading from my vision, the side door to the bakery opened and I was blinded.
"Otsukare! I'm going home!"
I heard someone call and I couldn't see anything except a large umbrella blocking out the light from the open door. Before I could do anything, my knees gave out on me, and I collapsed onto my hands and knees. I swayed back and forth as my mind began to whirl.
"H-Hey! A-Are you okay!?" I felt something warm catch me as I fell backwards.
"O-Oi! A-Are you okay!? C-Can you hear me!?" The figure asked and I opened my mouth to speak, but was drowned by the rain. My last vision that night, was of a boy about my age, his black hair and his eyes warm as the hands he held me with.
Yes… I could hear you…