December 23rd
At The Mall…
Alice: Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! *shrieks*
Esme: *in a soothing voice* Remember your "Shop Meditation" *moves hands up and down* in and out, in and out.
Alice: *completely ignores Esme* Oh my gosh, its Santa! *points towards a very fat, suspicious man with a freakish, fake beard*
Emmett: Aren't you a little old for Santa?
Alice: *glares at Emmett*
Edward: Apparently she is not the only one who thinks they're not to old for Santa. *points over to 'Santa' where they see Seth Clearwater on his lap wearing a costume.*
Rosalie: Not them again. We run into them everywhere! When will they ever learn? I wanted to teach them a bloody lesson but No! Carlisle is Mr. 'Play Nice, They Are Our Friends' guy. Come on Emmett; I need some new Christmas lingerie. *struts away heading for Victoria's Secret *
Emmett: *grins mischievously* Coming right away!! *runs after her*
Everyone but Emmett, Rosalie and Alice: *look away in disgust*
Alice: *too enthralled with Santa to notice Emmett and Rose*
Jasper: *recovers quickly from Emmett and Rose's outburst and turns to Alice* Santa Time? *holds out his hand for her*
Alice: *gladly excepts Jasper's hand*
Alice and Jasper: *walk away happily*
Edward: *talking to Bella* Is there anywhere you want to go or anybody you want to see?
Bella: *between kisses and caresses* Go? Home. See? You.
Edward: *smiles with satisfaction*
Esme: Umm…Carlisle? Let's go to…uh… *looks around quickly and names the first store she sees* Hot Topic!
Bella: *pulls away from Edward just in time to see Carlisle and Esme fight their way into Hot Topic* She'll never get used to it, will she?
Edward: *opens mouth to answer her but is interrupted by a Security Guard*
Security Guard: Hello there!
Edward: *raises eyebrows* Hi?
Security Guard: Sorry to interrupt but, um, yeah…we've had some complaints about your being so…open…in public.
Bella: *speaking slowly* Oh, officer…Did you want a kiss too? *caresses his face*
Security Guard: *drool* Uhhhhh…. *kisses Bella* Yes…Um…Sorry…'bout that. Have a just hunky dory day!! *grins and walks away*
Edward: *snarls angrily at unnamed Security Guard* Let's go! *grabs Bella's hand and walks out with her in tow*
Meanwhile with Alice…
Santa: *checks Alice out* And what do you want little lady?
Alice: Oh! Oh! I want *names many brands of designer clothes*
Jasper: *throws spit wads at all the elves and even Santa Clause himself*
Santa: *drools on Alice's jeans*
Alice: *stops in mid sentence and snarls* You just drooled on my $500 jeans from New York!!! You ugly, fat, and so not jolly enough waterspout!!! *slaps 'Santa' * By the way, you smell like onions!!! *jumps of his lap and takes Jasper by the arm* Come on Jasper we have shopping to do! *glares at 'Santa'*
Meanwhile at Hot Topic:
Esme: Carlisle, you need to talk to Edward about his physical relationship with Bella. It is out of control!!!
Carlisle: *sighs and picks up a shirt at random only to find it is a bra, drops the so called shirt* I know…but it's not him most of the time…its Bella…and I don't feel comfortable talking to her about that.
Esme: Maybe we should just stay out of it…although he probably has read our thoughts about this.
Carlisle: *sees a weird girl with creepy cloths and many piercing, shudders* Let's continue this conversation elsewhere.
One Hour Later…
Carlisle: Are we all here?
Jasper: Edward and Bella aren't here yet.
Carlisle: They went home to…be…alone.
Rosalie: *groan* Again? Even Emmett and I never did it that often!!!
Carlisle: We're working on it…
Esme: So…*changing subject* Alice, how was Santa?
Alice: *grimaces* No so good…but on the bright side I got twelve new pairs of jeans to make up for the ones he drooled on!!!
Esme: Good for you, honey!!! What about you Rose?
Rosalie: *shrugs trying to downplay it so as not to be a hypocrite* I found some nice…things. *thinks* Emmett sure knows his underwear!!!
Carlisle: Let's go gang!!!
All: *leave the mall to return home*
At the House…
Carlisle: Edward! We're home.
Bella: We're watching a movie.
Esme: *smiles* Maybe they're finally…cooling down.
Carlisle: I'll talk to him anyway to make sure. *louder* Edward! My office now!
In Carlisle's Office…
Carlisle: Your mother and I are worried about the amount of time you are spending showing you love physically for Bella.
Edward: Umm…Bella's a bad influence?
Carlisle: Do you want to spend the rest of eternity with a bad influence? There are other options…
Edward: *snarls* What are you getting at?
Carlisle: I love Bella, don't get me wrong, but is she right for you, Edward? Do you love her or love to use her?
Edward: You know the answer to that! *tries to calm down* I'll talk to her…*walks away angrily and slams the door*
In Carlisle and Esme's Master Suite…
Esme: So, it went okay?
Carlisle: That's a bit of an understatement…
Esme: Well, he is an adult…Give it time. Anyway, do you remember when we first got married? *eyes Carlisle suspiciously*
Carlisle: *grins* Do I ever! *growls and walks toward Esme suspiciously…*
Writting2StayHalfSane: I think we should skip this awkward part!
sunshinefanatic: My thoughts are in complete unison with yours! *skips awkward part*
Up in Edward's Room…
Edward: *peeps head in room* Hello!
Bella: Hey. *sees Edward's troubled expression* What's wrong?
Edward: I thought I was the mind reader. *attempts a smile*
Bella: *gives Edward a 'tell me the truth' look*
Edward: I'm sorry Bella but I'm going to have to kill you. *growls angrily and pounces forward*
Emmett: *runs in and uses his hands as restraints to stop Edward* Whoa, bro cool it! Don't make me bring Jasper up here!
Edward: Emmett, don't try to stop me. You know you want her gone too!
Emmett: *stops restraining Edward* You're right!!!
Jasper: *having heard the whole thing from the bathroom where he was helping Alice with her hair, runs into the room with Carlisle by his side*
Jasper: *grabs Emmett*
Carlisle: *struggles to restrain Edward*
Jasper: *does weird make-you-calm-even-if-you-may-not-want-to-thingy-ma-jigger on everyone*
Edward: Jasper, join us!
Emmett: Yes, Jasper join us!!!
Jasper: *growls* I will not turn on my favorite sister!
Emmett: You did not just insult my wife! You're goin' down! *karate chops Jasper*
Edward: *in a sly voice* I was just playing around Carlisle…really.
Carlisle: *picks up Edward in a very large hug* I love you son! *smacks Edward* BEHAVE!!!
Edward: Oh, dad! You've led me down a righteous path and I will forever be grateful!
Emmett & Jasper: *stop fighting to view such a tender moment* Ahhh!!!
Carlisle: Oh, my son, my first son. *sincerely smiles* I love you!!! *grasps him in a hug*
Emmett: *if he could cry he would*
Everyone: *joins hands and sings the Barney Love Song in unison*
Barney Love Song: (for those unfortunate souls who have not had this wonderful song as part of their lives)
I love you, you love me.
We're as happy as friends could be.
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.
Won't you say you love me too?
Christmas Eve
In the Living Room…
Rosalie: *in a whiney, girly voice* Emmett! I'm so bored!
Emmett: We could go to the mall.
Rosalie: We did that yesterday. *puts arms around Emmett's waist*
Emmett: Hunting?
Rosalie: We did that last night. *kisses Emmett*
Emmett: We could to the grocery store…
Rosalie: *is upset Emmett is not getting the clues she is giving him then pulls away confused* Grocery Store? Why would we go there?
Emmett: I don't know maybe to…never mind.
Rosalie: *puts arms back around Emmett's waist* I have an idea!
Emmett: Well why didn't you say so? What is it? *eagerly awaits her answer*
Rosalie: *kisses Emmett passionately* I think you know…
Writting2StayHalfSane: AWKWARD!!! Let's get out of here!
sunshinefanatic: Agreed!!! *runs away*
*Crash! Crunch! Odd Musical Notes!*
Emmett: Crap!! What have I done?!?
Edward: *runs down stair and sees what Emmett has done then snarls with anger* YOU BROKE MY PIANO!!!!!
Rosalie: Don't get mad at Emmett! Leave him alone!!!
Edward: You did it too! You owe me a new grand piano!
Everyone who is not already in room: *walks in*
Esme: Emmett, what did you do?!?
Emmett: Sorry! I didn't mean to!
Edward: *tries really hard not to strangle Emmett and fortunately succeeds*
Carlisle: What is wrong with this family and their "distractions"?
Esme: Everyone, just calm down!!
Jasper: What were you doing Emmett?
Emmett: Umm…I got distracted…
Jasper: *trying to suck up to Carlisle* Carlisle, Alice and I don't have a problem with that. We have other hobbies.
Carlisle: *looks at Esme*
Esme: Okay. Emmett, you'll buy a new piano for Edward and please, try to be more careful.
Carlisle: Come on gang, let's get this mess cleaned up!
Rosalie: *starts up the stairs*
Esme: *gives Carlisle a worried glance*
Later that Evening…
Alice: *skips around the house sprinkling pieces of tinsel everywhere*
Bella: *sounding down* Hey Alice…
Alice: Hey Bella! What's up?
Bella: You didn't hear all the disagreements Edward and Carlisle, well, everyone had?
Alice: Oh! I did but I thought it best to stay out of it.
Bella: Yeah, but did you hear Edward blamed me for it?
Alice: Hmm…that's strange. *starts humming*
Bella: *thinks* Hmm… That's odd. I thought she would be more supportive. *says* See you! *walks away.*
Alice: *grins mischievously*
Jasper: *walks in* Hey Alice!
Alice: Hello!
Jasper: Is the plan working?
Alice Yes! *laughs villainously*
Jasper: *joins in*
*doorbell Rings*
Bella: I'll get it! *gets door*
Seth: Hey! Merry Christmas Eve!!!
Bella: *squeal* Seth! You're here! Is Jake with you?
Seth: Umm…he's coming later.
Bella: *sad face* Becomes suspicious* What's he doing?
Seth: Honestly…I don't know.
Edward: Hey Seth!
Seth: Hola Ed!
Esme: Oh, hello Seth. Come in!
Seth: *walks in* Thanks!
Esme: We were all about to leave for our Christmas feast…but you can wait in the living room.
Seth: Oh…*smiles sheepishly* sure.
Hero: *bursts though ceiling* Does anyone need saving?
Bella: WHAT?!?!
Esme: *stares at Bella weirdly* Who is she talking to?
Everyone minus Bella and Esme: *shrugs*
Carlisle: Okay gang, let's head out!!
One Hour Later…
Carlisle, Esme, Edward, Bella, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie and Emmett: *get home from hunting trip*
Bella: Seth? *walks in living room and to her great surprise sees Seth kissing a girl* Uh…hello.
Seth: *looks up to see Bella and blushes* Oh, Hiya Bella! This is my friend…uh…
Seth's friend: Maggie. I'm Maggie. Hi. *puts out hand*
Bella: Hi… *shakes Maggie's hand*
The Other Vegetarian Vamps: *walk in the room*
Carlisle: What's going on in here?
Bella: Seth brought a friend.
Carlisle: Oh, how splendid!
Rosalie: Whoa! Wait a minute! Seth can have a friend over at our house but we get in trouble for kissing?
Carlisle: Be nice Rose!
Rosalie: No! *Stomps upstairs Emmett trailing behind her*
Carlisle: Sorry about that Seth and…
Maggie: Maggie.
Bella: You know I sort of agree with Rose, I don't think this is fair!
Carlisle: All right, fine. Since tonight is Christmas Eve you can do whatever you want.
Emmett: *victorious yelp from upstairs*
Rosalie: *satisfied laugh*
Later…
Everyone: *starts watching It's A Wonderful Life*
Alice: *gets up and walks out beckoning Jasper to follow her*
Jasper: *complains* But this is my favorite part of the entire movie!!!
Alice: *growls and gives him 'a look'*
Jasper: Okay, okay. I'm a coming.
Alice and Jasper: *leave*
Everyone who has not left the room: *look at each other in confusion and then shrugs*
In Alice and Jasper's room…
Alice: Jasper, does it fit?
Jasper: We need something to make me appear fatter. *looks around room*
Alice: *grabs a pillow* Here! Now, hurry!!!
Jasper: *shoves pillow up his shirt* Ready!
Alice: Good, now go wait on the roof and I'll go downstairs.
Jasper: Right! *starts out door* Wait, is Renesmee here yet?
Alice: They'll arrive in one minute and twenty-one point fifty-seven seconds.
Jasper: Good! *heads for roof*
Back Downstairs…
*doorbell rings*
Carlisle: *opens door* Hell, Jacob!!
Jacob: Hey Doc! *hands Carlisle Renesmee then walks in room to sit on couch*
Bella: Carlisle, may I? *holds out hands for Renesmee*
Carlisle: Sure. *hands Renesmee to Bella*
*All of the sudden everyone hears a big bang coming from the living room and a very large dirty man with a fake beard is standing in the middle of the room*
Esme: Jasper?
Jasper: *ignores Esme* Ho, Ho, Ho. Merry Christmas!
Renesmee: Santa Clause!!
Jasper: Hello my darling girl! What do you want for Christmas?
Renesmee: *asks Bella if she can 'show' Santa something*
Bella: Sure.
Renesmee: *shows Santa her family when they are all happy*
Everyone: *touched by Renesmee's sweet wish*
Jasper: *continues to let out a stream of 'Ho, Ho, Ho's'*
Alice: *begins singing Christmas Carols*
Everyone other than Jasper, Alice and Renesmee: *begin exchanging Christmas greetings and well-wishings*
Renesmee: *smiles triumphantly knowing that because of her everyone will get along, at least for a few hours*
Carlisle: Merry Christmas to all of Writting2StayHalfSane's readers!
Esme: An extra Merry Christmas to all of you who click the little green button and review!
Seth: And some burritos! No fanfiction is complete without a burrito!
Everyone bedsides Seth: *stares oddly at Seth wondering why he is always thinking about Mexican food*
Emmett: I hope all of you have a *winks* entertaining Christmas!
Rosalie: You guys! Don't be rude. Not everyone is Christian! Don't forget the Jews. They deserve a good December too! Happy Hanukkah to all of you Jew's out there who, for whatever reason, are reading this Christmas fanfic.
Alice: Well, duh. We weren't going to forget them. You didn't have to interrupt our little speech, Rose.
Jasper: Yeah, Rose. Jeez.
Bella: And those who celebrate Kwanzaa! Have a good Kwanzaa!
Edward: Well, anyway, Happy Holidays guys!
Writting2StayHalfSane: *laughes* You guys are wierd. Happy Holidays (yes, that includes Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa, Rose) everyone!
Renesmee: *agrees with Writting2StayHalfSane* Play!
Edward: Alright! *plays Christmas music on the piano*
Jacob: Wait! We are forgeting something really important!!
Writting2StayHalfSane: What?
Jacob: *whispers in Writting2StayHalfSane's ear*
Writting2StayHalfSane: Oh yeah! Many thanks to my co-writer sunshinefanatic! She is the bestest! Okay. THE END!