It took her just a few hours to realize that she had made a mistake. She knew that there was no choice to be made, that she was a rock star, but she also knew that she loved Tommy like she loved the air she was breathing. But she had broken his heart in the worse way possible. She sighed discontent, pushing up the shade on the window.
"Excuse me miss." A flight attendant said. "Is there anything I can get you, a drink?"
"No, I'm fine." Jude gave her a soft nod, reaching for her iPod. This flight had to be over soon, she felt like she had been sitting there in her own thoughts drowning. She searched through the playlist that Jamie had made her, mostly old songs, ones that would keep her relaxed. She smiled as she looked at the Peter Paul and Mary songs, alongside the nasally voice of Bob Dylan, no one could put together a more winning combination than Jamie. But the next song, it made her heart stop. And like a movie she could picture everything that would happen in her head.
All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin' it's early morn
The taxi's waitin' he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die
She had been in London for less than ten hours when she walked into her new label. She knew that she wasn't due there for another three days. They had wanted to give her time to settle in, deal with the jet lag, and unpack. But she didn't have time, not when it came to this.
"Wow, Jude Harrison, it's a pleasure to meet you!" a young girl said greeting her at the doors. "We were told you wouldn't be here for a few more days, this is such a surprise, it's my lucky day!"
"Yeah, it's nice to meet you…" Jude trailed off, hoping she would give her her name.
"Victoria Kay, everyone calls me Tori." The girl offered, and Jude shook her hand. "I'm the British version of you."
"Excuse me." Jude said taking a step back. She had seen her fair share of crazy in her day, and she knew that comment would add this girl to the crazy list.
"You won Instant Star when you were 15, I won X-Factor when I was 16. I like to think it's fate we both ended up here." She laughed.
Jude wasn't sure if she should remove her from the crazy list or not. But she knew that she would have time to worry about that later. Right now she had a long task in front of her, and she needed a producer to help her. She was amazed at all the time that went into getting the permission to do a cover of a classic song. She had never been a fan of doing covers, and she knew that would only speak even more to Tommy when he heard the song.
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go
She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding as the song ended.
"It's perfect." Andy, her new co-producer smiled at her. "I'm amazed, you really know your way around a soundboard."
"I learned a thing or two at G Major." Jude laughed. The song was perfect. It had taken them a week to work through it, to get everything right, because she knew he wouldn't accept anything but perfection from her.
"So what do you want to do with it, use it as a bonus track on your next album?" Andy asked.
Jude nodded her head, she hadn't really through about putting it out there, she just knew she wanted him to hear it. "Yeah, I want this album to be about getting back to what matters, about getting back to the music."
"Alright, bring me something tomorrow and we'll see what you've got." Andy said before leaving the studio.
Once he was gone Jude quickly scrambled for her laptop, stored safe in her bag. The quickest way to get him this message was to e-mail him this song. And once it was attached, she hit send and reached for her phone. He was still her number 3 on speed dial. She couldn't wait for him to check it, he needed to do it now.
"Hey." He sounded far away, farther than he should have sounded.
"Hi." She whispered suddenly losing nerve. Maybe she couldn't do this, maybe she had been right, she couldn't have it all. "There's a song, I need you to listen to it."
"Jude?" he asked, and suddenly he sounded more like himself. "What? It's four in the morning."
She could feel herself gasp as she looked at the clock. She hadn't thought about the time difference, it didn't seem important. "Sorry."
"It's okay, everything's okay right, you're okay?" he asked, and she could hear him moving around.
"Yeah, I just need you to listen to something, I sent it to you. Call me when you have a chance." She said quickly before hanging up. She had been so nervous about having him hear the song that she hadn't even though about the little things, like how much she had missed the sound of his voice, or the way her name sounded he said it.
There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go, I'll think of you
Every song I sing, I'll sing for you
When I come back, I'll wear your wedding ring
It has been days since she had heard from Tommy, and she was starting to wonder if she would ever hear from him. She had blown it, everything they had waited for and worked towards, it was all gone. Tommy wasn't going to call her, she would have been surprised if he had even listened to the song.
"Nothing?" Andy asked, coming in the studio.
"Rejection makes for great music." Jude shrugged her shoulders. She wouldn't cry here, she would save that for when she was back in the comforts of her new home.
"It's something everyone can relate to." He nodded. "But this was at the front desk." He said after a moment, handing her a small box.
Jude watched him for a second before taking the package from him. She could feel her heart do a small flip at the thought of what it might be. She loved getting presents, and she wondered for a second what she might have left at home that Sadie would have expressed to her.
She smiled down at the small black box, inside sat the ring that she had asked Sadie to return to Tommy. It wasn't from Sadie, but instead from Tommy. He had sent her back the wedding ring, and she could feel the hot tears pool in her eyes, as she looked at the ring.
"Happy endings sell better." Andy laughed, patting her on shoulder.
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go
Inside the box she had found a note with a silver chain. Tommy knew her well enough to know that she couldn't wear the ring on her finger right now. That she wasn't ready for that, but she would be able to always have it with her.
As she slipped the ring onto the silver chain and around her neck she stared down at the words written. It was neat hand writing, writing that she would have known anywhere. The paper simply read "I'll wait for you." And that was enough to make the tears that had been building spill over. He would wait for her. In the last two days she had convinced herself that he wouldn't wait, that she had broken his heart so badly that it didn't belong to her anymore. But in his simple way, he had proven her wrong, in every way. She could feel the cold ring on her shirt and the hot tears on her cheeks. This was what she needed to make her feel like she could get through this.
Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Close your eyes I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times, I won't have to say
Nine months. She had been gone for nine months and her fifth album was finally finished. She sat in the studio, behind the soundboard and next to her computer. She couldn't help but glance over at the cover of World News, the worst and harshest tabloid she had ever seen. She had thought that things were crazy in Canada with Talk National, but the U.K. gossip mill was by far the worse. She stared at the picture on the cover, her arms warped around the neck of Ben Lovett from Mumford & Sons, her rumored fling.
Mindlessly she fiddled with the ring on the chain, it had become like her star ring, she wore it everywhere and without thought. It was as much a part of her as anything else was. She chewed on her bottom lip, trying to think of what she would say to Tommy. But she didn't have time to think, he was video calling her now, and she had a gut feeling that he had already seen the pictures.
"Hi." She gave a small wave when he appeared on her screen.
He didn't say anything back, and she knew that was a bad sign. She was surprised that he even called, but it was their thing now, every Thursday they would video call each other, it became habit.
"I won three NME awards." She tried to smile. She wanted to share this with him, but he was thousands of miles away, and she knew the distances was starting to wear on both of them.
"I know, congratulations." He nodded, but didn't smile. "I read about it, in Talk National."
"A tabloid?" Jude wanted to lessen the tension, she could see it pulling his eye brows together, making him look like Speid called him, Lord Squinty Frown. "I thought you were too good for those Quincy."
"I am, unless it's your picture on the cover." He shot back at her, and she retracted at his tone. He was angry, more than angry and she could feel it through the computer speakers.
She sighed in defeat. She didn't want to do this, but she knew she had to. "We're seeing each other." She said simply. "It's nothing serious, it's more out of conveniences than actually feelings."
"Dating." His laugh was tight and filled with frustration, he tugged at his hair.
"It keeps the press from asking me questions, and he's there to fill an empty seat." The moment she said it she regretted it. It sounded like she was trying to say it was Tommy's fault, because he wasn't there to sit next to her at primers, or attend launch parties. She could see the emotions flash across his face, the hurt, confusion, and anger, all present. "Don't look at me like that!" she snapped, seeing the accusations in his eyes.
"I'm not willingly leaving any seat empty, Jude, you're the one that didn't want me there!" he yelled at her.
"And you're the one that replaces me with which ever super model you can find Tommy!" she yelled back, thinking about the pictures she had seen of him, but chose not to mention.
"I'm not dating any of them Jude, I'm waiting for you!" he yelled, and Jude knew that the conversation was over.
"At some point Quincy, the only person that's going to be allowed in that empty chair is you. Think about that, think about our future, not the fact that we've living separate lives right now." Jude shouted before quickly closing the screen. She didn't want to fight with him anymore because it only made her miss him more.
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh baby, I hate to go
It had been a year and a half since Jude had left. Her fame had sky rocketed, and she had loved it. Her tour had sold out, and she felt like she belonged in Notting Hill. She had finally found her place in London, her place in the world, and she was enjoying it.
"This place is amazing Jude." Sadie smiled, sitting down next to her sister.
"Thanks Sade, that really means a lot coming from you." Jude smiled. It meant so much to have her sister's approval.
"Has mom come to visit?" she wondered.
Had she even told her mother that she was living in London? Jude couldn't be sure. Her contact with her mother had been very limited over the years, a random e-mail here or there, a phone call on birthdays. She must have told her, she would have seen it somewhere. "I haven't heard from her since Christmas."
"Yeah, neither have I." Sadie sighed. "But lets skip all the family drama." She shook her head. "Tell me what's really going on."
"What?" Jude didn't understand.
"The ring, the one around your neck." Sadie laughed pointing to it.
Jude should have known, she couldn't hide anything from Sadie. Sadie had seen the ring when Tommy had first given it to her, of course she would recognize it again in a heartbeat.
"I gave that back to Tommy, just like you asked, in fact, he came to me and asked for it." Sadie told her.
"Seriously Sadie, did you not listen to my CD?" Jude questioned, scrambling from her sofa to find a copy of the album. "The bounus track." She said when she handed it to her.
"Leaving on a Jet Plane?" Sadie asked, looking up at her. "I've heard it a million times, Tommy plays it…oh." Her mouth seemed to shape an O as she stared up at her sister. "You did it, for him?"
"Why do I feel like everything I do is always for him?" Jude wondered.
"Because you love him." Sadie said as a smile slowly spread on her face.
"I do." Jude nodded.
"So when are you coming back? When are you going to wear that ring? When were you planning on telling your only sister?" Sadie was suddenly full of questioned that seem to continue to spill from her mouth.
Jude laughed. She had never really thought about going back. She knew that at some point, according to her song, she could have to go back, she would have to put the ring on, she could get to be with him again. But she didn't see it in her near future, it seemed like it was farther in the distance, and that made her come up with questions of her own.
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go
It was ten days before her 20th birthday, and Jude Harrison was unofficially back in her home town. She stood in the airport, with her jacket pulled tight around her, hugging it to herself. She was nervous. She could hardly remember the last time she had seen him in person, and seeing him this time was going to change everything. She knew it was wrong to come back like this, for this reason, but she couldn't help it. If this was going to happen, it had to happen in person.
She could easily make him out among all the other people that filled the airport, waiting. His leather jacket, perfectly messy gelled hair, and sunglasses were a dead giveaway. She couldn't smile when she spotted him, because she knew that he wasn't smiling either. Was this really what her return was going to feel like?
"Hey." He said nodding at her.
"Hi." Her voice was soft, and she wasn't sure he could hear her among all the other chatter in the airport.
"Baggage claim?" he asked, and she could tell he didn't know what to say to her, and that only made this harder.
"Sure." She nodded, turning to follow him and all the other people. Even though the hallway around them was filled with noise, happy noise, a silence sat between the two, and it stayed with them until the stood, waiting.
Jude couldn't do it. She couldn't stand next to him and act like it was all okay. She turned and looked at him, studying his profile, trying to take in all the changes.
"What?" he asked. "Whatever you're going to say, just get it over with."
Jude reached for the necklace, pulling it and the ring out from under her clothing, holding it between her fingers. "I guess I need to return this to you." She had read somewhere that the bride had to return the ring when calling off the wedding.
Tommy gave an angry chuckle, his face still hard and his eyes hidden by the dark glasses. "You came back to return a ring, you could have just kept it, thrown it out. I don't really care."
"I know you don't." Jude said dropping the ring, to hug her jacket to herself again, she had to do it because otherwise she felt like she would fall apart right there in the airport.
He shook his head and turned away. "Why would you want that, when I'm sure the one he gave you is so much bigger." He muttered.
Jude took a step back to look at him more, anger and confusion playing on her face. "I'm giving it back because you're super model might want it." She told him.
"What?" Tommy asked, turning to look back at her. "What super model?"
"What bigger ring?" Jude asked.
"Why'd you come back so suddenly?" he asked.
"Because I saw the pictures, the one with the pregnant super model." Jude confessed in a small voice. "I didn't want to do it over skype, or the phone, I didn't want you to tell me that way."
"I thought you were coming back to end everything." He admitted, pulling his sunglasses away to reveal his puffy red eyes.
"You've been crying." Jude was reaching up to touch his cheek.
"That super model is my future sister-in-law." He whispered, feeling the warmth of her hand on his face.
Jude felt stupid, but at the same time she had never felt so happy. She could feel his arms slip around her waist and pull her closer to him.
"I believe you are forgetting something, Harrison." Tommy smiled down at the girl in his arms, his eyes focusing in the small white gold ring. "You said you'd wear my wedding ring."
Jude gave a soft laugh before slipping the ring onto her figure, still on the chain, still around her neck. The distance they had between them had nearly drove them apart, but now it seemed that it had only made them stronger. Being back in Tommy's arms made Jude want to never leave again. And with the ring now sitting snuggly on her figure, she had no intentions of jet setting without him next to her.